S*x Tips 4 Boys: Talking Dirty
So this is one of those things I’m not even going to attempt to lie about so here goes….Hi My Name Is Candy TickleJugs and I’m a PORN ADDICT, been watching porn ever since ETV starting with their ‘I missed the hole soft porn” that looked real, to Madonnas – Body Of Evidence and sneaking out of bed at midnight so I could watch erotic movies on MNET that’s how much I love seeing other people making out!!!
I started watching porn before I could even make my OWN and always wanted to borrow those “schoolgirls Wet and Wild Video cassettes” which the boys in my school bus because I was JustCurious and wanted to know what drove guys so crazy about seeing naked women and needless to say I later turned into “The Ultimate Freak Boyfriends Perfect Girl” because I unlike other women loved watching that dirty, rough and oh so sexy HYBOLICS, GHETTO BOOTY, MAN EATER, DOUBLE PARKED and now my favorite BLACK C*CK ADDICTION!
I can already see the shocked disgusted look on the ladies faces and the “OMG is she really a girl?” look on the guys faces but honestly speaking there’s nothing wrong with watching porn as long as it’s for tips and not before a crazy sex session because like I’ve said before why can’t we make our own at that time!?!
Well there goes another one of my well kept secrets… don’t tell anyone neh but I have a secret fantasy of being a porn star, but I want my face covered so no one can recognize me and the guys, YES 2 guys that do the movie with me to live with me in celibacy for 6 months just so I’m totally sure they’re clean because porn movies don’t have the same effect after you see the rubber that we’re always encouraged to wear. However the only problem is I wouldn’t be able to say half the things they say. I admit I have my raunchy moments where I want to talk dirty like my favorite stars Jenna Jameson, Mya Luanna, Bree Olsen, Gia Jordan, Miko Lee but I always shyed away and was always shocked when a guy tapped my ass and spoke that lingo! Eueeew it’s disgusting and as much as I liked hearing it in movies, saying it to me made me feel just as dirty and drilled as the above mentioned ladies and that is why I broke up with this particular mister because of that and the fact that he was quite invisible down there. Not knowing that I’m still going to meet other misters who also speak the language but luckily for me are well gifted in that department we ladies love so much!
So I had this boyfriend whom we shall call “Badboy” who was HOTT I mean sizzling HOTT like make an igloo in Iceland melt kind off HOTT, who was dreadlocked and had the most beautiful eyes, he had this naughty innocence which just made me want to give in to his every request and forget what a sloppy kisser he was and that’s how I even had my first anal experience which I will not elaborate on for obvious reasons *side eyes and smiles at Brown Shuga* anyway “Badboy” and I had our 1st sexual encounter in a hotel in Durban after we’d decided to take a group trip with some friends including a former Miss SA whom I shall not mention. I was really excited, he played the right music in the car, made the right strokes on my body on the drive down, called my
occasional slight snoring cute and catered to my every need thus making me declare him PERFECT until we finally made it to Room 322 at the Riverside Hotel, Durban… Jeeeeer he grinded my tits (excuse the pun) he spanked me, pulled me, pushed me and worst of all “Talked Dirty” which was an instant turnoff! Needless to say the whole weekend I ended up having sex with him for peace sake and because I needed a ride home as all modes of transport from DBN – JHB were fully booked because it was a Vodacom Challenge weekend and SAA was on strike, yes in 2005 u soccer freaks!! I’ll never forget that experience and I THANK the heavens that I have not had any experience that horrible ever since, instead I’ve had guys who master the art of “Talking Dirty” and have convinced me to love it!
…..So here goes gents, here are a few tips on “Talking Dirty” I’m your new and improved South African version of Jamye Waxman, Lol!!!
- Always ask if what you doing to her is what she wants just to test the waters and see how far you can really go when”Talking Dirty”. Some girls, like myself will lead you to the promised land and let you shoot off which would be a thumbs up to say whatever you want to say to me during that time and some girls well, will mumble and shy away. Those are usually the “grilled chicken type of girls” where talking dirty isn’t allowed.
- “Talking Dirty” instantly throws formalities out the front door and allows our imagination to run wild which is a super turn on for modern girls like myself.
- If u want to bring true meaning to “lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets” try “Talking Dirty” because it’s like sharing a secret behind closed doors and only you and your lover will know how naughty you can get while in public you present your best face!
- Please never sound corny instead master the art of “Talking Dirty” sexy I will give you more of me because I feel really appreciated and talking like Ricco the very well endowed black porn star ain’t cool!
Here’s where the boys get separated from the Men.
- Tell your girl to reveal their most craziest deepest fantasy in the cleanest way possible and how YOU will make it real for them because only a gutsy MAN will say that and it says a lot about your maturity (sexually that is).
- Talking dirty shouldn’t be limited to the bedroom thle, please send me a naughty sms or slip a raunchy little note into my bag it makes us get that tingly feeling and we’ll be ready for you by the time we get home from wherever!
- Lastly tell her how gorgeous she is, how u love seeing her naked, how you want her to do you and how it’s going be the dirtiest night of her life but NEVER I repeat NEVER call her B*tch, Ho, Sl*t or anything belittling because the “Talking Dirty” exercise will turn into a shame “Walking Dirty” exercise!
Hope I helped answer that question you guys always have in your head about “what women really want to hear in bed” Happy Bonking guys!!
By Candy TickleJugs ©