Being 30 is a Biatch!
December 7, 2009 by Just Scandalous
Damm, I am tired! if I have to attend another wedding, baby shower or kitchen tea in the next few remaining weeks of 2009, I will pull my cheap knock-off weave out.
I am tired, I am tired of being the last 30-something gal who is still single, with no kid and no prospect of marriage. I mean what the F…what did I miss, where was I when all girls my age had their legs up in the air at some dodgy flat in Ponte building, while UJ was still Wits. How the F did I get here?
As a young girl, I did all things that a smart girl was expected to do, stay in school and wore my school tunic the right length, no stlepe for me. And when I came to varsity I did it all, was on the pill, only had sex with the boyfriend. After my degree I got the job, everything was going well and I was dating left right and centre, so I figured that I would get married soon. That was seven years ago and at 30, I am still waiting for him…where the hell is this prince charming, I am tired – I have been dating since I was 16!
I have never had a relationship that has lasted longer than a season; all the men I date seem to fizzle out within a short space of time. I am not a bad lay, after reading H24’s writings on another site; I can give a decent mouth to “you know what” resuscitation – even my ex, who was just my boyfriend last week can testify to that. What boggles my mind is why I am still single? I am no Tyra Banks – but neither am I a Alek Wek, so a nice pair of Nine West stilettos and Guess jeans bought on credit still look decent on me. Have all the decent men in Johannesburg gone extinct, since I still cannot find a decent one to bare kids for? The one I meet are either are gay or bi-, haike what’s a girl got to do now?
I have read almost every book about relationships, did those stupid quizzes on Cosmo and still I just can’t keep a man. When you are in your early twenties, being single is deemed as being fabulous and independent, you do not need man – you can buy whatever you want. The trick for me was when I became 30. I no longer wanted to be the old biatch at Midrand NewsCafe on Friday night and look like those girls with shiny-skimpy boob-tube dresses, big weaves and big fake Prada bags.
I wanted to stay home with hubby and watch LIVE mute coz I can’t stomach Bonang screaming: it’s your girl Biii. Even my own mother has started giving me the eye, like when am I getting married and the old girl forgets that if I get married, I will no longer afford to give her money for stokvel.
At 30 I have it all – except the one thing I need the most, a man – someone to give my pink vibrator a rest. When your 30 something and you don’t have a man, society treats you like a failure. I am sure lo Mama wa se next door will soon recommend that I see a prophet wa se sione to find out what is wrong with me. Believe me I’m tempted to buy candles and go visit him, plus he offers services for free. So I am just going to come out and say it, I need a man – not to date and go have picnic ko Zoo lake. I need a man to marry me, because as a black successful woman who is not married, I am deemed a failure – yes, I can yell and say I don’t care, who needs a guy with shoes from Edgars, but the truth is – I need him, I need one to call my own. At 30, I do not have time to play; I refuse to be a failure.
So question is where the freaking hell do I find him?
By Just Scandalous ©
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Quote Of The Day: 
LEBERA on Mon, 7th Dec 2009 1:25 am
i dont know if u talking about me . im 39 single no child no man im still waiting.
But the problem with am very peak
khafo on Mon, 7th Dec 2009 7:45 am
Listen doll, there’s nothing wrong with you. Enjoy life with friends and love yourself (not by buying expensive items/clothes). Our destiny’s will never be the same. Lastly, it’s good to have the man of your own esp. if he treats you right and loving his kids. I feels good!
You’ll find a good man anywhere……lifts, malls, church, friends party……..remember: LOVE COMES WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECTS IT!
sasha on Mon, 7th Dec 2009 7:59 am
i think being single when you dont want to be sucks no matter how old you are and advise from ppl telling you it will work out and o beyonce who are married sininging abt broken hearts and single ladies doesnt make u feel better
Tlhoki on Mon, 7th Dec 2009 9:09 am
Believe it with all your heart, want it with all your might, confess it with your tongue and it shall come to pass. Jot down on a piece of paper exactly what you want, from the action you want in bed to the reletives he should have, even the love and dedication you would like him to have towards his family and children.
Once you have done this, stop searching, admiring and eyeing potentials. This will only distract the ‘Higher Being’, whether you beleive in God, Alah, The Universe, etc.
He will come to you and when he does, you will know it, you will feel it in your heart, you will look into his eyes and just know it.
It worked for me…
happygolucky on Mon, 7th Dec 2009 10:02 am
Great article, very honest and real
Sasha you are right..if you’ve never been there and not single by choice it hurts..
however, a growing number of black men are staying single for longer and some do not get married at all….have met a few…never been married,no kids, successful..approaching their 40’s….imagine the pressure on them as men..
happygolucky on Mon, 7th Dec 2009 10:22 am
I believe we all have our destiny mapped out
some will go through divorce, others will have illegitimate kids, others go through abusive relationships, others will struggle financially.. you might even be one of the few who will find your soul mate at your mid 30s or 40’s.
the point is some people were never meant for marriage maybe they are here to fulfil another purpose…we have to accept that we will be imi jendevu, but fabulous and successful mjendevu’s, but remember toyboys are available…I mean Madonna and his 22 year old so see there is hope for us
Mmapula on Mon, 7th Dec 2009 11:44 am
eish wish i can give you an answer, i guess i have to celebrate having a man i adore for six years even though presently he has asked for his space to “find himself” but i should celebrate because i know i still have him and he willl be around for a very long time. may be i should celebrate i am still in between at 27. you just remineded me to appreciate my love life and life in general.
i believe there is someone for everyone, so i say do not loose hope.
koko on Mon, 7th Dec 2009 1:44 pm
When he finally ‘arrives’ make sure he is man enough and wont be intimidated by your success and indepence. In the mean time- be in love with yourself. Im also single- my relationships never last more than a season as well….and i dont find anything wrong with that.
Dodonia on Mon, 7th Dec 2009 2:26 pm
Nice article….although sad. With this article, you’ve spoken on behalf of so many women out there. So many women out there are in the same boat as you right now. Just hang in there….Mr Charming is on his way.
Gwenzo on Mon, 7th Dec 2009 3:18 pm
Esh you are speaking to me straight, Same issue no man in my life…
Bra Bizza on Mon, 7th Dec 2009 9:21 pm
e tla ko Bra Bizza’s place and o tla ba shap
Mntungwa on Mon, 7th Dec 2009 10:21 pm
lol , jah scary stuff .
Lady D on Mon, 7th Dec 2009 11:11 pm
problem is,women never know when the right guy is standing in front of them because their idea of a good man is a replica of some charactor on days of or lives or some hot guy on the cosmo cover…we define men by the cars the drive,the cexpensive labels they were,the kind of beer or whiskey they drive,hence we never give those that meet these fantasies a chance to love….
Niccy on Tue, 8th Dec 2009 9:43 am
I relate to your article. Have been single for almost 2 years now – not by choice though. But I still believe in love. I’m just waiting for The One to find me as I’ve put this matter on the hands of my Lord.
Nonny on Tue, 8th Dec 2009 12:00 pm
Eish mina guys I don’t give a fck abt marriage, Im 24 successful, no kids, Im in a loving 6 year relationship with a stunning reserve (umakhwapheni) on the side and I am happy with that.
Renegade on Tue, 8th Dec 2009 12:19 pm
kwakwakwa at the stunning reserve Nonny!
Mina at 24 I feel that while I don’t want to be married or have a baby, I should be in a relationship that has a potential to bear these things. Should I fall pregnant, it shouldn’t be a big deal. But as fate would have it…it’s not the case.
Kabelo on Tue, 8th Dec 2009 2:01 pm
Nonny and Renegade, 24 isn’t that young for a woman. That’s probably what Justcurious used to think when she was your age. Stop misleading each other. There’s nothing sexy about that. As to Koki’s “advise” about making sure that he’s man enough and not intimidated by your success. What does that even mean? You guys have listened to too much feminist talk about this whole 50 50 thing. Y’all keep attacking men at every turn, and yet you cry when nobody wants to marry you. You try so hard to adopt a eurocentric aproach to life that the difference between reality and soapies seems to escape you as a result. A word of advise, there are so many single men out there that are also looking for someone to be serious about, but you guys make it very difficult for us to be serious about you with these dramatic statements. “Intimidated by my success”, Fabulous and successful. There’s nothing atractive about a woman with an ego bigger than mine.
Mancu on Tue, 8th Dec 2009 2:43 pm
Tjo! waybeka indaba Kabelo straight and two beers…
Double Standards on Tue, 8th Dec 2009 3:10 pm
tjo Kabelo, please come and speak to my friends, they need that talk…I know’ve taken the advice, even though at 30, I’m a bit late
mantwa on Tue, 8th Dec 2009 3:38 pm
LOL Nonny.
Kabelo & LadyD, telling it like it is. Single ladies, I hope y’all are listening.
Nonny on Wed, 9th Dec 2009 11:55 am
Thanks for ur input Kabelo and I hear u, but as they say different strokes for different fokes, mina I am the type that is not interested in marriage or kids. So if Im 24 and Im at that mindset I find it hard to believe that 4 years down the line I would’ve changed. And besides the world would be a boring place if we all lead the same life of work-marry-breed-retire and die.
Gavin on Sat, 26th Dec 2009 10:47 pm
So true, only I’m a 30 year old white male… other than that, we are walking the exact same track. @Nonny: It only dawned on me at 29 that I want the wife, kids and house (not specifically in that order though
). You’ll see, it gets old fast… and so are we.
Cnglema on Wed, 30th Dec 2009 2:02 pm
Interesting read, JS trying fitting in a child in that 30ish loveless situation. It gets even harder to date or find love when you have a fatherless child scenario.
You delay dating as you dont want to introduce different kinds of men in your child’s life as you can never know who will make the cut on your prospective Mr Right candidate list. You also dont want to expose your precious gem (child) to unhealthy and risky behaviours that will come with these courtships. You find that person and you still worry if he will accept your child and the drama that comes with what he is getting himself into. Will the child accept uDanci wakhe omtsha? Are you confusing the child (especially a child who does not know his/her natural dad) by letting get attached to this stranger?
Women in these kinda situations tend to lower their superficial ideal man standards and to be more tolerant than childless counterparts. You would often hear words like “kodwa uyamthanda umtanam” (but he loves my child) to justify the situation.
Just Scandalous on Wed, 30th Dec 2009 10:02 pm
Cnglema…i am dreading being 31 next year
zimbabwean on Thu, 7th Jan 2010 2:59 pm
i suggest you move to zim. zim men (unlike their fellow south africans) believe in marriage. u wl probably get one to marry u the moment u land so start bookin flights