When Hubby Loves John
November 26, 2009 by Featured Guest Writer
The biggest threat to a black woman’s marriage is John
The biggest threat to a married black woman is not her husband’s petite size 28 secretary or the voluptuous helper who has been hired to keep the house Domestos clean. The biggest threat to a black woman’s marriage is John – the guy that lives opposite your townhouse, the guy who washes his car with your husband – do you know what John’s intentions with your husband are?
The next time you suspect you husband of cheating – don’t always assume that he is humping that Pinkie of a skunk; he might be humping a skunk – but what if it’s Patrick? What do you do when the man you love, loves another man?
Betrayal is a devastating thing to deal with, I am sure we have all been dumped before – we know the feeling of utter rejection and betrayal that comes with discovering that the person you love has been warming somebody else’s bed.
I think it’s even worse when you’re a woman and your man ends up with another man – its cuts through the core of your womanhood and you question everything about your existence. We are living in a world where pure straight men are nearing extinction. The face of homosexuality has changed over the years and as more and more men come into being – they either find themselves drawn to other men or fuelled with the desire to experiment with other men. Whatever the reasons, the reality is that the thin line between straight and not straight men is getting smaller and weaker by the day and the number of women who are married to gay men is alarming.
I was driving on the M1 highway minding my own business (which is not true as I always use the time to hunt for the boyfriend of the week), I mean who wants a man that last longer than a carton of milk? Devils behold: a smart snazzy car drove past me and I was like, “Biatch pleez – u need to see who is driving that car!” I stepped on the accelerator and drove opposite the car; you should have seen my face when I came face to face with the driver of the car – a long forgotten hump buddy whose existence I had long forgotten. The guy was excited to see me, I kind of think he even got a hard on. Well, he trailed behind me and we detoured at one of the petrol stations along the highway.
I almost fainted when he stepped out of the car! He still looked as hot as the night I first saw him cum! The bratha is fyn, damn some folks know how to make babies. I could not stop giving him the bedrooms eyes, but laawd was I not prepared for the bile he was going to spew all over me! He was now married and had a two year old son. I thought I had died and was stuck in purgatory – the gayest skunk in Gayland was married and had a kid?? I pitied the poor woman, does she even know that when she is trying her best to blow him – he is probably saying: woman, get off and let me show you how this is done?
This only made me wonder, how many women are naively-unknowingly in marriages with men that might be using them as vessels to carry their family lineage?
Taba ke gore there are many women who find themselves in this boat. An on -line friend once told me that her husband has a male friend from out of town; he comes to their house now and again. She has noticed how her husband’s moods changes when his friend comes for a visit. Apparently hubby gets dressed to impress and goes out partying with his friend.
She described it in a way that even Stevie Wonder could see gore o ba moshapa below the belt. She does not exist to him when the dear friend is around. She wanted me to confirm whether he was doing his friend or not, I was like – who am I to judge.
I believe that women possess that natural intuition which always tells you when your man has strayed. it’s how you respond that determines your situation.
I know of a beautiful woman who is stuck in an even more beautiful house in the South of Jo’burg. She refuses to walk out of the marriage – this is after the husband told her that he loves Boerewors more than Tuna fish. She insist on going for counselling and I am like sister – put on a Wonderbra and move on – this dude probably gets turned on more by your younger brada than you. Needless to say, she is still in that marriage.
I can never forget the look of sadness she had on her eyes when I asked her why she was staying, she said to me : I have loved this man all my file, what do I become without him – he is the father of my children. How do you expect me to walk away just because now and again he likes the sight of a UJ varsity kid blowing him? I couldn’t help but sympathize.
The one thing I know is that relationships are not like government subsidised condoms; there is no one size fits all, so I don’t judge. For years we have assumed that there was either straight or not, I think we now know better, that there are many men out there who are very much in touch with their manhood and straightness, yet they also do engage on naked rugby with boys. Since this is not an erotic gay novella I will not dwell on it but rather focus on the innocent victim that a wife finds herself portraying when hubby is exposed as a double adapter.
The trick is that women need to dispel the myths and stereotypes that fuel women magazines and online articles like, “How to know when your man is gay “ – this does little to help the situation but only creates more damages. I have always believed that you can never tell if a man is straight or not, unless he tells you – or you find him in a compromising position with another man – just hope he doesn’t blame it on the alcohol.
I have no desire to be Sis Dolly or that fashion challenged Doctor Dee, so I will not prescribe some oracle advice besides this – if it sings like chicken, chances are it’s a chicken. As a woman, if you find yourself in a situation where hubby has crossed the fence – I say pack your bags and go – no amount of evening prayer meetings and counselling can remedy the situation. Like a dear friend once said, “ge mosemane a ka utlwa monate wa “yona”, he will never be the same”.
Note: this is not an agony aunt column, so please don’t send me emails about bedrooms problems that you and your lover are having, rather watch p*rn.
Lusanda Maduna on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 3:06 am
We are living in sad times, m not saying gore being gay is wrong bt cant men be honest and choose one lane than driving on 2 lanes at the same time. Truth of the matter like u have highlighted, its heartbreaking to be cheated on, bt 4 a man its killin ones self esteem and self respect. Oh yini bawo, have mercy bcoz andifun’ubhantinta and leave my baby. Rather let me break up with him b4 knowing that side… Thixo nd’fung’uma.
Tembi on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 4:12 am
kwa kwa kwa kwa @ Just Scandalous…. apart 4rm the content, the humour in this article is hillarious……….
iKatlego on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 4:47 am
Tjo! Hectic!
Funky K on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 7:02 am
haai, what has this world now become to? I am so used to girl hating on girls because we might be both sharing a boyfie but girl hating on boy for a boyfie – haai, too hectic. I don’t think I will even ask questions, ke tla thola, ke tswe ka situ from that relationship. I won’t even write a letter.
I say pack your bags and go – no amount of evening prayer meetings and counselling can remedy the situation.
I am not sure – nothing is impossible with God. So those GENUINE prayer meetings might be just what you need.
Piz on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 7:43 am
Haaibo ma agnes…prayer aint gonna help…interesting…..must be a joburg thing..lol
Vhafuwi on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 7:48 am
“When Hubby Loves John” kwakwakwaaaaa
No wonder why there’re sooo many SINGLE LADIES out there lol
Kaizer Suzay on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 8:25 am
if you visit this site http://www.downlowconfessions.com you’ll be shocked at what some brothers(and sistaz) get up to particularly the married ones This just shows that sexuality is too complex to think of it as either or..some people are 1.curious and thats just once off, some are bi-sexual but not actively just now and then, some bisexual and are open about it , some people are afraid of being openly gay that they are also stuck in loving but sexless marriages, and their partners tolerate it because “how can i get out she’s the mother of my kids/he’s the love of my life” or they fear society.. Lastly some people have feelings that once provoked they just get hooked and thats mostly how we develop our sexual attractions, its mostly what we are exposed to the first time and it also depends on our strength in controling our urges, some people will be too scared to repsond to those and they will then avoid situations where they will be tempted to engage in the other side of things
THIS APLLIES TO BOTH MEN AND WOMAN..so dont assume its just a gay thing..I know of a married woman who also gets a visit from her “girlfriend” once a month and her husband belives they are just that and he even lets them sleep in one room while he’s out. Having said taht I think SEX is OVERRATED…
Mduduzi Mpala on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 9:42 am
well ya damn very very hilarious but the shocking part it is true, i just feel so much pitty for the drifterz(gay), everybody is just taken by anything in this world, like if you want to do amazingly in any kind of business you need to think abstract, isolate yourself, like in music think of craziest thing and if u cn fit into 16barz it’ll be a hit,
im afraid for tomorrow how this world is going to turn out, actually crying, sniff*
@songistylez on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 10:29 am
lol at john.. that is too funny
ntombi on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 10:32 am
I think that is is plain disguisting that there are gay men out there that are married,i mean what the hell!!already generations gives me the creeps but i huess its reality and we just have to face it that males get attracted to one another in the same way that ladid get attracted to one another but i still do not beleive that its right.
africanamber on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 10:52 am
what can i say?? Its really said,I know of a man in a same situation, sex lessmarriage, N love at home any more… but the dude is sticking around for the sake of money( business) and the kids… people we are no long in line with our feelings… we are killing this love factor, slowly but oh so surely… people are stuck in relatioships that are dead, no longe, for wrong reasons…
I say Pack your Bags and go!!!! life s too short to waste on an unfruitful relations…
Ngqesta on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 11:24 am
Ummmm….this article reminds me so so so much of Harambs…..anyway…thanks for the good read. i always get some flak from my lady friends when I tell them that if my husband were to leave me for Steve i would be less disturbed than I would be if it was a an Eve..(I would cry yes…but would get over it quicker I think) at least Steve has something I don’t obviuosly….anatomically that is…and also if the guy wants to be true to himself…then by all means…rather that than have him fantasize about doing another man while with me…..that’s just me.
Kiki on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 11:28 am
Ja neh>>> LIFE!!!
Ms Butterfly on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 11:46 am
for some reason i just cant read this article..i went away & came back about 4 times but i cant get myself to start reading *thinking why*
Brown Shuga on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 11:51 am
Maybe coz your man loves John? LOL
Alu on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 12:16 pm
Yeeerrrr this article is so true kwakwakwa kwa kwakwaka When hubby loves John…Life…
mantwa on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 12:29 pm
When hubby loves john, I’ll pack his bags for him and kick his skanky behind out of OUR house. JustScandalous, this article is really funny.
TT on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 12:39 pm
People, im in this kind of a situation as in right now.I have been involved with this dude for bloody 3years i only discovered 3 weeks back that this dude has been double crossing me with this white gay man that he calls a friend.The guy had infact he is still having serious financial problems. He didnt have a place of stay so his brother accommodated him and he stays few blocks from my complex.He was more like staying with me, we was always by my place doing everything.At first it was just a visit but he ended up living with me and my sis.My sis hated ths guy wit all her heart, she always suspected smthng ws creepy abt this dude.Its this faded artists who are trying to make a come back.I wud even give this dude my car and he wud go to tht gay friend of his for petrol. He wud tel me hw this dude is a good friend who cares.I always had something bothering me, lyk the way he conducted himself whn talking to ths guy over da fone ws just unconfortable to me.He made sure that i dont get to see this guy.Sometime he wud evn go and sleep by this guy’s friend if maybe he had gone out for the night and he wud say he didnt want to wake me. Everytime when he had been @ this gay-guy friend he wudnt show an interest in sleeping with me for some time…im telling u as we speak he has moved in wit this guy.As a straight guy how do you move in with a gay-guy? ever since he moved in with this man he doesnt want to hear anything from me but my only problem is that he owes me a lot of money…Im left with a scar on my heart.
Ngqesta on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 12:44 pm
Its this faded artists who are trying to make a come back…NAME AND SHAME TT…..sfunukwazi.
mama ka Gundi on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 12:58 pm
TJo!! TT kwek…im alarmed wu-weee
Brown Shuga on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 1:03 pm
Hawu TT, askies maan love, that must be so stressing. But like Just Scandalous said, Pack your bags and go!
ntshepeng on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 1:15 pm
that DL confession site is hectic!
mantwa on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 1:19 pm
Damn TT, pack your bags,,ohh and EKSPOUSE his broke ass. u dont need to call newspapers, do it right here on JC sisi
Just Scandalous on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 1:20 pm
TT….you poor thing.
Just Scandalous on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 1:23 pm
Just Scandalous i would advice you not to shame or expose anyone, this is a personal matter and you must deal with it on your own, never allow strangers in your life. Gossip and tabloids do not build character, dont be bitter love….i know you’re hurting, but this too shall pass….All best, and i hope my article will open other women’s eyes too.
Peace and love
XXX
Cleve on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 1:44 pm
LOL @ Just Scandalous (H). WOW hey I missed this writing………
Mancu on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 1:55 pm
Tjo! the only person am sure is still straight in this world is myself, i pray to God for my straightness to neva bend!
lorrelai on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 2:51 pm
omg! these “best friends”, u cant trust anyone these days….
Philzah on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 3:05 pm
You are sooo right Mancu.. You are the only straight person left in this world! ha ha hah
Kaizer Suzay on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 3:17 pm
Philzah…..if Mancu is so straight why is he/she PRAYING FOR IT…thats like praying for your riches to never end when they actually could.like there’s that inner voice that says OMG what if ..however we dont pray for breathing coz its just THERE FOR as long as we live….so MANCU just DO YOU if and when you feel like it…life is too short.
as for the has-been artist who’s shagging the white dude…I always say women can tell if sumthin is NOT rite but they ignore all the signs donno why…baya-understenda nje ( although i wonder how I’d be with someone smelling of the other chocolate..surely that shud put you off if you’re already suspecting….even for a cheating girlfirend who’s got antoher girlfriend if she came back, as a husband surely you know the smell of your wife’s kuku…akiri awafani iphunga somebody enlighten me
Mancu on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 3:48 pm
@Kaizer life is full of suprises kaloku, i can neva guarantee what my tomoros will ring thats why am praying to God to keep me straight.
Zito on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 5:31 pm
But then its all nice said than done, I feel bad for the poor dudes, cause we as the society doesn’t wanna accept that there is a thing called homosexuality. What if the poor dude really wants to exercise his homosexuality? Will we not give him name, will we not judge him, will we not look down on him, will we not treat him like a desease?
Lela on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 6:37 pm
Hay our society is so open 2 homosexuality de is absolutely rzn 4 1 2do wht dy dnt wana do. Mna shame i dnt knw wht id do if i were 2 fynd dat my man is wt John bt God knws it wudnt b a prayer meeting!
sbozh on Thu, 26th Nov 2009 11:29 pm
Nasty thoughts just crossed my mind . . . maybe she ain’t tight enough no more, John’s tight azz got plenty muscle anyday – LOL
Vesa on Fri, 27th Nov 2009 10:39 am
the gayest skunk in Gayland was married and had a kid?? I pitied the poor woman, does she even know that when she is trying her best to blow him – he is probably saying: woman, get off and let me show you how this is done?
The humour in this article…..kwa kwa kwa kwa!!!!!
TT on Fri, 27th Nov 2009 11:14 am
This thing is really tricky cos u’ll never know if these dudes are gay for real cos some of them are just doing it for cash…Most of these gay-guys in JHB are loaded so u’ll never know esp when it comes to these faded artists as they are struggling financially
Brown Shuga on Sat, 28th Nov 2009 9:11 am
So TT, who is this faded artist?? Lol email me
Lady D on Sun, 29th Nov 2009 11:56 am
when is into John,sister,up and leave!!!!
Lady D on Sun, 29th Nov 2009 11:57 am
when hubby is into John,sister,up and leave!!!!
Zito on Mon, 30th Nov 2009 7:29 am
Lol but what if they are all into John @ Lady, hehehe ul never know.
Malibongwe on Tue, 1st Dec 2009 6:04 pm
Ok, this ain’t fair! I had practically written a novel but don’t know how it happened but another page was loading and before I could stop it it was too late!
Anyways, I just wanted to say that UNFORTUNATELY I do know of some certain individuals who are married, have bambinos YET continue to live this secret lifestyle. It’s a darn shame that people are so afraid of what society thinks that they eventually turn into these beings who have no regard for other people’s lives (they tend not to have safe sex when they’re out philandering). Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying it’s society who says “So-and-So go cheat on ur lovely wife with that hot stud from no. 6″, I’m just saying that it’s one of the contributing factors.
Anyhow, before I babble further… Ladies, plz listen to JS and leave him coz once he’s in, there’s no coming out. Do excuse the puns!
TT on Thu, 3rd Dec 2009 9:39 am
whats your email address Brown Shuga?
Goliwood snitch on Sun, 6th Dec 2009 12:47 pm
You want the truth, you can’t handle the truth ___ ok no seriously. I know the worst. Remember that once was celebrity dude, kwaito artist who claims to have been the one who made TKZ be the best in the game. Yes that one, the one who still claims Psyfo owes him money, the only person who had the guts to call a publication and tell them Psyfo’s car was reposessed last year. His name is * drum roll* ANDY MAGAZZThis guy apparently is secretly bisexual, has a 12 year old child, got 2 girls pregnant in less than 2 years and is not supporting neither of them. Yeah we should feel sorry for him- shame he hasn’t had a hit in how long? Lives off of his friends and uses girls to cover his gayness. Tjo
TT on Thu, 10th Dec 2009 12:57 pm
Its Ashaan member, his name is Reez
Kiki on Thu, 10th Dec 2009 1:47 pm
lol@ TT…name dropping
Ke Gay on Thu, 10th Dec 2009 3:01 pm
REALLY? YHO!
So o gay le ene? then again, why am i surprised…
mamelang – there’s a saying i won’t reveal who said it, as that is irrelevant, ithi: Spaghetti is straight until it hits boiling water!
So be aware! there’re very few straight men, if any!
Mbali on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 12:25 pm
I neva thought gay life will be accepted and even change the way we live, I mean there are more wonmen than me in this world and now we losing them to this life of after nine. What has the world come too.
Bujaina on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 1:07 pm
Reez of Ashaan is gay….welcome to the world of fabulosity