Ask Mablerh #5
February 16, 2011 by MaBlerh
Letters to Mablerh, the Agony Uncle:
Dear Mablerh:
I was a very sexual active young person during my adolescence years I ended up being a father at the age of 17 with a girl my age, my family paid the damages and my mother supporting my beautiful daughter financially cause i’m still a student and mom didn’t want me to go look for a job, she said i should get my degree first. Me and the baby mamma broke up a while ago and she is now engaged to some guy i don’t really like cause he is my uncle’s friend, anyways her fiance doesn’t really like my daughter that much, and as young as she is she also feels it. When ever she comes to visit she asks me why don’t I tell her mom to come stay with me at grandma’s house (which is my moms crib). Baby mamma’s parents really really want her to marry this guy because he is 6 years older than her, working, from a ‘good family’ etc but i’ve got a feeling that she is having doubts because of her fiance’s feelings towards our daughter. My problem is that I don’t want my child to live with someone who doesnt like her and makes her feel miserable, and i think baby mamma is having doubts because the fiance & daughter relationship.
- Whats your take on this situation?
- what do you think i should do about this situation?
Anonymous
____________________________________
MABLERH SAYS:
Hi Anonymous,
I can’t help but pick up underlying feelings for you baby momma. This situation is primarily about the welfare of your daughter and somehow you have managed to taint that with the doubt your fiance has about marrying this guy. You have made it unclear as to whether you dislike this guy cause he doesn’t like your daughter or because she is marrying the girl that you still have feelings for or a combination of both.
I would advise you to focus on your daughter and not your baby momma. As a parent, if you feel that your child is unhappy and in cases where she expresses her happiness, it is your duty to act in her best interest. To me, it sounds like your mother loves your daughter and wouldn’t mind living with her. You need to speak to your baby momma and tell her what your daughter said about where she wants to live. Advise her that it will be good for everyone involved if your daughter stays with your mother. It is not like you want to move to Khazakstan with the child. She can see the child whenever. In African culture, ingane ezalelwe ekhaya ihlala koMalume, awuyi nayo emendweni. This was to avoid these kinds of situations.
By Mablerh ©
QueenPee on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 3:55 am
Yeah ne…kumatima…
Miss Thang on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 7:45 am
Eish mara why do kids have to suffer ?
Lady Guava on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 7:59 am
Mathata ‘beso! I think that’s a good advice, seeing that it’s also what the child wants. However as parents, you need to look at the bigger picture, and do what is best for your daughter. Anno, I know Gogo is probably full of love, but if i was in your babymamma’s shoes, i would insist for the guy to love me along with my daughter, cause she ain’t going nowhere. If fiance loves your babymamma, he should also extend that “parental” love to your daughter too. And he must know kuthi he is not replacing you, You are the baby’s father.
Yekelani ugogo a enjoye ubusha bwakhe!
Sinamile on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 8:53 am
I completely agree with mablerh on this one,i lived with my dad and step mom when i was young and it was not a plesent stay.She did not treat me like family at all i would have much rather stayed with my granma and the others.
Ngiyavumelana nokuthi uma uya emendweni as umuntu wesifazane shiya ingane ekhaya ngoba laph’ oyakhona akukhona kubo,so you cant expect the child to be excepted.
popeye on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 8:55 am
Sorry BS for invading Mablerh’s blog mara I got to get this out of my chest#DINEO RANAKA ON DRUGS
popeye on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 9:04 am
The baby should stay @ home nogogo wakhe cause mina I believe no body will love your child as much as you and close family members
Nkey.. on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 10:33 am
Well said MABLERH.What a Ligit..response.surerly it’s going to Help this poor Dude.I’ve picked up that you know Isizulu very well Mablerh,It impresses me ngempela.When one 1st read your articles you can think that it was written by one of those cheeseboys.
Nkey.. on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 10:44 am
@ Popeye I googled and this is what I found.http://www.sowetanlive.co.za/entertainment/2011/02/16/go-to-rehab-or-leave-the-station Hard to believe..
Nkey.. on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 10:44 am
Back to the topic
manny on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 12:35 pm
dude gop get your kid..finish and klaar .
manny on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 12:36 pm
dude go get your kid..finish and klaar .
shybear on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 2:13 pm
I think if the daughter is happy with her grandma then she must stay with the grandma. But i agree with lady guava, if i was ur baby mama i was gona put my foot down, u love me together with my kid or u go, kgomo e gapya le namane.
Pls dont let ur daughter stay with your new woman(stepmom), theres normally abuse going on, ive proved this many tyms, unless u gonna also put ur foot down that no one abuses ur daughter as long as ur alive.
MissAN on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 3:45 pm
@ Mablerh… it is good to question the bible and God…mara sometimes I really think all these laws the bible has,it is to avoid such things… this girl must just leave the fiance… umuntu must take u nomthwalo wakho…
Zoe on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 4:54 pm
@MissAN, ideally women would never even consider being with a man who can’t stand their children but unfortunately that is not always the case. You know how we act once sesibona umshado before our eyes.
That’s why I fully agree with Mablerh on this one. Some will look to the Bible for advice, and others to culture\tradition.
Mablerh stated exactly what tradition prescribes in such cases, could you please enlighten me as to what the Bible says *hiding in the confession room*
MissAN on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 5:33 pm
@ Zoe,that no sex before marriage. If he waited then he wouldnt be encountering such problems. Culturally ths nu fiance must lobola both mum and daughter and the reasn ununtwana abeshiywa ekhaya esp girls,was to avoid sexual abuse by the stief pa and other male relatives of the husband. In ths day and age,whch sane persn thnks lyk ths fiance? If I wer in hr shoes,I would jst 4get this fiance.umtwana akazi lutho and what happns whn she vists her mum?how wl d kid feel towards her future sibling,mum and dad didnt want to live with me?
Zoe on Wed, 16th Feb 2011 6:21 pm
@MissAN, its a bit of a coulda woulda shoulda solution coz the kid is here in this case and you know how difficult it is to do the right thing. We always manage to get ourselves caught up in drama ngoba asilaleli!
This man is clearly from the stone age so they should let him be and raise the child kubo. I have a step-father and I’d rather go to him for anything instead of mom so angaz bamucoshaphi lo.
As for the guy paying lobolo for the gf and the kid? I totally disagree. Le ngane ihlawuliwe and belongs to amadlozi akubo. I’m against this more especially because dude clearly cares a great deal about his daughter. Maybe such is readily acceptable in the cases of dead beat dads.
When it comes to visitations its gonna be a tough one coz some of these men are uncouth. I know of a chick who is being asked out by her step dad and now the mother is wondering why she doesn’t visit anymore. Kutough shem
sweetbabe on Thu, 17th Feb 2011 8:12 am
I think you still have feelings for the bany mama if that true tell her…. maybe naye she feels the same but ke if you feel that your child is not safe with her fiance talk to her about that
SihleMlambo on Thu, 17th Feb 2011 7:16 pm
ingane ezalelwe ekhaya ihlala koMalume, awuyi nayo emendweni. – so fucken true hey, dude this is deep, dude must do the best he can to get his child back to his family, of course it will not be easy because the mother surely wants “custody” of the daughter too, but in the end, it all goes back to your quote, so deep, so true… big ups to you…