S*x Tips 4 Boys: Talking Dirty

March 24, 2010 by  

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So this is one of those things I’m not even going to attempt to lie about so here goes….Hi My Name Is Candy TickleJugs and I’m a PORN ADDICT, been watching porn ever since ETV starting with their ‘I missed the hole soft porn” that looked real, to Madonnas – Body Of Evidence and sneaking out of bed at midnight so I could watch erotic movies on MNET that’s how much I love seeing other people making out!!!

I started watching porn before I could even make my OWN and always wanted to borrow those “schoolgirls Wet and Wild Video cassettes” which the boys in my school bus because I was JustCurious and wanted to know what drove guys so crazy about seeing naked women and needless to say  I later turned into “The Ultimate Freak Boyfriends Perfect Girl” because I unlike other women loved watching that dirty, rough and oh so sexy HYBOLICS, GHETTO BOOTY, MAN EATER, DOUBLE PARKED and now my favorite BLACK C*CK ADDICTION!

I can already see the shocked disgusted look on the ladies faces and the “OMG is she really a girl?” look on the guys faces but honestly speaking there’s nothing wrong with watching porn as long as it’s for tips and not before a crazy sex session because like I’ve said before why can’t we make our own at that time!?!

Well there goes another one of my well kept secrets… don’t tell anyone neh but I have a secret fantasy of being a porn star, but I want my face covered so no one can recognize me and the guys, YES 2 guys that do the movie with me to live with me in celibacy for 6 months just so I’m totally sure they’re clean because porn movies don’t have the same effect after you see the rubber that we’re always encouraged to wear. However the only problem is I wouldn’t be able to say half the things they say. I admit I have my raunchy moments where I want to talk dirty like my favorite stars Jenna Jameson, Mya Luanna, Bree Olsen, Gia Jordan, Miko Lee but I always shyed away and was always shocked when a guy tapped my ass and spoke that lingo! Eueeew it’s disgusting and as much as I liked hearing it in movies, saying it to me made me feel just as dirty and drilled as the above mentioned ladies and that is why I broke up with this particular mister because of that and the fact that he was quite invisible down there. Not knowing that I’m still going to meet other misters who also speak the language but luckily for me are well gifted in that department we ladies love so much!

So I had this boyfriend whom we shall call “Badboy” who was HOTT I mean sizzling HOTT like make an igloo in Iceland melt kind off HOTT, who was dreadlocked and had the most beautiful eyes, he had this naughty innocence which just made me want to give in to his every request and forget what a sloppy kisser he was and that’s how I even had my first anal experience which I will not elaborate on for obvious reasons *side eyes and smiles at Brown Shuga* anyway  “Badboy” and I had our 1st sexual encounter in  a hotel in Durban after we’d decided to take a group trip with some friends including a former Miss SA whom I shall not mention. I was really excited, he played the right music in the car, made the right strokes on my body on the drive down, called my

black_sexy_coupleoccasional slight snoring cute and catered to my every need thus making me declare him PERFECT until we finally made it to Room 322 at the Riverside Hotel, Durban… Jeeeeer he grinded my tits (excuse the pun) he spanked me, pulled me, pushed me and worst of all “Talked Dirty” which was an instant turnoff! Needless to say  the whole weekend I ended up having sex with him for peace sake and because  I needed a ride home as all modes of transport from DBN – JHB were fully booked because it was a Vodacom Challenge weekend and SAA was on strike, yes in 2005 u soccer freaks!! I’ll never forget that experience and I THANK the heavens that I have not had any experience that horrible ever since, instead I’ve had guys who master the art of “Talking Dirty” and have convinced me to love it!

…..So here goes gents, here are a few tips on “Talking Dirty” I’m your new and improved South African version of Jamye Waxman, Lol!!!

  • Always ask if what you doing to her is what she wants just to test the waters and see how far you can really go when”Talking Dirty”. Some girls, like myself will lead you to the promised land and let you shoot off which would be a thumbs up to say whatever you want to say to me during that time and some girls well, will mumble and shy away. Those are usually the “grilled chicken type of girls” where talking dirty isn’t allowed.
  • “Talking Dirty” instantly throws formalities out the front door and allows our imagination to run wild which is a super turn on for modern girls like myself.
  • If u want to bring true meaning to “lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets” try “Talking Dirty” because it’s like sharing a secret behind closed doors and only you and your lover will know how naughty you can get while in public you present your best face!
  • Please never sound corny instead master the art of “Talking Dirty” sexy I will give you more of me because I feel really appreciated and  talking like Ricco the very well endowed black porn star ain’t cool!

Here’s where the boys get separated from the Men.

  • Tell your girl to reveal their most craziest deepest fantasy in the cleanest way possible and how  YOU will make it real for them because only a gutsy MAN will say that and it says a lot about your maturity (sexually that is).
  • Talking dirty shouldn’t be limited to the bedroom thle, please send me a naughty sms or slip a raunchy little note into my bag it makes us get that tingly feeling and we’ll be ready for you by the time we get home from wherever!
  • Lastly tell her how gorgeous she is, how u love seeing her naked, how you want her to do you and how it’s going be the dirtiest night of her life but NEVER I repeat NEVER call her B*tch, Ho, Sl*t or anything belittling because the “Talking Dirty” exercise will turn into a shame “Walking Dirty” exercise!

Hope I helped answer that question you guys always have in your head about “what women really want to hear in bed” Happy Bonking guys!!

By Candy TickleJugs ©

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Comments

43 Comments on "S*x Tips 4 Boys: Talking Dirty"

  1. Brown Shuga on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 1:23 am 

    eish, Candy, can you please post about where and how to buy a vibra….. coz I have no one to practise these things on?

    I can’t believe you did the anal thing … tjo! heheheh

  2. Cnglema on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 2:09 am 

    So i am normal after all?im dying to be sum powerful guy’s mistress.i actually being doin a whole lot of research about it and im so well prepared.i’ve managed to flirt my way up to him thanx to the research i did online.

  3. Cnglema on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 2:14 am 

    How do i play porn dvd’s on my laptop?.it keeps playing the trailer and not the whole thing.

  4. Cnglema on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 2:19 am 

    This is one article i can proudly say on Dita Von Teese is my idol,i actually wana get hold of one of her burlesque dance tease dvd’s.Candy thanx nana.

  5. Cnglema on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 2:24 am 

    Lol@candy begging guys not to use bitch and whore,do guys do that?oh my gaad i printed the tiger sexts and i had fun using them this weekend.thanx Tiger.

  6. Cnglema on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 2:26 am 

    I was in room 301 at that riverside hotel 4 ma son’s 3rd birthday lol!

  7. Cnglema on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 2:28 am 

    Dont let revendress Lela see this,love u mkhaya wam.guys nilele its only 2?

  8. soul sista on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 3:09 am 

    Hardcore at its best.
    My ex who wants to be current used to send me those dirty texts and emails (not forwaded things by the way) and it always made me weak on my knees. The next thing I know he’ll be sending the pics of his tools in full swing and I’ll reciprocate. Mtsss, gone are the days :-(

    @BS…I cant believe you said that…LOL

  9. ugogal on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 4:34 am 

    I’ve had an experience of sending each other dirty smses with my ex.
    We also had phone sex. I didn’t believe in it @ 1st but believe u can actually cum!
    I always luv ur tips Candy but anal sex neva!

  10. Nonkawu on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 6:50 am 

    Tjo tjo tjo,ziyawa apha kwi jc. Well nam iporn i watch it and i enjoy watching it.I even watched it last nite with ths cute eyed dreadlocked muso friend of mine but the dude had to go take a shower coz the robot is red..(and he was nt impressed) i was even ncitshad a goodbye kiss…hehehe even men have their drama or tantrum TROWING moments. As for talkin dirty u are rite,men should knw which words to use esp durin the in and out movement..Guys,talkin dirty has to come frm deep within and it has to make sense,don expect me to say things that r nt true..This actor i dated fo about a month, oh thixo wam,he is NOT gifted kwi dirty talk @ all..He used to ask me WHO IS YO DADDY? AM I DOING U RITE BABY? DO U LOVE MY BIG BLACK CO** ? Yey stop that nonsense NO QUESTIONS durin sex tu! I will say what l feel at the tym..And yes some of u men are gifted,u say the rite words at the rite time,thanx to my Obama. BS what tips do u need about a vibrator,i own 1..actually 2? Holla!

  11. Brown Shuga on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 7:13 am 

    Heheheh Nonkawu, u want me to buy a used Mr Rabbit?? Uphambeme! Lol!

    U are such a groupie futhi wena, if it aint musos its actors hhahahah.

    Back to Candy’s topic:
    Candy I also don’t mind watching porn and talking dirty is cool, I can’t stand people who don’t say a thing during sex, eish this sex topic thing is emotional, lemme go to work.

  12. Candy Ticklejugs on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 7:56 am 

    Sup guys,don’t understand why gals are so shy to talk about Porn…u shud have seen abo holy holy kwi twitter yesterday cursing world favorite Jenna Jameson,@Nonkawu dreadlocked cute eyes and a temper he he he…i wonder ke mang think i have an idea and if it is wat a pity ukhuthi u cudn’t rock him he’s a machine in the sack!@Brownsuga go to an adult shop and stop being shy…guys find girls who go to sexshops very sexy!!!

  13. Nonkawu on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 8:10 am 

    Hahaha Candy i dont think we talkin bout the same dreadlocked guy,coz ths one aint all that in bed kemodirile b4..lol BS,b4 i respond to yo comment,what is a groupie?

  14. Lehakoe on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 9:23 am 

    I also watch that porn on etv or mnet actionn on fridays mara ba tina because the girls are always making those fake over exaggerated moans. My ex (who was with me for nearly 5yrs, has been dating his current gf for 3mnths and now wants me to be his f-buddy) and I used to do the dirty talking thing and it is really cool if u guys knw wat u’re doing.
    Ngoba we heard frm sum1 that speaking Italian was sexy I wud gooi in the only Italian words I knew: Peroni Nastro Azzura in my very sexy italian porno voice. Made us laugh. Eish, those days r gone.

  15. Bruised Ego on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 9:45 am 

    Lol Candy and anal (chocolate box) sex!

    @BS lol Mr Rabbits, @Nonkawu were you dating a Naija (big black cock) wakakaka -HomeRun-

    Its even worst when gals go silent, no mourning, or sign of enjoyment

  16. Juicyfruit on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 10:04 am 

    Hayi, guys do people actually go silent when doing the deed, even when theres no-one around? Lol… Mina sham’, I always let him know I like what hes doing. Something orgasmic about dirty talk in vernac it brings out the animal in me.

  17. Sweetness on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 10:07 am 

    I once read on Cosmopolitan that all the women masturbate….and most of them dont like discussing it even with their close friends.What do u guys say?

  18. Nonkawu on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 10:34 am 

    @ Bruised Ego, no he was not naija he was hard core xhosa from entabeni…just so u know even some Mzansi men have big black cocks….stop generalising my friend.

  19. The Muz on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 10:45 am 

    @Sweetness, some people say its satisfying..coz u r guaranted to climax

  20. Noms on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 11:09 am 

    Ladies who have tried anal sex (chocolate box), do u enjoy it as much is i do? its very very wow.. me n my fiance do it all time..guaranted orgasm each time

  21. Kazisongo on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 11:13 am 

    @ Noms Hell No!!! I’m open minded abt a lot of things but anal sex is where I draw the line

  22. ntshepeng on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 11:15 am 

    I think someone should write a sex tips for girls. i want to know what you girls say when u’re talking dirty….pls give examples….

  23. Candy Ticklejugs on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 11:30 am 

    Eish ya I was a victim of chocolate box but I’ll never do it again my bum was sore for days and he was small can u imagine what a well endowed man will do to me,tjo!! Women do masturbate but i guess we do get abit uncomfortable discussing how we satify ourselves well i do it but not often!! ladies invest in good dildos u’ll never regret it – just make sure u always have spare batteries!!

  24. Bubu Doll on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 3:09 pm 

    Haai I’d rather have silence in the bedroom, except for the pleasurable moaning and groaning ofcourse. After the experience I had with a Zulu man and his ethnic accent, im traumatized and officially turned off sex talk.

  25. meisie on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 3:20 pm 

    I hope this talking dirty article does not encourage my so called ex (do you call someone an ex if you davazed only once) to think that he has been creating the magic because that was certainly not the magic it was the baddic. he was saying weired things like, “voetsek baby! omanate jou shit!” ewww and to think the guy was damn cute!!nxa!

  26. Lela on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 3:24 pm 

    Lol @ Cngle uyandazi ke wena andoyiki ngo ndiyifunda but ke I keep doing research for xa nditshatile. Eish I’m not sure about this talking dirty thing and shem the way umtana wabantu aba desparate nagakhona uba I must tell him how I feel, mna all I do is moan and groan nabo I love you ke but when I go on to say things like yeyekho baby yithathe yoonke I feel so embarrased afterwards,lol.

  27. soul sista on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 3:37 pm 

    LOL @meisie

  28. Vesa on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 3:49 pm 

    <<<<<>>>>>

    kwa kwa kwa….Lela, as always your comments are killing me!!!

  29. xaluva on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 6:39 pm 

    Lol@ Lehakoe!!! Peroni Nastro Azzuro??? Lol, u might wana add ‘birra superiorre to that…

  30. Lela on Wed, 24th Mar 2010 8:58 pm 

    Lol @meisie omonate jou shit!

  31. icognito on Thu, 25th Mar 2010 11:05 am 

    LOL@Meisie! I say dirty talk and taking a video whilst you give him a handjob/blow job is exciting. I don’t watch porn movies I find them funny I think my imagination is rather amusing;)

  32. Nonsta on Thu, 25th Mar 2010 10:58 pm 

    Lol @Meisie & Bubu Doll!

  33. Slim on Fri, 26th Mar 2010 3:13 pm 

    Lmao@ Meisie! Omonate jou shit! Hai, dude is the future!!

  34. ntshepeng on Fri, 26th Mar 2010 3:16 pm 

    Guys have any of you experienced vaginal farting??? the most embarrasing thing to happen during sex *sigh*

  35. Nthoentle on Sat, 27th Mar 2010 3:24 pm 

    Kwa kwa kwa @Meisie iyooooo ke shwile dead! Oreng? Hahahahhahhaa yooo some men mara. Iyoooo u made my day!

  36. Nthoentle on Sat, 27th Mar 2010 3:30 pm 

    Hahahaha Ntsepeng, fanny farts r normal. I don’t get emberrassed at all,well maybe its cos I’m married. @BS, please get yourself a vibrator, my friends and I call it “Mr Silencer”. I use it on my own or with my hubby but I love it to bits. I also enjoy porn movies, they make me feel like a freak n I just wanna go all night long. Chocolate box yona SIES man, banna ba lena e tloba di gay stru! Cos the anal is way tighter than the VJJ, u will compete with men n women. Good luck!

  37. Ayeye on Mon, 29th Mar 2010 11:40 am 

    Ummm…….I also happen to think that dirty talk in vernac is such a turn on…and I don’t mind…he can call me whatever…the filthier the better….heats things up. Unfortunately…..80% of the men I have davazad just go silent on me…only to tell me when they’re cumming…including the one ebendimntshontsha in Jozi over the past week….the bl**dy bugger does not even deliver the goods…after all that effort….(mental preparation as well as trying to downplay the guilt AND ALL) NX!I mean who cares really at that point…it’s not like I’d miss that part. I want him to explicitly tell me if am doing it right or not…and proceed to whispering in my ear exactly what he explains to do to me and how he plans to do it

  38. Queen on Mon, 29th Mar 2010 11:13 pm 

    Lol @meisie. “omanate jou shit!”
    I also had a guy sayin “umnandi baby, uyang’limaza baby, ngicel’ukuhamba nayo baby”.It was a total turnoff& that was my 1st & last tym ke mo dira

  39. PS on Tue, 30th Mar 2010 12:17 am 

    Tjo!!Leya bua batho.hahahahaha “voetsek baby!o monate jou shit” kwaaaaaaaa x100000^100…..huuuwie!.

    **falls off da bed**

  40. PS on Tue, 30th Mar 2010 12:28 am 

    Oh….my friend once told me that her boyfriend dira-d her until she collapsed,i mean she literally passed out for seconds,Itjo imagine you are busy and the next thing your partner collapses in the middle of mdavazo!!Can that really happen??because i cant stop laughhing at her even today….Lol

  41. soul sista on Tue, 30th Mar 2010 12:30 am 

    Hahaha, hawu PS definitely the brother was a serial davazor.
    By the way why did you use this pic? Its one of my favorites and people who know my might think PS is me.

  42. PS on Tue, 30th Mar 2010 12:41 am 

    @Soul Sister,i guess he was hey…..because that day my friend was praising him,telling us how good he is….hayibo SS i also love this pic,So people better take note he…..U not me.

  43. Khetodolo on Tue, 30th Mar 2010 12:50 pm 

    @Meisie, kwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwaaa!!! ROFLMAO!!! waaat??!! Wat a freakin turn off!!!
    @BS i was also shy to get me a dildo and when i got one i got a boyfriend and hav tried using it only once. It’s awkward but people say it’s great. You can come get mine as it’s sitting collecting dust and has only been used once…it’s painful.Maybe i got a size too big.
    @Nthoentle, I admire people like you that are so open about their sexuality with their men…then again you said you are married.What have you got to lose?!
    @PS, pass out??!! damn kwakwakwakwakwakwaaa!!! Ne ba mo peita straight out, kwakakwakwakwaaaa!! ROFLMAO!!!

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