Ask Mablerh #9
May 24, 2011 by MaBlerh
Letters to JC’s Agony Uncle
Dear Mablerh,
I am a 25yrs old mom and i’m still in a relationship with my child’s father. The problem is that he is verbally abusive and calls me a b**ch, especially when I’m at home in the weekends, when my son has visited his family. Because of his behavior I decided to have a relationship with this guy who is sweet and caring, and love him. I don’t know if can be able to leave my child’s father as he is the one providing for us and even pays for my studies. But I don’t know if there’s enough for me to be with him any longer, what can I do I really need help.
M
__________________________________________________
Hi M,
I am going to jump straight to the point. You have two choices. You can stay with the father of your child and try and talk to him about how his verbal abuse affects you or you can leave him for the loving and caring man that you are cheating on him with. You cannot have the best of both worlds as it can only end in disaster. I honestly do not see a happy ending in your current situation. I can only predict this verbally abusive man finding out that you are cheating and him turning physically violent.
Mablerh
____________________________________________
Hey Mablerh.
I grew up being called gay at primary school so as I grew into teenage hood I tried to act like a normal boy to avoid people calling me gay and discriminating against me. Now that I am in high school (doing grade12) I have worked out that I am gay and have come to terms with it, but I am confused about coming out and I don’t think I will do so soon because I have a homophobic twin (girl) and a brother of mine so they will resent me or become disconnected and am confused how they will react, plus I don’t know whether it will be appropriate to lead the gay relationship life at the age of 50. I don’t know what my nephew or niece will think of me as their uncle, but I just wanna be gay and happy without fear of what people might say..
please advice.
Anonymous
Hi Anonymous,
First things first, never ever base your life on what other people will feel about you being true to yourself. Since you are still young and unable to take care of yourself, I would advise that you do not tell your family just yet. Wait for the day when, should they disown you, you are able to fend for yourself. It would be very irresponsible of me to tackle this issue theoretically and ask you to stand up for who you really are when you’re still just 20 years old and in matric. Furthermore, do not stress yourself about what it would be like to be gay at 50 and what your nieces and nephews will think of you. If you are a 50 year old gay man who is not chasing after young boys and partying like a 20 year old, you will be their uncle that commands respect.
by Mablerh ©
Maihlomeihlasele on Tue, 24th May 2011 12:43 am
Ok ere ke bale pele katla!
lwandie on Tue, 24th May 2011 7:18 am
….To first letter, cheating is only serving as an additional complication to your already complex situation.
When your child’s father finds out,as he inevitably will,you will lose both ways and make him feel justified (wrong as he may be) to have called you the B* word.
As for your side guy,don’t bank on his sweetness until he has had a chance to love you and your child openly and clearly. Perhaps for him loving you is easy right now as you are still someone else’s responsibility (so to speak)
Right now in addition to what Marblerh advised you to do,you are best working on your financial independence so that whatever happens in the future you will be able to love on your own terms.
Second letter all I can say is stick with Uncle Blerh’s advice and you will be good.
Biskiti on Tue, 24th May 2011 8:45 am
I agree with what’s been said above, you need to train your current Babydaddy to respect you, and if all else fail move on with your life, mara cheating yona will only end in someone getting hurt and i think that person will be you, seeing that you are fully dependant on babydaddy.
As for the second letter, young man, you don’t owe anyone anything, not even an explination or a “coming out” session. Just live a responsible life that makes you happy. But don’t alienate your source of income.
Biskiti on Tue, 24th May 2011 8:53 am
Ano. in the second letter mentioned that he has a twin sister, and i just remembered that i have 2 male friends who also have twin sisters and both of them are gay. Is there a link-nyana between twin and being gay, some genetical what-what, or am i making an unnecessary association here?
snapshot on Tue, 24th May 2011 11:19 am
@Biskiti an unnecessary association indeed, but who knows maybe maybe
first letter: cc you playing with petrol bomb,as it is your babby daddy has shown some bad tendencies of abuse,should he found out, bealive me you,he will slaughter your neck saw it happening.
second letter: sorry to hear that but do it on the side just make sure nobody finds out,by honestly i think your family knows they just don’t want to blow your cover or either they are in denial, mothers can always tell *mother nature instict*
Zeal on Tue, 24th May 2011 1:48 pm
There’s someone in grade 12 who actually reads JC! Halala!! We’ve gone high school!! LOL