Love & Money: What Are the Boundaries?

March 8, 2011 by Brown Shuga

I’m an independent woman. I can do without a man. I’ve always lived by this and have never relied on a man to do stuff for me.

My friend tells me this is a turn off for a lot of men because men want to be with a woman who needs them and she made examples of beautiful, successful women who are single because “they don’t need men.”

This was all very confusing to me. Mina I grew up in a neighborhood where people gave girls funny looks if their boyfriends did stuff for them. There was always that thing if you expect a guy to do stuff for you then “Wa moja” . Kinda like the DJ Sdunkero (I think) song with the Xhosa girl who goes “Mabatyiwe”. And of course there are those boys who also have that thing of “Ke a jowa mo!”

To this day… I feel a little weird when a man pays for the bill. I always feel bad just standing there while he takes out his wallet… Even when I don’t have money. I would take my last penny to help pay for bill, just to avoid that feeling.

Obviously, it feels good to have a man buy you stuff or take care of a few things for you but I’m not quite sure what the boundaries are, if there are boundaries at all. I opened this post by saying I’m an independent woman but can I tell you something about “independent women”? At some point it gets too much… You get tired of it and just want someone to take care of you… and that’s why am opening up to the possibility that one day, I’ll be in a situation where money comes into play.

So therefore, I ask: When is it acceptable to ask a guy for money? Should you even ask for money or are you supposed to wait for him to offer?

And to the men out there… Is it true that a woman who doesn’t ask you for money is a turn off? Why? Shouldn’t you be happy that you are getting a woman who wants to be with you because she’s interested in you and not because she wants your money?

Can I ask you for money to do my hair… ? Pay my bills? What are the boundaries?

Or maybe you’ve lost someone you love coz of money issues in the relationship… let us know, I’m just curious!

Meet me half way is all I am saying. Yes I am an independent sista and can take care of myself but that doesn’t mean a guy must take advantage of that. You meet me I already have my own car that I pay for,I have accomodation that I pay,so what are u coming into my life for? To stress me? Hai ngeke, If you are my man then do your manly duties bcoz if you don’t we gonna have a huge problem coz you will be replaced by a Vibrator. I shouldn’t have to ask my man for money kumele azi yena self what his responsibilities are just like I have mine in his life.

If you can’t go all the way then meet me half way. If you know you always eat then buy groceries once in a while for crying out loud.

ThatoM on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:51 am

#Team vibrator

Zida on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:05 am

Lovely piece BS. And a very interesting topic. The first few paragraphs sounded like a Bitches Brew column…only the way you talked about the friend though, telling you things. Kuli liked doing that.

Anyway, for me I don’t ask for money. Although my sponsor spoils me rotten, it’s because yena likes doing that for me. There is no pressure for yena. But sometimes maybe I’d say I saw something at Trenery that I like…and more times than not. And most of the times it’s something I can afford to get myself. But you feel special when someone does that for you.

Another thing is also about understanding someone’s pockets. I don’t feel bad when yena spoils me because I know the situation of the wallet. That’s my 10 cents worth.

princesskoena on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:13 am

@thato m lol yah neh today gona ur on a roll about vibrators lol thnx to intersexions

as a student i dnt xpct my bf to do everything for me,i got parents thats their job to support me financially.as we know that people are different with different backrounds some girls prefer their man doin everything for them starting from grocery to fashionable clothes wich has its onw advantages n disadvantages.other men just prefer doin thngs for their women whilst other men wait for a girl to ask for moola wch is depressin unless o le jezabel *ths girls hu dnt have matswalo*.
Bottom line ke hore money does matter in a relationship its one of those thngs that matters.

Tlotli on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:34 am

Interesting topic very relevant…I’ve neva had to ask my man for moola in all the yrs we’ve bn together, he just gives it to me. I think ke tsenyiwa in the budget!

I’m not one of those chicks who thinks the man shud provide all the time, and its nice to take ur man out once in a while and insist on paying the bill, makes me feel good. But really if setse o kopa chelete ka the 2nd date then maybe u need a job, not a man!

lebza4sh0 on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:05 am

Thato ore Team vibrator coz u don’t have a choice boo *hides*

ThatoM on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:11 am

@Lebza waphapha

Vesa on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 5:24 am

*waiting for Thapelo’s answer* lol

Bootylicious on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 5:52 am

I never ever ask a man for money, I just can’t do it however I expect my man to meet me halfway, he must offer obviously as a man he knows some of his duties is to assist me financially when needed(not that it ever needed lol) having a job that pays u well as a woman really is very nice.

Bootylicious on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 5:53 am

Team vibrator hehehehehe

soul sista on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 6:55 am

Somehow this feels like it was written by me. I think/believe I’m stupid, I always want to pay half the bill when we are out & I my man calls me selfish when I refuse his money (since Oct last year he has stopped offering)
And one thing I hate most is when he says, he can’t come & see me because he’s broke or has little money (its a correspondence relationship). Bathong a ke jukebox nna ha ke bapadiswe ka tjhelete!

Lolest @TeamVibrator

Siyamthanda on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 7:29 am

Hayi kunzima guys so where do you find these sponsors or how? *share* chelete ya mona ha ke etsebe strue! Clearly I’m rolling in the wrong places

Miss Thang on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 7:41 am

I have NEVER asked someone 4 money to do my hair or nails NEVER!!!!!!!!

Miss Thang on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 7:43 am

@Kiki so u saying u have everything you dont need a man?????????

SilentBloggar on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 7:45 am

Interesting I can never get myself to ask for money from a man. Kuyadika usoloko ucela, ubhatalelwa ngathi usisibhanxa esingakwazi use benza. So my man’s contribution to ‘helping’ out has to be subtle e.g he takes your car to the car wash and it returns with a full 50l of unleaded petrol or a new set of tyres. Sometimes he decides he will take the car for service himself and settles the bill. That way it feels like he really cares about you and your safety rather than giving you money for a weave or clothes where it just seems he cares more about your looks. Subtle spornsorship works for me.

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 7:46 am

Have that negative attitude with money and soze niyinuke iLamborgini! Lol!

to be honest I also never used to ask or accept money from boyfriends. I would even refuse ukudla while my tummy is grumbling! But I have made peace that it is ok to ask for money from my bf if I need or make a loan and pay it back. One thing I know for sure *Oprahs voice* guys like being needed from time to time and I ngiyifuni indoda esting! As @ Kiki said if u eat pay up for groceries as well!

with that being said,if ungayidli sum1 is doing it 4 u! I do hav a huge problem wit wmen that expect a guy to do everythng and anything 4 them n even their friends! But then again u teach people how you want to be treated!

lazyswag on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 8:00 am

Like Khanyi said ‘i dont date a guy who is less financially stable than me” ok she said she doesnt do broke niggars but y’all get my pont right?you need to earn more or the same like me but if you earn less than me we might “do it’ but not date

nan on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 8:00 am

@Kiki: I couldn’t have said it better than that

If the man in my life spends more time at my place that we do at his then ghe should help out once in a while with groceries especially if he has different dietary requirements from mine. Money for food doesn’t just grow on trees.

If you ask me out, then you should be man enough to tell me upfront whether we are going dutch or not. That way I decide whether to stay home or go out, there is nothing irritating like a guy who pulls out a cell phone to calc your share of the bill whereas they invited you out in the first place, iI hate surprises. There is nothing unattractive like a stingy man ¤such a turn off¤

At the end of the day my salary is non of your business but yours … Well I can’t stop you if you want share it with me

caramel on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 8:13 am

Money is one of the most sensitive issues in relationship. This post came at such a convenient time coz this is exactly what I’m going through. I’m a student and rely on my parents for money. I also happen to have a sibling who works and does very well so when the rents don’t send money on time I know my sibling will do so. However, things have started being a little rough at home, parents are overcommitted and my sibling has also incurred a lot of debt in the past year. This has made things very difficult for me as I’m not used to being without money. I’ve been with this guy for 6 months now and he has never been exposed to my “broke” side. He’s a working, comfortable guy and he has the means to take care of me, however I’ve never asked him for anything before. He’s offered to do EVERYTHING for me in the past but because I have(had) my own I always declined. Now that I really need help, I don’t even know how to approach him. Its completely out of my character esp coz I was raised by a very independent mother who rarely asked my dad for anything… so I don’t know what to do. Do I swallow my pride and ask him to give money for my hair, toiletries etc? Or do I just suffer in silence and do with the little that my parents send me? Eish, this is very difficult for me.

Biskiti on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 8:30 am

I love JC, not because of the brilliant articles (Stew), but because of the “Beef-stock” that’s always added by the comments! You guys rock, full-time!

LOL @Tlotli…”if setse o kopa chelete ka the 2nd date then maybe u need a job, not a man!” True dat.

Thanks @Silentbloggar for the ideas, taking a car to the carwash and even changing worn-out tyres. That is just some of the practical yet brilliant ways of showing love.

HoneyPhly on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 8:36 am

let me just say, if a man is doing nothing for you, he’s doing it for someone else. that’s how men want to be treated. they like to feel that you need them, that without them you’re nothing. Men are providers, REAL MEN. It’s good to be an independant woman, it’s a pity they end up lonely and desperate. classic e.g: Queen Moroka) anyway there could never be two pants in the relationship. oh well, I salute women who let their men be men, women be saving their own shit for when sh!t hits the fan! men are there to cater to us. you sleep with a man, end up loving him like crazy but you get nothing out of it. there’s a saying that goes, a prostitute at least gets paid, while you’re out there giving it out for free. if not for a streetwise 2 and R12 airtime lol

Uthando on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 8:37 am

interesting read BS, eish wish i can b able ukucela imali emfaneni angikwazi shame it kuyisono

like @Kiki said meet me halfway and know your responsibilities y kumele ngize ngicele……..ukuthi nje abafana sebe amaqola kwabona these days

Biskiti on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 8:38 am

Guys love women who depend on them at times, not all the time. A needy women (all the time) is also unatractive to guys. It feels like you are walking in the shoes of Christ, carrying a cross. Is it ohk for a guy to ask his lady (not sugarM) for money?

Aoww, Caramel bathong. Don’t die in silence ngwana, i mean he did offer. Explain your situation to him, and i’m sure he’ll be more than willing to help you somehow.

vale031 on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 8:41 am

Lol at streetwise 2 and R12 airtime… I’m loving the comments, u guys are baauss *goes back to silentville*

caramel on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 8:43 am

@Biskiti thing I’m afraid of how he’ll look at me afterwards… A ke batle a nyatse if u know what I mean. I have this theory that when men realise u need them, they take advantage of that and use it against u…

sailor on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 8:49 am

hi MissAN

*winks & blows a kiss *

manny on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 8:56 am

ladies ..tip…dont ask for money ..borrow it and then when u return it ill say fine u can keep it …

Fezzy on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:00 am

I once dated this guy who acted like he was my son. As soon ngifika kuye he will start telling me about his problems, how he was about to loose his accomodation, his dad didnt care, they were not close blah blah blah.When he tells me about his problems today, I wud know that tomorrow he’s gonna ask me for money. And he must have thought I was really stupid cos the first time he asked me, it was in the middle of the month so I told him that Im broke and he made a point that he asked me again month end. Cabanga! Mind you, ufika azofuna imali and he smells of last nights booze. Hayi ngeke shame…
I give my bf money when he’s need, but only bcos he does a lot of things for, he’s always there for me financially, especially with my car, I know nothing about cars except driving them, so he always knows what needs to be taken care of. And he always gives me my money back, even if insist that I wasnt borrowing him.
Men shud take care of us financially, period!

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:06 am

@Miss Thang,please read my comment again. You seem to be the only one missing my point.

Guys,do u remember my interview with Kgomotso Matsunyane? She spoke about this and she made soooo much sense.

cijimpi on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:07 am

look at it this way BS. the dude chows u..
u chow his money!!

MsTeee on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:14 am

true that @SilentBloggar hair and nails aren’t that important
my man just bought me 2 tires without me asking – bendisa zifuna uba ndizo yithathaphi imale ye tires nkosi yam….

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:15 am

Lol @ Cijimpis theory!

hello @ The well hung sailor , add class to caramel and give her a job!
@ Caramel its best to be honest,nawe dont go extreme and ask for hi end stuff! If he is a decent and sensible person he will help u and not hold it against u.

soul sista on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:17 am

@caramel just explain the situation & ask. If he loves u enough he’ll help u if not he’ll do the disappearing act & u’ll find someone else. Hope u get help so that u can study stress free. Wish u all the best doll!

MsTeee on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:19 am

hay @manny don’t say that some men aba dlaleli emalini they’ll take it back or even worse baku raide lol

ThatoM on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:20 am

Mableh please help Caramel…. @honey nton nton ur on point for a change,that is so true.

Noance on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:27 am

Like Steve Harvey said, a man is a provider but at the same time I as a woman can provide for myself.

I believe in going 50/50 when the situation requires but over the years I have also learnt to allow a man to handle the bill or show his appreciation for me through gifts or money.

I will never EVER make it a habit of asking my partner for money esp for toddelar things like hair and nails. Thats childish ur parents or sister can surely help you out with that.

I hate the mentality and answers that comes with this question. If you expect money or gifts because u slept with a man that means ur a prostitute. If that is a mentality anyone carries then I’m sorry to say I’m sorry but it ought to be said; You are Stoooooopid!

Your man is there to carry you when u cant continue or to fill in the gaps when u cant. He is not ur father, ur bank or slot machine. If you think this is right, u need doctor Phil.

bigace100 on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:31 am

I love my woman but fcuk I think ndijola nempuku yemali don’t get me wrong it feels gud doing sumthng for my woman but NO uyayibaxa lo wam she has to be on my monthly budget I think kwavunywa mna plus ne-wallet yam…

Lady gaga on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:34 am

lenna ive always done things for myself. ive never had a man do stuff for me,including giving me money to get my hair did and all. its something im avoiding nje. i dnt wanna depend on someone else for stuff i want,i could die!!!

Mmaditaba on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:39 am

@ThatoM uyathanda ivibrator yoh, @Zida wena nalesiSponsor sakho,@Thapelo24 kwaaaaahahahaha ,true what u say!

Mina nje i really have a huge problem letting a guy take out his money for me,i can’t help but refuse. I think growing up living with a single mum whose very independent and a whole lota aunts who are single and hate eating off a man, has offloaded on me . Just as MissAn said,even when my tummy is grumbling to come nice ,i just refuse!

Nkey.. on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:39 am

Thanks a Mill…ngale article nice one indeed.Jus want to share this with everyone.Since I always wonder who I need to talk to about this,Coz close Frnz and Familly think Im sick,in zulu bathi”Udakwa wumbuso”.With me it’s the opposite way.When I was 19 I feel preggies and that’s where a relationship with my BF went to another Level.Ever since then Hes been doing everything for me.Paid the outstanding balances in Tetiary till I got my digree.He went sent me to work for His Moms company so that I can have job expiriance,Then after that I was able to get an employment.

He got a better Job in CT and I was left in Durbs.After few months I came to Visit and He aganised me The current Job again bought me a car and Hes been providing nam ke I do help here and there.

I got another degree last year and there’s always job offers in Joburg and If I say I wanna leave Him and start to be indepent I sound unfair to everyone.Im hungry for being Independent where I will do things on my own.I appreciate what He did for me and will always Love Him,But what I need is my own space.

Mabhebeza on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:40 am

Wow…I’m loving this article BS. Money can become such an issue in relationships. I personally don’t believe in depending entirely on my man. I earn a salary, so I can at least pay for my own bills, hair, clothes, etc. But since we live together, we share the household responsibilities (he pays for the rent, petrol, and go 50/50 on groceries). I think all men like being the providers, but i-financial situation ayivumi, then we ladies should cut these poor guys fome slack shame. We can’t expect them to be foot the bill at all times.

HoneyPhly on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:43 am

@ Cijimpi, spot on!

Look at Primrose Crous, she walked into that mans life with nothing, no education, no cash, a big fat NOTHING!

look at her today, she driving them Porsche’s, Lambo’s etc, living in them mansions, co-owns a big company just for providing kuku. it’s called Pussy Power (PP), i’m not for gold digging, i’m just saying some women have it harder than others hence they need to be seriously educated so they can earn those thousands to be in the game. whereas some just sit there and look pretty and get even more in return (hate them HAUTE Jezabels) nxa. mara that’s how the cookie crumbles. most independant woman aren’t exactly HOT, they just have the money to make up for what they lack.

you’re taking away the essence of what a man is by saying you provide for yourself as a woman. mina, I ain’t no gold digger, and I definetly don’t mess with them broke niggers!

imagine nje, bazo vitiza my cookie, nami i will vitiza their deep pockets! nothing’s for mahala! I feel sorry for women who have to give up their cookies and still pay for their bills, smarten the hell up ladies.

KevCare on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:48 am

Men are natural providers and women are nurturers!!! Thats why even thee most “independent women” get tired of the “DIY” life and get in a relationship with a man that can provide for them!

I personally prefer a woman who can buy her own things BUT PLEASE…when i take you to dinner, DO NOT try paying your half!! Its not practical!! IF you REALLY need to spend on something, rather buy me lunch on our next day or have it delivered (if you dont intent seeing me again) tltltltl

Y’all listen to bo Beyonce too much!

Asking your man for cash coz YOU KNOW ITS PAY DAY is just ridiculous!! If you are broke and gotta go to a wedding but cant afford a new outfit and hair…..THEN its more acceptable to ask your dude for help!

AND…INDEPENDENT LADIES, when your man pays for your things, dont tell him you gonna you him back :-/ THATS PHUCKD UP!!

Lela on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:48 am

Nami I’m like that shem but it has helped that I’ve been with my man for long enough to be confortable to have him do stuff for me,even though I still contribute to our well being. I think the fact that I know that when he is broke I do help him out(even though I want it back) gives me the comfort of knowing that he knows that I’m not here for omoja. Because of the way I’ve bekezelad so any broke moments(still do sometimes)when he has money I must now eat it kakuhle because another girl bengeke anyamezele those tough times. WARNING: Gals stay away from amadoda who are still tryina make it,it is not easy.

Abut' Majesa on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:49 am

@cijimpi “look at it this way BS. the dude chows u..
u chow his money!!”…DEAD

Regards
Majesa haaiwaane
“Tembisa’s own Angelo”

Brown Shuga on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:51 am

Abut Majesa… you’re not einstein anymore? #dead

KevCare on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:52 am

Every girl has a bit of “GOLD DIGGER” in her

Every guy has a bit of “sugar daddy” in him (if he can afford it) lol

HoneyPhly on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:55 am

iGymaphi le weight? they are gym’ing for them jezabels ngoba bathanda Lento! ngiyimoto echonchi imali

posh on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:58 am

@nkey It is said you don’t know what you’ve got till its gone, I don’t wish this for you.

I suggest you get professional advice, go to therapy, you might find a better solution that will give you space you need and keeping your marriage intact.

You’ll be amazed that you are not the only one who has felt like this and there are solutions for your problem

your therapist can advice whether to bring your husband or not

Noance on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:59 am

Nkey that is some deep ish……….
He sounds like a dream man but at the same time I can understand that u’ve never done things on ur own and u need that sense of self accomplishment (huggie)

MsTeee on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:03 am

kwaaaaaaaaaa @ I think ndijola nempuku yemali *dead*

Siyamthanda on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:08 am

kwahahahhahaaha @Tembisa’s own Angelo *goes back to silentville* I am not a sponsee or a sponsor I will sit this one out, maar if you got a guy whos willing to share the spoils I dont see anything wrong with it, but to ask for money to do hair after a second date, you might as well go stand ko Oxford.

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:10 am

Lela says…”WARNING: Gals stay away from amadoda who are still tryina make it,it is not easy.”

This is soooo f*cken true Lela.

Zest on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:11 am

As a man I always pay & now that u also earn it wud be nice if u cud take me out & pay 4 everything… Just wanna know how it feels to be on the other side…

That’s not a complaint thou…

gudgal on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:11 am

im married and my hubby encourages me to save my money, thou we share financial responsibilities like who buys groceries, pays electricty and stuff like split bond payment and it works perfectly. i pay for my car but sometimes he pays for my car’s service, *BUT* i like the fact that he encourages me to save and buy my self things i want,wen he bonuses or wen he is got money he takes me shoping and plus he likes those expensive clothes!

crazy worshiper on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:12 am

he he he he wat an intrsting topic

crazy worshiper on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:13 am

moola al de way

tumtum on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:13 am

@BS please spare us Abut’ Majesa signature. His alias alone is enough.

Thanks.

Nkey.. on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:14 am

@ posh le Noance I thank you so so much sweet angels.Indaba ye therapist never came into my mind but will try it.Thanks!

Abut' Majesa on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:15 am

@BS its called Schizophrenia & no body said its limited to 2 personalities HEHEHE

@KevCare by nature the male is suppose to take care of the female, but as humans we always find creative ways of exploiting processes, such as women using men for buying them drinks at the club & guys spending money with the intention of getting SEX.

Regards,
Majesa haaiwaane
“Tembisa’s own Angelo”

Slow Jam00 on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:22 am

my boyfriend takes care of me.i am working my pay its not enough,so i donthave budget ya petrol so uyazi kumele anginike,…angiyiceli kuyena

then there is uDaddy cool yena anginamahloni ukumcela imali,he even linked me to his beneficiaries.i just buzz him uyazi ngifunani….

Lela on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:26 am

Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa @bigace plus uyindoda yomXhosa ave ningamagqolo. Bethunana it is biblical that a man is a provider but ke we lives in times where we both work so it’s fine do your part I will do mine but it won’t hurt having you do more seeing as you are a man after all.

@Kiki ndijola in that industry where they are always hustling and dry days are really dry for them so I know how that feels. The only thing that helps is that fact that I’m not a gold digger so in those dry times I just grin and bare as long as nigger brings his share,if he can’t I’m happy to “borrow him” but there are thise times where I will just help out because I know how he also helps me out in my dry days(and I have many of these).

Another thing is knowing that when money is there ubhuti spoils you rotten shem like he is making up for the dry times.
Problem is since we stay together even when money comes nditya ndiyicingela ndifuna kubekelwe irainy days. Hayi yho it’s not easy qha,get a man who is financially stable whether you want his money or not.

GA on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:26 am

I have offended my dude friends a lot by insisting on paying my way in their presense. Its just so hard to accept guys paying my way. If they do, i find i way to return the “favor”, by paying for something else…makes me sleep at night.

At the same time, it kinda feels weird when a guy doesnt offer to pay. I just like saying, “no, ill pay my way”
I find equally strange when a guy asks money from me. Ill give, but they loose some admiration from me,cant help.

Do i even like it when guys buy me gifts???…i dont quite like it. Id like to like it though coz my freinds certainly enjoy it while i wanna bury my head …..in shame,whenever i get given/bought staff. #just doesnt sound healthy#. I dont go out unless i have money to pay and a friend of mine always says gore i shouldnt worry, guys will pay…i just cant picture myself allowing that.i’d die.

KevCare on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:34 am

@Abut’Majesa “Angelo” ke eng jwale? *sigh*

WARNING: Gals stay away from amadoda who are still tryina make it,it is not easy. *SMDH*

Its these type of girls i usually stay faAar away from!! They like the cheese but would DIE at the sight of a cow!!!

Look, im from an “OK” family, private schools, corporate connections and all….BUT….I’d rather dig my own gold mine rather than take the easy road!!

I like it that way coz then a woman would be with me (not because we got a 6 bed house with 6 cars in the Free State) but because i’m my own man and even though im in a Chico now, the JOURNEY to the Bentley is more gratifying!!

Abut' Majesa on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:37 am

@Slow Jam00 “he even linked me to his beneficiaries” …#CLASSIC I’m supprised no Durban artist has used that line in a song HEHEHE.

Regards,
Majesa Haaiwaane
“Tembisa’s own Angelo”

Pappy on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:49 am

Mina im working, but it does confort me when my man prefers to do stuff for me. He knows im working, so that means i can afford it myself and he just wanna do it for me, i say go ahead my love and buy and pay for me i wont say No. But i do not wait for my man to do my hair or buy an outfit for me. All im saying is that Men do spend their money on women for the fun of it, and if its not u, its the ladies aT Mzoli’s.

ThatoM on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:49 am

#TeamMabatjiwe Mabachwithwe

KewlGal on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:59 am

*Sigh* @Nkey can I be you tu?

Please my sista think about your situation carefully, you might just hurt your husband very bad, he sounds like the perfect husband, I think the therapy suggestion is a good one for both of you, and he needs to know how u feel as well. *sigh* some gals are lucky mara..

Guys do you think women who are INLOVE with broke nyikkas are crazy???

Smatsatsa on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:00 am

Mina I’m all for “the man is the head of the house” theory.. I have my own car, house, and ish ne, hey, being independent is KAK I tell u, after realising that, I went 4 the conventional method.. I know I can take care of myself very well and I know that my man’s more financially stable. I have no problem with receiving money, I seldom ask but I’ll never say no when a man offers me money or stuff, lol, who said they feel like a whore when they do? That’s funny..

GA on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:04 am

“Guys do you think women who are INLOVE with broke nyikkas are crazy???…”….cant pretend this question has never crossed my mind. If they are happier than Primrose with her fancy cars then they are defs better of….

KewlGal on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:15 am

@GA that what I always ask myself, what’s more important havin all that Primrose has, cars, mansion, CHEATING husband, etc etc or havin a broke nigga who hustling to make ends meet but who loves you truly, makes u happy, and treats u like his Queen in his empty kraal?

I am not in any way advocating for broke nyikkas, but I think sometimes we ladies demand too much high standards for our guys, and we miss true love in da process… sometimes its not about materialistic things..

KewlGal on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:16 am

@GA thats what I always ask myself, what’s more important? havin all that Primrose has, cars, mansion, CHEATING husband, etc etc or havin a broke nigga who hustling to make ends meet but who loves you truly, makes u happy, and treats u like his Queen in his empty kraal?

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:19 am

Smatsatsa says….”Guys do you think women who are INLOVE with broke nyikkas are crazy???”

No they are not crazy,badlisiwe.

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:20 am

Sorry Smatsatsa I meant KewlGal.

Reitu on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:26 am

@KewlGal..yes they are crazy..been there done that..guess what..I was left with maxed out credit cards and debt that i never thought I would get out of coz I was the “independent” woman..Had to end that r/ship coz I could feel i was drowning..One of my friends used to say “chomi moshemane o o ho ja a be a hlafune le masapo”..LOL!
After that r/ship i swore i will never date a broke man or a man that’s still tryna make it..If you dare ask me for money you are soooo out the door..period!
Now i have met a man..I don’t ask him for money unless I’m really desperate..BUT he knows his responsibilities as a man and provides. He just gives and gives without me asking..Trust me it feels GREAT knowing you have a man that has ur back financially..

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:33 am

*Off Topic* BS please do me a favour and put up the Video of R.Kelly’s Half On A Baby. Yazi uR Kelly opakile stru…..his entire studio shows thru those white pants especially that part when he is walking slowly. *sweats*

MsTeee on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:36 am

hahahahahaha No they are not crazy,badlisiwe.
Kiki mara SMH at u…. lol

KewlGal on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:40 am

LOL Kiki…

HoneyPhly on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:40 am

@KewlGal, rather a wealthy cheating dawg than a broke cheating dawg. no man wants to eat pap everyday, somedays he wants them prawns and sushi, other days wimpy and spur, other days pap and wors. so yeah, that’s the male diet.

BROKE MEN, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME if you know what’s good for your you. go date the women who can do it for themselves, my money is just that, mine!

HoneyPhly on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:44 am

i hope those that are saying they got their own houses, cars etc, own this crap. not renting (shit that belongs to the bank). what’s so independent about that? rather save that (petty cash) R15000 you earn and put it to good use instead of spending them on your definition of ‘men’

KewlGal on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:48 am

he he he he Kiki, *offtopicaswell* talking about studios… *takes a deep breath* Did yall see Chris Brown’s studio???? *lord hav mercy* *goes to drool on the pic again* phewww! somebody stick a fork on me..

KewlGal on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:52 am

‘@KewlGal, rather a wealthy cheating dawg than a broke cheating dawg.’

HoneyPhyl, i’m with u on this one mate.. strubob

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 11:55 am

@KewlGal,uBreezy aint got sh*t on R Kelly. I am telling yall.

Kic-S on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:02 pm

If i had lotsa moola guys I’d surely ask my wife to retire n stay @ home so i can take care of all her financial needs, mara nou eish i’m not a millionaire. Life is not as easy and cheap as it looks. Reality is paying for cars, bond, electricity, educations for your kids, house maid, and lately petrol, maintaining your lifestyles is bloody expensive & household will not survive the whole month with only one salary.

Having said all that i still try and spoil my wife whenever i can even though she’s earning a salary. When i’m broke (every month just before payday) i always ask her for money, le yena likewise.

KewlGal on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:02 pm

kwaaaaa hay maan Kiki, u killin me now…

BS please put that video up sisi, I’m missing out.. Lol yhoo but tht Brizzy shlong mara! It got me singing u *wakrazulwa ngenxa yam* to ask for repentance for my perving sins..

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:11 pm

Kic-S you are a very good man bhuti,keep it up.

Wena KewlGal the day u see that video u will never look at R Kelly the same way again..NEVER.

Gomolemo on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:13 pm

I work and independent, but i still need a man to spoil me once in a while. Offer to buy petrol for me, fix that broken toaster etc. Men are providers and they should take care of us. As for asking for money, i think a real man will know that he needs to help with finance once in a while.

gudgal on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:15 pm

@Kic-S thats wat im talking abt.
QHony Phly i hope those that are saying they got their own houses, cars etc, own this crap. not renting (shit that belongs to the bank). what’s so independent about that? rather save that (petty cash) R15000 you earn and put it to good use instead of spending them on your definition of ‘men’

u said it well, ppl go on and on saying they own this and that wen they r actually renting.
Not ayoba @ll

soul sista on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:15 pm

”WARNING: Gals stay away from amadoda who are still tryina make it,it is not easy.”
Tjo! I think this was directed at me, but hey I’ll keep on singing along to Timbaland ft Keri Hilson’s The Way I Are or Brenda Fassie’s Nomakanjani… Tltltltl

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:16 pm

LOL @ Honeyphly…

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:17 pm

I have to say, those that say they independent and all,to think Beyonce got soooo many bags for Xmas,I think…

@SlowJam000 … Tjo!! Ungaphi omunye umtwna iAIDS…

gudgal on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:17 pm

a man is also a human being who doesnt read minds, if r need money ask for it, how on earth is he suppose to know that today u broke?

Weiss on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:25 pm

LOL @ all who r asking BS to put up the R Kelly video. Guyz cant u c that BS is lying on the floor, stressed out wanting to be independent all the way?? Leave her alone, rather play that video in ur heads.

MsBoateng on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:30 pm

no matter how independent sisters can be we should agree though that its nice when your man does things for you…….sometimes we can tell ourselves ukuthi we are better off but deep down siyazi ukuthi it isnt so …

Answer me this independent ladies
When was the last time you took yourselves on holiday?
Bought that expensive bag on shop window at the trendy boutique?

I have my girlfriends who think they are independent but as soon as you mention holiday bakhala ngemali ubazwe bethi tjo kube bengijola noMotsepe bengizinojoina manje angina nix

One thing is for sure man are head of the house ( umsebenzi wabo to provide) whether you make your own money or not and if he feels less of a man in your compound trust me he will go somewhere else.
My 3cents worth …. BS if you run into Robert Gumede pls ask him if akafuni umuntu ozombambela umnyango endlini yakhe …..Sister needs a job

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:31 pm

Hai hai guys how many people can afford to buy a Houses and Cars cash?? Even Theuns and the Motsepes still owe the banks. Ayikho lonto eniyithethayo shem. We don’t exactly ‘OWN’ the stuff but if I am paying for it then its as good as mine which is why you get all these options of taking up insurances that cover you even after being retrenched or passing on. If I die today my skorokoro will be paid up by my Insurance and that becomes part of my little Estate.

The fact that I owe a bank doesn’t make me less independent,I pay that bank don’t I?? Maybe my understanding of the word independent differs andazi. *Googles NE-YO’s lyrics for Miss Independent*

Lela on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:36 pm

Hayibi KevCare it’s not easy nangoku,uthando alutyiwa,by a man who is still trying to make it I mean a man who is not financially stable,if you are financially stable in your Chicconess then it’s fine. Problem is when there are times when kumele ndimince ba izabakhona na imali yerent kulenyanga xa ndibona ngathi your hustling didn’t go well that month. Futhi mina I’m speaking for myself because I’m with a man who is an industry where there is no stable salary,xa ikhona iba ninzi xa ingekho simunca iintupha cause nam I’m not there yet and we stay together plus kukho nabantwana.

@Kiki kwaaaaaaaaaaaa @badlisiwe. Yhazi i admire women who can live with broke ass niggas(i know a few) cause I know how difficult it is with even the one who’s atleast tryina make it,and I know how bitter i get when there is no money endlini and I just can’t imagine how I would be if I were to do everything for a man. When they complin to me i always say hayi chomi i cant help you cause cacile uyamthanda lomfana.

Lela on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:41 pm

Injalo Kiki,I was telling off some coloured guy last night telling me about how my child is always crying so I should close the door, in that heat ya last night. I told him this is my place and you won’t tell me what to do but then I remembered ba siyarenta but then I thought who cares yimai yethu mos le sibhatala ngayo lerent!

MsBoateng on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:42 pm

hey @Kiki you should have seen me ka world cup I was running everywhere R.Kelly was hoping to get a taste of that package sadly abo Ms Oxford beat me to it…..

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:55 pm

@ Kiki… I am not a huge *excuse the pun* fan mara Kells is aging well!!! Saw him on Live *I think* with some Naija crew.

Botwe on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 12:59 pm

Being a provider is a major part of a mans identity. Mna i believe if a man loves you thrs even no need to ask….

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:00 pm

Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaa @MsBoateng.

Yes it’s your place Lela becoz you are paying for it,you are not a charity case. I don’t depend on my Parents,Brothers or anyone to pay my bills. When I have a man its ok coz he does his part but if he is not there life goes on, my bills will still get paid by ME. So what does that make me??

sugar babes on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:01 pm

Well to be honest, I’ve always been independent. Wether I could afford it or not. My baby daddy left me when I was 3 months preggies, and till this day I have never received a cent from him. My daughter is 2 years and 1 month exactly today, but I just can’t bring myself to take him to court. No matter how much people try to convince me. Just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.

Yes he should maintain because it’s his child as well, but y should he be forced into something that he knows that he must do. I honestly feel like I’ll be insulting my child if I had to take him to court. God gave me streaght to provide for my child, its not much, but hey I’m managing.

KevCare on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:02 pm

@Kiki, i think what they meant is that people who RENT apartments especially in the JHB Northern suburbs and pretend like they OWN them!
The same applies to people who rent cars every time they drive to other provinces for events like Macufe or 60′s and lie to the poor girls looking for “guys who have made it” *smh*

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:14 pm

Lol @ Kevcare… I do not have a problem with people that rent when it is necessary or is required BUT I do have a problem with people that earn R12 000 and then go rent in the leafy burbs and pay amarent wabo R9 000!!! I honestly would rather stay ema roomini elokishini or in the near Houghton Berea parts or other cheaper but decent flats but not Jhb CBD…Just don’t make financial sense to me…

@ Sugarbabes… He must not even have to be taken to court!!! Cela u @ Nkey akuhlanganise nomfo ka Indoda elungileyo… Its his kid and even makes it worse that he left when u were 3 months pregnant and they the kind when the child has done well in life they want to act like they contributed a cent!! I hope God gives u more so ur kid can get the best out of life and this idiot can lose his limbs!!!

Lela on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:20 pm

Sugar Babes, God is a God of rigteousness and JUSTICE. Yes you can afford your child but she could get better if the man was doing his part. Why wena kumele wondlele enye indoda,it’s his responsibility whether he likes it or not it’s not even a matter of you forcing him and yes if he needs to be forced force him. Pride ayincedi sisi lilungelo lomtanakho eli sithetha ngalo. Imagine what you can do for your child with just 2000rands more cause they make him pay half of everything you pay starting from rent.

HoneyPhly on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:22 pm

@Kiki, that means you don’t OWN it! the bank does! theunis nabo patrice buy their houses and cars cash, haba batali Rent nama installment weyimodo sweety.
that place oyi rente has an OWNER. catch my drift? people want independence kabhlungu maan. *playing miss independent and laughing my ass off* what a sad consolation

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:23 pm

MissAN,say that again about Kells…HOTNESS shem…nka modira stru.

HoneyPhly on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:26 pm

@sugababe, may God bless you child! now here’s an independent woman indeed. leave that baby daddy alone, he ain’t worth that energy, uzazisola, one day is one day

Lela on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:26 pm

Did I mention that you will even get a back pay of whatever amount they decide on,imagine let’s say 2000 by 25months!

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:28 pm

@ Honephly… Lol!! Cha wena u something else… I laughed when I read that a Billionaire that made to Forbes at number 503 owes the bank…more like the Bank owes him money…

But @ Honeyphly manje if you cant afford ibond fanele wenzeni? uzikhame? naye uMotshepe started somewhere at some point getting Precious to push the car cos they were dead broke at Wits when they were students…

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:30 pm

@ Lela I get the legal ground u coming from but to be honest if I was in @ Sugarbabes shoes I would also leave the bastard alone… who in this day and age runs away from their flesh and blood and fanele inkantolo imtshele that he must pay up??? @ Sugarbabes… but really weigh the options very well…

Maratahelele on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:32 pm

elt me get this right,KiKi is saying woman should only date guys who are well off,what happened to love??Yes I sometimes wonder why an educated woman would go for some lova who doesnt want to study and works ko some call centre but I know LOVE doesnt choose sometimes.Wena KiKi,just remember that nobody started rich unless they are from a rich family.

The issue of money can be stupid sometimes.If I ask to take you out,I do not expect you to talk about 50/50.Many guys get offended by such behavior.Unless you the one that insisted in ging out,dnt bother takingo ut your filthy money.

Guys also dnt expect woman to ask for money everytime they get paid.Most we dnt mind stuff like airtime and small stuff but once you tell me your needs every month,it is a big turn off unless you really need those textbooks and cant afford them.

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:33 pm

HoneyPhyl u are lying about about abo Patrice not paying car Installments just like u lied saying Sonia is Shwashwi. Do your research ‘sweety’….even Brett Kebble still owed banks.

So are you saying a person can only call themselves Independent ONLY after they have paid up their cars and bonds?? SMH

Dddivo on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:41 pm

Mina im gonna be honest moola is very important
I dated this guy for a year and a half and i was supportin him half the tym
He was ALWAYS broke and used to drink his money away.durin the month he’d call coz he doesnt have money for lunch or he’d bring me breakfast in bed at MY PLACE with my OWN FOOD.funny thing is his working and im a student
Im big on independence n staff mara we wanna be spoiled every once in a while,take me out and gimme moola for a spa treatment

Estee IV WP on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:47 pm

(”,) if you’re under 18* stop reading here (L)…he he he

To summarise, ask for money, if your man is willing to give you money(a classical case of a willing taker willing giver@ equilibrium, if you thing about it LOL)……..how can one tell whether ones boyfriend is willing to giveaway money?, is the question, my answer to this is, ohh well, if he’s really your man you should be able to tell, if you can’t, I have one advise for you, you ought not to beg strangers for money in the first place…just because they tap that thing*…..unless it’s an official transaction from the word, seek to understand and you’ll be rewarded…I thank you

KewlGal on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:47 pm

I could cry for years at the pain I feel for my sisters who are raising their kids alone becos baby daddy left them before or just after the baby was born, It pains me soo much. I dont have a child yet, but maan somethings that some of our brothers do are horrible really. There is a huge number of single women working their a$$es off raising kids alone with no support whatsoever from the fathers, why Lord?

I am currently supporting my 3rd younger sisters child together with my other sister who is working as well, my goodness EVERYTHING about raising a child is expensive, education, clothes, food etc etc, imagine there’s atleast two of us, how much more is it on a single parent?

I salute you women of strength and power, may God richly bless you and reward you kindly for your courage…

*wiping tears*

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:47 pm

@Maratahelele why are you addressing me and NOT Lela?

Anyway,we all have choices and standards or goals we have set for ourselves. Just like Khanyi chose to put a price on herself there are some women who willm settle for everything even feeding a man till kingdom come but its their choice. I have worked hard and am still working hard for my future so why kumele ngiphindele emuva to help a man when no man phindelad emuva to help me? You put your life on hold to build a man bazoza oKhanyi bamthathe after all your hard work and you will start singing Ring The Alarm by Beyonce. Most men always forget where they come from believe me. You will help him with every penny you’ve got then you will hear he is now cheating on you with so and so who owns a NewsCafe…Lol

My point is settle for someone your equal or better. Do not settle for less.

Lira on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:53 pm

Ya-ne thjelete moloi o moholo.
Nna I prefer to do stuff for ma self…I have never asked him for money.

Pkasts on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:54 pm

Eish yah Neh!!!!!

Kew Gal: “Guys do you think women who are INLOVE with broke nyikkas are crazy???”

I’m in 1 of those situations, I love him So MUCH but Nigga is a BROKE ASS madafucker and worse he is not that good luking!!! I dont wanna loose him (God Knows i dont wanna loose him) because of his small pockets……. But Yeses i have developed moods swings, ke mo fella pelo because ke fila o kare he is not progressing in the right Direction!!! He is 1 of the Sweetets ppl i know but haai Ke Ku Wrong and ku Bad.

Haai Sometimes i dissapoint myself Yazi!!! Such an educated good looking gal like me settling for so LITTLE

Fck what u heard…..LOVE ALONE IS NOT ENOUGH!!!

sugar babes on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:56 pm

Thanks ladies. LOL @Lela. Honestly, I think my child is better off without such a person in her life. He will just make her life as miserable as he made mine.

MsTeee on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:56 pm

who cares if ur house and car is not payed off ngaba singafa singena nto moss saving to buy these things cash… SMH
even worse with cars coz I don’t see myself paying it off inga ndi dikanga and look for another one

MsBoateng on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 1:57 pm

love dont pay the rent or bond

with @Pkasts Love alone is not enough no matter how cute dude is….

Maratahelele on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:01 pm

Atleast now you talking KiKi.I also do not encourage woman to go for someone who is not in your standard.If you both still struggling,its better to struggle together than a man who will give you money and expect you to worship the ground he walks on.

In India,a Doctor can never marry a Teacher.If you are highly educated,you must marry somebody in the same class as you,I support that fully.I just dnt understand woman who expect you to be rich while they also dnt have the moola.And for the guys who like dating this broke ass sweet girls,just know nothing closes the hole,once she finds her feet,she can will live in a click of a button…

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:04 pm

Lol @ Pkastas… my theory is… yes be with a broke a** guy but he needs to have some ambition and direction not umuntu ongazi whether uyaphuma noma uyangena and I will certainly make that love supper…Mara if he lacks ambition,drive then you will end up like those women aba phusha nge last gear cos indoda ayasebenzi and he is spending you money on other women…

Wild Island on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:12 pm

wuu let me not start with my weired confusing stories abt money hle…this was discussed ko kayafm wuuuuuuu goes back to the pls call stories..

ok 1 last story kge:)
kana laitsi gore ke divorceee..ok alitsi “duh”..my ex ne hheeee mr BEE would cum up with stories bt his tenders not paying u nywenywe stories ijo ker nekejewa nkare ke beetroot hle kahodimo ka waleteng lekafatshe hle bathong,his last straw was when he told me to giv him my whole salary or fokof cos ke useless eeeeeeeeeh…katswa kesakwala monyako so lenna keile katlwaela bo independence jwale someeimes keshwela kahare and oh well vele if ojola lenna pls mfe chelete i dont wanna ask for it usually they go awol before i even get an EFT from them haaaaaisuka..lol

Reitu on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:12 pm

@Pkasts..ene ba sweet jwang shem bona ba broke..mara AOWA ke ya leboga..STRESS fela
@sugar babes..i am in a similar situation as you..baby daddy is not contributing nothing towards his child coz he is Broke..shem ke tswile ko yena..
I feel so blessed though coz my guy makes sure my child is not short of anything, be it school fees, transport, Ausie, Clothes etc

Pkasts on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:18 pm

@ MissAn and the Thing is I try to push him at all levels, He dropped out @ Tertiary, so that means he has no Qualifications to start with but i Try by all means for him to be motivated and make take in 3-6 months Courses BUT he has this problem i call Quick Cash, Yena he is interested in having quick cash not cash that will last him a lifetime!!! GOD KNOWS i push him first b4 i push myself, ke mozama ka all Angles to make it in life mara o kare o slow nyana ko tlhogong, he needs to process whatever i say to him for 2 months b4 he can actually act on it

And I’m Afraid if i do Progress first, Am gonna leave him, that i know and its my biggest FEAR. Do i leave him now or Later?

Pkasts on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:21 pm

@ Reitu o ba itsi Pila fela, Ba Sweet and Humble…..Jeses!!!!
Which makes it more difficult for me to dump him and get some1 who is rich and has an EGO to fill up the whole Soccer City Stadium!!!

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:24 pm

@ Pkasts… shiya phantsi!! Trust me, if userious he will get his act together manje if le cash cow eyinguwe ibusy imondla then you enabling him and just creating a huge problem that will catch up with u in the future… Leave him now so when you have progressed you wont feel bad that u leaving him when he does not have anything…

BLACKPEARL on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:27 pm

ja kiki u so rite u cn nava trst a man baluma bapholise.umuntu u zomusiza bese at the end u zokuphoxha by cheatng,kanti umuthole angana luthu ngisho nemali yoku zighibeza i thekisi…….but jst bcoz umthanda for hu h iz awunandaba u jst give yr lv 2 hm………..maseka suthi kubayinkinga akhohlwe ukuthi niphumaphi

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:27 pm

@ Pkastas… nc nc nc… *cue Honeyphly to knock some sense to u and has @ Noance on standby* he is a sweet konyana cos he knows where his bread is buttered!! I am all for helping people BUT a person must be willing to want to be helped and act on my help,not umuntu ofanelwe aphushwe!!

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:30 pm

@ Maratahelele… u See what @Kiki is on about? Look at the mess @Pkasts is in… she is miserable with a broke guy who refuses to better himslef…at least MR Money will make u unhappy mara you have a roof,German machine & an overseas holiday to ease ur woed…manje le sweet konyana yaka @Pakstats yimbi futhi ayinamali!!!

sexybehind on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:33 pm

So if you’ve been in a relationship for 9 years or more, and ilobolo has been paid for you and you even stay together, does this mean that when you ask for money from him including imali yama hairstyle or Petrol, you are a whore? Kanti what happened to sharing vele? What if my car broke down and a portion of my salary went to fixation, e ne o thole hore I have no money whatsoever, jwale ke seka ka mokopa chelete ya moriri kampo manala? E le monna wa ka? Yena ha a batla ke month thuse ka chelete ke tshwanetse ke month thuse le nna. A relationship is a too way thing, if a batla ho nspoiler, o nale every right ke monna waka mos, ha sa spoiler nna, o tla spoiler mang? Society se na sa rona kajeno se judgemental hore, hoa swabisa ka nnete. Ka mantswe a mang, bomme ba ko mahaeng bona he ba labelwa jwale ka di “gold-digger” hobane ha ba sebetse empa bontate ba teng ke bona ba diprovider. Those women aren’t independent mos? What about them he? Mind you I respect them. Bottom of the story, Men are providers naturally. Whether you working or not. Many white people are willing to support chicks too, they spoil them rotten with expensive trips, clothes, cars, jewellery, houses just to name a few and those women being spoiled work too. Jwale ke gane because I want to show hore I’m an independent woman! If we are in a relationship, where is the logic in that? I won’t say NO! Afterall he is my Man. And it sure hell doesn’t make me a prostitute. Ke monna wa ka! Hao

Reitu on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:38 pm

@Pkast..run girl and run as fast as you can and never look back. Trust me he will never change. If you have tried as many times as you have to try and guide and help and go sa tshwana..BALEHA..Otherwise you will be like that woman lying on the floor with a million bills to pay o le stressed o sa robale..TJO! never again shem!

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:41 pm

MissAN says….”manje le sweet konyana yaka @Pakstats yimbi futhi ayinamali!!!” kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa MissAN uyadelela wena stru.

Dark8lord on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:46 pm

Remind’s me of Destiny’s Child- Bills, Bills, Bills. “Can you pay my bils? Can you pay my telephone bill? Can you pay my automobile, blah blah blah. . . I don’t think you do, so you and me are through”

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:46 pm

@ Kiki…mina ngifana nawe,I do not even look at an ugly guy noma angaba nemali,cabanga sengicabuzana nomuntu ofana no Sam Shilowa…I just dont find them attractive,fanele umuntu abhekeke… mara thats what she said “I’m in 1 of those situations, I love him So MUCH but Nigga is a BROKE ASS madafucker and worse he is not that good luking!!!”

BLACKPEARL on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:47 pm

sexybehind dat means yr not a whore,hes yr man plus he paid i lobola……let him spoil u rotten dear

HoneyPhly on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:48 pm

Ey MissAN Patrice has never been broke. his father was a mining magnate and therefore patrice will naturally take after his fathers co.
he didn’t build from scratch.

and yes I agree, k’mele si pushe eLife’ini shem. I’m just saying if independence (not in it’s true sense of the word) means renting and owing banks then I guess millions of people are independent. even that guy who plays ama dice at the street corner is independent ngoba uya phanda right? WRONG!

BLACKPEARL on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:50 pm

missAN….lol

GTI on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:50 pm

Money and love are both important. I have been with my partner long enough that we both helped each other out_laughed, cried, broke, sexed and still do. Now we are counting our blessings and we are both working. He really helped me alot when I WAS LOOKING FOR A JOB WAY BACK_but look at me now…

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:50 pm

@ HoneyPhly… I know he comes from a business family mara thats what Precious said in a Drum interview…maybe she was just downplaying their wealth… Asiyeke yaka Pratrice,Please ngicela ukhulume no @Pkatsa…

Tjoh!! Manje thina asingalobolwanga we are whores???

Dddivo on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:56 pm

Thanks kiki for the beautiful words!made my day ‘never settle for less’
atleast dating a cheating rich man than dating a broke cheating man!with my man nje u can see uzojola tooo much mhla eba nemali *rolls credits*IM DONE WITH HIM

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:58 pm

@ Honeyphly…mara nawe u just want to rub it in people’s face that you own property…Being independent means you do not rely on others for your upkeep and are able to sustain yourself…Phela if I were to be technical about this issue… Poor Kiki pays rent avery month and is not dependent mara mina on the other hand own a bond free RDP and I am independent,yet the state gave me that house… Independence means you are self-reliant!!! Finish & Klaar…

BLACKPEARL on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 2:58 pm

missAN for those abangaba lobolanga dey are not whore’s……….my bad ddnt mean for it to sound lyk dat

Pkasts on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:02 pm

Ha ha aha ha ha ha ha @ MissAn!!! “Please ngicela ukhulume no @Pkatsa…”

I think i know what i need to do, i Just need Courage nje….
Phela its not easy dumping some1 just because of small pockets!!

Mara what if he makes it a year later after i dump him?

Pkasts on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:03 pm

DEATH OF ME!!!! “manje le sweet konyana yaka @Pakstats yimbi futhi ayinamali!!!”

Haai Shame yena o mobe shame, i just know gore if a re wang nyala ko gae baile go gana magadi!!! That is just me, I know how to pick them Ugly and Broke!!!

HoneyPhly on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:07 pm

lol, neh mara, I don’t own any property, I am self reliant. i guess i’m independent! ngibonga ama social grant, lol

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:08 pm

@ Pkasts… Even if he makes it after a year be glad he finally saw the light…Phela nawe u not going to dump him and make up a lie…tell him what the real issue is and if it need be print these JC comments at the end of the day what if he leaves u after u make him progress?? Nothing in life is guaranteed,if he is urs he is urs mara… Lol @ Courage..Remember Courage the Cowardly dog…Rember how he was like?? You need a reality check If u fail,send @Noance,Kiki & Honeyphly to tell him you leavingh…*Cues Xfactor Lauren Hill*

@ Kiki… Pkatsa…uthi mobe shem…

HoneyPhly on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:09 pm

@Pkasts, just like Drakes ex-girlfriend who thought he was a Big Dreamer and how he’d never make it. bekha manje.

*stands in line to collect iGrant* eish this pay cheque to pay cheque life of mine

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:13 pm

MissAN,I think Honey nton nton doesn’t know the meaning of the word independent shem,either that or she is still too young to understand. You don’t have to own a Plane or a Chopper to be considered independent. If I MaKhumalo has a caravan that she bought nge loan that she got from a bank where she sells Pap n stew from office people to the Taxi drivers and she pays her own bills without having to bow down to anyone for cash then believe me she is independent.

BLACKPEARL on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:20 pm

inyani keleyo sana……

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:21 pm

Eish I love google!!! Pkasts…what @Honeyphly forgets to tell u Drake is half Jewish and we know they a rich “race” and “His parents divorced when he was five years old, and he was raised by his mother in Toronto’s wealthy Forest Hill neighbourhood” Does Shrek’s family rich??? Hmmmmmm?

Lela on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:25 pm

Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa @broke and ugly sweet konyana. Hayi maan PK hambe sontweni bazokunikeza icourage. I know a woman who is still suppporting a man nine years into marriage because brother man always lacked ambition. If he was gonna change he would be doing something towards that change as we speak. Futhi you will never know happiness uzohlala ubitter cause lento oyenzayo kuzikhohlakalela. Don’t you have siblings that need you help instead of this konyana esweet qha? Ha a sisi!

Wild Island on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:25 pm

@Thanks ladies. LOL @Lela. Honestly, I think my child is better off without such a person in her life. He will just make her life as miserable as he made mine.

AMEN SISTER…lenna i feel the same way..WHY KEISA MOTHO KO COURT ONLY TO BE TOLD WHAT HE KNEW HE WAS SSUPPOSE TO DO..hai lenna kelame leo and i am coping ok thank u very much…next thing oiketsa farmer brown mo..ko chekas habare di apola tsahae dimonate…who was slaving,watering and naturing those apples..he has the guts to ask my daughter to visit asantshe le PENI ENTSHO..hao nyaka chelete still abuwe story sa di BEE seshweleng 9yrs ago fok man..nkile ngwana aya abowa asarekelwa le pentinyana sis kare no more…ketla sokolla pele finish and klaar..

BS ako etse topic ka bashemane/ladies who litch(abuzang) off their partners tu..bakadimiwang le dikoloyi balo cheka ka di koloyi tsarona

Pkasts on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:29 pm

LOL…..Nah he does not come from a rich Family, he comes from an “OK” family, where his mother managed to get him through Tertiary and even Bought him an Apartment where he stays now.

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:30 pm

Pkasts says…..”Mara what if he makes it a year later after i dump him?”

Shame Pkasts how is he gonna do that within a year when he failed to do it all these years u have been together? When u dump him he will look for another YOU and the cycle continues..If he does make it after you then it means you were bad for him,you have made him too comfortable and he believed that no matter what you will always be there for him.

See what I meant when I said we must put our men on probation??

Savanah Dry on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:32 pm

I can never do broke Ass niggers never… I have always dated someone i can share bills with or someone who just offers to do things of which i do no refuse
Then met this really nice guy believe really really hot ..what i didnt know was he was a nobody had no motivation whatsoever i had to pick him up with my car … sleep overs almost became vat n sit…
Then one day he was in town with him mom and wanted me to give them lift back to the location say whaaat you dn’t buy fuel you chow my cookie and you want me to be yr sponsor heck no i never answered his phone and told security at my flat not to let him in …
From then on i dnt do broke

ThatoM on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:40 pm

Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *orders stroke from venda*
*goes back to silent blogging*

Pkasts on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:49 pm

@ Kiki “Shame Pkasts how is he gonna do that within a year when he failed to do it all these years u have been together? ”

We have been together for 6 months now, its not that long… but trust me I have helped him re-shape his life in that 6 months, Made sure he bought furtinure endlini, Paid most of his debts and o fokuditse go groova ko bo House 22 where ne a spenda chelete ya gae teng.

He only does things when i tell him too, its like he’s dependent on me to tell him what he needs to do and what not, Dude is in his 30′s but still thinks like his 21 yrs old. for a guy his age nkebe anale a whole lotta things,

Thato on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:50 pm

soo many responses bathong? le a bua maan..let me start reading

Lela on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:50 pm

Women need to understand that taking a man to court means he has failed to be a father already so you are not forcing him to be a father but to contribute towards the child that you made together. You are not doing this for you but for your child,it has nothing to do with your pride but everything to do with your child’s well being, yes you afford your child now but she can get better and in future her expences will not stop growing. Hayi shem soze ndondlele enye indoda unless ayisebenzi.

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:53 pm

*Folds arms* Aaahhh 6 months?!!! @Pkstas yejela ukudlala ngathi…. Cha,if the s*x aint good I wonder what is…

Pkasts on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:57 pm

Serious MissAn, its been Only Six months, Last year

Lela on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:58 pm

Benyanisile uKiki, badlisiwe.

Pkasts on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 3:59 pm

Ooooh yah i forgot to mention the SEX!!!!!

Shrek’s got a TOTOLOZI for DAYSSSSSSSSS……Uyayu betha ke into yakhe….Jeses

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:00 pm

@ Kiki… cha u@Pakstas indaba yeprobation ayisebenzi,if @ Pakstas its only been 6 months mara there are sooo many problems mina ngithi ubuya kude na le sweet konyana…clearly u must have known him and what he does before u let him tast ur waters…

Lela on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:02 pm

Ja nami i knew that sweet konyana aint just a sweet konyana but a sweet tiger or should i say horse.

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:06 pm

@Pkstas hau ke 6months?? Sorry I thought it was years. So wena u are lucky ke coz this boy ooops man is showing you his true colours this soon. You are saying he is in his 30s and he still has no direction?? The sex is terrible,you are bored,udliwa mahala ubhekile njengo fish and you are still with him?? Phuma kuye sisi. 6 months is too long shem tjo…mina ngeke,he wouldn’t last a month apha kum,I am very impatient.

Smatsatsa on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:07 pm

Haai @Pkasts, nawe ingathi u don’t wanna let go of this sweet mubi wakho, u’re finding every reason not 2 dump him..
Have u ever thought were would YOU be in a year after leaving him??
Haai suka man, uyang’kwatisa manje..

Kiki on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:16 pm

Hayi maan @Pkstas you are confusing me. Is the sex good or bad?? If he has a totolozi for days then you are tryna tell us that’s whats keeping u with him?? You are actually paying him to make u cum…do u even cum?? Lol,please take that money and get yourself all types of vibrators including that machine that plays with your boobs coz this is not good.

Hayi ke no matter how good the sex is, if you are only bringing that 20% to my life better uhambe. I’d rather sex myself stru…I wont be used like that.

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:17 pm

Guys talking about successful,ambitious and good looking guys…That Urologist yaka 3 Talk …Dr Shangai something…OOooiiii hot…hot..and dresses very well and looks like he smells good *bheka u @Pkasts ngo-S*

Smatsatsa on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:20 pm

Shooo, *dies* “Shrek’s got a TOTOLOZI for DAYSSSSSSSSS……Uyayu betha ke into “

GA on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:23 pm

Hectic @Pkats….i cringed.
And after ur comment, i am defs sure i wouldnt date a brother who cant provide when i need it and when i dont. Ive seen what my sister earning more money than the hubby eventually did….a sad divorce.
Oh and also i cant deal with a brotha who has a “lesser” qualification than mine…thats is hard to swallow…also having seen what it did to my sister. I cringe* at how superficial this maybe makes me…but from where i stand, brother has to (hard to be blant).. earn more and provide and has to have either an equal qualification to mine or higher *cringing and praying for myself so the superficial devil maust get behind me*

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:24 pm

@ Smatsatsa… phela ukhumbule oShrek have extra big everything… nose,lips,feet,dark as the night…itotolozi yona ingaba yincane kanjani?

@ Kiki… Clearly Sweet Konyana is a male escort,concubine and gigilo all in one…He don’t want to be chowed *when Pkasts is on top* or chow for free…

GA on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:25 pm

*whistling @ Kiki’s comment*….”Hayi maan @Pkstas you are confusing me. Is the sex good or bad?? If he has a totolozi for days then you are tryna tell us that’s whats keeping u with him?? You are actually paying him to make u cum…do u even cum?? Lol,please take that money and get yourself all types of vibrators including that machine that plays with your boobs coz this is not good”….hectic!

Litoh Scholes on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:33 pm

Those guys who prefer gold diggers are those less confident and want that feeling of ‘ja she wont leave me coz ke na le zaga’,me prefer that woman who’d die to be with me when she realise i have hots for her(the one who’ll prove my feelings right about her)…..would i ever find that kind na?

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:39 pm

@ Litoh Scholes…keep telling urself that… I think bo Mr BEE just wanna have fun and everyone knows in this set-up that I spend my money and you spend your legs…

Women since the stone age or when we were monkeys,have always wanted men that provide…society has evolved sooo much that what was a gold digger standard was the monkey that could kill a wild animal and bring it home and make that fire with no matches … in 21st century the monkey must be able to provide for the house,car,kids,etc…

Gomolemo on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:39 pm

Shrek…huuuuhaaaa. La Mpolaya strue!

Wild Island on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:43 pm

wuuuuu hot hot hot missA i ve been googling him like crazy and he doesnt change u know..his lips joe…wuuuuuuu
wambeka ngo S…mina ke *qholozelamehlo u miss 6months ” lol

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:47 pm

@ WI… u @Pkasts…uqhoma ngamatotolozi uDR Shangai usebenza ngawo…uyazi inside out…

MissAN on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 4:50 pm

@ All..good bye… @ WI I meant u @Pakstas usiqhoshela nge totolozi ka sweet konyana.

Litoh Scholes on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 5:06 pm

@MissAN,I wish i had a watertight reply,but ill keep believing that there’s a pure heart out there until my heart drops my hopes.But you are right in a way because until some lady raises her hand,its like how you put it.

HoneyPhly on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 5:07 pm

bye MissAN

ThatoM on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 5:22 pm

Offtopic may I plz have ur twitter names guys,would like to follow all of u.thanx

Poustar on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 5:53 pm

Well i will be very Honest i wish I can ask a guy money when i need it but my pride won’t let me and i find a man who can’t think as a turn off. It always feel good when my man gives me money that’s why i never mind to helping when he is running low.

soul sista on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 6:15 pm

*exhales*
It’s tough out there…

Dsaint on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 6:17 pm

I’m 26 yrs old male paying for my bond, ma car….(They r nt mine, bt shld something happen to me – ll ve full ownership)I get broke nw and again….u can’t date me cos I dnt ve a credit profile to borrow 10m as yet?

Fact is ma net worth is beta then most of the so called ppl who ve made it….worst case scenario out of ma estate u r guaranteed atleast 2m(its nt much) bt beta ving to ve to sell ur estate & expensive cars to cover ur debts.

He might have liquid assets power right nw, bt wht is ur ‘millionares’ net worth. I hope ur’ve made it guys’ r nt rich bt wealthy.

BabyGirl on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 6:50 pm

Interesting article and comments.
As my friend would say “imali phambili indoda emva”. I’m sorry I can neva date a guy that earns way less than me. If I do, then I’d have to “outsource” the moola. **goes back to Silentville**

Miss H on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 7:06 pm

1. Indepedence means, being able to take care of yourself. I pay for my car, rent, bills and I don’t expect my boyfriend to pay for my neccesities. When we go out I refuse that Mandoza (50/50) bullsh*t, its either he pays or I’ll pay.
But the one thing I refuse to do, is let him pay for my personal bills, kanti how was I surviving before him and how will I survive after him (touches wood)?
And naye he mustnt involve me if he has financial woes. After all we aren’t married.I don’t wish to know what my partner earns, but he must look like he wants more out of his life,therefore I refuse to date someone who is broke! Its just a stress in my life, that I don’t need.

Kic-S on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 8:03 pm

U can all argue till yo faces turn blue, the remains some ppl r not so fortunate to meet n fall in luv with ppl who’v money + a sense of direction in their lives.

mad33m3 on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 8:31 pm

yo this is a hawt topic. I guess these days Love alone is NOT ENOUGH vele. Doesn’t mean ladies should just 4ld their arms and let the man do everything though. But girls stop looking up2 the “Primroses” of the world for inspiration. No matter how comfortable u live, a man that goes and cheats publicly should be a NO NO!

Nthoentle on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:06 pm

Very interesting!
I grew up very comfortable and papa would buy my sisters n I whatever we wanted, lenna growing up girls who got money from men were lose.
I have always wanted to be independent,make lots of money but I kinda relaxed when I got married. Slowly learnt to ask hubbs for money and I could see how he enjoyed it. He would end up asking me if I had money. I am independent in that I have a good job that pays me well but I am not the “independent woman”. I don’t pay my household bills or my car and I don’t ever intend to,that’s my mans job. I pay the nanny n buy groceries, pay some of my stuff n my savings n investments mara ake dlale di bond, le di water n lights, never.

Nthoentle on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 9:08 pm

Kwa kwa kwa chelete ya miriri! I think a woman must pay for their own hair, nails, facials n massages, tjo lege bare!

Nthoentle on Wed, 9th Mar 2011 10:14 pm

Kwaaaaaa MissAn and Kiki ya’ll r CRaZYYYY I’m finished.
@Phakats lenna I also think u r making excuses for ur man, esp ale over 30,yooo aowa hle. Just leave esale ka pela

Letebele on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 2:37 am

@BS: I could swear u stole the words out of my mouth! Great read,relieved to know that I’m not being impossible by being who I am.

@Kiki: no wonder we get along,I love the way you think. I think you should be my mentor coz I would love to have your back bone.

@Lela: chomi I can relate to yo situation. I’ve been there and it wasn’t easy and that’s why I don’t see myself going back there again (men who are not financially stable).

I may not have much but I’m proud bout the little that I have. I’ve always depended on myself coz I’ve seen friends who’ve depended on men financially and how they find themselves in impossible situations when things don’t work out with the men.

I’ve met a sweet guy (not dating) and reason being that I have more than him,that is a problem for me. I can’t go starting from scratch with him,it took me long enuf to get to where I am.

I would honestly love to have a man who is financially stable so I know where to turn to when I need help. Though i find it difficult to ask,its just not in my nature. It would be even better if he was okay financially and had the sense to offer help since he knows I could never bring myself to ask him for help.

QueenPee on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 5:45 am

Thanks for such a great blog BS…this is one topic that I discuss with my girlfriends almost all the time,and uyibeke kahle. Mina I have a story to tell similar to Caramels. Ok I’m one independent lady who carries herself well with pride and dignity. Ok i’ve been single for a while, due to my work and school commitments. I met this guy,(thanks to the social networks that reconnect us with long lost people) a long lost family friend who I had last seen years ago at some party, and it so happened that the dude had a crash on me. Obviously at that time I was young and innocent and couldn’t have cared less. Ok so we hooked up and this dude started texting me and calling me, promising all the good things you can think off.He even got to an extent of disclosing his finacial status and had the nerve of telling me that I could have access to his bank account anytime. Ok bear in mind that the dude and me were quite far from each other, at least a 16 hour flight from where I am. To to be honest with you I appreciated the calls but I declined access to his financials, and made it clear i was a working class lady who could fend for herself. At some point he even said to me if I really needed cash for gas and food I should feel free to let him know. He went to an extent of even buying me gifts and shipping them to me, which really wowed me as this was new to my eyes, being the independent girl that I am. Long story short, after a few months I was planning on my trip to Afria going home for vacation, normally before i book my flights I 1st do some serious airline shopping online because most of the time you get good deals depending on the season. I got a good deal and booked my flights,it was a wednesday. It so happened that I got a call from my sister in Canada that she was in dire need of cash as she had to register at some institute and the deadline was Friday. Damn I was screwed I had just booked my flight and had wired my money home and I really had enough to keep me going and nothing to spare. Ok so what do i do now? I had other people on my mind but you see when it comes to money you can’t just go to anyone, it has to be someone that you rely on. My closest girlfriend who could have helped me out was going thru some serious issues and she definitely was not an option at this time other than that I really had no one else to turn to.I thought of this dude, and i really thought hard and after serious thinking and swallowing my pride I called this dude and told him my situation..his 1st question was “when do u want the money” Yhooo when I heard that part i was relieved so I told him I needed it by Friday and that i would pay him back on my next pay check, as this was an emergency. He said to me ok let me work on this right away I will call you back. Yoooo I never heard from that guy ever since that day. Uyazi I was so embarassed knowing for a fact that I was going to pay him back, and I kept wondering what he thought of me. After 8 months this guy sent me a long email apologizing..WTF..do you really think after 8 months my lifestyle changed? Hell No..so I will never ever ever ask for money from a guy..I learnt my lesson..

Pkasts on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 7:34 am

Morning!!!!! Kiki the guys is very very good in bed:-) and most of the time i have multiple orgasms, besides him being broke, ugly-nyana, he’s really really sweet mara yazi! aND am not making excuses for him, he has a good heart.

Last night he sat me down and asked what is going on cauze lamalanga he can see am acting a bit strange, Eish yah this guy neh o blind serious. Mara how do I tell some1 that i claim to love that i’m going to dump him because of his financial situations?

Zeal on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 7:56 am

PKasts, you shouldnt have been with him in the first place…*hides*
QueenPee, askies, but kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha!!

Pkasts on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 8:10 am

@ Zeal Ha ha ha ha ah ha ha Mara who must he Date NOW?

MissAN on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 8:12 am

@ All… Hello Good morning…

@Nthoentle…I have been wondering where u have been,still have not popped??? When are u due?

@ QueenPee… yibo la u the @DSaint is speaking off… Mr ShowOff.. Sorry…

Siyamthanda on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 8:25 am

Yo QueenPee I know that time, I was nearly duped by such myself! Drives a fancy car, lives in a nice estate, but always wants to come to my place, Im sure wayesaba ukuthi ifridge inamanzi qha! These guys who want to flash their “said” wealth you cant trust ladies, LESS YADA YADA MORE CHING CHING!

Kiki on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 8:33 am

Wena Pkasts,I give up on you.

Pkasts on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 8:42 am

Hau Kiki Rome was not built in a day, give me time lovie, all i need is time bathong

Kiki on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 8:52 am

Pkasts I cant deal shem you are one of those friends that never take advise but when shit goes down they run to the same people whose advise they refused to take to complain about the same thing over and over again akupheli. You are special shem. lol

Wild Island on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 8:55 am

bathong…dumelang..pakistan (pkasts) somehow i read your name like that…now u sound like theo’s wife “he’s good in bed” hee pity oitse hanamadi neretlanyaka goekutlwela lol….hai mara lwena ogokwala kelello kantoto heeee…besides being sweet and all…what are u benefiting frm him ke nana cos mone=0,grocery=0 -love and sweetness and gr8 bonks…what is it…sounds like ur feeling pity for this dude ad u know ur not doing him a favor by lying to him kanje..tell him the truth mara leteng warning…lewena oskamo hlatshwa abe skoon too much cos otlohlalefa agosiye oejwalo..if omorata motlogele nyala a leketlisa di shirt kantle u dare teach him to clean up and be straight and narrow..oilogo tlogela kana bajalo banna..haike in yo case eja fela and sharap and smile…:)
hi kiki,siya,missA..

Kiki on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 8:57 am

Hey, Wild Island *waves*

Wild Island on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 8:58 am

kisses(((((((((kofi?))))))

MissAN on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 9:02 am

Hello @ WI… Leave Pakistan alone…clearly she has a plan for the 30 year old kid of hers…

caramel on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 9:03 am

Queen Pee I think u and I have similar characters… It takes a lot to swallow my pride so I can never be fully prepared for the possibility if a rejection… Nami I wouldn’t talk to the man ever again… Oh well..

sugar babes on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 9:03 am

@Women need to understand that taking a man to court means he has failed to be a father already so you are not forcing him to be a father but to contribute towards the child that you made together. You are not doing this for you but for your child,it has nothing to do with your pride but everything to do with your child’s well being, yes you afford your child now but she can get better and in future her expences will not stop growing. Hayi shem soze ndondlele enye indoda unless ayisebenzi.

Lela like I said, my child is better off without him. This is not my pride talking, but my sanity. I mean really, how many couples have broken up after having a child, But the guys still maintains his child. Isdala la amadoda ashiya abatwana without a single word or cash. Hence we have I khumbul’ekhaya for such people.

Truth is, he left me for some1 else, got her pregnant and they’ve been together ever since. I found out about them when a friend of mine saw them together @ Edgards and told me that he was holding a baby (not his)I confronted him about it and he told me he was with his cousin (which made sence bcoz she did have a small child)BUT my GUT told me that I should ask her, and when I did, it turned out to be a lie. Ironically, when I called to ask him about this, the new chick answered told me where to get off and I got dumped the following day.

So, how will I explain such a thing to my child when she grows up. I love my baby more than anything and she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me, I just feel like the main purpose me & this guy got together was to produce my angel. He even cried when I told him this (idiot)

Wild Island on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 9:06 am

MissA ..ok aska compleina kge…*removing my hand from her sishweshwe*..pls dont fall pregies hle ngwana kakopa or else jonna..ok so said a single lady who cant find a man of her own hhaaaaaaaaa…hai mara rather kebe single that kebe beetroot aowa

Pkasts on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 9:13 am

Tjoooooo Sugar Babes talking about Khumbule Khaya, a zanka ka shwaa so mabane, sinah ke Skhokho #offtopic

MissAN on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 9:15 am

Lol @ Sinah aka Dineo… Cha some kids madoda…

Mmaditaba on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 9:18 am

@Pkasts you have been whipped nge underpende enezimbobo! Yeses that ”sweet,humble” nton nt0n wakho has turned u into his grandmother,aunt and mother all bec0z the only overSweet one la is YOU!!

Pull your track pants up and run and dr0p that melting heart of gold ekuwenza ube so tender towards him! His using you klaar! NOW WAKE THE DRAKE UP AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR THAT UGLY M0TTO ETCHONCHI MALI NEKUKU, i’m sure ur lookable enough to get a guy who can afford you and love you!

amyoli on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 9:18 am

i think its abt a person knowing where they are going. im a 24yr old dating a 25yr old, i have never in my life met a more ambitious person, he works hard, he studies, he’s always looking for greener pastures, he has a long term and a short term plan, he knows where he wants to be in 10yrs to come AND is working towards it, he is making it happen. he might not be all that today bt what he is,is enough for me.i dont ask him for cash and i dont think i ever will, we are both trying to make it and i get that. he always wants to pay bt i told him that if im the 1 who suggests we go out that means i have put it in my budget and therefore i will pay if otherwise ill say so. i have no problem with gifts,i accept them and i appreciate it bt there is no way i will expect him to pay for my hair and what not. i take pride in the fact that i pay my own way, theres a certain fulfilment one gets knowing that you pay for your own livelihood. theres also a certain pride i see in couples who have ‘made it’ together, who have the house the cars knowing that they have BOTH put in work to be where they are…

MissAN on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 9:21 am

@ Amyoli no go karate @Paksts… Its about where the person wants to go and is willing to work towards that…

Letebele on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 9:21 am

@Dsaint: so you’re financially oka right? do you help your women when she needs help? do you wait for her to ask for your help? or do you offer your help when you see she’s struggling. and after reading all these comments;what’s your take on independant women?

GA on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 9:33 am

Tjo QueenPee….the fear of my request being declined is one of the reasons i dont like asking. And he apologises after 8 flippen months…mci..so wrong. But being the independant sister you say you are, im sure you swiftly moved forward in all regards……

“I really had enough to keep me going and nothing to spare”..lol, this line stood up as i read your story. BECAUSE i have a problem telling people ” i dont have cash to SPARE” when they ask me for cash. I always give even out of the money i had budgeted for my needs..even if its just junk food or shoes needs. Bcos its hard to say, “i have money…but its for food, for shoes, for snacks”..feels like you have the money for spending on you and you dont wanna borrow them. ANYHOW..QueenPee…that line 2will be my new line when people aks for money and ” i have enough for myselef..to kleep me going and Nothing to Spare”….an AHA moment for my lil woe…

GA on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 9:39 am

@amyoli…thats a balanced situation and perspective you have there.

Mmaditaba on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 9:44 am

@MissAN lmao!kwaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha angizange ngihleke kangaka izolo watchng u’Sinah turned Dineo’ ai uyawathanda amadoda loyamtwana and she looks 15 as it is.As for izinwele zakhe ngathi bekazifaka edakeni ,iKhumbulekhaya yamu phazamisa. And it’s clear shes gona run away frm home again after a week looking for some dick and crying for the man to give her money to bloat that face kakhulu.

soul sista on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 9:55 am

U guys are still going strong even today! #ILoveJC
@PK here’s sth for u just sing along & forget about Kiki or rather, JC bloggers.

~BF ~ I ain’t got no money
I ain’t got no car to take you on a date
I can’t even buy you flowers
But together we could be the perfect soulmates
Talk to me girl

~Pakistan ~ Oh Baby, it’s alright now
You ain’t gotta flaunt for me
If we go touchy You can still touch my love it’s free
We can work without the perks just you and me
Thug it out til’ we get it right

~BF ~ I ain’t got no VISA
I ain’t got no Red American Express
We can’t go nowhere exotic
It don’t matter ’cause I’m the one that loves you best
Talk to me girl

~Pakistan ~ Oh Baby, it’s alright now
You ain’t gotta flaunt for me
If we go touchy you can still touch my love, it’s free
We can work without the perks just you and me
Thug it out til’ we get it right….

… And it goes on and on… (A shout out to my gal PK & her man, *On Eddie Zondi’s Sunday afternoon show*)

Thato on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 10:01 am

haiye guys there is no such thing as an independent woman, there is a lonely woman… Men need to do things for us, help us and provide for us. even the bible say so. I have seen how girls stick with their broke arse boyfriends, do stuff for them and then when these guys think they have made it they leave for greener pastures. I am single now, but i cant go for a man who i can see is below me financially. This thing of sharing bills and stuff iphelile shwem. Futhi i need to take my car to 60K major service soon and change all my tyres, someone hook me up with mr right a.s.a.p…

Kiki on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 10:03 am

Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaa @ SoulSista and this is what the Totolozi blessed Nkonyana will sing the day our gal Pkasts finally sees the light and dumps him:

Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, they didn’t mean jack
Fuck you, you ….., I dont want you back

And CORRECTION MissAN,@Pkasts’ boy is not 30 he is 30 something…lol

MissAN on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 10:08 am

Lol @ Soul Sista… Its not Eddie Zondi,it is Sir…his listners call him that!!

@Mmaditaba… Whats wrong with her face? Looks all bloated and nje ngathi she has seen it all…I laughed that after four years of being away from home she still know Afrikaans… uAndile whats that wig she has on?? imbi.

ScarletChild on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 10:15 am

For all my relationship history, I’ve never “bagged a bowler ya’ll”. Somehow I always go for broke ass nyikkas who sponge off me. Eversince my waitressing yrs while I was a student, my bf at a time (also a student) would ask me for R20 for beers *I kno I kno, shame on me*

From then on, its was a downwards spiral until I met an ambitious and focused guy, who was on his way to making it. I thought I’ve hit the jackpot – even tho I was the one better off, I saw the fire in his eyes, and liked it.

It was all good for two yrs, until he made it. Nyikka asked for space and said usengumzalwane dedicatin his life to God… SAY WHAT??!!! 6months later he was rolling with 2 cars, a flat in the leafy part of town and I was left dwindling my thumbs.

Funny part is, I think history is about to repeat itself with current one having the same tendencies of leaning towards me when it come to his upkeep. So, I think I need to ask for space
and find God first, before he does… Smdh

Mmaditaba on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 10:29 am

You Pkast i don’t think it’s about him having billions an you being Khanyi Mbau but it’s about how bad he is for you ngoba he can’t even afford to buy ichappies,u have to supply that for him and no nunu thats not fair on so many levels. If you don’t want to break up with him then i suggest you sit him down and tell hhm exactly you feel, ask hm what hs plans for the future are,when his actuaky going to stop shitting down while you wipe and hustle for some inc0me: “you do need to financially meet me half way, ” should be your line of words.atleast organise Honeyphly’s gut to get those words ouda you when you confront him ne nana! Really you have to st0p oppressing yourself for thd sake of 5orgasms,i’m sure theres plenty of guys who can add an0ther 5 to that and m0ney in the pocket. JC loves you okay punchu,thatz why u nid to close your legs and open your earz and eyes to see and listen to reas0n!

@MissAn kwaaaaahahahahaha theres no hope for uAndile o padile owu

Luluwise on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 10:29 am

Kwaaa @ ScarletChild, you better run fast girlfriend. We nurturing types are enablers, hence it happens again and again. At least now you have developed a SPONGER dectector, trust ur instincts!!!

soul sista on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 10:33 am

Hayi man @Kiki now u want to put @PK in deep depression. Pls don’t reveal to her the possible future.
Lol, @Sir that means it has been long since I listened. I think the ladies who r always flirting with sir turned me off

Mmaditaba on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 10:35 am

Excuse the typo

GA on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 10:37 am

LMLO @ the “broke ass nyikkas” phrase……LOL

Pkasts on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 11:15 am

Tjoooooooooooooooo Mmaditaba!!!! o nale Ditaba Ka nnete Strues God!!!! Talk about “TRUTH HURTS”

I hear u Skat!!!! *Thinking…..Sign* Yah neh

Pkasts on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 11:19 am

Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa @ How My name has been Changed Over and Over Again!!! Pkasts–>Pakistan–>Phakast—>Pkastas—> and nom PK? LOL….Death of Me (Mrs Shrek)

Dankie Soul Sista for the Song….LOvely Lovely indeed (Kwakwaling, Tjoooooo)

ScarletChild Shame Nana , After he had made it , he left u hanging just like that? That must have hurt neh!

skoko86@gmail.com on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 1:32 pm

If u Open ur Legs, il Open ma Wallet… (The Wider, The More…)

MissAN on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 1:37 pm

@skoko86@gmail… Pkasts… Needs a man like u!!!

MsTeee on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 1:46 pm

hahahahahahahah hayibo——–>If u Open ur Legs, il Open ma Wallet… (The Wider, The More…)

Kiki on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 1:48 pm

“If u Open ur Legs, il Open ma Wallet… (The Wider, The More…)”

kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #DeathOfMe

torale on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 3:45 pm

Pkasts,please sisi don’t leave your good man for the money which he doesn’t have .Who said love was money or money is everything ???
Think for moment if you had to exchange places with him ???
Let me tell you a story ,someone I know had one of those good men but had no job ,then she said to me ,I can’t stand my partner as I have to pay for everything even outings .Then she left him and chased him out of the house .Now today she doesnt have a partner and she doesn’t look happier either ???
I expected my ex to pay for everything ,because he had money to dine all kinds of women ,so he deserved to pay because when he is out with friends and nyatsi’s ,ke boti matlhisa .
So that the reason people are different and we can’t all be the same ,thats my take .Amen

MissAN on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 3:50 pm

@ Torale… there is nothing wrong with dating a guy that is not at the level where societu or u would expect him to be…mara there is something wrong with someone who does not want achieve something and sponges off u… Even the likes of Pkasts will be with no income and use YOUR money to dine friends…at the end of the day we want the different things and expect different things from our partners…

Miss Fab on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 3:55 pm

Interesting topic, will never again date a broke nigga /small BEE guys “i’ve got my own business”,on my last relationship nearly lost my life, the guy sent his friends ” Tsosti” to steal my car. Nice charming guys come to me with his story of running a driving school and he just had an accident with his car, hmm independent women eyimi yenza i budget ukuthi as long as i have a man that will help me with petrol, food, a good service in bed what more since i can afford my car, house etc. that will be enough for him as a man. But unkulunkulu wami engimkonzayo ngambamba and I learned ukuthi u Dokotela ujola nabanye o Dokotela… from now on i want to know yo job title, and the company and this should be confirmed before we start dating, so that i know where to find you if my furniture/car is missing. LOL

Lela on Thu, 10th Mar 2011 4:08 pm

SC you need to find God indeed sisi cause that spirit that is following you needs to be rebuked,the thing is it also has to do with the law of attraction,if you are those girls that believe they don’t look for money then you will attract the broke as nyikkas. That is why mina nje ngoku I have no compromise where porverty is concerned because nje I want the spirit of porverty to run away from me. That is why I say, having been in a relationship with a man osahlanganisayo has not been easy esp staying because we stay together and this is what caused me to come to the decision yokuthi it is not good for a woman to get a mahlanganisa or broke nyikka.

Futhi a man must never under any circumstances rely on you cause uzojwayela hence mina my policy is to borrow so that he doesn’t get used to ba xa enganamali uLela ukhona. It’s an obomination to have indoda ebugdeta ngawe.
Start telling yourself that you need a financially stable man,not stable for you but forhimself so that angazuhlupha wena.

torale on Fri, 11th Mar 2011 9:43 am

@MissAN
I am confused ,why do women to go to school/get educated and why do they get involved in relationship ???Self empowerment for survival with or without a partner and sharing the journey with someone despite circumstances .If your defination of partner involves must have XXXXXXX,dont get involved with someone to frustrate and wanting to change him .People must get in relationships for the right reasons.
Rerefence to the cultuire of men being Heads of the family ,it was applicable then becasue our parents was house-executive without an option .But now ,ladies some of you makes more money than your partners what is the fuss .Pls if you open yr legs is because, it is natural thing to happen and you want him to ;not because he must pay for it .Tip close yr legs ,heart , purse and whatever matters to you ,see yr achievements ?Misery and independence with no kids ,no love ,nothing at all .

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