Reality: Childhood Memories
March 4, 2010 by Brown Shuga
The other day, Siyamthanda wrote about physical abuse and how it affected families, relationships and I could not identify with it because I have never been in an environment where there was physical abuse. It got me thinking about my childhood & what the highlights were. I don’t usually do these “personal” blogs but I’m gonna break the rules today and do it so I hope you don’t mind. If you do then please do not continue reading 
My dad (pictured here with my sis around 1988 or so) was the best dad ever. He would not hurt a fly… and we actually preferred to be punished by him rather than my mom coz his slap (which would never ever be on our faces) was much weaker than my mom’s, who would hit us like she was competing for a WWE Championship.
I never used to understand my mom yazi. She would scream at me, somewhere during the screaming I get asked a question & not knowing that I’m not supposed to answer, reply to the question only to be met with a hot klap because I’m “back chatting”. Next time when the screaming starts and a question comes up, I would decide just look at her this time and not reply but still I will get a klap for “ukumjonga ngamehlo amdaka”. (Starring at her with dirty/bad eyes). Next time I keep quiet, look away then I’d be ignoring her & not listening to her so I’d still get a klap for that. LOL.
I don’t see that as abuse though because parents are different in the way they raise their kids and ukusibetha was her way of getting her message across and instilling discipline in us. I don’t know why she ever felt the need to klap me though, I was never wrong. Lol.
My mom is gifted when it comes to talking shem… when she and my dad had fights (Which luckily never got physical), she’d always have the last word. Even manje, I always have to cut her short when I call her. Worst of all, she always repeats the same thing twice in one conversation & that’s when I start the “i airtime iyaphela mama, ndizak’founela ngomso”. (I’ll call you tomorrow, the airtime is finished). Heheh
Growing up, I used to clash a lot with my mom and I never understood why because I was not as wild and unruly as my younger sister was/is. It was only when on more than two occasions, a childhood friend of mine remarked about how similar my mom and I were. It finally made sense. Siyafana and that’s why we don’t get along.
My ex (yes the fiercely hott one) once told me, during an sms fight, that “I know you are going to come up with a brilliant answer to this because you know how to play with words and you always have to have the last word, but I don’t wanna hear it.” That got me thinking, I was like tjo, he makes me sound just like my mom! Now that lady always had killa comebacks to whatever my dad had to say and like I said before, she’d have the last word too!
But what I liked about her is that she would scream at you; hit you if necessary (eish) but it would be over soon thereafter. My dad on the other hand, to compensate for not having the heart to beat you, would go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.
In my head I’d be like, “when it’s my mom, this dude keeps quiet halfway but with us he carries on like this, mncim”, so I started walking out on him when I felt I’d heard enough. I mean really now, scream at me and get it over and done with but ubra Mhlophe would not stop. What killed me is that if I went outside while he was talking; he would follow me outside and continue talking. I come back inside, he follows me inside the house… obviously getting more and more upset but still not hit me. Ncoh maan
All this would be followed by me complaining to my sisters “Jerrrr, utata akahambi yintoni ayosela namhlanje” (Why doesn’t he go and drink today?)
That was all because I loved him more when he was drunk than sober. Crazy but true, we had the best times with him when he was under the influence and looking back, I think we saw him more e-under the influence than sober. Yeah, he drank a lot and that’s what eventually killed him (that & smoking) but you know what, it’s okay.
I only regretted that whole “going outside when he screams at me” thing after he died. I thought arrgggh, instead of running away from him like that; those moments could have counted in adding up the time I spent with him.
Anyway, I loved my dad shem he was so loving & so sweet! His and my mother’s sweetness (she is sweet too, don’t get it twisted) really irritated me at times. Why? Coz because of that, we always had “abavakashi” ekhaya!
We spent most of our childhood sleeping on the floor because all the beds would be occupied by his distant cousins or wives of friends who came from ezilalini to visit their husbands who worked at the mines (we grew up in Welkom) or some random who needed a place. I sometimes hated my parents for that… I couldn’t understand why we always had to have people over ekhaya!
It was always a full house, which meant, we (the kids) had to either eat smaller portions of meat or eat umvubo while the adults bezinika ngenyama nx. We also couldn’t watch TV till late coz sometimes the house would be so full that even “abavakashi” slept in the lounge, ematrasini lol…
Trust me, my dad was a character! I remember when we first had a Telkom line installed. LOL tjo! Because his only surviving brother lived in Cape Town, every time there was something in the news about Cape Town. Whether it’s rain or a crime or a fire, my dad would pick up the phone and call to find out if his brother is okay. He would talk to the brother, and after that he wants to speak to each of the kids to find out how they are doing. Umm…. his brother has about 6/7 kids by the way! Eventually the phone had to be disconnected… coz the bill would be sky high, thanks to those calls.
My dad was a softie… We never got to meet his mom and he used to tell us about how beautiful she was. He loved talking about her and the only reason we had a problem with that is because we knew that he would end up crying. So whenever he started talking about “intombi ka xxxxxx” (can’t remember what he used to call her), we’d all start rolling our eyes and prepare to comfort an old man who’s crying about his mother. We so used to laugh about this though! & as time went on we found a way to start walking out of the room one by one if he started going to that direction. I can still hear my sister going…
“Huwie, uqalile utatakho, uzokhala”. (your dad is going to cry_
And me replying “Nawe ngu tatakho, (he’s your dad too)
“Hayi wena uvele kuqala” (you came out first)
I remember telling him once “Hayi tata wena uyatefa maan” and everyone burst out laughing. He was really a cry baby when it came to his mom.
If he’s not crying that night then my dad would go to his room, get in bed, light up a cigarette and call us all in there. When we get there, he’d start going…
“Culani bantwana bam, culani” and tell us to sing his favourite hymn “Ndikhumbula ngobuso, obabethelw’ emnqamlezweni”…..
We’d complain “Ha Tata, sibukele iTV!!” and he’d beg us to please sing for him & we had to do that till he fell asleep. Actually, this was abuse lol.
My parents’ bedding always had cigarette holes on it because my dad always, as in without fail, always fell asleep with a cigarette in hand… lol and that used to drive my mom crazy heheh.
Yeah, that was my “tata”, such an angel. I called my him a crybaby for crying over his mom but I guess I’m the biggest crybaby because I still have tears rushing down, each time I talk about him. Luckily not when I write. & I’m discovering this now.
The craziest thing about all of this is that with all these memories I have of my dad, alcohol was involved. So I guess I should thank alcohol for all the wonderful childhood memories.
That was my dad & I think I have him to thank for my craziness! He was definitely the highlight of my childhood!
What was the highlight of YOUR childhood?
Miss.N on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 1:59 am
Could nt help it bt lol whl reading ur article. . . . . .grwng up i preferd ma dad 2 punish me coz yena hes a softy dznt say much umama on the atha hand hayi no uthetha uyakwazi say into ezi funy while ekunxolis n u nt supz 2 laugh. . . .nw dat am away 4rm home i mis okwakuthetha kwakhe n her funnnny camebcks wen arguing wth ma dad. . . . .(the ws neva a point of physical abuse dat i exprieced) ma dad is jst the best
Bee on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 2:56 am
ROFLMAO@ ”preparing to walking out of the room b4 he started crying”. Eish i find the story hilarious Miss BS. LOL@ Mom saying u were ”back chatting, ignoring and just staring her”.
Eish mna people i had a very Strict mother (inoba wayefana nowakho BS) bt mna i ddnt spend much tym with her as i had to go to stay eKapa with my older siblings(Two bro’s & sister) and left my mom in Transkei whom neva used to hit.
But i rememba this day when i was still in Trankei ndiyokolusa with some boys as they were my friends, swim in the dam/river togetha, play soccer together, exchanging underwears(yes i was that typa o gal growing up). Now this other day, siyolusa sibase nomlilo coz it was pourin so we were jst enjoying ourselves. After the rain had stopd we all gone to our homes and mna i get at home my mom starts to beat me up becoz she apparantly went to look for me and she couldn find me. I might have been doing somethin(havin sex) with the boys. Cabanga nje i mite have been only 10 then. Eish wandibetha and she left me with a scar. When my abusive came back frm work he asked what had happened and i (LIED) said i’d slipperd since it was raining. Ofcourse i was coverin for my mom. I’m sho she thought that i did have sex indeed.
Bee on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 3:05 am
Sorry guys. I meant: when my abusive Father came bk frm work….
OM.G. Let me sleep ndizoDivorswa apho.
soul sista on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 3:10 am
Touching but very funny BS, if your dad was going on and on and on about the beauty of his mom, I think thats where you got your genes from …you are such a beauty gal.
“Hayi tata wena uyatefa maan”…LOL this one left me in stiches.
Aowa, I must say I grew up as my grand parents’ 1st grandchild and and I stayed with them while my mom was away working. I was my grandpa’s little angel (and I always cry when I think of him, I think he died way too soon(2002) to see me doing it for myself). My granny loved me but I think sometimes she just hated me, that woman used to beatthe hell out of me saying “kea tefa” though it was her teachings. The only person who abused me was my uncle who was the youngest in the family, looking back at it now I think I invaded his territory… he made me wash his socks that were so dirty that when you touch them its like they will be broken…danm I hated weekends bcoz of that.
I went to boarding school and that was the end of my miseries, from there varsity. Bathong you know I’m reaaaaaaly old…that was loooooooong time ago!!
LEBERA on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 3:35 am
Oh Brown Shuga
After reading your childhood story It just brought back the memories in Katlehong and e Nqutu Nondweni I lost my father because of the smoking he had TB he was lovely father he will throw the money on the air and says to us “like Israel children they saw Manna comes from Heaven, here’s the Manna from me to you my children”. He was so clever it’s like he knew that he was not going to leave for long, He bought cows as an investment so that when days are dark my mother she can sell one or two cows and pay our school fees
we used to up and down January to June we’ll be schooling e Nqutu July to December Kathlehong I guess I’ve been to 7 different schools between Grade 1 to Grade 12 I am today because of those cows
I still miss him even today
Lela on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 4:48 am
R u sure im not ur mother? Lol @ dad stories. Mna my mom was/is passive nje, usweet yena bt she was a workaholic n evn nw in her retirement she’s still workin. I was raised by nannies which xplains why ndinje. My dad was very abusive,d only memories i hv of him is moering my mom tl she bled n us always seeking shelter emizini. They divorced whn i was abt 7 ddnt c him tl a yr b4 he died. My child was a mix of happy n messed up bt ol i knw is my mom made sure we got d best of everythng. I stl wonda why any1 wud wanna beat that woman,she is js 2 sweet.
Lela on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 4:59 am
Ok i meant my childhood. But i do knw dat my dad loved me 2 bits. Js b4 d divorce he stole me n we went 2 stay wt his nyatsi whom he used 2 moer as well. He’d go 2d shebeen me n whn we come bk he’d carry me on his shoulders ahambe esiwa nam. Did i say how cute he was,dat was my dawg man evn wt his flaws,i remember beggin my mom 2 take him back n my sista told me dat js d next day we wud be askin our neighbors 4 a place 2 sleep.
Newcomer on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 5:02 am
Gud read BS[eish i always have a problem saying ds coz it sounds lyk i am saying something else] ANYWAY! Reading this kind of left me teary eyed i wish i had a dad like that, actualy i did [well my parents got divorced when i was 12] so before that meaning the first 10 years of my life were great! i saw my father as this angelic being he was the best dad ever, I am the last born at home and the only girl out of two brothers so i was daddies lil gal*huge smile* i always loved saturdays wit him because that was “our” days well i grew up in jozi and that is the only place i know, so our days would be us going to malls[ i am in my 20's] where i was SPOILT rotten i got EVERYTHING I WANTED that was the best n shame my poor brothers were always left behind but i made sure i brought them something back nyana even doggy bag LOL but growin up that is afta the divorce i saw that the saturdays were a bribe of some soughts so that i favour him over my mum
which wont eva happen coz i have the best mum eva*saying proudly*
ugogal on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 5:23 am
LWKMD hehehe.@BS I luv this article cos I totally relate.
My mom was a screamer & daddy a softie. He was also a cry daddy LOL.
Yena he used 2 cry afta having fights with mom.
He neva beat her & mom always won the fights ‘Ms Screamer’.
My dad used 2 col us (me & my 2 siblings) afta this fights. We’d gather around him outside – doesn’t matter what tym, or whether there was rain or sunshine _
He’d start this story that he needed to go 2 somewhere very far away frm us bcos my mom is hurting him.
He’d say that when he goes on this trip he’ll only take one of us (the youngest) & ‘this doesn’t mean I luv any of u less’ he’d say.
He told us he won’t be able 2 come back from this trip but that we’ll always hold special places in his heart.
After the story we’d ol b trying 2 convince him 2 stay & this would go on 4 2-3hrs.
I didn’t understand y the long trip but my mom finally explained 2 us that what he meant was suicide.
My mom told us 2 neva believe him as he would have done it long ago if he meant it.
Looking back now I think my sweet dad was abusing us emotionally.
When I think of it I just LOL esp @ one night when we tried convincing him in the rainm
When we eventually went back in the house we were all soaking wet. Tjo papa!
Nonkawu on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 7:05 am
Eish Lelo,i got very emotional reading ths.It makes me think of my dad,it will be exactly 1yr next month since he passed.I miss hm so much,he was an angel n if only he could come back again.RIP Mr TD Marli. U will always be a part of me.I couldnt have asked for a better dad,u were humble,loving n never laid a hand on me /my brothers or my mum..U were just sweet..April the 11th 2009 when he last spoke to me he asked me to get hm Lucky Dube’s CD with the track RESPECT becoz it was nt available in Jama,then on the 12th my lil brother called to say he just died in accident.A part of me died with him.Being the only gal with 3 boys I was daddy’s lil girl. I got what i wanted frm hm.I remember the 1st boyfriend i introduced to him,tjo hs true colours came out,he grilled the poor guy with questions u’d swear he was a cop..Each tym i watch Martin Lawrence on Bad Boys 2,i see my dad in his character. My dad was like a comedian shem.Eish umama yena on the other hand,she was the talkative 1.BS yo mum n mine bayafana.
Mogwanthi on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 7:33 am
eish BS, what a great memory you had there with your dad, Ncooh *tears rolling down *
Phathu Makwarela on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 7:39 am
Lelo….thats all
Mogwanthi on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 7:48 am
Nna i grew up without a father, the person i called papa was/is my grandfather.. My memories of him is that of an abusive, horrible , monster. I remember one night that he nearly killed my mother and made us run in the streets at night because he wanted to finish us, the picture still cannot come out of my head. My uncle was a cop, my grand dad also broke the police van that night. He was arrested and was taken to Wiskoppies for 3 months.
I dont know what they gave him, but although he is no longer abusive coz he is old now he cant do much i still cant forget.
I grew up @ my grandparents’s house because my mother wasnt married. Although i was her only child, she was also strict with me and never spoilt me rotten as they were other cousins that we lived with..I didnt have everything when i grew up.
And then my mother married in 2000, the guy was a real father to me. You will never think he was my step-dad. I prefered talking to him about things because my mother was very horrible at the time, she was inconsiderate and it was almost as if when she got married she wanted to get rid of me. She focused more on her marriage and i was neglected ehostel, so i used to call my step dad and he will talk to my mother about what i asked for.
He was a sweet guy shame, very sweet but then things started going wrong. They started fighting with my mother, and i was forced to take sides obvously i had to take my mother’s side. That is how my relationship with him got messed up, so just when they were about to go through a divorce he died in a car accident in 2008.. I felt bad that i was no longer as close to him as i was because of their problems with my mother. And to this date i still cry when moroka swallows wins a game, coz he was a die hard fan. .I miss him dearly, and my 5 year old brother is a copy of him. He looks exactly like him!
May his soul rest in peace
Gee on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 7:51 am
Yoh, you described my life almost to the T.
I liked my dad under the influence. He would kiss us and would make sure his beard irritated our skin because he loved hearing us complain. He would also wake us up so late at night just so he could kiss us good night. It would annoy the shit out of us coz we were tired from playing in the sun all day.
He would also wake us up and hit us with pillows. As much as we wanted to play with him, we couldnt because we were too tired. So we would wait for him to come back and we would be waiting with our pillows. Fun times.
The one time during our pillow fights we broke a pot plant. My mother yelled at us and started blaming my dad, my dad however, shifted the blame to one of us. And we would try hard to convince my mom it wasn’t us.
My dad stopped drinking and that’s when things went spiralling down. instead my relationship with my mom was always good. She was famous for those hot klaps. And I didnt not want my sisters comparing me to my mom. But ke I’m happy to be like her
Makgotso on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 7:58 am
Im cellphone blogging en lazy to type but one thing l always brag about is that my dad ude washona engakaze angishaye,but cant say the same with my mum. Grew up at my grannies uma umama ezovakasha l will be happy for an hour bese ngilahla iside if sebamtshela amacala wami,tjo l will run off the house,onething l liked ukuthi she will touch me if ugogo ukhona. En uyathetha tjo now dat we are old sivele simhleke avele athi niyangihleka niyothi mama enjeni sengifile iyothi uma ikhonkotha nithi MA. Dats my mum there as for baba wayethule kodwa enenkani thank God l never witness their fighting nomama
khafo on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 7:59 am
BS: now I am crying!!!!!!!!I’ll comment later *very touching memoirs*
LindZ on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 8:20 am
Eish Miss B this really touched me, got me crying from just seeing that pic of ur dad and lil sis. I wish i had a relationship with my dad i miss having a father in my life i feel like i have missed out on so many things esp the bond between a father and a child. My mom did the best for me she tried to play both roles but that void is still there. My dad is still alive by the way he lives with another women and has other kids i doubt he even thinks about me coz he’s never made contact with me and he’s just happy that im my mom’s responsibility. Anyway those guys who grew up with their dads and had great relationships with them cherish that.
ntshepeng on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 9:01 am
i sense that writing this must’ve been therapeutic for you…..got me thinking about the kind of parent i am to my daughter. *light bulb moment*
Kazisongo on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 9:26 am
Ncooh! Great article BS. Fortunately for me I still have both my parents and my dad is such a sweet guy who’s never laid a hand on us or my mom.She on the other hand is ishobolo, hey bekasitsipa! I’m daddy’s girl even today so I used to run away if I got into trouble with my mom or older siblings during the day and wait for my dad to come home from work because I knew ukuthi uzongixolisela.What I’ve noticed is that I’m more similar to my mum even though we don’t get along that much. My nephews and niece say ngiyishobolo, LOL.
sponono on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 9:34 am
aaaaaaaaawwwwww..thats so sweet….the word abuse DOES NOT fit in anywhere in the article…ok..you are not the democracy child BS.(post94..lol).those are the only kids that can claim that word so easily….your mother was just being a typical strong black woman who married a softie so you got the best of both worlds love and punishment….and you turned out good
but everyone has their own childhood issues
BTW is that a blunt or ciggerete in yo pops han, it looks quite long for a normal cigarrent….LOL
BuhleFab on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 9:35 am
@BS …tjooo bathong your lil sis is soooo cute in that pic, adorable i tell you. Haai kodwa o ntsoseditse maqeba, i cant exactly say i had a happy childhood. Dad and mom never got married and they dont get along my mother cant stand him and i never had a relationship le my father. I dont even have a relationship with my mother and we stay together. Your blog kinda showed me hore being an only child is not fun at all. at least if i had siblings things would have been so much easier. I dont have any fun memories or anything like that about the both of them *so sad*.
Lol-a on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 9:44 am
You guys are making me teary with your stories!
Such beautiful black families.
My dad died when I was about 7 but I have a few memories of him pretending to be hitting me in the bedroom while hitting the floor while I was screaming so my mom can believe I really got a beating. He was also a drinker, died from drinking basically but he was such a beautiful soul.
Funny thing is the beautiful stuff of my childhood seem so little in my mind because I was then sexually abused by my mom’s friend’s son. It just messed up my childhood because I always felt like I was the naughty one obekenza izinko ezisnaaks with this 21 yr old when I was 5.
Because it was our secret I felt like I had agreed to it and was therefore just as guilty. This affected me because I never felt like I had a right to behave like a child after that.
GA on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 9:46 am
I loved this BS..too beautifull and funny. And the comments too.
My grand father was our dad figure and Im satisfied with what he was to us. My mom being the last born,we were like his last kids. My mom,fiesty as she was could never hit us when he was arround. He passed in 1999 and i still cry everytime there is an achivement i wish he should be celebrating with us. My mom tells us that most of our schooling was made possible by his goats and cows. He’d sell one every year in Jan for school fees and uniform. That old man mara. And the alcohol thing, some of my very vivid memories is his smelling if alcohol (smirnoff vodka) kiss. He was more fun after a glass of vodka with his friend, the Pastor at our Luthern church back back home…but after umqombothi hai,i did not like that at all, coz he’d be a mess…..He was the ultimate best, like my mom always says, he made us who we are and no one can ever take credit for that.
Oh he hated gum with a passion, and he hated grumpy people,so my sister who loved being grumpy would just grin when he walked past…lol.
Oh but why BS…now im gonna have one of those days…
MY MOM…Yo..i love my moms to pieces. Re three at home, little brother last born is in varsity now and im sad my mom is home alone. I think she is such a good mom, i tried convincing her to foster a kid or two coz i think the world will gain two more decent people if she did but she refuses point blank. Sometimes this days when we do something that makes her angry she says…”how do you expect me to foster children when i cant control my own”,nommater how little and thats only coz we are old and we dont always agree with her now…i think secretly she is concidering it. She is still too young man, she can still run after an edgile little boy/girl and beat the naughtyness out of them like she did us.
Hai shem and she kills us ka airtime tha woman. For some reason she doesnt buy it if we say airtym e fedile i’ll call tomorro, she wants to be cut off by the phone not you. Too much straat gossip to dish..but i couldnt have it any other way Mamzo is the best…
eh my father…well he alive…somewhere in soweto…arg shem apparently he is not well. I must go check him out but my mom must not find out.
Dladla on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 9:50 am
Wow… That a very beautiful story Ms Brown Shuga. It really shows just how much of a good father your dad was.
Anyway, I just cannot help but feel so sad… I feel my heart aching, and I know why.
I have never in my life had a father. My step dad only knew I was ‘his’ son when I had stolen money or did something wrong. That guy would beat me up and you’d swear I had killed someone. Neighbours would have to come and stop him.
This one time, I skipped school. I was doing standard one and isikolo sasingena ngo eleven then, I don’t know why.
Anyway, my teachers were worried (because, I didn’t normaly skip school) and so they sent a couple of guys to come and look for me ekhaya. They got at home and my ‘dad’ was there and I wasn’t.
They all went and looked for me and found me behind some shops, ekasi; the guy hit me all the way from that site to take a bath at home, from home to a taxi and inside a taxi till we got to school. When we got there he asked the teachers to beat me infront of him, because he says they’re not doing they job (beating students, that is).
This is the same guy who use to beat up my mother till she bleeds. I hated him and I would sometimes wish he could die and never come back. Instead, he lived till today.
Having said that, I forgave him. I forgave him because he is the father of the two siblings I love most.
But, I think my forgiveness came too late, just when God had answered my prayers, because when you look at him today, you would swear he is a mental-case. Now, I blame myself and that is how I learnt that a gradge/not forgiving someone is very dangerous.
As for my biological father, he suicided his flat ass when I was 7 months old, because he wanted to pull a Msholozi on his family.
Basically, he wanted to marry my mother too (polygamy), but his then current wife didn’t take none of it. So, I hear he told her that if she doesn’t want him to marry my mother, then she will lose him… She lost him alright. She lost him for good.
I know the deed was stupid and very unfair to me and his two older kids. As a result, I have grown up to be a very weird case, and I think it’s because NO man has ever loved or hugged me or pulled my chin as a sign of saying I’m growing up.
Basically, I don’t know what it’s like to have a father. But, I know how it feels to be beaten up by someone who is not your father.
The only men who manage to take me close to what I think is the real deal, are the ones I date. Immoral, neh? Yeah.
I don’t know what a father is and I could never say who is a bad one or who is a good one. But, the one thing I know for sure is my mother’s love.
Gosh, that woman loved and she still does. I would die for my mother. I would kill for my mother because she has managed to help me get all that people with ‘perfect’ families have.
In some cases, I have done much more than them and for that, I thank the Lord God for giving me her as a mother… You’re trully the best Mahlongwana, kwaye ndiyakuthanda sizukulwana sikaNomagugu.
Wena tata, I hope you rot in hell. I am, somehow, a mess because of you. You’re such a coward! Maybe, it was a good thing you were never around.
Porsch on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 9:51 am
Gr8 read BS, i think of my parents everyday and i thank God for realising the love & respect they stil share for each other even to this date. There’s 5 of us at home i’m the youngest of the girls & in between my big & little brother so i dont kno if thats the reason i’m his little gal. In retrospect my mother used to say i’m adopted my real mother o ko “Didoksong” apparently ke some plaasie near Aliwal north so i used to run away from home going 2 look 4 my real mom til today i dont kno why she used to say that(me, my elder sister & mom luk alike so i kno i’m not adopted). Besides that i’ve had a gr8 upbringin i look at my dad and i ask God 4 half the man my dad is wen ppl say al men are the same i tel them clearly they havent met my dad. For 33 yrs my parents hav been married not even once we’ve had them argue(they say they do but behind closed doors then the next day they both go their doctor because they cant handle not talking to each other) or even bad vibes the two of them make marriage seem easy with 5 kids they mastered the art of treating us equal. I gues i’m stil single mayb i luk 4 my dad in the guys i meet
mama ka Gundi on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 9:53 am
SPEECHLESS !! Beautiful BS…i would need to write my own article about my childhood and that is a sensitive subject
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mama ka Gundi on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 9:55 am
Eish dladla namimy heart is aching…eintlek i have so many bottled up emotions hai BS usivusela amanxeba!!
sponono on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:05 am
Dladla you are not a mess, you are not weird case, you are not being immoral…stop giving yourself these labels so that you can begin t heal, your childhood and the circumtances are not your fault we dont choose our parents or circumtances, but the way we respond to them is the only thing we have power over..but that only happens when we get older…and YOU ARE AN OLD BOY…yes your resentment for your real father and step father mite carry on for some time, but you have to ask yourself if its worth it. By the way maybe your father loved your mother so much but his judgement was misguided…and suicide is not something to take slightly..he mite have really felt bad that he cant have your mom and his curent wife..whether that mentality was wrong is between him and God…okwakho nje is to thank God you are functioning in society and have a contribution to make you have a loving mother and siblings, so STOP giving your self negetive labels, and if you get into a realationship, just ask yourself if you are trying to find a father figure or justa partener..if its the first dont go there coz you are not doing yourself a favour I mean what will happen when you are fortysomthing-will you still need a father figure.to pull your chin and hug you lol….start healing now and be strong
I dont eman to go all dr Phil..but I do undestand your pain..but try and stop feeling sorry for yourself
Ashey on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:07 am
This touched a raw nerve for me and made me soo emotional, I really can’t stop the tears from coming.
My mom is a workaholic because she is a single parent and had to provide for all of us. She is the best woman under the sun. I did not feel like I needed a father and didn’t know I had one cos when I asked my mom about him she would say “awunaye utata” [You don't have a father]. Then in 1996 when I was ten, this other woman contacted my mother and said ‘they’ wanted me to visit her, I was 10 at the time. Turns out she was my stepmom and my mother was forced to tell me the truth about my father, she allowed me to make the choice on my own if I wanted to go or not. Out of the excitement of suddenly having a father, I decided to go. The man I saw was a monster, he told me to go back to my mother and ask her to tell me “who my father is” because he is not. My step mother was using me as a weapon to get back to her hubby for whatever the fought about. I went back home the following day with my tail between my legs. I lied to my mom and said ndibuyele ekhaya cos I was bored phaya.
To cut a long story short, in 2003 I took him to court and they subpoenaed him to meet me there. He denied that I was his child AGAIN, that was painful. We went for a partenity test and it confirmed that he is my father. He still did not want to do anything with me as he said I am after his money.
My mom took me to varsity and it was a struggle. Now I have just started working and the bastard gives me a call saying he wants us to build a relationship. I am just not ready to let him back. He rejected me TWICE and he wants me to forgive him, NOT A SNOWBALL IN HELL WILL I DO THAT.
Sorry for the ‘sad’ memories, I didn’t have any good to share when it comes to a father.
Luluwise on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:24 am
Hey Everyone, I just want to cleanse my soul, so here goes: I was raised by my mom & stepfather. He was the best, I sometimes wished he was my real father and that my mom is my “stepmother” coz I was convinced he loved me more than she did. She had me at 17 and I was rasied , by my gran till I was ten. Our r/ship (with my ma) is rocky, she is emotionally distant (from me at least but close to my 2 younger siblings). Maybe its coz she was so young when she had me! ANyway she cheated on my stepdad and divorced him and that was the last I saw of him. My own father is the sweetest, most gentle man, but he fleeted in and out of my life. Our r/ship is now stable but we are not close but he really tries shame.I think the reason I am afread of intimacy is a result of my childhood. I love getting into r/ships but soon lose interest when the guys wants to get close, even my friends don’t know the real me . *Lightbulb moment* I just realised that I’m turning into my mother bcoz I’m also emotionally distant!!!OMG I really need to work on this as I have a young son and I want him to be open and loving…Ja, tx BS…this is healing
sponono on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:29 am
Ashey…that is a sad story, but dont go back there..he will eventally hurt you AGAIN…because he never even tried to entertain the thought that you mite be his…but you dont have to be angry just put in in the past…and accept that he is your father but you DONT have to have a relationship with him, otherwise you will get hurt again…(thats almost exactly what happend between me and my mum..but thats another story)
Monchooza on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:36 am
wow its good to see ukuthi some of you guys experienced the father love….well some of us only read about uthando labobaba from other people testimonies…..
All the people who have loved and grew me up are woman..which is why i have all this love and respect for all women
Ashey on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:38 am
Ey Sponono, it aint easy to not be bitter at times but I have realised that I need to move on with life. Am working on the anger, have even started therapy to try and work on all the mixed feelings esp the fear of being rejected.
syamthandaskota on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:39 am
ohhh im sorry but i couldnt help but cry when reading this..i must admit though before reading i thought CHILDHOOD MEMORIES?? WTH? but hey it got me very emotional.. i love you mama. DONE!
Fruity on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:40 am
Looks like BS has opened a can of worms, I dont want to talk about my childhood coz I will start crying. Sponono is so sweet bathong, I have been reading your responses since TVSA and I have to say that you are the sweetest blogger ever…
Mmapula on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:43 am
thanks for sharing Shuga and what a childhood it was. the highlight of my entire childhood would be how mother put us first in everything and everthing. my dad passed on when i was only 5 and my siblings were 3, 11 and9. and though i was only young i can still remember how we always waited for him to come home from work,how imitated his karate moves (he was a sensei)and how i used to follow him to the loo and sit on his lap. i think by being the youngest daughter it made me closer to him.he never used to drnik ans apparently one time we found him waiting for us sitting with other dads who were drinking and i started crying because i was afraid he was drunk ( i cant remember this but was told).
my dad was a hardworker,he died in 1988 but he had already build a home for us u know “big house” and made life inusurance policies that saw us through life because without it we would have never survived as my mother never worked.
eish i will write a long strong if i begin to narrate life after his death but my mother is my hero.she raised us single handledly and was able to send us to tertiary and now she is enjoying the fruits of her hardwork.
i am always grateful that she never brought in a step dad in our home but they would not ave survived living with her,she is one tough cookie that woman.
so wish my dad could have been around for longer but my mom said we would have spoilt rotten.
I love you Jonas.
sponono on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:46 am
thanks Fruity..I have my own MAJOR issues though..lol maybe that how i deal with them..’sigh’
JustMwa on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:48 am
Oh How Scweeeeeeeeeet …. I have only great memories about my childhood especial my Parents, oh what a lovely and a loving couple.
My Mother … she is a tough one, she used to tell us that she ‘doesnt repeat one thing twice’, so when she tells you to do something you better take action as soon as she finish the instructions and that was not a joke … she used to beat us with wet towel and we would be only wearing an underware ..LOL
The remarkable thing about her is that, all of us never learnt how to cook until Dec of our matric year, because the only thing that we were supposed to do was study and wash dishes, no wonder im no good in cooking.
Growing up i thought she was a bit strange, because every midnight, she will come to our bedroom bed-by-bed (we were 5 and there were 5 single beds in our huge bedroom) praying for us, she will pray(and at that time you only want to sleep) for each of us and will sometimes cry in those prayer … in her every prayer she will include this line ‘Nkosi Jesu ngiyakucela, ngibambele umntanami Jehova kulomhlaba ongenazwelo’ meaning “Jesus Christ, please protect my child in this unruly or ungracious world”, i used to wonder why is she saying world is ungracious and now i know.. and i believe we all turned out this way because of her prayer … LOL she still do it when we are home even to my sister’s husband …LOL she goes to each and everyroom head-by-head every midnight.
After we were all grown up, working and the last born being in varsity, she took in two children(orphans) boy(now 5) and girl(now 14) she is raising them and oh they love her too bits, they are like our little sister and our little son
My Dad … oh how i love this man, i have never ever saw my dad yelling at anyone, ii have never saw my parents arguing i even believe hore they never argue until i got older and thought hore they do it behind closed door. When were in teriary we stayed with our dad becausethat’d where he works(umama uhlala ezilalini, qha udla ngokuvisitor utata pha e town, so my dad bought another house there), he will cook for us, on Sat when we are not attending he will work us with a cup of cofee or a glass of juice, he will come sit in the chair chat to us when we are still sleepy … until we fall asleep again and when we finally wake up, our break fast will be ready … we only cooked food on weekend and Monday to Friday he will cook for us and even clean or bedrooms(now that i think about it, maybe he was also checking if there wasnt anything fishy in our bedrooms) … my dad knew our underware sizes, he will buy for us even pads … hehehe oh that man is so sweet ……. every Xmas he cooks for the whole family and i love him so much
Oh BTW my dad is a chef and my mum always get angry when we ask dad to cook for us because we miss his cooking ..LOL
i love my parents so much and if i ever become a parent i would love to raise my kids in the manner that they raised me and i hope that the man i’d with with more like my dad
Mogwanthi on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:53 am
I know the stories about real dads who suddenly start making contact with you because you are working..My biological dad can go to the nearest hell and burn there…He might have never denied me but he was never there when i was growing up, he never shown me the love, he never supported me emotionally & financially, so i dont need anything from him anymore. As far as i am concerned my late step dad is/was my father!!!
so Ashey, i would suggest you dont build any relationship with him ..You TRIED & TRIED & TRIED but he rejected you because he thought you were after his money..
Now that you have your own cash he is the one wanting to run after yours..
Your dad & My dad can got to hell!!
sponono on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:58 am
JustMwa…its nice to hear about great loving black families with both parents playing roles and being a positive influence to their kids , because black families often get a bad rap..(I’m sure they had their own personal issues but they dealt with them the best way they knew and without them affecting you kids….one day you must throw one mother of all parties to thank them)
sponono on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 11:00 am
LOL @ubaba kaMogwati nobaba ka Ashey going together to hell..lol
Dladla on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 11:01 am
LOL’… Eish, Sponono what is a boy got to do when everyone else had a father or at least remembers him?
I know I shouldn’t be all negative or what so ever, but, the reality is -though not entirely- he is part of the reason I am so confused about many things in my life.
Otherwise, I love myself and I have came to understand and accept who I am.
On the note of partners (LOL’), I aint seeking for no father in them. And, they never try to be, nabo. But, I sometimes can’t help but think if he was still alive things would have been different.
I only get angry when I look at this situation from one point of view. Otherwise, I hear good things about him, from my mother and his kids. But, do you know how that hurts???
Bubom sana!
spokido on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 11:01 am
BS i grew up at my grandparents in Transkei place coz umama worked in Durban. I enjoyed it when my parents visited ngemonth end. They were both sweet especially dad, mama used 2 klap me. Anyway when i was 16 mama told me dat my real dad passed away when she was 1month preg n dad was my stepdad. Mama passed away in 2004 n utata we are still in contact. Grandparents are in their 80s.
JustMwa on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 11:05 am
Oh Sponono … we did that already after 3 of us graduated and we were all working … we had a huge thanksgiving ceremony to them … now we are waiting for my 4th sis who is finishing this year, then we’will through another mega Thanks giving for them …. we do our best to make them feel like Kings and Queens and with God’s help we have done wonders for them, even though it will never amount to what they did and still do for us … even to this day our dad doesnt allow us to do grocery for his house, so we just give them money and they do whatever they want to do, because all both their houses have been taken care of.
GA on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 11:11 am
aw guys…your stories have gotten me all sombre todya. They will be the highlight of my day. And even the not so rosy ones as Sponono said to Dladla…its how you respond to them,they can either make you or break you,but growing up means you have the free will to choose what you take from them,….you are a darling indeed Sponono.
Keep them coming guys, i just keep refreshing this page,because this is a refreshing article.
Brown Shuga on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 11:12 am
Wow Cande… I’m so touched. Now I’ll think of you everytime Swallows win. You couldn’t help taking sides with your mom, she is your blood after all. Now I understand why you’re so crazy about your lil’ bro.
@Lindz, qina mzalwane… qina.
@Buhle… how could you not have a relationship with your mom when you live together? You must mean it’s not the way you’d like it to be right? Even if it’s bad there is a relationship coz you guys communicate daily.
Lol-a your dad is my hero! LOL @ hitting the floor hahahah mothers are evil maan, jerr.
GA, do you think your mom would be completely broken if you told her about your dad? I’m so scared of her finding out from other people… I know it’s a long shot coz she’s not around GP but still, you’ll never know. She sounds understanding, talk to her, I”m sure she’ll see your view.
@Dladla… yho, that is so so so deep. Your story is too painful to imagine. Where was your mom when your step dad was doing that? You didn’t get mad at her for not protecting you against that pig? He was evil… I’m glad that you’ve turned out okay though,
Porsch, you are blessed ntombazana. hope you find that man… and I hope there’s a spare one for me too
Mama Ka Gundi, Ntshepeng is right, writing it down was so therapeutic for me. Think about it.
Ashey your dad is a pig too. lol. Sorry but he is. How can anyone with real feelings treat a kid like that?? Hopefully like Dladla you can forgive him coz it’s not good for you go around carrying such anger. Sterkte.
Lemme read the rest of the comments… thanks guys for sharing…
Brown Shuga on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 11:18 am
Sponono, my dad is eating “inqina legusha” in that pic. I don’t know what it’s called in English. Sheep feet? It comes with smiley LOL
Sweet Ash on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 11:23 am
That’s so true Mogwanthi! They should go straight to hell. Yazi fathers don’t know that nothing giving love to their children. It doesn’t matter how poor he is, love always cum first then materialistic thngs follow. All of the comments dnt mention how rich ones father is/was but tell how loving they are. Big ups to all the parents who have made their kids’ childhood memorable, my mom on top of that list. I love that woman!
Lindakie on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 11:27 am
Im lovin ur article BS. I thank God tht my parents are still alive. Thy are the best. My dad is a softie n he never laid a hand on us or my mom. He is our favoured bcoz he is lyk our friend n we can ask him about anything. Mom is soooooo strict tht anythng we do wrong we wil get a klap n she wil scream so loud tht th whol neighborhood wil come out of their houses. Weneva my mom is at home wl work lyk slaves n there is no tv in the aftenoon thts y i hate holidays ( im at varsity nw). Sh cols me everyday n sh wil start scolding me ova the 4n, so 2 get rid of her i take a simba chipy empty bag n start sqeezing it 2getha ova the 4n thn i say halo halo continuosly than i drop th 4n. Later i wil sms her SORRY MOMY NETWORK PROBLEMS I LUV U. LOL
Even though mommy givs me hot klaps, sh spoils me rotten. I get whateva i want n sh givs me xtra sakgeld.I went to 1 of th best schools in Namibia.So its dficult 2 choose btwn th 2 coz even thou dad dznt klap me, he dznt spoil us, yl mom klap us n spoil us.
Sweet Ash on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 11:27 am
BS, that man is a father of all pigs! He is the very first species in the pig family.
GA on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 11:35 am
JustMwa…wow,thst amazing. Im palnning to throw mother og all parties for my mom’s 50th birthday in 2012. I feel like she has lived for us and its time for her to jsut live for her..but knowing her,cooking for us, ironing and washing our clothes is and will alwasy be priority.
@ BS:…i know she will be hurt for real. A year doesnt go by without her telling us that should she die we must NOT let my dad and his family coerse us into anything of theirs (we use my mom’s family’s surname), she wants nothing to do with him. She saye if he dies afetr her we must refuse to eat,we must even refuse to sit on the matress..lol..she insits on this one.
Infact those family meetings are ususally geared at me cos since i came to jhoburg,she has heard from our old neighbours in soweto that used to be her frineds that i was there…trust me i dont know how these news fly,but apparently she still has some friends up here???…Sometimes she breaksdown in the middle of ironing our clothes(which she looves doing) and talks about the pain she went through etc. And how it hurts her that I still insist on rubbing shoulders with “that man”
I rememebr 3 years ago, i send him a happy fathers’ day message. The same day, he had called my mom and she was pissed, my mom and sister jokingly said i probably send him a fathers day message when he is no father bla bla , i deleted the send message quickly,5 minutes later my mom suggested my sieter check my send items just in case i did coz they dont trust me when it comes to him…she did but it was deleted ofcourse.
She is still hurting,i know she will be hurt if she found out…which she may coz of her old friend neighbours…
Funny thing is its my mom who told me she heard he is sick…and i was like really!..re tla mo rapelela,meanwhile i am thinking of going to see him…
Maybe in converstaions he fooled me…but i think he is sincere this days. He never likes talking about what happened with him and my mom like my moms does…anyhow,maybe im naive as my sister says..but for now i just empathise with him..he is alone..too alone…
mama ka Gundi on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 11:40 am
Yep BS i want to write about it but i dont even know where to start….2much 2tell problarly it would be better if i didnt know some of u personally ……
But what i want is 2b the best parent for Gundi !! eish noma astout!!
Lindakie on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 11:57 am
Im sorry 4 ol th pple tht lost 1 or both of their parents. I care 4 u ol, u r lyk family 2 me. I rily fil at home.
hornyAngel on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 12:06 pm
***crying***
Mabheka on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 12:11 pm
Eish B, been reading 4 the past 3 hrs had to stop occassionally for a smile, wipe off the tears etc. Like some i grew up without my dad i have sweater memories of his dad(grandpa) who passed soon after my 6th birthday the only birthday party i think i ever had as it was my last day @ creche. Mom &Dad devorced 3 yrs later, he was an abusive man people in the area feared/respected him a lot.I am the last of 3 kids (within wedlock) dad has 2 others from outside both concived during his marriage with my mom 1 came 18months after my elder sister & another 5 yrs after me the bastard. Our last family sun was filled drama March 21 never forget that day the devil sharpened his knives wanting to slaughter all of including my elder half bro who was raised & cared for till his death(2007) by mom. We ran left the house & went to my grans 1 bedroom retirement house lived there for 18months & this led to my sister failing her matric that year. After all of this my mom allowed us to visit & vise verser but my sis never wanted anything to do with him & as i grew older i felt the same. i dont wat its like to have dad wish me a happy birthday after all he came to visit on my 15th bday & he didnt know untill my friends mentioned it how embarassing & in the last decade we only met 5times @ most. The morning of my Matric exam i got a call @ 6am wishing me gudluck I thought it was him but unfortunately it was my aunt’s husband the closest thing to a father along with my coloured neighbours, i cried that day & now i love my nephews as if they were my own & have never laid a hand on a female & will never as i dnt want to be anything like him & iv gone so far as hatin Kaizer Chiefs because of him. Through all of this my mom is the best thing in my life love her to bits
hornyAngel on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 12:12 pm
Lol @ BS calling other ppls’s dad izingulube…
mama ka Gundi u r already doing dat for ur Gundwane..
mama ka Gundi on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 12:30 pm
Thanks Angel …!
J.A.Y. on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 12:31 pm
Thanks a lot Phathu for stealing my reaction – now I have to come up with something to say.
@Brown Shuga – lovely story – and told in a way only you can tell stories. *LOL/NCOH/UHHH/AAAH….and all those things*
So much like mine from the “overfriendly” drinking dad (why was I ever scared of him? ) -all the way to the mother who finishes airtime. Ah she hates having a conversation with me cos I don’t like talking AT ALL.
This is feedback from me : “sihambile…safika…sahlala…sabuya…ja…bekumnandi” *quiet* (we left…we arrived…we chilled…we came back…ja it was awesome)
Irritated response from my mother :
“Kodwa wabanjani? Awukwazi nje ukuxoxa indaba ephelele? ”
(What is wrong with you? Why can’t you tell the complete story? )
My dad likes showing me off to his buddies cos he thinks I’m the coolest and smartest person ever created by HIM.
I love my parents – luckily they are both still alive – but hey we need to cherish every moment. I need to call and see them more often.
Again,thanks BS and RIP to your Dad.
Miss.n on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 12:32 pm
Am the only chld n hv a super rltshp wth both ma parents. N i cherish evry moment wth thm…our chldhood stories r similar n one for sure,its official omama are jst evil daddy ngo softy (we jst lov our parents 3 much)
sponono on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 12:43 pm
J.A.Y…one day you should just suprise your poor mother and regale her with your long story ONCE (when you’re tipsy..lol)
sometimes parents do these enquiries just to understand the child to get to know you better and to kow your world, but if you close off..she mite not show it but deep down she dont like it..(although she’s prolly gotten used to it-useyaku-understenda)
khafo on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 12:56 pm
Your stories are deep guys. Thank God I still have my parents, siblings and after all my family. For now I feel blessed every day of my life.
but I share your pain guys (past or present)for real……..ja neh!
boitha on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 1:01 pm
LOL,your dad was funny Lelo,esprcially when he cird about his mom.Ncoah dt ws sweet!
My dad is 1 guy you will never hear yelling at any child,but funny enough there’s this thing about him ya hoba sarcastic.So whenever you do something e wrong you know he wont shout or beat you up for it mara u tink twice b4 doing it ‘cos u know his tone e ya swabisa nje.I have mad love for that guy.
My granma (who wsa called mom by only me out of 11 grandchildren ‘cos I was brought up by her)was on another level.We would have our fights about not washing dishes and all and she would literally chase me out of the house & tell me to go to my biological mom’s place ‘cos ke botswa!LMAO,dt cracks me up till this day.I would leave but da next day…she’s there and she wants me back home *teary eyed* I miss her sooo much!
capribabe on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 1:02 pm
Eish this is touching, u guys r bringing back memories some id rather forget. Wel both my parents are still alive bt my relationship with my father is not ideal bt we both trying to get along. I was very close to my father when i was younger he used to take me shopping, to the stadium(which xplains my love for soccer) bt things started to change whn my brother was born he focused al his energies on him and i became the enemy he used to abuse me emotionally telling me i was ugly and i wud amount to nothing bt today he’s unemployed and i help out at home.
Bt i hv the best mom in the world she was always there protecting me from his abusive language, I am very close to my mom and i think at times he’s jealous of our relationship
Brown Shuga on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 1:05 pm
Mama kaGundi, uyandothusa.. hope somehow you’ll be fine with whatever happened. You are doing very well, you’re always cheerful and no one can tell ukuba you experienced things so horrible that you cant even share with people who know you so even though kubuhlungu, I guess we can thank God for giving you strength coz you turned out okay and yes, you are a good mom ku Gundi. I just hope you’ve stopped shouting with Gundi’s new dad. lol.
P.S. Andisecurious ke ntombi. *wink*
Newcomer on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 1:24 pm
Reading the comments realy touched and have made me looooove and respect my mum extra much[though i wish i had both parents] but truth be told she has been all in one, she is my dad, mum,BESTEST FRIEND,sister she knows everythng and is so clued up about everything that i even forget she is my mum at tyms! LOL i she even introduced me to culoe d song “webaba” last year and even brought d disk! SO GOTZ TO LOVE MUMS:) I dnt have a relationship with my dad now [though we live 30min from each other] and that is solely out of choice coz he bailed out on me when i needed him the most, jst lastweek he passed me with his car and he didnt even greet me [that hurt me the most] bt i gues what m trying to say is everytime i miss him i look at my mum and how strong she is and that is where i get my strength frm..
Zandi! on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 1:34 pm
So much happ’nd i dnt evn knw whr 2 start and funny part is i dnt remember nix i just remember bein clap’d by ma mom ngoba stout bt shez bn the best thng that has eva happen’nd 2 me! Ey that woman can write a book ngobom bake namahla ndenyuka esiwa evuka nati.
Mogwanthi on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 1:43 pm
Ncooh you guys, *touched*
alikho on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 1:46 pm
this is one of those emotional blogs – i refuse to try find a stregnth to carry on reading (as much as i want to) cos i’m at work and it open plan…i’ll save it for bedtime reading 2nite
Bee on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 1:47 pm
Well um glad that some of us at least have/had the best paps bt hey i hope u’ll learn/ learned somethg frm them and you raise yo kids the same way or much better.
As for us who our Paps were a different story. I would like to say , thoz who have/to have kids lets not do this to our kids as we know how it feels and affected us and the impact it has/had on lives. Lets go to counsellin (thoz who haven) or talk abt it more so that it can come out and maybe one day you’ll find yo self making a joke abt it.
AfrikanManChild on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 2:12 pm
My dad never lived with us, he was a cop in the VIP unit for the old Bophutatswana government. So my mum was both dad and mum. we got to see my dad some weekends, but when he came he usually came with naartjies and watermelons etc.
Once my mum went to a course for a week so dad was taking care of us needless to say he only cooked once that time and it was fish and baked beans with pap.
When the government of Bop was toppled in 94, he came home to take care of us incase anything happened to us. I also have memories of us watching Mandelas inaugauration with the neighbours cause they didnt have a TV.
Cheesa on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 2:42 pm
Heheheeh my mother is also very gifted in talking. She talks too much especially when she is shouting yho we just go when she has started her thing. We would be in huge trouble when she starts at night. That woman can repeat the same thing 10 times or more and you will find that she has long shifted away from what she was shouting you for. When she is shouting my dad she would bring things that happened years back. Like your mom BS we don’t know what she wants us to do when she’s doing her shouting. You keep quite unechiki, you answer her back uyaphendula, you look at her kutheni umjonga kakubi everything you do nje is not right. She is really confusing shem. Another thing akafuni uphikiswa yho once you disagree with her or correct her uzenza clever heheh haikhona. She is the one who screams at my father and he would be so quite umntu wabantu shem and we would be worried but he is used to her he doesn’t even bother himself by backchatting. We just chat about abo Julius Malema while she’s busy doing her thing. My dad is such a sweetheart. He knows how to discipline children without laying a hand on them even shouting, he can’t shout shem even if he tries. When he is upset about something we’ve done he talks and talks. We keep quite and he’ll give us a chance to explain and that’s it we’ll chat again like nothing happened. He is an openned minded person. He is aware of the ways of how to treat and discipline children not like the old way were they knew the only way to discipline a child is by beating them and all that. He stopped drinking alcohol a few years back and I was so happy coz he spends his time more at home now. We talk about everything we laugh alot with him. I love him so much yazi. He was fine even when he was drinking he was not abusive at all and still not. I remember when he would come back eshushu and ask us to take off his shoes tjo! thank God he didn’t make us wash his feet. Me and my sister would go straight to the room once we hear the gate but he would call us maan. He would call my name and I would say to my sister he’s calling her because our names are almost the same lol she would also do that to me. Bathong he liked ukutipa esitulweni heheh we had to get him up simtsale ebetyokololo worse lol after that we would see him grinning and I would be like uyahleka utata hayi hayi ndiyayeka mna LOL. He would just play with us like that and he would get up and go to his room. On the singing part hayi ebeziculela shem ingoma zecawe kodwa he’s drunk ayiloze longoma yakhe I forgot it. Sometimes he would come back asking us some big English words uba what do they mean lol. And we had to explain very clear futhi coz he wanted to understand these words. We would ask him ‘where did you hear these words’ and he would tell us he heard them from this place they drink at someone said it. Heheh it won’t be long until we hear him saying these words. We would bust out laughing and he would not stop he would insist on using these word tjo. Everytime he hears an English word he doesn’t understand he asks what it means and we must explain, that is our task. Hayi ke he doesn’t like indlu engangenwa ngabantu so we just see people we have never seen before coming into our home wanting him. I don’t know how many people who know him. Everywhere he goes people know him if uhamba naye you will stop everytime endleni coz he is greeting everyone and asking impilo tjo he is famous lol. He gets along with everyone young and old, educated and uneducated people like that man. And another thing unoBuntu ubuqhithisileyo maan. He would rather sacrifice himself for another person. If he borrows someone something he wont fetch it even if they don’t return it and that’s where my mom gets crazy LOL. I also love her even though we don’t clash. One minute you chat to her and the next she is shouting hayi no. Nice article BTW BS.
mama ka Gundi on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 2:49 pm
ROTFLMAO……ungumamgo wena BS hahaha dont worry im also amazed at the strneght God gave me @it scares me becoz i have went thru so much and have not let out my emotions and i worry that 1 day il break down probarly a stroke or brain tumor
The thing is …. i choose to look at the bright side & always want 2b cheerful its hard for me to let out my emotions i just cant be seen or mayb im scared 2face the world with a tear so id rather pull a brave face ….Lelo mina i matured because of situations not because of choice hence sumtyms its hard 2relate 2my age group.
As 4 Gundis :daddio” let just say he is just heaven sent *lucky smile* but nawye uyatefa 2much lol
Gundi she is very strict i think she takes after my mom and me ..she shouts the nannny in her gibberish language throws her toys refuses to eat very picky of her clothes let say i feel sorry 4her kids if she eva have them lol
Brown Shuga on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 2:50 pm
Hahahahahahahahahhahahahah Cheesa my dad wud fall asleep ehleli e toilet! LOL!!!
sponono on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 2:54 pm
LOL cheesa.. yo pops sounds like he was even more fun when he was still drinking…LOL..(i’m also like that when I’m on it..i spend everi cent on people and kids i dont even know…nx! if i won the lottery I would stop drinking…lol).but you been blessed…
Sncura on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 2:54 pm
one day you must throw one mother of all parties to thank them)
@Spoponi when i read this line i thot u sed she must throw one mother of all Panties since Justmwa said her/his dad knew their underwear size…..i had to re-read it again..eish…dirty mind
Gomba Gomba on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 2:55 pm
wow wow wow……speachless @ the moment *wiping my tears*
Sncura on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 2:56 pm
Thank you guys for sharing ur stories..mine is too long…coz i have five parents in my life (mum,dad,grandma,grandpa n tatomncinci) and they have all played major roles in my life and i love them too bits esp ma grandpa
sponono on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 2:58 pm
he he he he sncura..and how big would a mother of all ‘panties’ be..lol..iblumas langempela..yo dirty mind!!
Sncura on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 3:01 pm
lol! HAI asiyiyeke le ndaba ye blumas spoponi..i cannot even begin to imagine how big mother of all Panties be…
Lwandie on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 3:18 pm
Very lovely article B.S-the uniqness of J.C is definitely in the human touch-the articles here are so in touch with reality.
To this day uTata wami is the standard with which I measure men.He set a very high standard in my life in what it means to be a loving family man and the pedistile I hold him on is probably the reason why I gave up on a few of my exes that I thought did not measure up -he wasn’t perfect but I never doubted his love for my Mum and us.It will be over 5 years next Monday since he passed away yet he is not too far from my thoughts in everything that I do.My Mum always says and still mantains to this day that she would never remarry because she had everything she ever wanted in my dad.One of my most treasured moments of him was when my Mum had to attend my Grandmother’s funeral and he had to look after me and my two sisters for that week.I remember how he diligently woke up ngabo 6am to make our porridge and make sure our school uniforms were ok etc,and then take me to school.Ntambama we would find him esephekile a perfect pap and vleis.
hahaa I think hot Klaps are universal with black mamas from AFRIKA.I love my Mum to bits but shem she was the proper disiplinarian in my childhood (I laugh now when I see her so soft and all with my daughter and think wow ukuguga bantu-lol)…hehee I remember the day she discovered some pics of a boy who was asking me out back then,I had not even said yes and this guy gave me his pics(ama snaps lol) to consider.Knowing my Mum ,I hid them under her doilies that she hardly ever used,and for some reason she looked there.lol I came in from school in such high spirits and just froze when i saw her holding them in her hands-hehee as they say the rest is history but the hot Klaps came one after the other tjo!!
The worst bit was going shopping for Xmas clothes naye(yup I’m from that generation y’all)..I was and still am the most difficult person to shop with and so at the end we would just frustrate each other to our wits end.
Nonny on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 3:37 pm
“Culani bantwana bam, culani” and tell us to sing his favourite hymn “Ndikhumbula ngobuso, obabethelw’ emnqamlezweni”…..>>>> LOL the imagery is killing me.
Guys mina I cannot bring myself into talking abt my childhood. Im basically the crazy cool gal to be around who likes joking and making everyone else happy while I die alone inside. Im happy with that coz all the emotions of being open abt my childhood I am NEVER going to be ready to deal with them!!!!
sponono on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 4:03 pm
eish Nonny that is NOT what i wanna hear rite now…maybe i shud arrange a proper consultation btwn me and you..lol seriously… just try and find a way of getting everything dealt with…IMAGINE how much more Friendlier and even MORE funnier you’d be if you didnt occassinaly/often stop and get eaten by what you went thru as a child…the onyl way to let go of the past hurt is to put down the bags not to say “angicabangi nje ukuvula lomthwalo wam owam ngedwa shem.”..while its heavy…but in time you’ll do what you feel is good for you…wonku’mntu unomthwalo wakhe kodwake
mama ka Gundi on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 4:04 pm
Eish Nonny we are the mealie meal of the same bag mina nawe …
Qina mzalwane Qina
AAZII on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 4:04 pm
27 years ago Velaphi Daddy Fatyela decided that i did not fit in with his plans. the saddest part was knowing he is raising another man’s daughter as his own.
luckily my mommy was there to play both roles and i turned just fine. i look back and I thank God for blessing me with a wise mother. my mother sacrificed a lot for me and thanks to her i don’t take things for granted. as for Velaphi, i called him and told him he must be on the look out for Khumbul’khaya condor. lol
mama ka Gundi on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 4:05 pm
Lol @the khumbulekhaya Condor !!
Cheesa on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 4:27 pm
Oh guys some stories are so painfull here they make one shed some tears. But its good that you people see strong enough to go on with life. Sponono you should have been a psychologist or councillor lol. You share some good advice. Mama ka Gundi there’s nothing beat talking about something than keeping quite about you might find there’s a person who experienced the worst. Thetha sisi nomntu even a friend uzoba right ngaphakathi kutsho kuthi xibilili. But its good you not angry around people. Hahaahaha BS on the toilet issue thina would find idama sana etoilet Thiza alcohol mara!
ntshepeng on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 5:31 pm
Black children have almost similar childhood experiences.
What i’m getting from this article and comments is that we really gotta stop making babies with irresponsible men. Our children deserve the experience of knowing how much both their parents love them. This absent-parenting is NOT on. i’m getting pissed thinking about the stuff men get away with.
Anyway, got my own issues nami. Took a break mid-therapy cause it was just too much to handle.
@Nonny @Mabhebheza kuzolunga. Let it all out. Even if you write about it FOR YOUR EYES ONLY..let it out bazalwane!
Cupcake03 on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 5:48 pm
Tjo BS, u have me teary eyed! My best childhood memories r also of da best dad in da world, My Dad, who was murdered right in front of when I was only 8.. I think I neva got over it.. He was da sweetest man alive, tuk us (my brother & I) 2school, picked us up, made us lunch & then went back 2work. When he’d give us a hiding, he bring us quality streets coz he’d feel so guilty..
I miss him madly, I know my son would have been spoiled rotten! He loved kids!
GA on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 6:05 pm
Eish….i fell sleep,woke and vame straight to resfresh the page and continue reading. Guys this is the best article in a while….The humna factor about indeed Lwandie….!
I feel very sad though for those of you guys whose great fathers past on too soon. I know its not a good thing to say this but why do they always have to go first and then the irresponsible ones live the logest. But they did a great Job while they were arroud for you guys and im gratefull with you for them.
iconic on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 8:13 pm
Ooh….after a long day I decided to read this article..now I’m cryin. I’m sorry for all of u who never knew parental love. At least your mothers were always there. My childhood was great with my father workin hard to put food on the table.my father was a softie and mom was the disciplinarian but,I had the most lovin parents even to this day.
Brown Shuga on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 8:17 pm
Hugs and kisses!! Thanks 4 sharing y’all!
Cnglema on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 9:44 pm
True dat Ntshepeng sisi,so sweet of yo dad Lelo.RIP to uNxuba i didnt know black fathers existed.
Cnglema on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:37 pm
Lelo i logged in again b4 sleeping just to read bout yo dad and im in tears again.
Brown Shuga on Fri, 5th Mar 2010 7:36 am
Awwwww Cngle! Hugs!
KingSo on Fri, 5th Mar 2010 11:16 am
shuuuu too nice.. i liked this part.. “It was always a full house, which meant, we (the kids) had to either eat smaller portions of meat or eat umvubo while the adults bezinika ngenyama nx”… le into yayindiphambanisa one, used to ask my mom why are we eating umvubo nina nisitya inyama and my big sister would give that look, ngapha asking me the same question every time he puffs out of his cigeratte “ziphelele igusha nenkomo” until my mom tell “hambo lala utatakho akazuyeka ukukubuza”…yhoooo nice one Brown Shugga… wandikhumbuza kudala maan. lyk lyk lyk
Bee on Fri, 5th Mar 2010 3:01 pm
Well done Miss BS zange ndayiva this topic anywhere else that’s what make this blog different/unique (tacklin Unheard-of topics).
LOL@ khumbul’khaya Condor.
Mamjiji on Fri, 5th Mar 2010 3:20 pm
Nonny nd MamaKagundi…siyafana shem im also funny and full of jokes and bubbly too kodwa ke its only a front covering some things of my past ..but regardless i had a LOVING SHEROICAL GRANDMA..who did everything to give me a better life even taking me to a multiracial school sisahlala emkhukhwini…then building a huge house for me ngePension money she was an ANGEL nd @BS nasekhaya it was always jampacked with relatives and even non relatives and she would cook big meals ,,she wuld make a measly pap and fish seem like rice nd ribs ..i realy miss her cooking ei mara she used to BLEKSEM me yooo until i got taller than her and her klap cudnt reach me …oh nkos yam just writing thi is bringing tears to my eyes..my mom has always been around but like a sister even now its hard adjusting to treating her lyk my moms i still call her by her name too used to it…she is also a great mother but we dont have that BOND that i had wit my gran…sham my grams just had to pass b4 she cud all the gud things that ive done for her house and the car nd house ive bought 4 myself she wud be so proud ..i know she is smiling down on me ….AS for my dad ..leyondlavini who only now wants to get in touch to benefit from me ..OHO sham benoni next to boksburg …i just want his id book to cover him in a funeral policy so when he dies i can at least benefit something to at least compensate for the 24 yrs he was never in my life …nxaaa mangimcabanga nje ngathi ngingahlanza !!!
sponono on Fri, 5th Mar 2010 4:22 pm
Mamji LOL..kungcobo umenze isheke ubaba
Ashey on Fri, 5th Mar 2010 11:19 pm
Oh man Mamjiji, you just gave me a light bulb moment! It’s a way of him ‘compensating’ and a wonderful way to celebrate ‘good riddance to bad rubbish’. Think ama just do that kulamgulukudu of a father I have.
Vesa on Sun, 7th Mar 2010 6:59 pm
Nice article….your story is somehow similar to mine, except that my dad is still alive and our home was never frequented by people. Love my dad to bits when he is drunk, cause that’s when he comes out and is very funny and lovable. Otherwise when he is sober, he keeps to himself a lot and that drives me crazy cause like my mom, I’m talkative. When we go to weddings/ funerals he introduces us to everyone he knows….and mentions our acheivements (eish I hate that). He always brags to my brothers that he married the most beautiful woman, and bona ba paletswe (lol)! Eish overall, the love we share keeps us grounded and together.
Lahvee on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 9:32 am
Wow..I laughed and had tears in my eyes at the same time. This is soo sweet, I still have both parents and I know Im lucky.
Mina I was daddy’s girl, being the first born I got everything I wanted. And even though it took a while sometimes, I got it anyway. My dad once told me that he was taking me to a salon to cut my hair when I was four. But I thought he was taking me out. So as we walking towards the salon, we bumped into a white woman and I told my dad that I want to have hair that long. Needless to say we did a U-Turn and went to a shop, he bought me candy and we went back home.
My mom asked why my hair was not cut, he told her that he knew I would cry coz I wanted my hair to be long. My hair did grow very long, i was the envy of my friends. Coz when I play, my hair would bumpa bumpa
Im where I am today thanx to my dad as he paid for everything including my tertiary studies. But it started getting messed up when I found out I had halfsisters younger than me! My dad is the kind that wants a boy to carry on his surname, but its been only girls, until last year december, my little sister found out we had a 2yr old younger brother (sigh) which makes me angry coz he never tells us. We just find out via other family members. But according to me, I only have 2 younger sisters. Laba abanye angibazi coz they were never introduced to me. Oh well!
Edgar DS on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 9:41 am
This is too emotional, just thinkin about those peeps who have never met their fathers, either way a great read
segs on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 11:55 am
wow! shugs, Great article… Very moving
I don’t have very fond childhood memories that are worth documenting…
Segololo
Fruity on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:31 pm
Wow, this is a classic. This past weekend I was sitting and missing my dad with whom I had a very difficult relationship. I missed how he would phone me and talk to me for hours, at the time I would be so irritated coz he used to tell me about things I already knew, he would tell me about condoms,AIDS and boyfriends. For some reason I needed to hear all of that ka weekend. For years we never saw eye to eye, we drifted apart after my mom passed on and finding our way back to each other had since been an uphill battle. We finally mended bridges and he passed on last years… A part of me still wishes that he did not die so soon after our reconciliation, maybe i would not have such difficulties when it comes to relationships had he been in my life for longer. My biggest regret is that I never, not even once told him that I love him.. Yah ne,
My grandfather yena, shame has been everything to me. He played a role of mom and dad at the same tym. He is such an amzing person and all that I am today I owe to him. He has been such an inspiration and has motivated me to be a better person and to do better in life. He is my life. He is 86 years old and I cant even begin to imagine my life without him. Growing up he used to tell me that he wished that I would stay a child forever coz the world can be so cruel, I now understand what he meant… My uncles and aunts would tell me that he was once a very strict person and he used to klap them but in the 23 years that i have lived not once has he raised a hand to me.