Dating Africa: A Social Experiment

December 22, 2009 by  

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FEATURED BLOG: DATING AFRICA

I was so amazed and so impressed when I came across a blog by a Young South African woman who is on a mission, or rather, a Social Experiment she calls Dating Africa: 47 Dates With 47 Guys From All Across Africa.

Her name is Helen and her job requires her to travel the continent so she figured it would be great to use this opportunity to find out the good, the bad and the ugly as well as to try and dispel all the myths about African men in General.

I think that’s a brilliant idea for a blog and so far she’s written about Botswana, Zimbabwe, South Africa and Eritrea and below we’ve featured a snippet from her entry on South African men. (Eri-what??) anyway, her blog is pretty new so please show her some love!

For me, the only disappointment is that she doesn’t talk about whether or not she sleep with the guys. I’m not promoting ho-ism but come on, you’re talking about African guys and the biggest myth around them is that the ones up north have bigger you know whats so nje, me I wanna know! heheh.

Read HELEN’s blog HERE.

south-africa-map

Dating South African Men

Now dating South African men is a topic that I am well versed at, in fact I can write an extensive thesis with multiple appendices and exhibits. I have around 8 years of dating experience in South Africa (or 5 years to my parents) so I figured that instead of taking one date with a local guy, I could attempt to synthesise all of my dating life into one blog and give you a description of the kind of guys that I have come across in South Africa.

So bear with me as I share with you a catalogue of what Mzansi has to offer and the benefit/cost of having these jewels around :-)

There’s the BEE Guy

This means no disrespect to the term BEE but we all know what kind of guy this is. It is the guy who has a fat bank balance (due to his recent government tender to build roads or a bridge or railway tracks etc) and a beer belly (or is that 40 year old scotch belly) to match. And how can we forget the famous pointed shoes and Armani suit. He is often in his late 30s or 40s and is the X5/RangeRover/BMW 7 series driving, self-starter who likes to go out with his buddies speaking loudly about his latest tender that will get him another 5 million rand addition to his bank balance (conveniently close to a group of ladies). He will offer to buy you a drink or send over a bottle of French champagne, as well as offer to take you to his newly acquired house (on the beach, by the dam etc), without really even knowing you.

Pros: He is an ambitious guy and is extremely well connected. He makes things happen, though often just for himself.

Cons: Unfortunately, you are not the only one that he makes very generous offers to (only every other Phuza Thursday) and often he has a wife/ex-wife around too. Due to his expensive spending habits, when he is between tenders, this guy may have a significant drop in his living standards. Only for those that are willing to ride his erratic financial curve.

The Young Professional

He is the guy that is in his mid 20s and is at the beginning of his career. He is an intelligent guy whom although is starting out, is doing really well at work. He lives in a small apartment, has minimal responsibility and is enjoying life right now and definitely does not want to be tied down. He has worked pretty hard at university to be at this point and now, when he is not working, he just wants to have fun and also make up for all the times that the older guys with cars took his girlfriends back at University so parked outside Universities is where you will usually find him.

Pros: He’s ambitious and has big dreams which he is likely to achieve.

Cons: He can be extremely immature and really does not want to be tied down to one girl. He has not quite grasped how a woman should be treated. He is still in student mode and insists you go Dutch on your dates. If you are looking for a mature relationship then maybe not this guy.

babydd

The Babies’ Daddy

This guy is in his late 20s or early 30s. He is a very nice guy and is really understanding, kind and funny, until you find out about his two kids from his previous relationship/s. He is often mature because he has had to be a father to his kids but naturally he comes with a big ball of baby mama drama.

Pros: Is mature, patient and understanding.

Cons: If you can deal with the baby mama calling him all the time and his split attention with his kids then you’ve passed Level 1 but you have to consider, especially in instances of multiple baby-mamas how responsible this guy really is and if he will ever be able to commit to just one woman or if he will continue to spread his seed irresponsibly.

Mr Gay and in Denial

This guy is so much fun to be with, kind of like when you are spending time with your girlfriends. He always compliments you on what you are wearing and has the best taste in well…everything. He is emotionally mature and is always a great comfort when you are feeling down, though you have been going out for 4 months now and have not gone past 1st base – he says he likes to take things slow and you respect that. He is super clean and is always immaculately groomed. People have said to you that he is slightly flamboyant and at times you do see him staring at other guys for a few seconds longer than most guys would, but you know what, he is gorgeous and it is terrible to categorise every guy with a bubbly personality as gay.

Pros: He is fun to be around with and is a good shoulder to cry on. Plus he is brutally honest, about everything – you need that in your life.

Cons: ….wait a minute, could he be g…, no. Well, that will be playing around all the time in the back of your head whether it is true or not and how long can you wait for a little more action. Anyway, who wants to be that girl that dragged a guy out of the closet… not me.

Black Trust Fund Baby

His parents are politicians/businessmen and they have quite a bit of money. Although this guy is in his mid to late 20s he still gets an allowance from his parents and they also pay for his posh apartment and car. He does not really know how to do much for himself but his dad has convinced him to start a little BEE company using his dad’s connections – his actual work day is a mere 2 or 3 hours each day. He dropped out of university but this does not certainly mean he is stupid. He would much rather be traveling the world than trying to act grown up. He loves to go out and have fun too and people know him by his surname and you will often hear people say, “ oh, you’re so and so’s son?”.

Pros: Fun and interesting. He’s a bit of a rebel and that is a bit attractive. He’s always keen for a good time and is always reminding you there is more to life when you are stressing out.

Cons: He’s a bit of a rebel and that eventually gets highly annoying. He cannot take responsibility for much and it is a major turn off that he is still living off his parents. He has a short attention span even when it comes to women and is often fleeting from one to the next.

The Conscious Brother

He is one with the soil. The kind of guy who is about something. He writes very well, and can be seen in Newtown performing slam poetry. He also knows a lot about African history. He can speak vernacular language and English fluently. He does not approve of your relaxed hair or weave and thinks you should be more natural. He loves women and often writes poems about your beauty using metaphors related to Africa and nature. He likes soul music and conscious hip-hop.

Pros: He’s intelligent. Has substance and can make for a great conversation.

Cons: He thinks working for a corporate is selling your soul which is why he would rather write poetry or paint for a living, which unfortunately does not make him much of a living. He thinks going to clubs that you quite enjoy is pretentious and a total waste of money, why not go to the Apartheid Museum, AGAIN!! He thinks you didn’t quite get it the first 10 times and another visit would help. And hope you’ve started growing your dreadlocks, just perfect when you’re listening to Bob Marley and are having a bit of the holy herb.

gospe

Spiritual Brother

Your mother would love this guy because he is that guy that is always asked to start a song/hymn at family evening prayers. Not only does he head up the youth at his church but he has been tipped to become the next pastor/priest. Hiphop in his car? Never, this guy has all the Rebecca Malope and Lundi CDs as well as “Amadodana AseWeseli”, Vol I to Vol VII as he wears his new avocado coloured double breasted suit. He does not quite approve of the way you live your life and is always trying to convince you to change your ways.

Pros: Your mom would love him and so would your congregation. He is really good to have around when you go through something difficult because he always has uplifting advice and a prayer for you.

Cons: He will judge everything that you do and will feel like a bit of a father to you. If you like your Beyonce, don’t even think to play it around him because he’ll think that it is all the devil’s work. Also, if you are from a different church then this will always be a touchy point and he will not fail to remind you how wrong your church is about some issues.

The Comrade

He refers to all of his friends as “Chief” or “Boss” and spends his weekends at campaign rallies for his party. He insists on using politician language whenever he speaks English and it makes it difficult to make decent conversation with him. His relaxation gear is his party’s t-shirt and his car is currently wielding a sticker of his party’s logo. At time he randomly breaks out in struggle songs. You cannot get into a healthy political debate because he gets quite hysterical about it. Also, if you have friends of another race he thinks you are a sell out and reminds you of how black South Africans were marginalized etc etc.

Pro: He is loyal, well to his party and knows a lot about South African history. He is argumentative but that shows his passion.

Cons: You cannot have a conversation without him mentioning politics and he blames all things that go wrong in his life on the apartheid regime.

The C List South African Celebrity

You see the lead guy in your favourite local soapie, ok, not him, think about the guy that plays his friend and that shows up only now and then, or perhaps the TV presenter on some show that barely anyone knows, or even consider a DJ who does the graveyard shift on your favourite radio station. This is the guy that walks around as if he is about to be mobbed by us the minions.

Pros: He’s fun and maybe he might get his big break soon, so guess he will love you if “you are the girlfriend who stuck by him when he was still hustling”.

Cons: Where to start, he is likely to be struggling financially given that he isn’t exactly getting the limelight at his work, and also, he is often more big-headed than the so called A List celebrity.

The Failed Sportsman

His apartment is filled with memorabilia of his old rugby/soccer days when he used to play for a fairly popular club. Though he is in late 20s/early 30s he hasn’t given up on this dream of playing for the national team. When he talks about old memories it is always about the time he scored this many goals back in 1998 or the day he tackled someone in that rugby match in 2000. What he doesn’t realise as well is he is not as fit as he used to be and that ever-growing beer belly does not bode well for this dream that he still has. Due to the fact that he was so obsessed with sports, he did not get time to get an education and is now assistant coach for a local team, something like the Empangeni West Eagles.

Pros: He can teach you a lot about sports, which is great.

Cons: Well, besides you having to comfort him when he gets upset seeing one of his friends still playing for the national team, he just will not let go of the past. You better love the sport that he plays because that’s all he talks about, and thinks about . There is no catching him on the weekend either, he has his coaching job remember.

The Start-Up Businessman

This is the guy who has left everything in order to start his business- admirable, and brave, except he has been starting this business for the last 6 years. He has been reading his Rich Dad/Poor Dad for years on end yet you have not seen fruits of his labour. He still lives at home because the business currently does not have cashflows, but hey, it could happen any day now. All sorts of events in your relationship are contingent on his business starting, for example, you cannot go on holiday before things start picking up, you cannot get married until things start sellling, he cannot move out of home…. and so the list goes on.

Pros:Entrepreneurship is great and his entrepreneurial spirit is admirable. His business may eventually take off after 6 years, who knows.

Cons: A large number of businesses fail and it’s good when you realise that your business has failed and start working on something else. You may be waitng around forever for this business to take off and it seems that his business not taking off will hold you back from things that you want like for example marriage

hat

The Eternal Student

This is the intellectual who has 3 degrees. He is now in his mid 30s and it is the 6th year he is working on his PHD on Human Existentialism and Human Behaviour (or something like that), FULL TIME. He is a lecturer part time at his University and has never had any other kind of job. He is sharp and is always very logical in his thinking, often quoting philosophers and economists in his arguments.

Pros: He is always one for good intellectual conversation. From all his degrees, he has gained much knowledge, and is impressive to take around to your boss to debate with him issues such as economics and politics but his viewpoint is usually from a very theoretical perspective.

Cons: He has no idea how real life, especially work life is. You have been waiting for a while for this guy to finally finish his studies, but it has not happened, with his latest suggestion being to try and do another degree concurrently with his PhD. “You can never stop learning”, is what he always says. He makes almost no money, and often has to ask you for assistance when his financial support for his PhD does not come through. At times he rushes off, often triggered by something you said, and disappears for hours as he includes something you have said in his thesis. Can be annoying, especially when you are in the middle of some quality time.

So in the end….

As you can see there are a myriad of guys in South Africa (as I am sure there are in other countries), but I unfortunately have a chance to date just one per country for the rest of Sub-Saharan Africa. Many people would say that in South Africa the characteristics of guys are seperated according to language, with for example Zulu guys being known for ummm, being a little tough on their women, Sotho guys being softies, Xhosa guys being smooth operators and Shangaan guys for their big…..errrr hearts. Perhaps this will be another sub-project for me or someone else to look into.

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Tau Back 4 Karabo’s Exit!
BBA: Up For Eviction This Week

Comments

58 Comments on "Dating Africa: A Social Experiment"

  1. Lela on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 1:18 am 

    Hay this thing of other african brothers having big totolozis i dnt thnk its true,i dated a nigerian man n he had d usual size mos,the only big thing abt him was d ego n d emotional abuse.

  2. Kiki on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 4:49 am 

    Interesting read,will comment when i wake up

  3. Kiki on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 5:01 am 

    .Lela,i agree with u.I dated a famous Shangaan dude lana emzansi and his parcel was the same size as my middle finger,uDiof is from Senegal and naye eyakhe is the same size as my baby daddy,who is Tswana by the way.So leyo eyesize yona is just a myth its not true @ all.

  4. Brown Shuga on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 6:17 am 

    Kiki who’s a famous Shangann dude? Paun Ndlovu? Or Penny Penny? Hehehheheh
    And who’s Diof vele coz u say that name like we should know him?

    Mara guys, don’t let my comment move away from the main point ke, she’s not talking about about totolozis heheheh

    The only South African man Helen left out is the ‘Married Man’.

  5. Brown Shuga on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 6:20 am 

    Tjo! My spelling sucks! Meant Paul Ndlovu

  6. Madala on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 7:46 am 

    Tjoe Kiki, did u slp & wake up so quck….?LOL LOL

    Eish, Helen z selling the brotherz out…. most is probable true to an extent, I can see myself never getting a date again, a qucik “background” interview and a quick reference the cons & walla, I em date-less…nxa

    Happy festive ppl…….

  7. Kiki on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 7:55 am 

    Kwa kwa kwa wena BS sukundiqhela, the Shangaan dude is a journo, rites fo a sunday paper and is musician/producer/director has hs own record company (people dont knw he is shangaan) uDiof is the blonde ex soccer star from Senegal…feel free to google. Hayi wethu how can u even think ndithetha ngo Penny Penny? Thats Dali’s sugardaddy moes, the Ndlovu dude u talkin bout i have never heard of him,udumengani?

  8. Kiki on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 8:02 am 

    @ Madala,eish i read the article then made my 1st comment after i posted it then i saw Lela’s comment,i had to comment again…Lol @BS,this Helen of yours is she black,white,Indian,coloured or what??….I AM JUST CURIOUS nje.

  9. philsgreat on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 8:38 am 

    Interesting breakdown on us fellas ( I can actually say I learned something lol) I’m an American born Nigerian who has been fortunate enough to spend a decent amount of time in Nigeria as a parenting experiment (lol) My take on it is that there is a woman for every man and not all of us will behave the same. What it looks like here are universal traits that can be found in men of every background…still interesting read ~peace~

  10. manlord on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 8:53 am 

    hai neh this is not 100% of facts

  11. Gee on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 9:15 am 

    Seems a bit too far fetched for me.

    The guys I have dated are not in any of those categories.

    I think this girl/author has generalised way too much.

    What about the guys who live ko kasi, pushing life etc?
    What about guys who worked hard, have no kids and are looking a for good woman to settle down with?
    What about guys who are just plain rude, ill mannered and completely insensitive?

  12. Kiki on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 9:34 am 

    Yes Gee,what about the abusive guys who believe once mine always mine,the guy that will paint a picture of how perfect of a man he is in public but will whip yo ass behind closed doors.What about psychotic guys that are to obsersed,jelous and stalkers? What about the non rastafarian guys that also believe God doesnt exist?…think Gareth Cliff

  13. Cleve on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 11:06 am 

    Kiki were you bonking Diouf………… wena man…..

  14. Lela on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 11:25 am 

    Yho Kiki i think i knw ur shangaan guy he was my coligue,igama lakhe liqala ngoM? i 4gt hs real name bt i think its an english name.lol

  15. Renegade on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 11:38 am 

    I quite like this, it obviuosly doesn’t cover all possibilites, but I like her take on it. I can even put a face to some of these guys…ya ne!

  16. Nthatisi on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 11:45 am 

    I also wanna know Kiki? How would you know Diofs totolozi?

  17. Kiki on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 11:46 am 

    @ Cleve,hayi maan there never penetr…..,just handlin it…lol @ Lele,plz no name droppin he is married now and the wife thinks we are cousins..lol

  18. Lela on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 12:01 pm 

    Ok ke nguye cz he is married n lol @ wife thinking u r cousins. 2 thnk dat my dad pulled dat on my mom n had his preg galfrend stay wt us in d name of bein a cousin,heheheh utatam wayesiskhokho yhaz,he’d teach dz boys a thing or 2 abt tiger wooding.

  19. Kiki on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 12:04 pm 

    Nthatisi,ndamsebenza ngezandla zam ndamyeka lapho,he was not impressed i havent heard from him since..no sms,no phone call,not even an email so i also let him go…LOL

  20. khafo on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 12:10 pm 

    Hao Kiki………………wa thatha e-investment left right and centre and waeshiya kanjalo, tjo. No licking nothing zeal. Askies now you’re dreamimg about it neh…let the truth be told.

  21. Kiki on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 12:11 pm 

    Hahaha Lele,yo dad was a genius fo sho…he did what? I cant stop laughing..lol @ tiger woodin.

  22. helenthetruth on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 12:56 pm 

    Thanks Brownshuga for the feature -great! And for clarifying that this blog is not just about comparing the different kinds of “equipment” across the continent, and I am happy to take on a partner who can conduct that kind of research :-)

    @kiki lol at the discussion on your love life and the Shangaan man, very interesting. Also, I am black!

    Lastly, this blog is going to be a generalisation. Particularly on this one featured on South Africa, I can only speak of the guys I have come across, there are many more!
    Look forward to hearing your thoughts on all of the other African countries!!

  23. The Watcher on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 1:10 pm 

    Who’s this Helen fooling. All the info posted is already available out there. Some from books, blogs, newspapers, magazines etc. She just copied it from somewhere. These topics have been discussed and written about many times before. nothing to see here so keep it moving.

  24. Kiki on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 1:31 pm 

    @ Khafo,that was then and ths is now…lol

  25. Brown Shuga on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 1:43 pm 

    Hi The Watcher, just curious, did u read all her blog entries before jumping to that conclusion?

    Who’s the Shangaan dude people??????????

  26. Funky K aka FK on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 1:57 pm 

    and where was this spiritual brother picked up? This day and age?

    I think you need to research this again. You need to have a sample before you draw a conclusion. 1 person is NOT a sample.

  27. Kiki on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 2:12 pm 

    lol @ the spiritual brother that doesnt exist..kwa kwa kwa BS,plz answer my question tu! Have u met this Helen,where is she from?

  28. Malibongwe on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 2:39 pm 

    I’m stunned at people at some people crying out on the ‘credibility” of the piece. It is an opinion piece, which means it is objective thus not needing to be factual. She just wrote what SHE encountered… I’m sure if each and every lady was given the opportunity you wouldn’t write the same thing.

    Thus that being said, I’d like to say that I enjoyed reading the piece very much. I like the way she tackles some of the stereotypes using jokes, lol… I’m definitely looking forward to reading about the other countries’ men… Thanks Brown Shuga! :-)

    PS: I’m LOLing at the request of the testing of the ‘equipment’ myth… Shame on you, Lelo! (But I’d also like to know… he he he)

  29. Malibongwe on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 2:40 pm 

    LMFAO… Damn thing can’t delete… I meant SUBJECTIVE, not OBJECTIVE bantu… Before yall bite my big head off, tl tl tl

  30. service provider on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 2:45 pm 

    ja ne..kiki you stole the limelight on this one hey..
    u handled diof’s balls? hope he aint spit on u! lol, yini ngathi ungu magosha nje? indoda eshadile? hai no!
    well, helen..lets just say you aint dated me..
    btw, have u dated all these guys, by dating how many dates on each person? one, two maybe three?

    lol @tigerwoodin -yo pops is a legend..a cousin! hai no

    brown shuga, u are a friggen MILF.. absolutely love you

  31. helenthetruth on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 3:00 pm 

    @TheWatcher The topic of dating has been discussed – may times over, but I am pretty sure nobody else has written about my thoughts on it. Also I think you probably have not read the blog, follow the link and then we can talk. datingafrica@wordpress.com
    And Funky K, this is obviously taking the extreme cases of all the different categories, just taking the micky of our South African men. I challenge you to read the other entries in the blog. And I too studied statistics, and a sample of 1 does not infer the population, but it is nonetheless fun to analyse.

    @Serviceprovider no I haven’t dated you, are you offering yourself up for a date knowing that I will write everything for all to see:-) On the South African version, it’s guys I have come across, some dated. For the other countries there will be one date per guy, or a unique story which you can read about.
    And Kiki, who is the SHANGAAN GUY?

  32. Kiki on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 3:26 pm 

    I cant believe what i just read,wena service provider yini ingathi uyidickless airhead nje? Did u read and understand my comments? I am talkin about the PAST here if u read my comments again u will see ukbana i said I DATED a shangaan guy not DATING,and when i mentioned hs marital status i said no name dropping bcoz he is married NOW,which means when i was with him he didnt have a ring on his finger yet..The reason why he chose to tell hs wife that we are cousins is bcoz we hav to work 2gether @ tymes so the wife wouldnt aprove of him doin business with an ex.So andazi ukbana ndingumagosha wakuphi ke?

  33. Funky K aka FK on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 3:30 pm 

    Helen, where did you pick this spiritual brother? Was it in a church?
    Fine, this is an extreme case. Can you share with me the best case scenario????

    I went to your blog and read the whole thing. I cannot comment much about the others however, the spiritual one caught my attention.

  34. helenthetruth on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 3:31 pm 

    Oh and to answer your question Kiki, I am originally from KZN now living in Jhb. I am black, female, regular girl on the street who is an investment banker by day.

  35. Kiki on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 3:38 pm 

    And who said mistresses ngo magosha? What do u call men who cheat on their partners with married men,HEROES?? Hayi khona maan @ Helen & BS,askies i cant reveal his name anymore,blame this guy that provides services,dont knw wat services tho..

  36. helenthetruth on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 3:45 pm 

    FunkyK I will tell you what the inspiration behind the Spiritual Brother is. I dated a regular guy, after we broke up, he handed his life over to God, which was great. It was the change after that which was extreme. He did not play anything else but gospel in his car, and all of the neighbourhood people knew him as the guy with the voice, and he would always be asked to start singing the songs, he dresses and acts very differently now, and he is always giving me lecturers about being a better person.
    That is how I came up with Spiritual Brothers.
    So, not all guys that are religious are that extreme, and to be honest it is exaggerated, but a guy like him in SA definitely exists.

  37. helenthetruth on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 3:47 pm 

    Oh and one more thing FunkyK do you want th best case in terms of what kind if Spiritual Brother is ideal/most common. Not understanding that.

  38. service provider on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 4:17 pm 

    KIKI, why u gotta blame the Service Provider? im jst commenting on what you said baby..jst commenting..and i didnt call thee a “magosha” i said yini ngathi ungu..not the same thing as calling thee tht!

    oh, those guys, nabo ngabo magosha..in fact in zulu sithi, yizifebe zamadoda!

    Helen,thetruth.. i was offering! but i dont just date anyone..
    you gotta be hott! especially if you say you are gonna blog about me! oh, have you ever been kissed on these dates? be prepared because you will not resist me! im hutt like that..
    KIKI, dont hate the player, hate the game.. kwakwakwakwakwakwa
    im just messing man, sorry bout the magosha thing..ngathi iku phethe kabi..how bout u reveal just the initials, not for me but for my soon to be date “HELEN “ihopesheisveryHOT” the truth

    out
    service provider, aka SP

  39. Kiki on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 4:36 pm 

    Kahle kahle wena Service Provider udealer ngantoni? Now ubusy advertising yoself to Helen….tjo,hayi ke wethu uyiprovider nyhani.

  40. IamTDC on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 4:53 pm 

    I see the writter left the Guy I am out, or hasnt met me or someone like me yet :-)

  41. helenthetruth on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 4:58 pm 

    @Serviceprovider Ha,ha,ha.Well the rules are that I do not kiss the guys on the date, unless the guy is really convincing. And stop calling Kiki names perpetuating the misconception that all Zulu men are uncouth.

    As for me being hot, I do not like to blow my own horn, I can just say with a reasonable amount of confidence that I think I can find the 47 guys who will be willing to date me :-)

  42. Funky K aka FK on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 5:15 pm 

    No further questions your honour.

  43. Brown Shuga on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 5:39 pm 

    Sjoe! Niyathetha maan! Lol

  44. Cnglema on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 8:37 pm 

    What about the highly educated northern suburbs(would never drive near hillbrow – hires a maxi to yo place) guy with loads of cash and zero personality.lacks in the looks dept,chubby nerdy looking with glasses with no charm at all,(suffers from PES and sexually retarded too),prefers domineering kinkysex/bondage even role playing typasex with (gal performs most of the xrated stuff on him-not the other way round).associates sex with power and money and expects a woman to be submissive to his beyond taboo demonic sexual fantasies. Will talk bout his not so easily obtainable achievements and how desirable he is to women the entire time especially afta his lousy perfomance.very insecure, disgusted by people outa his league and would drop dead should his colleagues at the lawfirm find out he’s mixing with streetsmarts from hillbrow .4ever bashing a woman’s self esteem to affirm his self importance.doesnt mind spending on you to boost his ego and to convince u how much u cant survive without him and his money.

  45. Cnglema on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 9:17 pm 

    And my alltime favorites,the failed entertainers (kwaitoboyz)who r 4ever trying to break into the industry.highly skilled in bed with personality galore and lots of charm,accepts u with yo baggage(as he’s an expert in that dept).terms like masimbakho and a little bit of swearing no longer make u cringe. brings u pap and vleis from timesquare as a treat lol! as he is unable to wine and dine u in sandton and shag the crap outta of u aftawards to distract u from yo Khanyi Mbau kinda thoughts.yo idea of going out is to chill in some dingy studio with amajita and some with stinky all stars.you can easily foresee the not so bright moneyless future with him but cant ignore the awesomeness of yo skhotheni.never a sad or crying moment in that household but brokology at its best!

  46. Cnglema on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 9:21 pm 

    Im phone blogging hence no paragraphs.

  47. Lela on Tue, 22nd Dec 2009 11:33 pm 

    Lol @ cngle,i cn identify wt d last guy bt i gs its not so bad cz evn tho i got 2 knw kota whn i met hm bt we stl wine n dine in ol d best places whn dz sum moola. Hay uyandihlekisa cz ol those thngs r so tru,d sex,personality n ol accmpnd by brokology,kwa kwa kwa,yhu hay shlobo i chuz 2 forec d future wt happiness dan b wt sum ugly,fat ass,suckn attitude nigga wt loads of moola n frustration.

  48. service provider on Wed, 23rd Dec 2009 8:19 am 

    @Kiki.. i apologize once again for calling you names..no pork pls! yes Kiki, I do provide a service, entertainment..no

    @Cnglema, you killed that fat dude part..sounds like a scene from a movie, yet so true..iyho! and as for the 2nd dude you described, hold up.. you’ve dated both guys huh? Im assuming yo a woman, well even if you weren’t maybe ungu matsheka and u prefer amaouti..so u would know them types..
    Hayi ne, tht was great blogging “brown suga” should let you write a guest column la cos im “just curious” what goes on in that brain of yours..

    @LADY Helen, very gracious in your answer, I reckon I need to be guy no 47 cos you’ll want to keep me and if im not the last guy on your list, you might end up not dating all 47 guys, although I would let you, you will simply want a bit more of the service provider..
    So when do we do this then? im more excited than a fat kid a candy store..

  49. helenthetruth on Wed, 23rd Dec 2009 9:58 am 

    @cnglema What Excellent descriptions. I can’t say I have dated either of the two guys but I have certainly come across them, especially the insecure overweight guy.

    @serviceprovider The confidence is endearing, so perhaps let’s make you 47, though I think that I should make you sign an indemnity, absolving you from any possible heartbreak you may experience from not getting a follow up date and also there will be no holds barred with the reporting afterwards :-)
    Can imagine the title of the blog: Helen Meets the Service Provider…

  50. Mabheka on Wed, 23rd Dec 2009 11:21 am 

    @helenthetruth lol Helen Meets the Service Provider that neva neva materialised. @Cnglema u killed it with brokology at its best line

  51. BITZ on Wed, 23rd Dec 2009 10:16 pm 

    nice reading, yho Cingle mada wangibulala. m lolling so hard

  52. shaolin masta on Wed, 23rd Dec 2009 11:52 pm 

    excellent piece helen. i’m lookin forward to the reading up on the rest of the continent.

    @ cnglema, kskd! hella funny

    who was doin diuof? dude had mad skill on the field but was a loose canon. thot he was halaal tho. fede fokol

  53. helenthetruth on Thu, 24th Dec 2009 12:37 am 

    Thanks guys :-) Have an update for my date with Mozambique – please do check it out and let me know your thoughts!

  54. Brown Shuga on Thu, 24th Dec 2009 12:43 am 

    *cough Cough* errrrr…think you must start paying for advertising now sisi…hehe

  55. helenthetruth on Thu, 24th Dec 2009 12:53 am 

    He he he, lol *cough, tries to ignore boss lady* – how about a whole lot of gratitude, will that do? ;-)
    Thanks hey, was fun chatting to everyone – and still have my date with Service Provider, lol.

  56. service provider on Thu, 24th Dec 2009 8:51 am 

    @brown suga ..pls send me the advertising bill.. I shall include it in the LOBOLA fee…kwakwakwakwa!!!

    @Helenthetruth, I LOOKS forward to out date..
    i guarantee you it shall be the best yet!

    @cnglema –my new fave commenter and @everyone else, pls be safe and MERRY CHRISSI..[I need you guys back alive and kickin nxt year so you can READ the new HELEN blog about our date..]
    Much Love
    SP

  57. The Watcher on Sat, 26th Dec 2009 11:36 am 

    @helenthetruth and @Brownshuga. Sorry I didn’t make it clear, I was talking about the South African mens’s descriptions listed above, that has been done many times, we all know about them. As for your blog, I have not read it yet, but will definately do.

  58. LM on Sun, 17th Jan 2010 6:29 pm 

    LMAO@Cingleone, uyandibulala s’hlobo! what happened to ur ‘Bricks’?any bright light at the end of the tunnel? always luved ur replies n admired ur personality n street smartness

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