Inside Selimathunzi’s 2010 Countdown!

November 25, 2009 by Jozi Insider

Was the 2010 countdown necessary? 11pm!?

While it was pouring with rain outside, celebrities, socialites (and their subordinates), SABC staff, mundane D-listers and blokes in frocks were dripping with perspiration at Bassline, Newtown for the Selimathunzi 2010 countdown/New Year’s Eve Party.

Upon arrival, instead of the usual welcome cocktail, a plate of deliciously prepared chisa-nyama-style cuisine was served. I’m not entirely sure why or how we were expected to devour this with drum rolls and Bonang Matheba’s insane reiterations of welcome notes awakening the soaked crowd. Not to despair, the interesting selection of bar staff kept our picnic-style, so-not-ecofriendly plastic cups filled to the brim.

Moving on to the scene or is it “sin”, what on earth died on Iko Mash’s head was the question on most people’s lips… and the retro upturned-swerve-to-the-right do did not exactly make it easy on the eye – perhaps next time Ms. Mash will consider arriving after food is served – many struggled not to choke at the sight of that creature that was on your head.

thoriso

Speaking of Iko – those in the know were anticipating her catfight with Thoriso Magongwa (ballet dancer, choreographer extraordinaire) if Facebook is anything to go by. Apparently Thoriso has been spreading hate speech and unsavoury jokes, with Iko being the butt of it all. Overheard a group of men, wearing nail polish nogal, joking about how it would be a battle of the weaves. Wouldn’t we all like to see that one go down? One can already imagine weaves flying about and bats and unrecognized flying creatures fleeing from entrapment. Now, that would be a fight of the year.

Accompanying Thoriso to battle was Thula Sindi who was in his usual party mood, keeping the young ones entertained with his effortless gyrations on the dancefloor.

It was Khanyi Mbau’s arrival with what looked like the last Quagga to die attached to her tiny body, hiding a heavily embellished “something Ike Turner would beat” ensemble (It was a disaster after disaster – nice eyelashes though) that warmed things up. One more thing, dear darling, who on earth was your hanger? Yes the one with the midriff-and-boob-exposing top? She looked ghastly and confused like she was shocked that the venue did not have poles for her to show everyone what she does for a living. Shape her up or shake her off otherwise your favourite bangles (the gays) will flee. And that’s a Guarantee!

Jozi band members also came out in full force, all but Bongani Fassie who, suspiciously, failed to attend the launch of their album launch two weeks ago. Rumour has it that Fassie has parted ways with the dope band. Of course everyone wants to know why? Da Les, as usual was chasing photographers while Ishmael concentrated on not falling as he had a glass the entire night – including regular bathroom visits.

The ever so “guarded” DJ Cleo was also in attendance. He seemed a bit aloof or was it the overwhelming presence of good-looking guys that got him all hot and bothered? The brother did look well-groomed and somewhat yummy, I must say.

Lucia Mthiyane also made an appearance and disappeared in the camera’s general direction while her wealthy looking white escort lagged behind with a hanging tongue – hun, you still got it!

While the opening act included a troupe of dancing queens, called Showstoppaz (Kwela Tebza dancers), who pranced around on stage, the crowd was gawking at the male models with their ball masks, topless and only wearing white pants. Yes, the same crew that was featured on Selimathunzi two weeks ago; Ochechi, Tony 7, Jimmy and JC. Also spotted Miriam Ngomane, somewhat sober, for a change, but she was her usual dizzy self – greeting married men and gays.

Now I’m not well versed with year-end functions in the entertainment industry but was the 2010 countdown necessary? At 11pm nogal! Happy New Year? Huh? And the bar had to be closed for the pseudo-celebration, why? People were confused!

Good party nonetheless; food, drinks, good music, people who matter and half naked models. But please, keep the tab running at least two hours after the whole confusion-saga next time. That way the place won’t empty as quickly as it did.

By Jozi Insider!

(Pics: Gesh Conco)

I’ll read everything later but I just don’t get why they do the count down on November come on now. I am sure everyone knows by now that, that thing is pre-recorded. I don’t think I would be able to act like its 31 December and say all my resolutions (I bet that’s what they did there..lol)and wishing everyone a happy new year while I know its 21 November…lol Anyway I’m not a good actor lol.

Fabulous me on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 9:47 am

Tltltltltltltlt, LOL. This is the funniest commentary I’ve read on celeb gossip in a while. Tjo Jozi Insider, you are too funnny. I liked the Iko/Thoriso part and the Khanyi thing was funny. What is a Quagga though? I asume it’s an animal? Tjo, this is funny. Love the Insider already.

Ty-e on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 10:03 am

Leave DJ Cleo alone….dirurubele hey

Mntungwa on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 10:32 am

LMAO!!! just reread, i cannot stop laughing. @ the hanger, kwakwkakwakkw, and the bangles.heheheheehhe.

katlego on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 11:59 am

sad that bongani has left jozi, just hope the group dont break up

J.A.Y. on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 12:22 pm

“last Quagga to die”

LOL!!!!

blu on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 12:22 pm

Iko bathong!!!!

Lex on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 12:43 pm

The thing on iko’s head,no comment.

Pjay on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 1:42 pm

OMWord! Whatever died on Iko’s head was clearly also buried there!! Tjo!!!

purpleheart on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 2:13 pm

pahahahah! not usually a fan of these gossip blogs let alone comment on them but…

this is entertaining!!(^^;

Iko bathong?! Can shim save up kapo can someone sponser him quality hair if he insists on wearing it a tlohele ho iketsa koata during the people?!!

and Khanyi’s quagga hehehe.
Cleo ena needs a stylist-his fashion faux pauxs (sp?) have gone on too long…what size is that vest anyway? (^_-)??

purpleheart on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 2:15 pm

pahahahah! not usually a fan of these gossip blogs never mind commenting on them but…

this was entertaining!!(^^;

Iko bathong?! Can shim save up kapo can someone sponser him quality hair if he insists on wearing it a tlohele ho iketsa koata during the people?!!

and Khanyi’s quagga hehehe.
Cleo ena needs a stylist-his fashion faux pauxs (sp?) have gone on too long…what size is that vest anyway? (^_-)??

purpleheart on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 2:16 pm

pahahahah! not usually a fan of these gossip blogs never mind commenting on them but…

this was entertaining!!(^^;

Iko bathong?! Can shim save up kapo can someone sponsor him quality hair if he insists on wearing hair-a tlohele ho iketsa koata during the people?!!

and Khanyi’s quagga hehehe.
Cleo ena needs a stylist-his fashion faux pauxs (sp?) have gone on too long…what size is that vest anyway? (^_-)??

purpleheart on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 2:17 pm

pahahahah! not usually a fan of these gossip blogs never mind commenting on them but…

this was entertaining!!(^^;

Iko bathong?! Can shim save up kapo can someone sponsor him quality hair if he insists on wearing hair-a tlohele ho iketsa koata during the people?!!

and Khanyi’s quagga hehehe.
Cleo ena needs a stylist-his fashion faux pauxs (sp?) have gone on too long…what size is that vest anyway? (^_-)??

purpleheart on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 2:20 pm

…sorry about the multiple posts guys. Ya neh…technology!

Ms Butterfly on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 2:31 pm

kwa kwa kwa kwaaaaa! @ regular bathroom visits…Jozi insider uwrongo maaan! tl tl tl tl

Emmanuel Tjiya on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 3:03 pm

Cleo and the Boyfriend do look cute i must say

Bobo on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 3:11 pm

Tjo bathong!! Madam Iko’s head looks horrible!!! Danggg!! And who is the guy with Kanyi Mbau?? The eyes, his and Khanyi’s, look so wrong…

Cupcake03 on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 3:34 pm

Khanyi, Khanyi, Khanyi contact lenses 2009?

Funky K on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 3:46 pm

Im liking this JustCurious. he he he JI? socialites (and their subordinates? Who is shim? Name and shame

Fabulous me on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 4:12 pm

Yes indeed. We want to know who the Insider is. I think I want to bed him/her. Luuuuuuv it.

J-Girl on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 5:44 pm

I am looooving this site, BS mara… you’re outta reach

Dibaba on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 6:55 pm

Oh no bathong! what happened to Hash’s hair?! isnt shim a ‘hair stylist to celebs’. well then…you’ve been warned i guess

Ty-e on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 7:24 pm

What’s really different about this site, I ask myself. I will get the answer in the next couple of months, too early to judge…I like Phathu’s writing though.

moonface on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 7:35 pm