Friends For Life!

January 13, 2010 by  

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friendsI have many friends, dear best friends that all serve various and specific purposes in my life. Some are there when I want to go clubbing, yeah those ones that know all the 411. Others are there when I am sick, for some reason they always know some homemade remedy that does not work. There are those who are there when my life falls apart, the ones that will open their homes, listen to me on the phone whine about my so called cursed life and others are just there, they enrich my life, bring me blessings and laugh with me, very much like SATC or Entourage. See I have a life, besides writing!

Then there is Koketjo, who is always there with me each step I take in life, for the past two years he has be there whenever something big, small, insignificant and mundane happens to my life.  The most poignant and amazing thing about Koketjo is that he has a pure heart, one that does not harbour resentment or hatred. It is strange, but I do have friends that at times do not have my best interest at heart, the kinds that will sell me out for half a dime – but we are friends, I know where I stand with those and I love them in my own strange weird way. I am sure I am not the only who has those kinds of friends, the ones’ you have by default, well this is not about them, it is about a true friend.

I watched the 20th church anniversary of that dame Ms Winfrey, she talked about her friendship with a woman called Gayle King and how it has transcended into a sisterhood, that struck a nerve in me and I realized that my friend is no longer a friend, he is a brother whose DNA is different from mine. I have had immense blessings in life and not once do I ever have the feeling that my friend is jealous, not once has he ever resented any of it. What he does is celebrate with me, each time and every day. In all my public failures, he is there with me. He has seen me in my best and worst moments, and it is not pretty.

The funniest thing is that even before I tell him my crisis of the week, for some reasons I seem to have a new personal crisis each week, I already know what his answer will be. He never goes into the philosophical realm or dish out some tired Dr Phil advice.  He always gives me that look which says, please get over yourself and move on with your life, it will then be followed by his classic line:  Phathu, o ska wara mani, o tloba shap.  I cannot help but laugh whenever that comes out of his mouth and in some weird way; his oblivion makes it all seem better.

black_boysFriendships between guys are very peculiar, we don’t talk much about our feelings as opposed to talking about our troubles, it’s a problem – not an emotional sermon, so no hugs needed after that – whisky usually works. Unlike women, we do not treasure each other based on the ability to keep each other’s secrets a secret. There is a code, you just know what you can share about your  friend with other friends and some stuff is taboo, you don’t tell what the friend told you – you just don’t, you shut up and take it to the grave. That is the kind of brotherhood I share with Koketjo. I know what I can dish about him, but I also know what I cannot tell a soul about him, it is also the same for him about me.

People come into our lives for a purpose, they make our lives whole and complete. As we enter into the New Year we will make new friends, lose some and worse, fight with others, life is unpredictable like that. I cannot recall ever having a fight with Koketjo or being angry with him, for some reason I think we can live past that, we survived me going out with an alcoholic-drug addict… tjo lenna drama ke a rata mani, what was I thinking?

This might not be the greatest friendship story ever told. To me it is one friendship that I treasure, because when it is all over, when the charade of this farce of a city life we live fades off, he will always be there.  Telling me, Phathu,o  ska wara mani, o tloba shap and the truth of the matter is that I will be okay, with friends like him, who needs to worry. Now tell me about your friends, the good, the bad and the ugly – I know I am not the only person who has a friend in this world.


By Phathu Makwarela ©

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Comments

40 Comments on "Friends For Life!"

  1. Kiki on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 5:51 am 

    Wow Phathu that is so sweet…*wiping of the tears* I will tell u about my friend(s) later,i am still tryna figure out who they are..lol

  2. Addis on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 6:46 am 

    :)

  3. Tweets that mention Friends For Life! | Just Curious -- Topsy.com on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 6:53 am 

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Nhlanhla Msimango, Just Curious. Just Curious said: Friends For Life! http://bit.ly/7KNkY4 [...]

  4. Makgotso on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 7:51 am 

    That is so sweet Phathu to have a friend that stick closer than a brother. I thank God 4 my friends who are in life 4 different purposes

  5. Nonny on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 7:58 am 

    This is so sweet, mina I have such bad experiences with friends, that I have just given up on the whole sister sister typa friendship.

  6. Nonny on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 7:58 am 

    But as a woman, I have grown to realise that men make the best of friends.

  7. Brown Shuga on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 8:10 am 

    Am so bad at maintaining friendship. I have a new friend every month. I’m more of a hit and run

  8. Phathu Makwarela on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 8:14 am 

    Haibo BS: I have known u since mid 2008…when is this hit and run thing coming…LOL

  9. Sncura on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 8:22 am 

    lol! BS….

  10. Extinct on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 8:27 am 

    Phathu if ur talking about Koketjo Neo then ur talking about my long time friend he bailed me out of so many things and he always encouraged me for my business to grow and when i turned 21 he was my date u kno mos those parties whe u need dates iI LOVE HIM

  11. happygolucky on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 8:33 am 

    eish the friendship thing, it really needs to be managed/it needs project management skills especially women, I find it hard work..

  12. Dladla on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 8:37 am 

    I don’t mean to laugh…LOL’. But, Brown Shuga, I couldn’t resist. Mara, o ska wara Shuga, o tloba shap.

    Anyways, I have two best friend; Avela and Tshego. Each of us come from very different cities and backgrounds. I met them 3 years ago at varsity and from then we have established a bond that not even my sister and I share. Yes, they are girls.

    I love them and I thank God for them everyday. We’ve each faced difficult times in our lives and we managed to be there, listen and help each other, though, sometimes circumstances couldn’t allow.

    Currently, we’re in different cities pursuing our dreams. I’m in Joburg, Avela in East London and Tshego in Cape Town. But, still, our bond is still tight. In fact, I believe now it’s tighter than ever.

    I don’t ever want to lose them, ever. Sometimes, I think I am obssessed with them. Scary, but true.

    So, in Phathu’s words; … because when it is all over, when the charade of this farce of a city life we live fades off, he will always be there.

    Beautiful, chap!

  13. Enkosi on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 8:49 am 

    Eish mna nje I have so much trouble with not just friendships but relationships in general, everywhere nje starting from at home, work, etc. I don’t ever fight with anyone ever but I am too reserved and quiet. There is no one that I have heart to hearts with mind you there’s 7 of us at home and my mom is still around but I can’t get myself to open up to anyone. Last year I wanted to throw a party but I ended up not doing it because I could not be sure that people will come I know some people but I can’t say for sure that they are my friends.

    There’s my heart to heart there… :)

  14. khafo on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 9:38 am 

    Hao Enkosi. I am your friend now okay and I love you.

  15. Enkosi on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 9:45 am 

    @khafo Thank you so much. I love you too :)

  16. Dladla on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 9:51 am 

    Enkosi, we should hook up. Two rounds of Tequilla, two bottles of dry white-wine, you bring the glasses and I’ll bring a cock-screw. I promise you, opening up won’t be that hard.

    I’m sorry dear, corrupting you is the only way to get you to speak.

  17. Phathu Makwarela on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 9:55 am 

    Mara ka nnete Nkosi..u mean ure a loner, in 2010….eish i would die if i was a loner

  18. khafo on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 10:03 am 

    @ Dladla…..don’t corrupt my friend now.
    Myself and Enkosi will have a Glenfiddich sponged with dry lemon, ice and a strawberry cut in half.

    Then my friend will open up on me and me only.

  19. Philzah on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 10:24 am 

    Yho mina I have different sets of friends who serve different purposes in my life… maara I have one best friend, she’s my my sista, my soulmate! She makes life so easy for me, I can talk to her about anything and everything and know that it will never be repeated- She celebrates with me, cries with me.. my pain is her pain, hers is mine! We met in high school std6!

    Then I have a group of friends from boarding school, we happened to have all studied in DBN, kept the contact and we are ALL in Gauteng now, we meet every month or so to ketcup, gossip, etc… (v. competitive)

    My other group from Varsity: Sophisticated bunch, only do cocktails and braais in their lavish patios! We talk about serious stuff… like

    …and my social network friends that I have became to know and meet in real life, they keep me entertained all yr around and they throw mean parties!!.

  20. Enkosi on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 11:22 am 

    OMG khafo, Dladla my poor liver!

  21. Monchooza on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 11:30 am 

    I might as well say something about my friends…

    Thulani: he was my best friend in high school, we shared everything, we even looked like twins but after passing our Matibuletsheni somehow we drifted apart..and these days its more of a feel guilty kinda friendship where we just pass the blame on who visited who last or who called who last…. right now i just wish our friendship could end so that we can both live our live in peace.

    Winnie: I loved this girl so much as my Friend we shared the same Crazy genes…where ever we go we get noticed, we laugh, cry, dance, gruva and we are known as Ubhongo no winnie. but these days asi connecti tu. we hardly ever call each other or visit each other, the only time we are together is if one bumped into the other… so our friendship is a bit sour now…we did not fight or argue though

    Jerome: we have been friends for over 10 years now, he even lives at my house (backroom) me and him do a lot of things together as friends, smoke, drink, gruva, even share secrets and we were involved in a lot of hit and runs together, we brake laws together… so I love my friend even though my problem with him is that he dreams too little…guess i still have t inspire him more.

    and then there is abo Sbusiso nabo eric the trendsetters, abo Bhut madlisa. the guys i gruva with in all those high class clubs, pubs, restaurants and shisanyamaz. The kind of friends you dont talk to that much, infact you dont even know much about each other except “who drinks which drink and jaivas which style”

    and then i have Church friends: the kind you go to all Izimvuselelo with. when i am with these friends i dont even mention the fact that ngincancathekile (craving for a smoke) I love these friends because even when i am down i call them they always have an inspirational verse to lift me up with. I love them we have a strong spiritual bond.

    and then i have SAA staff as friends damn those people know how to throw good parties and feed you imported food and alcohol.

    I also have My friends whom i’ve met on the Net. i share very special bonds with each of them some i talk to every day some i talk to when there is a G2G…they all very different from each other and thats what makes me love them more, the diversity

    and then i have those friends who love and like me to be their clown/entertainer all the time….i must either talk too much or jaiva too much…or do stupid things nje…just so they can say…”eish uyahlanya mara wena yaz”

    Damn i just realised now ukuthi i have a lot of friendship circles..some i did not even mention here (avoiding article within and article..LOL)

    Thank GAAD for all my friends i love them all even though abanye bangi user

  22. Nonku on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 11:35 am 

    Hayi maan enkosi u r breaking my heart from now on u r my friend 4 life vha tell me if u want 2 contact i’ll hook u up….my stalker u rongo corruption of the highest level Tjo

  23. Bee on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 11:47 am 

    @Enkosi, sweetie u have a new friend in me and leave uDladla&Khafo they not good, they wana get u drunk…NO thats not a gud start. Mna i’ll get u a Coca-cola or Capuccino um discipline u c.

    Anywy mna people i gave up on friends couse the frends i had they would always want me 2 b kinda of a Boss or somethg, they didn lyk eachother. One didn lyk 2 c me spending tym with another and i thot nah man. And they wud constantly seek 4 my advise or approval. And they hated eachother’s guts and i was lyk WHAT? I felt lyk i was havin an affair with thse women. So i took a break til now.

  24. Tee S on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 12:29 pm 

    im the kinda person who does not have a long list of friends,i forget some along the way. or maybe im like BS, hit & run, LOL… i just keep a few friends & then i take them close to my heart, like family kind of…but the thing is they have always make sure they break my heart beyond repair when they finally decide to leave so i have decided to keep everyone on the surface thats all – every1 is a friend from a distance…they abuse the priviledge of entering my heart coz i really do love & I love 101%…I have given up on friendships

  25. Tee S on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 12:46 pm 

    but I like monchooza’s circle of friends, interesting stuff.

  26. Enkosi on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 1:53 pm 

    Nonku, Bee you guys are so sweet. Mwah mwah

  27. Dladla on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 3:46 pm 

    LOL’ Nonku, the aim is to get Enkosi to open up… And, BEE, I don’t trust you with your Coca-cola. Lol’

    Enkosi, less worries dear, my stuff won’t damage your liver. But, if it does, I’ll connect you with people in high places (government). They’ll give you a liver.

    On a serious note though, I need friends from around JHB to hang out with. Should I dish requirements for candidates? LOL’

  28. Nonny on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 4:04 pm 

    “Enkosi, less worries dear, my stuff won’t damage your liver. But, if it does, I’ll connect you with people in high places (government). They’ll give you a liver.”
    heheheh Dladla, sometime connections dont’t work, I’d say say ask Manto, but then again……that’s my point exactly!

  29. osibath on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 5:01 pm 

    KOKETJO what a friend, how i wish ihad a friend like that.

  30. Bee on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 5:14 pm 

    @Phatu can u ask Koketjo wher can i fynd his kind! (that is if God stil make them lol). Hahaha

  31. Phathu Makwarela on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 5:40 pm 

    Bee…the funny part is that Koketjo doesnt even know this article exists…LOL

  32. GA on Thu, 14th Jan 2010 7:34 pm 

    Aw sweet man Phathu man!

    Friends friends friends. Like uMonchoo, i have many circles who serve many purposes and i love them all for the roles they play in my life.

    However i have to give it up to one friend who is always there when my friends are all involved in their own issues and having hard times liek me at the time….My heavenly father.

    Its funny how when im going through a hard time and i know everone is going through hard times too, and i dont want to bother them, not knowing what do i do and where to go for relief…I reluctantly go on my knees or sing an encouraging song or read my bible or all three and more, all the while thinking to myself but what can He do, i need a hug, a real one,but then i continue anyways coz last time it worked, and my my He never disapoints!!!…like now :-)

  33. khafo on Fri, 15th Jan 2010 7:47 am 

    @ bee…….this coke of yours it’s sponged with a ‘red heart’ rum. I can see it!
    Enkosi play far away from black drinks *run like C…..*

  34. luvd1 on Fri, 15th Jan 2010 5:13 pm 

    Hi Phathu. I also have good friends-about 8 of them. O monge ke Lady D- o stubborn mara ke morata rati. Been there at my darkest hour and listens to my crazy stories every week- im lso like you- new drama every week esp about you-know-who. Anyway,she listens,gives me her 2cents worth,but most times I dont take her advice(I guess ke stubborn nyana le nna),mara she’s almost always right and I know I should listen to her more. Mara I miss her now-she’s been quiet in 2010-mara i’ll give her the space,otlaba right-I know.
    Ohter firneds,I met the same time I met her-lovely ladies indeed.Love them 2 bits. Ok- nuff said-gotta go!
    BS- nice site-am hooked though I always keep quiet.

  35. Dineo on Sun, 17th Jan 2010 7:39 am 

    Iv been hurt. I wish I could design my ideal friend

  36. energy guide on Mon, 18th Jan 2010 3:04 pm 

    when this article was posted I was on tour, my significant other printed it for me, I was impressed at how it engaged people on the various friendships they hone. and I remembered my friend who actually took time to recognise me and my otla ba sharp influence, but in this article he doesn’t mention that times he helped me thru a lot of isht and my many the 1′s. in the past two years my friend and I have been through so many emotions and dreams. he lives some of his I keep changing mine and he is still there. baby you are the bestest and great article.

  37. Vesa on Mon, 18th Jan 2010 3:57 pm 

    For some reason, I keep coming back to this article. And I find myself remebering Koketjo’s classic line all the time…..Phathu, o ska wara mani, o tloba shap.

    It reminded me of all the friends I’ve had in my life….and I found myself reminiscing about the past and the present.

    Good work Phathu!!!

  38. Ricky de Sousa on Mon, 18th Jan 2010 4:23 pm 

    Energyguide aka Koketjo…my friend did u have to respond mara…
    Vesa : i am happy this touches u…havent read it since i wrote it

  39. luvd1 on Tue, 19th Jan 2010 1:02 pm 

    KWMSLOL @ RICKY DE SOUSA WRITING THIS ARTICLE!

  40. Zandi! on Tue, 19th Jan 2010 4:24 pm 

    I need tym and energy so as to talk abt ma frndz as i fyt wt ol of them

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