Setting The Record “Straight”
March 4, 2011 by MaBlerh
This morning I came to realisation that most writers that write about homosexuality for the purposes of educating the masses often write about higher level matters and neglect things that gay men go through every day. The biggest issue that gay men face on a daily basis is homophobia in the true sense of the word. People who are scared of homosexuality and therefore exhibit their fear through anger and resentment. Over the years I have learnt how to deal with such people and bring them to the realisation that there is nothing there to fear. What I have failed to gain the ability to deal with is the new issue that gay men face.
I am a certified social network wh*re, I’m on every social network that has been invented and this leads to me interact with all sorts of people in my life. Over the years I have encountered certain things that straight men and women do that piss me off. I have decided to list them below so that they are out there in the public and they are aware of them:
• We have known each other for 10 years. I went to school with you which mean that I saw you for 8 hours, 5 days a week for at least 5 years. 5 years later I decide to tell you that I’m gay and you rush to the conclusion that I want you? Seriously!? I do not like people flattering themselves at my expense.
• Not all gay men like to go shopping and do their nails.
• Not all gay people want to be called “oe”, “darling”, “chomi”, etc. Women are guilty of this. The minute they realise that you are gay, they want to call you all these terms of endearment that they reserve for each other and the gay men in their lives.
• You are not a heterosexual man if you have sex with other men. It is not about whether people know about it or not. Stop listening to the lies that the gay boys you sleep with tell you.
• This may come as a shocker to some people but gay men have standards too. I cannot count how many times I’ve come out of my car to be offered sex by a dirty car guard. They don’t even ask you out, they just offer you sex. The same thing would happen in townships where this raggedy man who looks like he last took a shower when Nelson Mandela was president, would come up to you and offer you sex. This, however, is fuelled by these gay men with no self-esteem that have missed a few hugs whilst growing up and now would accept any man that offers them what seems like affection.
• I never understood it when gay men refer to each other as “sisi”, “ausie”, “mme”, etc. To me, that is a sin against nature. Your sexuality has nothing to do with your gender. It gets worse when a “straight” man approaches you at a party and calls you by those words.
• Sunday World is guilty of the next point. What the hell is “shim”!? A combination of He and She? Am I the only person that finds this extremely distasteful and homophobic? Why not go all the way and use other derogatory terms like “faggot”? Shim is the equivalent of what straight people used to call gay people as an insult in townships, uSis’ Bhuti.
• The concept of gaydar is insulting and reeks of homophobia! Gay men are not freaks of nature or some new specie that needs to be spotted or sniffed out.
• Gone are the days when there were a few gay men out there and they all longed after straight men. These days, on every corner, are gay men. Straight men should stop thinking that all gay men are after them. Granted there are those gender confused gay boys that believe that they are women and refuse to date other gay men because they believe that they deserve a straight man. All I ask is, can we not be classified a certain way because of a few misguided individuals? It is like calling all Muslim people terrorists. Not cool.
• Finally, there is no “man” and “woman” in gay relationships! That is insulting in so many different levels. Gay men are classified in three different categories, Top (those that prefer to penetrate), Bottom (those that prefer to be penetrated) and Versatile (those that enjoy both). None of these categories are linked to the way somebody acts. There are feminine Tops and masculine Bottoms and vice versa.
By Mablerh ©
soul sista on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:06 am
Lemme be the 1st…
soul sista on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:14 am
Nothing I’ve never heard/read before.
Miss Thang on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:18 am
siyafana lol @soulSista
Kagiso on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:18 am
Wa tla wa e baya taba abuti…
Kiki on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:19 am
I have so much love for my Gay friends I’d kill for them shem.
The ONLY problem I have when it comes to Gay/Lesbian matters are those people who force others to come out of the closet. Why are u forcing them to come out when you aren’t the one that put them in that closet and you don’t know why they are in it in the 1st place. Who are you to go around screaming so & so is gay or lesbian? How do you know that? Have u slept with them? It makes me sick! And SO WHAT if that person is Gay/Lesbian? Ungenaphi wena? Will shim’s coming out of the closet help u pay your bills? Its about time people stopped worrying about others sexualities and focus on more important things like: Building their own relationships. SIGH!
Miss Thang on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:20 am
Nice read mablerh
GeePee on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:21 am
hhayi ke..
Mmaditaba on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:32 am
I knew this was written by Mablerh even before i finished reading the first paragraph
Lady gaga on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:38 am
Tell them wena kiki!! its so annoying these days everyone is gay and kusho abanye abantu not the person themselves!!!
GA on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:40 am
yuuh… hectic
“Your sexuality has nothing to do with your gender” after lengthly thinking about the issue especially since the Caster Semenya Saga…i absolutely agree wit this statement.
Ditto Kiki on people calling for people to “come out” The worst is when they seem to think by calling the out they are “emabarrasing them”, because they certainly dont do it out of love, in this day and age. Its just ridiculous to a very sad extent.
Siyamthanda on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:44 am
yhuu learnt somethimg today I didnt know there were Top and Bottom categories, I just thought each one took turns or enjoyed both (which i now know is Versatile. oh well…
Nice one Mablerh.
playasmurf11 on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:52 am
@Mmaditaba could it be because his name is posted before the first paragraph begins?
fruitcake on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:54 am
agree with you kiks, it is so annoying, i see it more often on twitter. even if you are gay and you slept with a ‘straight’ man you have no right to force them out of the closet, i mean really now!
i also laugh when a gay person say he wants a man not a girl and by a girl referring to a fellow gay mate. you are also right mablerh about them gay men calling each other ‘mosadi’, it makes me want to slap some sense into them and remind them hore ke banna not basadi
posh on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:54 am
Nice read, cleared a lot of things for me…e.g. Top,bottom,versatile, I’ve always wondered who does what,where,when,how,why..
Qs: what is the percentage of gay people you think hold your standards Mablerh?
Don’t you think it is the gay community that need to be orientated about their lifestyle, because they are the ones who perpetuate these misconceptions. I suppose it goes back to positive gay role models issue
“I never understood it when gay men refer to each other as “sisi”, “ausie”, “mme”, etc
Is it not because there is a section of the gay society that prefers to be called this that is what the identify with..female, that is why others even go for a sex change…
“Your sexuality has nothing to do with your gender.”
This is deep…my Sociology lecturer explained this yesterday,I got a feeling that most of us didn’t really know the difference.
lazyswag on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 11:56 am
your article is on point…..i couldn’t agree with you more
Lady gaga on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 12:05 pm
kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..@playasmurf11,tjo!
posh on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 12:14 pm
Mina my beef is with gays who expect that everybody must accept them and see things their way.
Gay was like ‘taboo’ for a long time,we are slowly opening up, making an effort to understand the lifestyle, write-ups like this help and I truly believe most people are embracing gays..
I just feel using the word ‘it’s an insult’ is not understanding where other people are also coming from.
It’s like coming out of the closet and expect your parents and relatives to undestand your sexual preference immediately, the truth is for some it will take years others a day, you need to be patient.
MashDiva on Fri, 4th Mar 2011 12:19 pm
Thnx 4 de education,
I have a guy who does my hair and the 1st time i met him i started calling him chomie and i feel bad cos to this day I still dnt knw his real name. He does nt seem to mind but it bothers me. He is openly gay
I still dont see why being gay is such a big deal that it still makes headlines in SW!
Kell on Sun, 6th Mar 2011 3:17 pm
Nice read!
Vejinity on Sun, 6th Mar 2011 3:19 pm
I thing you should be setting the record to homosexuals… Homos give other homos a bad name…
skoko86@gmail.com on Sun, 6th Mar 2011 4:42 pm
JC z feeding us wf too Much Gay Info. Mayb nipush’ icampaign 4 one of ur Memberz! Begining 2 think so!
Z Mablerh Gay, 1tym he/she said ‘we’. I thnk th last Paragraph… Cool
Seems 2 me th Gay Ppl themselvz need 2 b taken 4 a special training on ‘wat t reali is being gay’ b4 u start teachng us sumthn dat th Gay Community doeznt evn know itself…
Personaly, i cnt support any Gay Movement. Its so not in my Books. But Gays need 2 watch-out…
soul sista on Sun, 6th Mar 2011 5:30 pm
Lolest….@playasmurf11
sexybehind on Sun, 6th Mar 2011 6:51 pm
Haaibo the last time I checked “Chomi” and “Tsala” meant friend in English. What’s wrong calling people that? If you call your female friends and other male friends tsala, what’s so different if I want to call “gay” people like that? Ke roga mang? Especially if they don’t mind? Ga teng naare? Eo yona ke ganana le yona. Ke ba bitse ka mabitso whereas I call other people in my life botsala or dichomi? Yuuuueeeeee
Mmaditaba on Sun, 6th Mar 2011 7:26 pm
“playasmurf11″ hehe for the sake 0f seeing exactly where that came fr0m,i’ll ign0re it.i’m n0t in creche s0 i don’t entertain such
MsPrada on Sun, 6th Mar 2011 9:36 pm
Great read…Enjoyed it! *high 5* Mablerh!
mbulela on Sun, 6th Mar 2011 10:00 pm
this one is going to be very interesting.
I need to read every word written here.
I’ll be back.
mbulela on Sun, 6th Mar 2011 10:20 pm
I am waiting for the bigger issue of a lack of positive gay role models to be addressed, especially amongst the black gay community.
some gay men do not even seem to understand what it means to be gay,in the first place.
Nthoentle on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 7:07 am
LoL! Interesting
Nthoentle on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 7:13 am
I have no gay friends, ke sharp ka bona. They annoy me shem, big time, mara maybe I annoy them as well,kwaaaaa!
Kusihlwa on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 7:58 am
No offense to MaBlerh but I feel that gay people can be oversensetive. Its like you are some special species that we are supposed to bow down to and always maje sure that we dont hurt your feelings and blah blah blah. I am not homophobic but I also dont agree with homosexuality because of my religion but I dont lynch gay people niether do I disrespect them, al I am saying is that take some things with a pinch of salt like people calling you chomi or shim. Its like some one calling a fat person sdudla,we let it slide,we dont complain about it all the time. #excuse the blog,within a blog#
lwandie on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 8:34 am
I agree with Posh,homosexuality is not a norm in any culture and a concept that societies world over are still coming to grips with -if ever.
So rather than expressing annoyance at what you consider disrespect to your gay nature…simply set the record” straight” as you put it, and leave it up to people to make their own mind about the issue.
The different gay people I’ve interacted with though, are so diverse in their nature and approach to life,so I wonder if your standardised opinion is not creating yet another stereotype for your fellow folk.
shybear on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 9:04 am
bathong mabler dont u hav anythng to write abt these days except gay this gay that? ur articles r becoming predictable n boring. gay this gay that, homosexual this homophobic that, #bigyawn.
Fezzy on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 10:11 am
I dont know how many times I have asked this question here on JC. Why wonke amadoda sewa gay these days?
Dladla on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 10:18 am
Wow… For the first time I agree fully with this guy.
Igama lezitabane malibongwe!!!!
Halala!
Rogue on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 10:27 am
The writer seems to know a lot about gay matters/issues, or that’s what he would like us to believe. These articles are becoming like a broken kwaito record.
Maybe the writer should write about more pressing issues within the gay community – say, like ‘internal homophobia’? and his own ‘internal homophobia’, because thats what we see in all his articles about homosexuals.
Letebele on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 10:33 am
maybe Mablerh keeps writing about gays because of the very responses we’re gettign from JC bloggers. So much negativity,Geez!
if you’re tired of reading about gays, DONT READ! no one is holding a gun to your head.
And no, I am not gay/lesbian.
Pappy on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 10:36 am
Hao bathong kore Gay, lesbian, bisexual, homo…etc seems to be Mablerh’s favourate Topics… Ok I’ll read though because i like your reads and ngiyayifela ngawe vele.
Cleo04patra on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 10:44 am
I totally agre with the statement sa gore, it’s the gay people who must be told not to call each other “mme’ ‘ausi’ and all that… the rest of us just take cues from them. And maybe that’s how they want to be identified. Shouldn’t it be their choice?? i know gender is not a sexuality, but it’s gonna take a while to wean people of these habits.
Oh @ mablerh thanks for enlightening us on the Top/Bottom/Vers saga. I’ve beeeen asking and nobody ever gave me a straight answer til now. Nice read.
KewlGal on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 10:56 am
“Personaly, i cnt support any Gay Movement. Its so not in my Books. But Gays need 2 watch-out…”
@Skoko86 your last sentence is makim nervous, they must watch out for what dude? I hope u not a gay serial kiler my friend… *hides behind SomGAGA*
soul sista on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 11:40 am
Hi @Dladla *waving* haven’t seen u here in ages. Do u still write? I can’t access ur blog anymore
Mamo on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 12:52 pm
Lol @ usis’buti
Nice read Mablerh,
Lehakoe on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 2:11 pm
oK,I know this was asked before but I don’t remember seeing a response. Mablerh got offended when they used the word ‘igay’ on Love Stories.
The question was: what is the right way to descibe a gay individual -without being offensive- in our ethnic languages?
Dladla said:”Igama lezitabane malibongwe!!!!”- I know that this is generally unacceptable if you are not gay. What then is the correct way?
Bee on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 3:51 pm
Lehakoe before I answer your question please first tell this.what is the right way to describe a heterosexual individual -without being offensive- in our ethnic languages
sivu on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 3:58 pm
Same here Mmaditaba,its like reading the same thing all over again & again,but different terminology is used.
Blerh,is your homosexuality & your defense for your Gay rights all you can write about?Geez!!
Lehakoe on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 4:14 pm
@Bee- I don’t think there is, because the default position was always heterosexuality therefore there was never a need to have a word describing such. I’d have assumed that ‘igay’ would be acceptable because it is a mere direct translation from English to Zulu. If someone saying ‘igay’ sounds offensive then why is the original English word -from which ‘igay’ has been derived- not seen as offensive.
I’m just asking, Bee; phela in this age of political correctness we have to make sure that we correctly recognise everyone.
Bee on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 4:37 pm
@Lehakoe i hear u. My problem is people calling Homos iStabane i mean think about what iStabane. Homosexual is a gay person. Just like Heterosexual is a straight person and theres no african word.
olwee on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 5:41 pm
This article reminds me of the “Hetero-simulation” one. Honestly, I think this talk is played out. Every individual on the earth is a person before their gender or sexuality. The image that the negative actions of certain gay people gives on the gay community as a whole is irrelevant. As a person, you know yourself. People around you, know you. It is their opinion of you that matters and not their perception of you as a result of the rest of your community. Heterosexual people also pay for sex, they also do some below par things for sex and with below par types of people. But the media has made it so that gays are the ones whose negative lifestyles are highlighted.
People should be free to call each other anything they want. I mean, should girls stop calling each other “Mfethu”, “ntwana”, “skeem”, “dude” or any other terms of endearment because they are essentially male-to-male terms. Gays who call each other “mosadi”, “mfazi”, etc., are not identifying themselves as women. It’s just fun use of terminology just because they can. The world won’t end. Their penises won’t fall off. And you won’t die from hearing it either; as I see you’re still well enough to write the article.
Gays should also not be expected to fit a certain mould. They should not be expected to conform to one model. As I said, we’re all people before anything else. That’s why some girls are tom-boy. We can’t all be alike. Supporting gays is supporting diversity. Lead by example and allow the community to be diverse in itself.
It’s a point not made in the article but a few points alluded to it which I addressed in your hetero-simulation article. Not all effeminate gays are so because they choose to be. They choose to just let it be. Being called all sorts of names everywhere one goes and the deathly stares are not things people bring upon themselves. Having to block out the name calling, pretending it’s not happening and trying to remain strong going through all that daily is nothing anyone brings upon themselves.
While this is an important issue to discuss, it’s just redundant and goes in circles. Trying to justify the actions of gays and internal homophobia won’t get the problem anywhere. What does it say to the next non-heterosexual person looking on? Come on.
FunkyFK on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 7:20 pm
I think Homo’s need this article more than “Straight” guys. For starters, if you do not want to be called Mme, Ausi, Chomi, Tsala, then stop calling others like that. There is a gay guy in the office and guess what, he calls everyone MY DEAR, including his male colleagues.
Also this outing of gays, it should be channeled to them gays. I have heard /seen more gay/lesbian guys pulling others out of the closet. The poor ones will be all screaming and kicking, like please leave me alone-I-am-not-ready. It looks like they dont want to be alone in the open, they are canvasing.
manny on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 7:39 pm
kwaa@funkyFK ……..babitsana bo doll..mara i gues ke dilo tsa teng ..pulling one another out is thir game ..
mara mablehr once wrote ..if u are in the closet u cant go and play with other kids that are out and the quietly creep back into your closest ,,rather play with the ones in the closet just to be safe..
Bee on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 8:35 pm
I also dont think there should be any theory on how homos should live, behave, dress or even act NO! as that is a personal choice. As one have stated before we are human before any thing else. Our sexuality doesn define us. Therefore theres absolutely nuthin special about US. If we want other people i.e Heteros to treat us well we need to start do the same to our fellow Homos. Personally i dont understand why gay guys must wear amaG-string and girls wear amaTrunks (sp) but eneneni thats non of my business. So i wish we can all try to do the same.
Bee on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 8:44 pm
Eish typo… I also dont think there should be any theory on how homos should live, behave, dress or even act NO! as this is a personal choice. Like one have stated before we are human before any thing else. So our sexuality doesn define us. Therefore theres absolutely nuthin special about US. If we want other people i.e Heteros to treat us well we need to start do the same to our fellow Homos. Personally i dont understand why gay guys must wear amaG-strings and girls wear amaTrunks (sp) but honestly thats non of my business. So i wish we can all try to understand that.
Cleo04patra on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 8:59 am
WELL SAID @ olwee *standing “O”*
SunshineK on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 9:14 am
I haven’t read the comments above yet as I wanted to make this comment Mablerh : Very, VERY well written. I really enjoyed this article.
I think that a lot of straight men and women need to read this.
Siso2 on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 10:47 am
Interesting comments …
MissAN on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 1:25 pm
@ Olwee!!! Well said!! This is just a complex issue and really no one size fits all scenarios will ever happen.
My only problem with this gayness,when hot men like bo Mabler and Trevor Gumbi *I Think* are gay… Tjerrr…manje sisale nabobani???
Uthando on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 1:31 pm
Trevor Gumbi is Gay, uthini manje MissAn????
Kusihlwa on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 1:56 pm
lol @MissAN,say that again, even us married people are not safe ngoba indoda ingajika noma inini.
MissAN on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 2:02 pm
@ Uthando… angazi,it was never confirmed mara @Zida said something about him and cats… will find the exact words..
@Kusihlwa… Ngiyazi ukuthi uMabler muhle,mara I happen to look at his Twitter page recently. Tjerrr… Hott!! No wonder newbies always go on about him when they see him and thina sihleke ngoba siyazi.
Wild Island on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 2:12 pm
@MissA-My only problem with this gayness,when hot men like bo Mabler and Trevor Gumbi *I Think* are gay… Tjerrr…manje sisale nabobani???
hheeeeeeeeeee ene vele
BEEN WATCHING JERRY SPRINGER AND STILL NO ANSWERS MY DEAR…
@Kusihlwa-ungazusho the other day ngabona this guy “prison made me gay” hau washada nalomkhulu phela “losisi” after undergoing “HRT” ..hormone replacement therapy or sumthing..haibo makaya emsebenzini guess what..the new hubby would dress up in shims clothes and head straight t a strip joint where he works as “female” escourt wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwiiiiiiii…
so says a soon to be the first black spinster with 50cats ayikhole lmao
Kusihlwa on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 2:14 pm
@MissAN hayi,I have a best friend from highschool,since std 6 or grade 8 as they call it now everytime we see each other we would hug and he would plant a baby kiss on my lips and I would do the same. Then last year he tells me that he is gay and starts wearing tight pants and using hand gestures when he speaks and I wondered if the signs were there back then as he never dated any one through highschool and I didnt see them or he just did a 360 degrees turn now.
Uthando on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 2:14 pm
MissAn you mixing them up @Zida said that abt Dumi Gwebu remember every one was saying he’s too cute for tht on @Lebza4sho article
Trevor Gumbi looks very straight to me even if he wanted to be gay#ofwhichIcan’timagine# it will never work he’s too straight umbuka nje
MissAN on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 2:18 pm
@ Uthando… Oh yes… that is the a problem I have,Why Why Dumi Gwebu and not Trevor Gumbi??? Uyabo into engiyishoyo???
@Kusihlwa… maybe he came out the closet…
Kusihlwa on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 2:22 pm
@MissAN its seems like that closet he came out of has clothes that are sizes that are too small for him….mhhh. Even my husband does not feel safe around him
Mmaditaba on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 3:17 pm
@Olwee ai mtwana bhantu uyibeke kahle shem! Reality is that society will neva stop using words like ‘shim’ ‘sis’bhuti’ etc nomatter how much awareness you can make because s0me perceptions will forever stay in society.. Thanks for the enlightment though
yoh guys sometimes i look at girls in an attracted way, i dnt knw if it’s envy or what
MissAN on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 3:21 pm
Lol @ Kusihlwa… there same way some straight peeps wear extra tight clothes,why can’t chomma be the same??? Mara,shame I am yet to see a dodgy looking gay… They will put you to shame with your going to spaza clothes. Always well dressed and groomed!!!
manny on Tue, 8th Mar 2011 6:56 pm
@missAN u havent been aroundnot all gays are well groomed ..this past sunday i was ko phiri in soweto…tjo these gay guys were there drinking black label ngudu from bottles ,smoking snuuff and they were nowhere near clean and well groomed …this was at a wedding …and when boys pass they sing that awi-wi song from the surf advert ..it was bad ..
mara ive said this before
different strokes for different folk…