Inequality: An Actual Woman’s View
January 11, 2011 by Featured Guest Writer
Featured Blog by Janine Jellars:
Yesterday, like most mornings, I eagerly checked Just Curious to see what Lelo and crew had in store for me (yes, I’m a JC silent blogger). My excitement was dampened when I came across MaBlerh’s simplistic analysis of equality: HERE
I just didn’t think I could call myself a feminist and let this article slide. I immediately wanted to register as a commenter and write a blog-within-a-blog, but then I remembered that ‘open letters’ are all the rage. I’m nothing if not trendy.
Feel free to stop here if you’re a lazy reader, because this is going to take some time.
The article opens with a cute analogy, but his argument really doesn’t hold any water. Actually, there is no argument in MaBlerh’s article. Firstly, for him to call South African women ‘the worst bunch of hypocrites on Earth’ is a bit of a stretch, no? I take it MaBlerh’s spoken to every single one of the approximately 25 million females living in SA (across race and class lines) and found them to be hypocritical?
The basis of the article is that women want the ‘kind of equality that requires all the privileges but none of the responsibility’. He doesn’t actually explain what he means by this, except to touch on different scenarios to do with domestic violence, opening car doors, killing cows, carrying groceries and so forth.
Let’s briefly discuss some of the things Mablerh raises, which I think were very ‘huh?’-inducing. He says the equality we want doesn’t leave any room for debate. Let’s go!
He writes:
‘I cannot understand the fact that women want equality but want men to understand that some of them are controlled by their hormones at sometime during every month.’
Newsflash: I, like millions of women across the world, menstruate every month, but still manage to be a productive member of society. I’ve worked in primarily female work places throughout the five years of my career. Not once have I heard of a woman skipping work because of her period. If women stopped functioning once a month, households across the country would crumble. Yes, the hormones involved in keeping us fertile aren’t child’s play, but, really, Mablerh? What an unnecessary low blow that has nothing to do with social equality.
He writes:
‘I also cannot understand why women advocate for equality and then have social laws that protect them from any physical harm at all cost which means that she can hit you as a man but you are not allowed to hit her back.’
Last time I checked, laws aren’t written to protect only women from violence. If a woman hits a man, he is well within his rights to head to his nearest police station and lay a charge of assault against her.
He writes:
‘It is amazing how women choose when to be equal and when to be regarded as the weaker gender in the name of chivalry’
Not every woman out there wants a chivalrous man. I also don’t think chivalry is incompatible with equality. I have hands, MaBlerh, and have opened doors successfully since I was about 5 years old. I carry my own groceries. I’m sure if I learnt how, I could change a tyre. I’m not going to deny that there are women who use their wombs as tools to manipulate men, but they are in the minority. More often than not, you find situations where women choose to keep babies because men don’t want them to have abortions. A few months later, these same men opt out of their responsibilities, leaving women to raise kids on their own. Doesn’t that sound like a common scenario?
South Africa is still a patriarchal society – where women get mistaken for secretaries when they’re actually the CEO, where people raise their eyebrows when they hear that husbands enjoy cooking for their wives, a place where, whenever I say that I probably don’t want children, strangers feel the need to talk me out of a very personal decision because they feel it’s ‘unnatural’.
This idea that equality has gone too far is absolute rubbish. Let’s talk about what it really means to be a woman in South Africa in 2011.
SA is one of the rape capitals of the world. No woman on this site can say they haven’t been affected by sexual violence – either as a survivor or a friend, sister, daughter to a survivor. Who are the perpetrators? Men.
Do you know that women still earn, on average, 25% less than our male counterparts doing the same job, with the same amount of experience? According to a report on the Business Women’s Association website, ‘only 14,7% of all executive managers and 7,1% of all directors on listed JSE companies are women.’
(http://www.bwasa.co.za/Portals/4/docs/archive/article%20get%20in%20touch%20with.doc). Is it because women are less capable than men? No. The same way black South Africans have been economically excluded, so too have women.
I think that what MaBlerh wrote is a reflection of the ambivalent situation we have in SA. Our progressive laws are, at times, ten steps ahead of how most citizens feel. Example: we have some of the most liberal laws when it comes to LGBT rights, but how many people here can’t stand to watch a fictional portrayal of a gay relationship (Jason and Senzo on Generations)?
We’re all products of this conservative environment. I had a full-body cringe on Sunday night when I heard two radio presenters discussing how women must cook and dish for their husbands because they were ‘raised that way’. Most of us were raised this way, but how is society going to change on a greater scale, if we (the constituents of this society) don’t change in small ways?
Romantic relationships – and equality within them – are all about negotiation. I might joke about being a ‘trophy wife in training’, but my goal is to ‘become the man I want to marry’ (Gloria Steinem). In a nutshell, if I’m looking for an ambitious, wealthy, caring partner, I need to become that person first. Equality to me within a relationship has nothing to do with who opens the door, handles the bill or carries the groceries. I’ve lived with a man before and he did most of the cooking because he enjoyed it and, at the time, I was hopeless in the kitchen. We shared the chores according to ability and level of enjoyment. Shocker: we’re talking about a Zulu man.
For me, social equality means equality of opportunity and being treated like a human being, not just a piece of décor. South Africa is doing a great job in terms of representation of women in government, but to be quite honest with you, I’d rather have zero women in parliament and be able to jog down my street and walk around after dark and go to my local Woolies without anyone calling me ‘nice’ and earn as much as my male colleagues. Only once every woman in South Africa is treated as a human being, then we can start talking about equality.
Janine Jellars is a journalist and proud South African woman. She writes in her own capacity.
Follow her on twitter at @janine_j.
MaBlerh on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 1:02 pm
Hey Janine, interesting point of view and I do not disagree with anything that you wrote. However I do disagree with the notion that I blanketed all women on my article. That is clearly not the case. My article was just directed to women that abuse their privileges and rights to equality. I just thought I’d be the first to comment as I foresee this spiralling out of control.
MaBlerh on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 1:19 pm
PS. The only people that found “huh!?” moments on my article are the people that it was not directed to. It would be stupid of me to blanket all women and say that are all those this on my article. In your argument/opinion Janine, you fail to acknowledge that there are women who fit the description on my article. Sadly, there is more of them than women like you. That, we cannot deny.
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Kiki on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 1:47 pm
Thank You Janine. #NuffSaid
Mathaz on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 1:54 pm
Thank you JC for publishing interesting articles since yesterday. Thank you so much!!
Interesting read, thoroughly enjoyed it and thanks for responding without being emotional.
Uthando on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 1:58 pm
Thanks Janine, interesting read
MaBlerh love the fact that you responded but you were calm.
fruitcake on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:01 pm
*Standing ovation to Janine*
@ Mableh Yes Janine failed to mention the fact that there are women who fits your article’s description just as much as YOU also failed to mention in your article that not ALL women are like that.
GA on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:04 pm
Enough said indeed.
Ditto @Fruitcake.
Lela on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:11 pm
Eish,I am woman but I still don’t see anything worth correcting or clarifying on MaBlerh’s article!
Brown Shuga on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:12 pm
“….More often than not, you find situations where women choose to keep babies because men don’t want them to have abortions. A few months later, these same men opt out of their responsibilities, leaving women to raise kids on their own. Doesn’t that sound like a common scenario?…”
This sucks hey… I wish I understood how men’s brains function.
“….For me, social equality means equality of opportunity and being treated like a human being, not just a piece of décor. South Africa is doing a great job in terms of representation of women in government, but to be quite honest with you, I’d rather have zero women in parliament and be able to jog down my street and walk around after dark and go to my local Woolies without anyone calling me ‘nice’ and earn as much as my male colleagues. Only once every woman in South Africa is treated as a human being, then we can start talking about equality…”
Loved this.
Nicely put Janine. Thanks for taking the time out to write the response and guess you’re NOT a silent blogger anymore heheh.
Thanks Mablerh for starting the debate, it’s interesting to read the different perspectives.
Brown Shuga on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:12 pm
LOL @ Lela… wahlala uhamba ecaleni ke wena tl tl tl tl
Happy 2011!
Luluwise on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:16 pm
Thank you Janine for putting so eloquently what I realised as I read the article yesterday. I chose not to comment for a variety of reasons I wont get into. I cosign this 100%. I come from a one parent household where my mother did everything for her 3 daughters by her self. I learnt by watching her that I must be self reliant and be empowered to a point where it took me time to even let a man help me out. I was the stereotypical Independant chick, to a lesser degree I still am, but having a partner who is self reliant and self sufficient has taught me all about true equality. I have also taught him that it is okay for him to accept gifts, money etc , from me. I have shown him that I am willing to help him do stuff around the house traditionally reserved for men. What Blessings article failed to show was how some men view equality as emasculation. I have been with men who willing want the female partner to just sit back and look pretty, while they go out and hunt. Some men are mortified at the thought of a woman seeking equality within the home, so to have a view that says that seems to suggest that its only women who want to have their cake and eat it too is misguided.
Luluwise on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:19 pm
Deathby typos…excuse me please,
Kat on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:21 pm
Nice – 100% agree with Janine
Lustagp on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:21 pm
I am pretty sure Mablerh never said woman take a day off from work on their period days, he meant you get to have mood swings that are unbereable everywhere you are in those hormonal days.
Mablerh i loved your artcile and majority of woman are like that here in SA, I dont care if i did’nt meet each and everyone in the appr. 25 million.
Khanyi Mbau is loved by many woman yet they still demand respect as if it’s not earned,, gees Mablerh from a man’s perspective you were spot on and you were never going to be a woman when writting that article, you wrote about your experiences with them. How else we would have known we have Janine as a silent blogger.
Nice to be back and see we going to have an interesting JC as always!!
Lela on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:33 pm
Lol, Lusta wahlala uhamba ecaleni ke wena*in BS’ voice*
Happy 2011 nakuwe BS!
LadyLove on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:36 pm
THANK YOU Janine…for responding to MaBlerh’s ‘opinion’ piece. Yes, we are living in a patriarchal society and there’s so much ‘anti-woman’ bullshit everywhere you look these days, that its imperative that women STOP excusing it and just letting it slide…
If the women of 60 years ago had let sexist male opinions and “rules of behaviour for women” slide… We (women) would still be denied most of the rights that we have today.
I honestly don’t know how to respond to MaBlerh’s article, nothing was factual or researched…please refrain from using majority/minority scales without the stats to prove your point or atleast any back-up to strengthen your arguments. Let us not be careless with our blogging.
If a woman punches a man and he punches her back (which he seems to advocate), do you know what happens? I’ll tell you: thousands of women end up dead at the hands of their partners annually. THOUSANDS. Men are stronger than women, no arguments about that.
Any self-respecting man will not hit a woman back because he knows that his punch will do more harm than the punch he may have received. Many women die from head injuries in domestic violence cases – just ONE punch to the head from a man.
Yes, men get abused too, but women DIE.
Moving along…
Equality is not about women wanting to be MEN. It’s about women wanting to have the same rights as afforded to men…WE ARE HUMANS first!
A man can impregnate a woman and DECIDE to leave her, (deny the baby/skip town), a woman does not have that ‘easy exit’. If she decides to abort, for whatever reason (school, fear of persecution, rejection from the father)…Why are all fingers pointed at the woman, labelled ‘a killer’. Does the abortion exonerate the man simply because he wasn’t there to make the decision….? For every abortion, there was a MAN involved, whether he was there to make a decision or not, he was involved.
The kitchen belongs to everybody, the workplace belongs to everybody…women are HUMAN BEINGS first.
Lets not continue to be a society that has parents wishing to have SONS and not have daughters because girls are WEAK, TROUBLE, WORTHLESS etc. When the reality is, most of us (MALE AND FEMALE), owe our success and plain existence to the STRONG, TIRELESS, HARD WORKING women we call our Mothers, (and fathers too). But look around your neighborhood, most homes are run by single mothers…it is becoming the norm. Let it also be a norm that women not be underestimated.
HUMAN BEINGS abuse some of the rights awarded them, HUMANS aren’t perfect, society isn’t perfect. These are NOT male/female issues, they are HUMAN issues.
DONE!!!
LadyLove on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:40 pm
TJO TJO!! Sorry for essay… but I had to speak up too! This is serious.
Lustagp on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:47 pm
Lela..ndifuze wena
tjo! at another blog about this.
I for one wont refrain from using majority/ mInority as i am blogging here and blogging is about SELF or PERSONAL opinions no need to look for stats, in case you missed that definition Lady Love!!
Brown Shuga on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:53 pm
Lusta is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!
Lustagp on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 2:57 pm
yep BS..and i mus say it feels good to be back, i missed all of you eqaully..lol.
LadyLove on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 3:00 pm
Point taken LUSTA!! No worries…
Makgotso on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 3:57 pm
*silent blogging* Nice read
MaBlerh on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 3:59 pm
*pops a bottle of Merlot in honour of Lusta* LOL!
posh on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 4:15 pm
“South Africa is still a patriarchal society – where women get mistaken for secretaries when they’re actually the CEO
I share a workspace with a male colleague and his visitors always think I’m his PA.
Ladylove has a point in regards to majority/minority….even if it is your opinion, your opinion shall be based on facts or research.let’s not mislead each other comrades….
Guys get upset if women say the majority of men are dogs…or all men are dogs…they say it’s few men who make them look bad…
LadyLove on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 4:26 pm
Thank you Posh…
A blog post may “just be someone’s OPINION” but you still owe it to your readers to atleast be factual in your reasoning. Otherwise your opinion holds no water & is not even worth mentioning unless your intention is indeed to mislead. That is All.
SilentBloggar on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 4:39 pm
*******hehehe, societal issues, ngeke I’m not getting involved not now in 2011 maybe in 2015********
MashDiva on Tue, 11th Jan 2011 8:27 pm
Well said Janine! Thank you
Lehakoe on Wed, 12th Jan 2011 2:21 am
#TeanmJanine-a very well written response.
Lady Guava on Wed, 12th Jan 2011 8:22 am
Thank you Janine for your response, i feel your response is perfect in defense of the minority of women in South Africa who take charge of their lives, whereas MaBlehr’s is directed at the significant balance. I loved both articles as they highlighted key points which i won’t repeat. Janine your closing paragraph is TOPS!!
As a woman…Ndiya kwazi kuzimela, ndiya….***opeling ka voice ya Aya***whatever happened to her, shame.
Lady Guava on Wed, 12th Jan 2011 8:25 am
Response, response, response le defense. IYoooh sekgowa bathong! Eskuze moi!
Madala on Wed, 12th Jan 2011 9:04 am
Shoooooo – great 2 c bloggers (silent and loud) tackling heavy societal issues so early in the yr….. keep it up!
I fully support this heavy *straight* talk as long as we still keep the balance with that juicy gossip talk…..*just saying nje*
Lustagp on Wed, 12th Jan 2011 10:30 am
@Posh majority of women we have met mna no Mablerh do that so where do we go for our own stats, as we really dont need to research our experiences, please ppl dont teach us how to live life when it suits you.
For instance; do you really know for a fact that people visiting your colleague think you his PA, did you research that or did they told you that in your face? if they did then you guys need to hire a professional receptionist and tell your colleague not to lie to his vistors and act as if you his PA , it could be him not his visitors assuming that.
who is misleading who here? cos to me it looks like you ladies dont want to admit that we have a lot of woman like this especially apha eGoli, whether you agree or disagree they not going to vanish just because you are in denial about it.
MissAN on Wed, 12th Jan 2011 1:57 pm
@ All…I read Mabler’s article and I was like.Tjo!! Which women does he hang around with…
Nice one @Janine…The way I have always seen these Womens’ Rights laws etc,its like I am admitting that I am inferior to a man therefore there has to be some laws to confirm that what a man can do so can I…I for one,take people as human beings and for what they are..Really how many of us remember ama top 10 at schools,women did better than men!!!and they dominated the top 10.
@ Mabler,women will never do things like men,it is just simple biology…Both men and women will never be equal on many levels,we both have different strenghts,which can not be compared but complement each other.There only rights that women need to be given are those that allow a woman to choose to be educated instead of being forced to marriage,to allow a girl child the same opportunities in life as a boy child,to be able to have access to funding without the concent of a male relative or a husband,not to be left stranded with children when the men dies because his estate has to be taken by men related to the husband,to enherit amafa waka baba simply because she is his daughter and not be told only men enherit from the estate…any society that promotes women in all spheres of society becomes a successful nation…Look at Western countries vs African/Middle East countries that still disregard women as second class citizens? Before anything else,we all humans. Women are the glue that hold society together…Most of us,we are cos of our mothers!!! Men build houses women make homes!!!
nela_n on Wed, 12th Jan 2011 2:12 pm
so i found myself registering just to comment…great article,even the one that catalysed this debate was well written,and well directed…abantu abafani,some see a man and think of an ATM,handman..the works…some see a nuisance who sits on the couch and watch supersport with a beer in hand,with porn mags phantsi kwalo couch…by the way i enjoy this site:-)
posh on Wed, 12th Jan 2011 3:12 pm
“majority of women we have met mna no Mablerh”
I hear you if you add ‘that we have met’ unlike implying that the majority of SA women are like that…
“looks like you ladies dont want to admit that we have a lot of woman like this especially apha eGoli”
Again if you say GP, I understand and maybe we need an article to look into why, is it a Big City syndrome, meaning generally where women are empowered, have access to information and know their rights, have equal opportunities and options as men tend to CHALLENGE men or are no longer able to tolerate isht because they also have options that they did not have before?
on a lighter note: women have always been assertive,smarter, stronger and in control of men, before it was subtle. at home, mothers had the last word, it was subtle though because they financially relied on men…women used to outsmart men quietly, ekugcineni bekwenziwa intando ka mama, a man uzo shaywashwya nje given an excuse why things did not happen his way.
Laaaz on Wed, 12th Jan 2011 10:34 pm
Hey ere’body. I’ve been reading JC for quite some time now bt this is my 1st comment ever and this article is worthy of it, actually it deserves a very vigorous round of applause from every woman who has read it. Wow speechless. Great article Janine. Oh and Lusta I’m with u on that Khanyi Mbau point u brought up. I dnt get woman who applauded Mashonda for her letter last year bt still are friends&love Khanyi, it baffles me. Nw thats being a 1st class hypocrite. Well thats a story for another dae.
Lustagp on Thu, 13th Jan 2011 10:44 am
Kanti yintoni i-oersonal opinion na Posh, if kukhona undiva xa ndisithi ‘woman we have met’?
on a lighter note: women have always been assertive,smarter, stronger and in control of men, before it was subtle. at home, mothers had the last word, it was subtle though because they financially relied on men…women used to outsmart men quietly, ekugcineni bekwenziwa intando ka mama, a man uzo shaywashwya nje given an excuse why things did not happen his way.
is this from the stats of facts or your personal opinion?
@Laaz–hypocrites indeed, or double standards i guess..
MissAN on Thu, 13th Jan 2011 11:06 am
@ Lustagp…i think people generally appreciate Khanyi Mbau’s blunt honesty and the fact that she does not hide what she does…Debora is a woman and she seemed disgusted by K.And your explaination about Posh being a PA is the same stereotypes when B/W find a black person in a fancy house at a suburb and ask where the madam is…
manny on Thu, 13th Jan 2011 11:42 am
janine are you a lawyer ?ngoba you really are defending your story here for sure !!!
glad u know thet women use their wombs to mannipulate us …heheheh
Thapelo_M on Thu, 13th Jan 2011 10:29 pm
From the Bible point of view: gender equality is against the will of God. From cultural perspective a man is a head of the family… There’s many things that are legal/lawful, that doesn’t make them morally right. They can legalize weed if they want to, if they deem that it would boost our economy… Okay back to the topic… Our law claim to advocate equality but in practical it does not! e.g Rape is rape whether it is performed by a woman or a man… But the treatment on how the case is dealt with is different!!! Should a man open a case when being slapped by a woman the officer(s) would prolly make a joke out of it! Even in the maintenance court(for child support. *ya yona eo) they tend to be bias… It beats me why men are still paying ‘lobalo’! One of the THINGS we need to cancel to ensure that we live up this ‘equality’ standards…