Dating A Friend’s Ex: Would You?

May 6, 2011 by  

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Saying you’ll never date a friend’s ex is like saying you’ll never kill. Trust me, if there’s a gun between you and a rapist and you’re given half a chance to shoot, you will shoot and you will kill. Kinda extreme and not planned … just like love. You don’t plan it but when it hits you, it hits you hard and if it’s real love… then oh boy, you’ll fall for the last person you ever imagined.

Someone who was watching Muvhango the other day tweeted that friends don’t do friends’ exes and I replied to that with “It depends”. The reaction and judgment as a result was crazy. But honestly, would I date a friend’s ex? It depends…

… when did they date?

Imagine you meet, become friends and later fall in love with someone who is close to everything you’ve ever wanted in a man/woman. You really want to be with this person but just as you tell your friend about them, you find out that they dated in high school. So, you won’t date the girl/guy because he/ she is your friend’s ex? I say it depends…

…. why did they break up?

A definite NO CONSIDERATION is a case where your “potential” lied, cheated and broke your friend’s heart. Even worse if you were the one offering comfort to your friend during that time… bathong, that would be just downright nasty.

But what if your friend is the one who left the ex or cheated, fell out of love & moved on? Would you just discard the thought without even asking your friend how they feel about you dating their ex? Granted, your friend might say it’s okay but not mean it and if you go ahead, you risk losing the friendship. But what if you have been really unlucky in love and you feel this is the one guy that could really make you happy? You would live the rest of your life without ever knowing! So, this is why mina ke I say, it depends…

… Is this new person worth losing a great friendship over?

If you know your friend well you’ll know how he/she feels about their ex so you could, from the beginning, have an idea of how they’d react and I guess a lot of it would depend on the state of their love life at that time. Are they happily in love? Then chances are that your friend won’t mind but I wouldn’t ask my friend who’s nursing a broken heart (by whoever) if she’d mind me dating one of her exes. Tacky, if you ask me, so timing counts.

If you are really curious about this new person then perhaps wait a while, get to know them first before you talk to your friend. Hehehe but then you must be careful that your friend doesn’t find out before you are ready to tell, which is kinda like sneaking around behind their back, when it’s actually not. Of course there’s no way your friend will see it from your point of view so if it comes out you are screwed! Which takes me back to the original question: Is this new person worth losing your friend over? It depends…

…. Did your friend share intimate details of their relationship with you?

If yes then this would be disastrous because firstly, you are going to compare everything s/he did for your friend with how they are with you and secondly you are going into the relationship with pre-conceived ideas of who they are, based on what your friend told you. And shem when it comes to a relationship, we all know there are 3 sides to the story, his, hers and the truth. Where love is concerned, people don’t think straight and the truth comes out laced with emotion. If these people dated way before I met my friend then whether or not I would date them, depends!

Yes, you have to be loyal to your friends and all but surely you first have to look at things in perspective before making decisions you could live to regret forever?

I could go on and on but the bottom line is that you cannot just say “I will never date a friend’s ex”… If you insist to say it then I don’t believe you! You think you won’t do it but the actual truth is that … yep, you guessed right, It depends!

Life is too short to spend with regrets or wondering what could’ve been. Never mind true love, but love nje is hard to come by so all I’m saying is that when I meet a man who loves me unconditionally, tolerates my weaknesses, teaches and empowers me, makes me feel like a princess, loves and respects my family and his, I will not turn my back on him just because he once dated my now-happily in love or married friend.

Would I date a friend’s ex? It depends.

Would you?

By Brown Shuga ©

Twitter: @MsLeloB

Disclaimer: I am not dating a friend’s ex!

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Comments

150 Comments on "Dating A Friend’s Ex: Would You?"

  1. Rethabile on Fri, 6th May 2011 12:45 am 

    Wow!! This article makes one think deeply…. #donewithmeforthenight

  2. BrownEyes on Fri, 6th May 2011 12:48 am 

    I also say it depends… Mean its totally absurd to let love pass u by on something that happened donkey years ao and most probably u and ur friend weren’t even friends then… So to me it doesn’t even matter how they broke up but I would be interested in what they shared cause for all I know it could have been a stupid fling and the girl was in a relationship alone in her head or the other way around, it happens!!! But an exception would be if the guy was dating the girl when she and I were already close friends and I know just how taken and googoogaga she was with the guy… Ngizamuncanekela ke lapho lol…

  3. BrownEyes on Fri, 6th May 2011 12:50 am 

    *ago

  4. Toniice on Fri, 6th May 2011 12:56 am 

    Not tryna be hollier than thou but there’s an unwritten rule in friendships YOU DON’T DO YOUR FRIEND’S EX..Mina I will never do it no matter wat..I value my friendships dat much..Your friend myt give u a go ahead but deep down they not cool with it…

  5. Brown Shuga on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:00 am 

    LOL at “not tryna be hollier than thou” …vele siyakwazi Sbu you are not holy mngan’wami! tltltl

    hahahah BrownEyes… uyamcenekela? LOL

  6. BrownEyes on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:15 am 

    Lol yes ngizamuzwela nyana shame lol, I’ll just let it go.. But that would be after thinking long and hard about it… I mean as a friend, u do want your friend to be happy and find love. So its only fair that you let them be with whomever they want and not stand in their way of happiness which might lead to resentment at a later stage… If u love somebody, u should never make them choose or make them give up the things they love, the things that make their lives worth living… Aowa, people must just learn to give away their old toys to the ones in need hau lol…

  7. kwindora on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:26 am 

    Yes it depends but for now it just sounds nasty because it hasn’t happened to me, but I wouldn’t hey, I’d feel sooo hoRrible knowing that I’m having leftovers…he was left for a reason or whatever happened was for a reason! Going head in into such a relationship would bring me disaster beacause manje nami I know it’s possible to have things ended mos! Futhi ke we all know some feelings just don’t go away, wouldn’t risk my friendship for such aowa

  8. Brown Shuga on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:29 am 

    Mara we can’t ttalk about people being left overs as if we aren’t also left overs. Only those who’ve never been in relationships are not leftovers.

  9. Peachy on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:30 am 

    Kwaaa @ disclaimer!
    Thanks for the different perspective BS,never looked at it that way before. Think I’ve been a victim of judging izinto with emotion and not being objective at times. We tend to shout out the “will never’s” and “don’t ever’s” *slaps thigh* without really thinking, in other words ‘ukukugqiba ukuthetha’ without ever imagining that we’d be in that very same situation one day. Am in my mid-twenties and have done things that I once said I’d never do and that changes things a bit. If anything,I’m now more weary of what I say more than ever cause it might come back to bite you!
    Good read.

  10. BrownEyes on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:35 am 

    *in Julius Malemas voice* We are all leftovers!! Lol, nice 1 BS

  11. soul sista on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:37 am 

    Ummm maybe in future if I have a new best friend I’ll consider the ‘it depends’ theory. As for now it’s a NO NO for me, not because I’m holier than thou but because my friend’s taste in men leaves a lot to be desired.

  12. Jahara on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:40 am 

    *deep sigh*
    Let me tell u a story of my life…

    I once met a guy & fell hook-line-&-sinkers in luv. He was everythin i need in a man. I ddnt introduce him to my friends right away,but i always talked about him.

    After 6weeks we felt we should introduce each other to friends. He introduced me 1st,even to his family,& all was well. Then came my turn,the day that shattered me. It turned out that my bff had something with him in the past(like 4yrs ago),& she got hurt.

    They both said they dated for a week(the only thing they agreed on),but they had different reasons for their break-up. My friend was bitter on me,tellin me to choose between him & her. My man was sayin if she denies me happiness then she’s not a true friend.

    It got to a point where she was tellin him that he cant have me & he was tellin her to deal with her insecurities…
    …I ended my affair with my man & shortly after i ended my friendship with my gal coz things were never the same afterwards.

    So,yes,IT DEPENDS. It is a moral dilemma. & when u find urself in that situation,dont fool urself to think that all 3 of u can be happy coz someone’s bound to be unhappy & pretend they are happy. & trust me,u dont wanna be sorrounded by pretenders…

    #Team-ItDepends#

  13. Peachy on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:42 am 

    @Brown Eyes left-overs comment -Hai maan !#Cremated and sprinkled in Osama’s ocean

  14. Peachy on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:54 am 

    @Jahara
    Oh but now this friend getting worked up over a guy she went out with for a week.*SMH*
    Did she even tell you about him?

    See, I think this desperation and ‘unlucky in love’ thing comes to backfire us sometimes. I’m pretty sure a week 4 years ago wasn’t THAT serious but she managed to be jealous or whatever, cause she can’t help but wonder if he could have been the one. Better yet, bear the thought of you guys working out when it could have been her. #Just a thought

  15. lolington kwaaa on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:58 am 

    @ Jahara, yho! ye neh?
    Well here’s my story…one of my friends stole my bf while we were dating.
    then it happened again with another friend, she started spending time with my brans new bf (i week dating) when i was not around…i broke up with the guys, next thing she comes back to me asking if she can date him…we were both virgins, 2 months into it they slept together, 3rd month they broke up!
    Strange enough i always get angry at the guys and not the girls…they were both very hot, and they knew every girl wanted them…both my fwends were airheads i guess (no longer in my life).
    ….So because of what I HAVE EXPERIENCED, I CANNOT, AND WILL NEVER DATE A FRIEND’S EX, ISTRU!

  16. BrownEyes on Fri, 6th May 2011 2:07 am 

    At the end of the day, neither friendship or love is guaranteed so its all about taking chances and hoping that at the end of the day you’ll have both and chances of that happening in this situation are the same as Helen being president of RSA.. So ITS ALL ON YOU and how you play your cards…

  17. Jahara on Fri, 6th May 2011 2:10 am 

    @Peachy she ddnt tell me anything about her affairs before we became friends,i only knew of the affairs she was in when we were friends.

    @Lollinton its a tough world out there…

  18. Nerlee on Fri, 6th May 2011 2:30 am 

    it is an unspoken rule, u just dont do a friends ex but remember there are levels in friendships, there are bff’s, close friends and friends njeeeeee

  19. Savanah Dry on Fri, 6th May 2011 3:05 am 

    Hmm I used to say the same until I met my friend’s ex . This is just a friend nje
    We got on like a house. On fire and we still together so when it comes to love don’t take chances u might grow old alone giving urself limitations in nigerian accent I say a man is a man dnt give him titles bani bani ex what ??

  20. XtraLargePtyLtd on Fri, 6th May 2011 3:25 am 

    We’ve Been Having it

  21. Vesa on Fri, 6th May 2011 5:11 am 

    Mara we can’t talk about people being left overs as if we aren’t also left overs. Only those who’ve never been in relationships are not leftovers.
    Thanks for this comment!!! I wonder why people use terms like these

  22. Amo on Fri, 6th May 2011 5:24 am 

    Morning.
    The I would never date my friend’s ex business was me until a fews ago, when I met and fell in love with this hunk of a man. Just like Jahara, we took our time to get to know one another and only got to the introductions when things felt a bit safe.
    Unbeknown to me, my long lost friend was dating him when they were back at Uni (early 96) and she happened to come across info that me and him were dating. She seeked me out and when she did found me, she played the ‘I am your friend and friends dont date their friend’s ex’es’ card.
    I was flabbergasted,at this mainly. Fact that I hadnt heard from her in over 5 years and suddenly we are buddy buddy and I didnt even know they dated. That said, I did the ‘right’ thing. I sat her down, explained my situation to her (not because I wanted her blessing) and she saw how genuine our feelings were and she calmed down.
    Been in this relationship and can say I am happy I went for it and didnt allow this ”here today gone tommorow friend” stop me from living my dream.
    In a nutshell, yes I would do it,cos I am doing it. Oh and its been done to me many times before and I never busted a nerve.
    Great article BS.

  23. Kiki on Fri, 6th May 2011 6:30 am 

    Wow,BS this is indeed interesting. Nami I say it depends. If they dated donkeys years ago and I wasn’t even her friend back then then angingeni ndawo mina apho,she will have to deal with it.

    If this man hurt her badly and she told me about it before I even met the guy then I won’t do it becoz her seeing his face again will bring back those horrible memories.

    And like BS said: What if the friend is the one who hurt the poor guy,fell out of love and moved on? Phela there still some good guys out there who get hurt by women. So nje wena uzomyeka just becoz he is a friend’s ex knowing how much of a good man he is? SOZE!

    One thing for sure is that I lose all respect for a guy who shelas me whilst he is in a relationship with my friend. That is rubbish. But if he was a good guy,respected my gal & us her friends and we happen to meet in Norway after they had broken up then trust me I will not say no.

    Some people can’t tell the difference between a relationship & a fling. The minute one understands and accepts that then it will make this a better world. Sex doesn’t always mean a relationship. If you are a fling you are a fling don’t confuse it with a relationship.

    I can’t believe the comment about left overs? I am speechless. Who isn’t a left over? The guy you will meet tomorrow or you met yesterday is a left over too. Just bcoz he didn’t date your friend doesn’t mean he is a virgin. He dated Sophia,SoulSista,Nkey and even had a fling with Sky the stripper,so he is a left over shem. If you don’t want left overs then go to a primary school or creche. Lol

    Heheheh some even date their sister’s exes. (Think Maxine stealing Terri’s man right under her nose on Soul Food getting married & living happily ever after) ku tough shem. IT DEPENDS!!

    To all my friends: If you meet a guy and he wants a relationship with you and nawe you like him but then he tells you mina naye dated or had a fling,don’t let that stand in your happiness. Especially if I didn’t tell you about the so called relationship or fling because chances are it didn’t mean anything to me. So I can never get mad @ u for that shem. No ways!

    This whole thing it depends shem. Thank you BS.

  24. LJFOREVER on Fri, 6th May 2011 7:10 am 

    It all boils down to the terms & conditions set out for the friendship. I would never feel any bitter if I find one of my friends with my ex, especially if it makes him or her happy. I’m that mature to be to realize that an ex is an ex. Irrespective of the history we shared. The main reason why most people if not all, have an issue with that kind of situation, is the fear of seeing their ex happy with their friends & unacknowledged emotional hang ups.

  25. Zeal on Fri, 6th May 2011 7:12 am 

    When you’re in high school or the first few years of varsity, a lot of people live by this!! ‘Friends’ exes are off limits’! But then you get older, and then you realize you just don’t have as many options as you did in the past!! Bo ‘Mr Right Now’ ba fedile!!

    So when you do get a chance, don’t let it pass you by!! I personally wouldn’t mind any of my friends dating my exes! The world’s a bit crowded, we’re bound to at some point!!

  26. BrownEyes on Fri, 6th May 2011 7:54 am 

    A (((BOOOOM))) for you Kiki!

    @ Amo *high 5*

    @Xtra lol and we like…

    #TeamItDepends

  27. Lela on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:21 am 

    Mina I have a rule when it comes to this and the rule is; there is always that one ex,ungabatya bonke kodwa hayi yena. If you are my real friend you will know that he is off limits. For instance Nomusa knew that Thandaza still loves Pheko and that Pheko is that one ex. For me both baby daddies are off limits for obvious reasons and that one ex MrG. When I updated my satatus about this on FB everone who knows me from high school friends to people I met here in Joburg knew that one ex is MrG and ndingabulala umtu. As for the rest hayi ningatya shem. *goes to hunt down Kiki’s left over yellow bones*

  28. ziz-g on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:24 am 

    mmmh what a topic BS..Morning erri’body..now my story:

    well 2 years ago i met a friend and we ended up being bff’s so she dates this guy and i got to meet him once,and that was 2009,so after a few months they broke up because my hot and so not hollier than thou friend cheated on him with his very close cousin and they got it on quite well leaving the ex heartbroken*shem*..now 2010 she doesn’t care about the ex or whatsoever,so the friend’s ex and I meet by chance,and he asks for ma contacts and we got on so well and we finally dated,i didn’t tell but i couldn’t go on like that so(please don’t judge i was amateur)i got her drunk then i told her,she was shocked but it was all good till she was sober,and all hell broke loose…i br0ke up with the bf a month after that,and my bff had a happy ending…but i still agree with BS “It Depends”

  29. Anonymous2010 on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:26 am 

    The truth of this article is mostly acknowledged by those in their late twenties and beyond. I believe thats when REAL issues like these hit you!

  30. nan on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:28 am 

    this is a moral issue but one thing i know is that I will never date a friends X coz its just a mine field waiting to happen … so the guy must just take his sexy self or what ever somewhere else nje

  31. LeeLove on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:37 am 

    If they have genuine feelings for one another it would be selfish of u to deny them that chance. I agree with some of the conditions but for me the 1s that really matter are:

    Did he/she really hurt my friend?

    And like Lela said there’s always that 1 ex ( I call em the 1 that got away) that is off limits.

    Otherwise I would let my friend date my ex.

  32. Faya on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:37 am 

    I’ve dated my friend’s ex. She said she was cool with it, when we started dating she stopped talking to me for 6 months. Now she’s engaged to our other friend’s ex. Never say never, you don’t know where your feelings are headed.

    All I’m saying is that I’m not going to stop dating a guy just cos he’s tried with my friend in the past and it didn’t work out. Most “unwritten rules” are just silly.

  33. Amo on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:43 am 

    Nan, you are limitting your horizon love. Trust me. Nuff said.

  34. LeeLove on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:44 am 

    @ nan

    U don’t decide to fall for someone, it usually just happens.

    The real moral issue is are u gonna deny someone u love something he/she wants just because u can’t have it even though u don’t even want it anymore?

    If yes then how deep is ur love?

  35. Nalizo on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:47 am 

    I can say it depends only in a case where I didn’t know about them dating,then I find out after we’ve started something.And yes,I would still want to know how serious their relationship was. Imagine how painful it would be if they had a serious relationship and circumstances kept them apart….not lies, cheating or abuse *think Felicity 7 de Laan* what if there was no closure?Do you think you would be at peace knowing these people may still be inlove with each other? What then if they decide to get back together,a year later the guy breaks up with you and goes back to the friend,won’t that hurt you?

    I personally think we need to stay away from our friend’s exes so that we don’t complicate things or end up hurting each other unnecessarily.

    I’ve had a friend who dated an ex of mine,she couldn’t even tell me shem,not sure why,but I did find out.I was not bothered by the fact that they were dating because we were over long before they dated,however I was concerned by the fact that she was hiding it from me.The ex ended up telling me himself and shame he didn’t seem serious about her at all.Of course it didn’t even last a month.

    I’ve also dated my ex’s friend,so yeah,my opinion has nothing to do with being holier than thou.

  36. Mapakisha on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:51 am 

    Tjo, nna i dated a friend’s ex 1s, I didn’t know her was her x though. She said she didn’t like him like that, she said they were just chilling. Hao, nna i kept asking hore y not date cos the brother was hotter that any curry i’ve tasted, no, she didn’t want him. I hooked up with him @ some party & we hit it off. xchanged numbers & a few weeks later we were inseperable – my friend didn’t know though(I was a lil embarrased d@ i’d been dating a guy she didn’t want). Time goes by & he tells me he hopes I won’t hurt him like my friend did. Ngaphele ndaweni ryt then.

  37. magdee on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:53 am 

    well mine is a bit different. the man i am in a relationship with at the moment used to be friends with my then boyfriend in high school. i have not met the ex since i started dating his friend but another friend of thiers told him about us and apparently he was angry.

    BS o right youll never know and i refuse to let my chance for a good relationship pass me by because of the past. the ex should just be strong i was still young when i dated himanyway.

    anonymous i like what you say.

  38. LeeLove on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:53 am 

    I’m the kinda girl who doesn’t like my friends buying the same clothes as me. So this analogy will make sense to u if ur the same:

    It’s like going shopping with a friend seeing a pair of shoes that u really like and finding out they don’t have 1 pair left and it’s not in ur size. So ur a lil sad but accept u can’t have it. Ur friend then decides she wants it coz that last pair is in her size and u wanna play the “but I saw it 1st card”.

    Ur being silly coz 10min later ur gonna see a pair of shoes that in ur eyes makes the pair ur friend got seem ugly.

  39. Dladla on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:56 am 

    My very first boyfriend was my friend’s ex. Today, me and my friend are still close, but me and his ex (who is now my ex) are the best of friends ever. Actually even more than what my friend are.

    When I went for him, I knew they were Exes and that my friend had dumped him over vague excuses. I spoke to my friend and told him what I have done. Well, he did hate me for an hour. But izinto went back to ‘normal’ after that.

    I do NOT regret dating this gay at all. Out of what him and I had, came the one friendship I have ever dreamt of. Many men have come and gone ebomini bam, but yena usahleli, futhi akayi ndawo.

    I could safely say this is the only man that really knows, loves and understand me for real. Gosh, ndiyamthanda uMadiba :)

    *relocates to Pretoria*

    “So, this is why mina ke I say, it depends…”

  40. LeeLove on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:57 am 

    Gosh typos. U will figure it out as u read.

  41. Thobza on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:58 am 

    The only way I can ever do this is when I didnt know about them..and if it come out when I’m already inlove with the dude, den my frnd will jst hve 2 b strong. But a frnd’s ex dat I knw abt, I wud NEVER date. How do u evn begin 2 feel anythng 4 diz person when u knw dey were with ur frnd. If u can do dat then nothing can stop u from taking ur sista’s husband mos. I’m with nan here, IT Is a moral issue. Toniice is right, U do not date a friend’s bf, not even their ex. Me and my BFF knw this and we both agree 2 it.

  42. snapshot on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:02 am 

    Anywhoo who created that rule vele?????????

    it depends like BS said, do you want your friend to come raving about how they used to be happy and all that, guess not.

    do you really want to compare what he used to do with your friend and the fact that his mom loved your friend and still love her, guess not.

    but these is just a rule that can be broken depending on the circumstances,its not like religion where you don’t wanna compromise

  43. LadyM on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:10 am 

    Lol at the disclaimer! kwaaaaaa!

  44. Mapakisha on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:10 am 

    Lmao @ Lela’s “ungabatya bonke kodwa hayi yena”.. True story:)

  45. LadyM on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:11 am 

    I agree BS… It depends. besides, what if that person is your soulmate…..

  46. Thato on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:11 am 

    Mina it doesn’t matter to me if they dated donkey years ago or who dumped who or what happened, where I come from this is unacceptable. If I have dated this guy it means I loved him rite? So chances are I will always look at him in a different eye than any other guy.

    So would you trust me with your man if he happens to be my ex? Do you think I will sit and listen to how kinky you guys get when the guy is my ex? Do you expect me to be happy for you and your man? There are always going to be issues between us as friends, so rather you have your relationship or we keep our friendship. Remember than men come and go in our lives, and friends should be there forever. So imagine ruining your friendship over someone you end up dating for 6 months? Friends are not supposed to do friend’s exes.

  47. theeMAtshepo on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:13 am 

    im currently dating my friend’s ex. so i guess its a yes on my part.ok ok *dodging bullets* we have been together for about four years now.

    We met though her and i must say i liked from the on set but could not do anythung about it, but he felt the same way.

    i dont know maybe thats is how we were supposed to meet or one day i will be hit by karma. all i know is i love him and he does me too.

  48. Lela on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:18 am 

    Whoa Thato usezoshumaneka awasembalwa amadoda!

  49. Amo on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:20 am 

    Snapshot, I second that. ”Who created or came up with the rule?”
    And how many friends are we going to loose because we have to choose not to love their exes? Nna for me, I would rather muddle through the murky waters and see what’s in store for me than live with a what if. Which is why I went ahead and dated my man.
    It really should not be as tough as we are making it seem.

  50. Lumza7 on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:21 am 

    Wow! I feel like this article is based on me yaz’ LOL!
    I dated a friend’s ex abt 2yrs ago, at the time it felt like the right thing to do coz I felt that he might be my last chance @ happiness. Needless to say, him and I broke up a few months later and I’d also lost a friend.
    I don’t regret it though coz I see it as a lesson learnt. Would I do it again? Probably accept this time I’d use Brown Shuga’s checklist coz had I used it in the 1st place I probably wouldn’t have dated him

  51. Kiki on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:22 am 

    @Thato if you are over someone and you are happy,what they do with whoever will not affect you. Mina nje an EX is an EX,I stop caring the day I choose to walk out and close the door behind me. I will care for then as human beings but when it comes to matters of the heart I am not interested. I don’t even want them to tell me how beautiful or horrible the relationship or sex with the new woman is coz its non of my business hence I don’t even discuss my own relationship with my EXes,what for?

  52. lazyswag on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:22 am 

    Nice article BS and death by the disclaimer lmao :’D

    My friends and i we were talking about that a few days ago and they were saying that it’s ok to sleep with your friend’s ex but it’s not ok to DATE them….i was like “WTF” but i wont get into the debate we had-lets just say a few peeps revealed secrets that caused strings of weaves and pubic hair to be all over the place.

  53. LadyM on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:23 am 

    At the end of the day, neither friendship or love is guaranteed—–> very true BrownEyes. and all relationships are seasonal, that includes friendships. So maybe the friend was meant to be in your life for a season. and then you are gonna let love pass you by becoz of the unknown? *shrugs*

  54. mzuaqe on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:24 am 

    Its my bday #AnyThingGoes! Lol

  55. Amo on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:25 am 

    So on point Kiki. Why discuss your sex life with your ex?

  56. sweetness on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:25 am 

    For me it depends on if my friend is still inlove/like the guy…

    But what would count the most would be how the broke up, the reason behind the break upm cos to me that says alot about the person he is,and.

    I would of course let my friend understand how i feel first, and get her opinion, and how she feels about it. not that it would change anything, but it will be hard on her at first, but sure will come around.

  57. Mapakisha on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:31 am 

    Lucky for me, my BFF is a straight guy. Guess I don’t have to worry abt my ex liking my friend & moving onto him. I still wouldn’t date a friend’s x though, it’s grows *minddaspelling*

  58. beyonce on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:31 am 

    It depends on the intensity of the relationship for me. Coz i knw i hav ex’s ive broken up wit ages but the hurt/love is still there. One night stands & jst nje ex’s hayi noko ngeke sijole mos

  59. Lumza7 on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:32 am 

    @Thato – If you decide against dating a friend’s ex and that friend gets married to someone else a few years later and you still single with no hope of finding love… Wouldn’t you resent your friend for robbing of a chance to find love? Wouldn’t that ruin the friendship?

  60. miss_a on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:33 am 

    Seems like a lot of people have dated their friend’s ex… I am personally #Team-It-Depends!

    Mina I lost my virginity and had my first serious relationship with my cousin’s ex. They hooked up (making out, not shagging) a few times but it was nothing serious. When him and I met, we connected and ended up dating for a year. And I lost my virginity to him. She was cool with it cos they were never serious. I spoke with her about it beforehand and she gave her blessing.

    My next boyfriend cheated on me with my “best friend” and they ended up having a 3yr-long relationship. The friendship ended then and there; had she dated him AFTER we’d broken up and spoken to me about it, I wouldn’t have minded. But she became the other woman in my relationship and betrayed my trust and the friendship. Which hurt.

    I reali think that it depends on the situation. Being the reason for ur friend’s break-up is NOT ayoba. And as BS said, dating someone who hurt her and broke her heart is also NOT ayoba. Neither is dating your friend’s first love or anyone they were super serious with. Maybe if they dated before u were friends it “might” be acceptable… Nje, this issue has a lot of terms and conditions that warrant whether it’s right or wrong or not. It’s very tricky…

  61. Gomolemo on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:37 am 

    My friend dumped her boyfriend of less than 3 months a few weeks ago. I went to his company for a meeting, we got talking and it was quite interesting. We have so much in common and i cant stop thinking about him. He told me the same thing the other day. Guys understand this, my friend dumped him cause he was boring her, nna ga mbore, so what do i do? ke a mo batla, high and low legone? Ke wrong? i mean ga ke mo shape ka stena mos??

  62. Brown Shuga on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:38 am 

    Futhi guys don’t forget that in some of our cultures, when a husband dies, the brother takes over and becomes the woman’s husband. Isn’t that worse than going for a friend’s ex?

    Another angle: Would it be easier to date your friend’s ex if your friend is dead?

  63. princesskoena on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:39 am 

    i’ve also been in ths situation but i stopped it cz i just thnk that its wrong but the guy n i r stil close.
    One thing i realised about girls is that we talk a lot i dnt tel ”friends” abt my sex life i just say its good i dnt get into details.some girls r evil wena they wanna feel wat u always ravin to them abt. Datin ur friends or family members’s ex is just wrong its a written rule in the moral n ethics book.
    But men dnt use this rule especially players they just date any girl as long as they have sex.

  64. Lumza7 on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:43 am 

    “Would it be easier to date your friend’s ex if your friend is dead?” Hai, I wouldn’t shem lapho esp if my friend was dating or still hung up on the person when he/she passed on.
    I’ve never come across ispoko and I’m not planning to so NO!

  65. sweetness on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:46 am 

    and also just make sure when you date the guy, dont keep talking about him around/with her… it doesnt matter even if she gave you her blessing, and is genuinely okay with it… i think thats being inconsiderate…

  66. miss_a on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:49 am 

    @BS eish ok the whole dating the ex when the friend has passed on is a bit intense! I don’t think I could… If the friend passes on while they were still dating, he’s still technically her man. I know she’s not around but nje, I think I’d stay away from him as a sign of respect and an honouring of her memory…

  67. soul sista on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:51 am 

    Can you guys slow down on the comments because I can’t catch up now and these comments are interesting I don’t want to miss any…tltltltl

    I might say it also depends on the type of friendship you have, so are besties others, acquaintances, others just friends.
    #TeamWhateverSuitsYou

  68. Thapelo24 on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:54 am 

    I know most guys won’t date their best friend’s ex…. Mara women? Y’all backstab each other like nobody’s Bizniz, ever noticed that women never notice you until you start dating their friend?

  69. ThatoM on Fri, 6th May 2011 9:55 am 

    I agree with Lela yaz…there’s that one special ex that u can’t touch…not that u want him back or anything but u can’t just have him nje lol but the rest ungadla mzwalane uzitike. #TeamItdepends. #TeamDontTouchMySpecialEx

  70. Kiki on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:05 am 

    @BS,I can’t date my friend’s EX if she is dead. I just can’t. I will mourn my friend for as long as I am alive so nje the Widower will be off limits. I find it hard to date a widower vele in the 1st place. Do you know how hard and impossible it is to compete with a dead person? You can never win,they will still control your relationship even though they are 6 feet under. Widowers are off limits apha kum..I CAN’T.

  71. LuvTerry on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:06 am 

    If she was completely over him and has moved on,I dnt c a problem with it! I have a friend who has a new bf omg he is cute and has a great personality ,I envy hey lol .. I’d date him if they broke up hehe (but I won’t interfere with their Relationship!)

  72. Fezzy on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:11 am 

    I wudnt date my friends ex if my friend is dead and she was died from AIDS. Hell no!
    I’ve shapad my friend my friend nge stina a few times when we were in high school, and I did that to pay i revenge.
    I was dating this guy and they used to go to the same school. Before me and this guy dated, they didnt know each other and when I introduced them, they realised that they have seen each other eskoleni once or twice.There were no cellphones at that time (I only got a cellphone ku 1st yami eVarsity which was in 2003). I wud always send me messages to this guy via my friend since she gets to see him everyday at school. Little did I know that my friend was the biggest Jezebel eva, they cheated on me for months and I didnt know about it. So my friend was shagging my friend for about 6 months while we were still dating. I was a virgin, not ready for sex and my friend was already giving out her cake to my bf.
    One of his friends felt sorry for me and told me. I broke with this guy but decided to keep my friend and get even.
    I cant even tell you the number yezitina engimshaye ngazo. One that really broke her heart was that cute guy who looked like his mother, she really loved him and he just fell for me. I didnt even sleep with the guy, just did it to give her a taste of her own medicine.
    That was a long time ago though #childishtendencies….I definitely wouldnt do it again.

  73. Mapakisha on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:12 am 

    After all the details tsa them doing what they did last night & how sucked on stuff some few weeks ago & how he squirms when he cums & how his not the tidiest person she knows & how he likes to pick his nose, etc. Doesn’t matter how she said he was in or out of bed, knowing that THEY did it would be enough to make me stay away from him. Yes, we’re all leftovers maar the fact that i don’t personally know that x of his makes things seem newer so NO, i wouldn’t date a friend’s x.

  74. Amo on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:13 am 

    Nah ah Thapelo24! Its actually you men who are the worst when comes to dating a friend’s ex. All the man is interested in getting the girl and nothing else. And when the girl brings up the ex, the guys says, ”She’s not the one I want now,is she?”
    BS,still on the departed friend issue,I would say it depends! And what you say about some cultures actually practising it, that’s true. I know a family that still practises it to this day. The mother is married to the belated husbands’s brother and life goes on. Why cant it be the same with friends and dating and any other business?

  75. Fezzy on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:15 am 

    died from Aids…mnxim

  76. posh on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:16 am 

    I met a guy while in a serious relationship, I liked him a lot but couldn’t do anything with him at the time.

    I decided to introduce him to my friend because they were both available, looking and thought they were very compatible, he is quiet good catch.

    The guy agreed, reluctant though, citing that he really liked me but because he needed a girlfriend, he’ll give it a go.

    They dated, it got complicated, nothing nasty just disagreement about terms and conditions, my friend could sense that he was not fully into her, although the guy tried his best to make the relationship work. My friend would confide in me about the details of their relationship

    And my friend was falling for him, he was into her but I think he liked her profile and character more, but he did not have strong feelings for her or was not in love with her..

    He kept asking if I would give him a chance should my relationship not work out, I said after dating my friend, chances are slim.

    Now I’m single and they stopped seeing each other the guy is pursuing me again (well he never stopped completely), the chemistry is very strong between us but I feel he’s off limit, it will force me to choose between my friend and him and I am not willing to lose a friend over a him

    I never told my friend that he had feelings for me and I am not planning to, so it’s my loss cause I’ll never know if we would have worked out or not. *sad*

  77. Whitechick on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:22 am 

    Well BS are’nt woman the ones who should be refered to as left overs since they are the ones who get banged and then its left for another man to bang?

  78. soul sista on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:27 am 

    #DeathBy —> Competing with a dead person :lol:

  79. Thapelo24 on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:29 am 

    EXCUSES, EXCUSES!!!…. and Asking who came up the the friendship rule that says you must date your friend’s ex is like asking who said you can’t fart in a crowded lift… It is wrong and you know it

  80. mzuaqe on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:30 am 

    Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa @TeamDntTouchMySpecialX kweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  81. manqaza on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:32 am 

    I would DO them mna shem…if ur a well known guy/girl living in Cpt(which has small dating circles) then uzolamba..Bring on the Ex apha kum..

  82. manqaza on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:33 am 

    BS..ndiqumbile shem..re-article

  83. mzuaqe on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:34 am 

    “Maybe” its better if the its ur Friend ogabhile iX mara if iX iyona eyagabha umngan wakho! That’s world war3 #TeamWhoDumpedWho

  84. soul sista on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:34 am 

    @whitechick as women we also lick the lollipop & leave it for the next person to lick. Everything(men/women) is a left over…

  85. snapshot on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:35 am 

    Happy birthday Mzwaqe, how old are you Now *singing in curiousity*

    lOl @ Lumza7 I’ve never come across ispoko and I’m not planning to so NO, haibo! who said she will come back to haunt you tjo! clap twice once not enuf and shout Mmaditaba!!

    @Posh thata ntombazane, vele owakho oo the friend does n’t know jerr mathata.

    i dated this guy, broke up, hooked him with my friend, i like doing that anyway,cos i don’t normally have close friends who get to know my BF, this one time, i tried doing the hooking up, one friend smelled a rat,started asking questions how i know the chap, nx she wanted him but the guy was not budging, it failed and we re-dated and it failed again, bastard want us to re-redate haibo umdlalo phela lo, *just had to share iyangihlekisa nje*

  86. Kiki on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:38 am 

    This ‘once mine always mine’ tendency that people have should stop. You can not deny other people or your friend happiness just becoz your relationship didn’t work out. If you were meant to be then why is that person an EX again??? Set him/her FREE becoz nobody owns anybody. Somethings were just never meant to be eternal. You are a frog just like you kiss frogs too to find a prince and maybe your ex could be your friend’s prince or vise versa.

    And bafazi,you must stop discussing your bedroom stories with your friends. Keep your sex life very private. Its ok to talk about sex in general and what we like or don’t like but don’t go as far as exposing how he touches you and where? There should be a limit to what one tells their friends. Imagine in 5yrs time me dating Lela’s ex hubby and I say ‘Why are u not touching me there like you used to touch Lela?’ Tltltltl

  87. Amo on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:38 am 

    Tanki Soulsista.
    Whitechick women bang and leave men too!! Hence, we all are LEFTOVERS.

  88. khululeka on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:45 am 

    @whitechick that statement does not apply, especially nowadays. Chicks also desire and go after a man only 4 banging and they will leave him after that. I have a friend who just wanted 2 bang this hot guy nothing else and she went after him, got it and left him after a few nights. Then who is the leftover here?

  89. lolaluv on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:47 am 

    HAYI AMAJC BLOGGERS akalali!.. 1:AM-2:AM-4:AM..5..!!!

    Great topic BS!

  90. Cutypie on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:49 am 

    Hey guys please help. I MISTAKENLY blocked images from gravar and now I can’t see ya’ll gravatars. How do I retrieve them?? Sorry 2 go offtopic.

  91. Mmaditaba on Fri, 6th May 2011 10:59 am 

    Hehehehe interesting topic BS..with all the lil experiences i’ve had iv learned that #ItDepends
    especialy with what kinda friendship you got going on and how the friend feels about the guy!

    Into engiyi zondaxo which amantombazana like to do is KEEP QUIET ABOUT IT UNTIL YOU CATCH THEM RED HANDED-thats where the trust is lost!

    I have friends who wouldnt ever appreciate me dating their ex which i totaly respect, then theres those who just dnt care cause more than half the time they just fling!

    #TeamLetsKnowEachOtherAsFriends.

  92. Cutypie on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:01 am 

    THIS —–>>>>>‘Why are u not touching me there like you used to touch Lela?’ #Deathofme!! Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  93. MiniAyeye on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:02 am 

    it really depends, why would you want your happiness/love pass by on history, and then what if your friend is happy in a relationship with some1 else and u and the ex r so inlove? in BrownEyes voice*Aowa, people must just learn to give away their old toys to the ones in need hau lol…*

  94. Thato on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:09 am 

    If you ever loved someone then you never stop caring, they hold a special place in your heart!!
    I had a friend when I was dating this guy, she was there throughout. When we had problems she advised me to dump the guy coz he didn’t deserve me blah blah. Guess what? 2 years later, she was dating this guy! I was more angry at the guy than her, even do this day that has drifted us apart.
    Futhi the same friend, one of our other friends kissed her ex and till this day she doesn’t speak to her. But mina I was supposed to forgive and forget. Its nice when you not the person who’s ex is being dated by your friend! You understand but wait until you are the one having to see your ex and friend dating. What happens when you around them, you act like nothing has ever happened between the two of you.
    There are enough guys in the world for us girls to stop tapping the same arse as our friends did, futhi I think guys would never do this.

  95. Vesa on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:09 am 

    @Thato if you are over someone and you are happy,what they do with whoever will not affect you. Mina nje an EX is an EX,I stop caring the day I choose to walk out and close the door behind me. I will care for then as human beings but when it comes to matters of the heart I am not interested. I don’t even want them to tell me how beautiful or horrible the relationship or sex with the new woman is coz its non of my business hence I don’t even discuss my own relationship with my EXes,what for?
    I agree with this. I think it would hurt if I’m still hung up on the guy….and it won’t just be with a friend, but with any woman I see him with.

    I always say, you are one person away from the next person. It’s a small world….and chances are whoever you meet could have been with someone you know, or a friend of a friend. Love is hard to come by bathong, and we can’t be choosing who to fall in love with. I know for sure that I won’t go out of my way to seduce and date someone who’s been with someone I know (eg. bff, friend, neighbour, etc) but if I happen to meet a guy and we hit it off and I later discover that he is your ex….as the saying goes, it will depend on a number of reasons.

  96. Nalizo on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:13 am 

    @Mzuaqe,sometimes when a friend is the one who dumped the Ex,they tend to think they have power over the Ex and that if they wanted them back,they would get them.Some superiority complex kicks in,and we know how some men can’t get over the gal that hurt them.Most of the time they wanna go back,no matter how sl*tty the gal is,they would leave a good thing just to back and taste that sweet poison.

    Personally,I wouldn’t mind if a friend dated my Ex,but of course I do have that Off limits Ex,dare touch him,you will be deeply hurt.Not because I’m gonna do something to you,but because it will hurt you to see that he still loves me so deeply and me him.Hes my soulmate that one and he knows it…hehehehe.We make up and break up all the time.

    Happy Birthday @Mzuaqe

  97. Thato on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:14 am 

    Futhi I don’t believe that people completely stop caring about their exes, no matter how happy they are in their current relationship!

  98. Kusihlwa on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:17 am 

    My cousin slept with my then boyfriend, after we broke up they started dating, now that is wrong. But if you know that its really over and there are no left over feelings involved then I dont see why not. It might be hard for your friend to live with but after time it will get better and less awkward. just attribute it to the fact that the population of women is twice the population of men in the world :-)

  99. Lela on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:19 am 

    Kwaaaaaaaaaaa @Kiki and ex hubby, I said both baby daddies and MrG are off limits! Do you mean to tell me uba you don’t mind nango baby daddy Kiki? cz damn baby is damn hot so id make my move fast. #TeamDontChowMySpecialEx. Even the bible says you can eat in all the trees but not this one.

  100. Vesa on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:19 am 

    And bafazi,you must stop discussing your bedroom stories with your friends. Keep your sex life very private. Its ok to talk about sex in general and what we like or don’t like but don’t go as far as exposing how he touches you and where? There should be a limit to what one tells their friends.

    Dankie!!!!

  101. vale031 on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:20 am 

    I also say it depends… My BFF dated this guy, then she left him for this guys best friend… We all became friends and hung out together.. This one day my friends ex and I kissed and from then there were sparks.. My BFF knew this and said she was over him and ok with it… This went on for a long time until my Bff’s current bf died… To cut the story short nje.. My Bff always try to get in the middle of us and the guy seems like he is intertaining it.. So minake I just let them be, I can’t be stuck in the middle of their confusion nje… So I would say a really big IT DEPENDS

  102. Lela on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:21 am 

    Hayi Thato I think wena u’ve only had serious relationships. Moer I can’t be caring for all them niggas some who’s names i’ve even forgotten.

  103. Bongani on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:21 am 

    i wont date my friends ex if my friend will kiss me and have sex with me and have all those intimate moments with me. now since that wont happen i date whoever i want, if i loose that friend then so be it. the price of bread wont change just because i lost a friend. inhliziyo ayiphakelwa ende iyazikhontrola ukuthi ithandaphi.

    thats my story and i’m sticking to it

  104. snapshot on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:23 am 

    this thing is different, mine nje i don’t remember who i dated, i guess i will only remember when my friend tells me about the person, will i be hurt, i don’t think so,

    my memory is not that big,it deletes the negative to store the future and only the positive.

    Yekani abantu ba date shem, you had your chance nawe

  105. lolaluv on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:25 am 

    so true>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Moer I can’t be caring for all them niggas some who’s names i’ve even forgotten.

  106. Lumza7 on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:29 am 

    “…i don’t remember who i dated, i guess i will only remember when my friend tells me about the person, will i be hurt, i don’t think so…”
    Kwaaaaaaaaaaaa! Snapshot u just made my morning!

  107. Vesa on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:38 am 

    Kwaaaaaaaaaaa @Kiki and ex hubby, I said both baby daddies and MrG are off limits! Do you mean to tell me uba you don’t mind nango baby daddy Kiki?

    @Lela mina I don’t mind ka my baby daddy shem. Anyone can have him any day

  108. MissFab on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:39 am 

    HEY HEY JC’s im new eish been a silent blogger for too long.

    What do you think of you bff befreinding all your ex’s?
    Not necessesarily dating them but after you break up with someone then all a sudden your freind is close them.
    I actully have such a freind.

    Ive never dated m freinds ex’s bcos we dnt have same taste n men but i dnt know what will happen in future. SO IT DEPENDS

  109. Toniice on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:43 am 

    These comments have proved summin I already knew ..Most women are pro dating their friends exs guess Women hang with each other and claim to be friends but they always competing and don’t really like each other..Fellaz know we don’t do each other’s exs only bitch niggaz do that shit..Ladies if ur my ex and u date my friend its called homie hoppin…

  110. Kiki on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:44 am 

    Lela,you can have baby daddy any day shem…My feelings for him died when Kea was 2yrs old so vele manje I feel nothing NOT even friendship. He is my baby daddy and that’s all and naye uyazi ukbana I have no room for him anymore. We just respect & tolerate each other for the sake of our angel. We don’t owe each other anything.

    Mina nje I stop caring shem. If you are my EX you can not come to me with your problems to complicate my life. There are other people you can talk to. You have a family and friends. Who am I? Hai suka. I don’t run to my baby daddy with my problems,its not his place to help me out or let me cry on his shoulder,that’s my gals,man,mum or brothers’ Job NOT his. If its about our daughter then yes but if its about me then hell no.

    Another thing,just because you love someone it doesn’t mean they feel the same way or you have to be together. If that was the case I would be Mrs Chestnut or typing this chilling in heaven with Tupac as we speak.

  111. FarmGal on Fri, 6th May 2011 11:52 am 

    I agree BS!!! #teamItDepends
    My best friend is in dbn and I’m in jhb, she recently called to ask about a guy from back home who now lives in dbn. I could hear ukuthi she wanted him otherwise why the research on him. I had a fling with the guy when he worked up here 2 years ago. I decided not to tell her about it and gave my blessings.

    She found out about us and was mad that I didn’t tell her and I explained ukuthi I really didn’t see a problem if she wanted him! Kuyafana nje la kimi. She took the moral high ground but later understood!
    Moral: stupid rules can be rewritten!!!

    I wouldn’t date my friends first love or a man that broke her heart. They can touch whoever I’ve touched because honestly anginendaba! Its over, so why get mad??

  112. snapshot on Fri, 6th May 2011 12:02 pm 

    but to be honest now, my friend dated this guy,the guys was so my type and NOT my friend’s type,HONESTLY NOT. The guy recommended i date his friend which i refused point black, i knew i could never date the guy since he was with my friend even though i knew they won’t last, they clashed in every way, but then the guy bekakhipha money wise, something i didn’t care but nje, he was my dream husband.i knew i could make him happy,i was the one thing he needed,damn to the friend who hooked them up.

    Lol they broke up without even telling each other, bavele banyamalelanga.

    i guess it still proves you can’t date your friend’s Ex

  113. Kiki on Fri, 6th May 2011 12:02 pm 

    Oho,@Toniice don’t act like men are innocent and clean here. Kanti who are the women sleeping with or dating? VIBRATORS??? Men create this complication amongst women more than the women themselves. A man can shela your best friend,fuck your sister,neighbour or even colleague and still pretend as if you are the best thing that’s ever happened to him. We are all in this shit together. No gender is better than the other.

  114. Kiki on Fri, 6th May 2011 12:15 pm 

    Mina I have never dated my friend’s EX but I can never say I wouldn’t bcoz it depends. Most of my gals have a different taste of men to mine. The men that I find attractive can be a just nje to my gals or vise versa.

  115. Amo on Fri, 6th May 2011 12:36 pm 

    One word: INTERSEXIONS.

    We are all connected, one way or the other.

  116. Mmaditaba on Fri, 6th May 2011 12:59 pm 

    Lmao! @Kiki telling it like it is. Kiki wena awunandaba shem LOL

    snapshot lol hu ayh shem khohlwa ngaye.he wasnt 4 u even if bewu day dreama ngaye lol!

  117. Wild Island on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:04 pm 

    ya ne…*silence is golden*…

  118. Kiki on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:20 pm 

    Lol @Mmaditaba I stopped burying my head in the sand ages ago.

    Ene,when it comes to such issues I choose to talk for and about myself and what I would or wouldn’t do. I can’t talk for my friends and say we have an understanding or rule nton nton bcoz you will be shocked that the very same people you think are in the ‘proper game’ with you are f*cking or have f*cked every men or woman that you have been with behind your back whilst wena u are busy defending them. LOL *cues I Don’t Ever Wanna See You Again by Uncle Sam*

  119. Lela on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:23 pm 

    Yhu Vesa and Kiki you are very generous shem,baby daddy! Mina with baby daddies it’s not even about the feelings but really ke ngoku out of respect for the kids and the fact that they will always be their daddies noko masingadlaleli lapho.

  120. Raquel on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:34 pm 

    #TeamItdepends. Thank u BS.

    Quick question: Wasn’t uTata uMadiba friends with Samora Machel at some point? #JustCurious

  121. snapshot on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:35 pm 

    Lol @ out of respect for the kids and the fact that they will always be their daddies noko masingadlaleli lapho,

    @Lela akasasiye wakho so maybe he will make ur friend happy and they both help to raise your kid, plus your friend will understand when you say this month you don’t have cash so can daddio pay transport.

    @Mmaditaba i had forgotten about him until this topic,

    tjo! my varsity room mate once dated this guy, she says,the bf came with his friend and the friend proposed, she told him “i don’t want you i want your friend”, the friend proposed and the got going, they now have a baby but not sure if they are still together.

  122. Kiki on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:49 pm 

    Kwaaaaaaa Lela,don’t you think your brats are much safer around me than some random aunti Josephine from Kuvukiland? Lol

    Lol @ the Mandela Machel question.

  123. MsTeee on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:53 pm 

    lol Kiki u just reminded me of a friend that’s always complaining that her man doesn’t wanna go down on her when she knows very well that he used to muff her friend who’s now the guy’s ex #TeamShutIt when it comes to matters of the bedroom shem

  124. summer on Fri, 6th May 2011 1:57 pm 

    Me thinks most of th ppl who r insisting on taking th moral high ground r stil young, early 20′s & less. Kunzima apha ngaphandle. As we get older thngs change. I guess u’l only und ths wen u reach a certain age.

    Abantu mabayeke ubambelela kwi past kaloku. Sonke sifuna ukuba happy mos! Funny enuf, if it is, I dnt even have ‘tht ex’ mna. My frends cn have any of my exes, ndadlula kubo & I’m happy wt my husband! Bancinci abantu besilisa ngoku, aniboni na???

    #Teampplshallshare#

  125. FarmGal on Fri, 6th May 2011 2:29 pm 

    Lol @ summer! #teamPplShallShare
    But yazi abantu love stressing themselves over nothing. He WAS yours, let him poke whoever he wants! Awumulobolanga yazi!
    We ladies have issues nje. Haau wezwa into emnandi, yeka umngani ezwe naye. Tltltl…

    But ke ngo babydaddy angazi. If he pays maintenance, u can have him. But if u know he goes missing on his kid njalo nge month end, STEP AWAY!!! Uzothola impama!

  126. Mmaditaba on Fri, 6th May 2011 2:31 pm 

    Kwaaaaa @snapshot and Kiki ,

  127. GA on Fri, 6th May 2011 2:42 pm 

    Its a BIG NO NO for me. Under no circumstance.

    Infact i dont allow myself to date people in my circle or closer to my circle … if at all. The strangest the person is from my worl..the better. This is on my list.
    My first try: i thought he was far enough from my circle only to find that by some funky chain he knew people who knew people who knew me….didnt like that at all. So now i delibertly look for links to my circle and if there is any (girl or boy links), i nip it all in the butt.
    #risky business though.
    PS: im still tryna figure this thing out….the dating thing.

  128. sefula on Fri, 6th May 2011 2:48 pm 

    Gomolemo Go for it

  129. Bee on Fri, 6th May 2011 2:49 pm 

    With no doubts I’d definately do it. My friend is dating one of the chick i used to have a fling/sleep with and thats not a problem. The other old friend of mine dated my ex and it didnt bother me at all. If i like the person i’d definately go for it even its my friend’s ex wife…….why not(well if i wasnt married ofcourse). Abantu abafani what if i am the one.

  130. Sweet soul on Fri, 6th May 2011 2:54 pm 

    Hayi its also a NO NO for me..my man of 9yrs use to date my bestfriend’s roommate things bacame very tense between me & her when we started dating eventhough they stoped dating yrz before, so to get back at me she started dating my ex but unfortunately for them things didn’t work out, didn’t even last a year..but fortunately for us we are still together..

  131. LadyM on Fri, 6th May 2011 2:55 pm 

    Lol at Kiki dishing it. LOL!!

    I have never dated a friend’s ex, but i cant say i wont. Like i said before, what if he is your soulmate?

  132. Blacque on Fri, 6th May 2011 3:21 pm 

    #Teampplshallshare#

  133. Cutypie on Fri, 6th May 2011 3:31 pm 

    Ok guys..so what about those frnds u introduce ur bf 2..then they become sort of like frnds..when u and the guy break up, the girl pay ur ex visits. Imagine ur friend traveling from Eastern cape to Gauteng wit another chick to visit ur ex, and she doesnt evn tell you???

  134. KewlGal on Fri, 6th May 2011 3:34 pm 

    He bethuna amadoda ambalwa khaniyeke umona… hahahahahahahaha #teammabatyiwe!!!! *yhuu runs wash mouth and gaggle with sunlight dish washer*

    some ppl are ridiculous maan, u broke with ur ex donkies years ago, & yet u still hav a problem when i give him the biscuit? hay hay guys, Lol

  135. MsTeee on Fri, 6th May 2011 3:38 pm 

    #teammabatyiwe!!!! #DeathOfMe tltlttlltlttltltl

  136. Wild Island on Fri, 6th May 2011 3:51 pm 

    YOOOOO..hai di morals dikae mara…i for one we are a group of girls and kaofela rona ratseba….stay away from ex’s and hontsehole jwalo le nou finish and klaar..no stories tsa bo it depends nton nton….NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

  137. snapshot on Fri, 6th May 2011 4:09 pm 

    Hai ke wena WI hlala ne groupies yakho, hope you don’t find tht one of you has done your man,

    sizokuhleka period

  138. Nerlee on Fri, 6th May 2011 4:27 pm 

    hai ke i guess age has a lot 2 do with ths, mna iv been wit ma man since high school *my first* Just a thought of hm wit one of my gals???? Hayi khona I CANT

  139. Bee on Fri, 6th May 2011 4:39 pm 

    Kiki i like you choma. Kiki says;Mina nje an EX is an EX,I stop caring the day I choose to walk out and close the door behind me. Dude thats the way it shud be. You broke up with you partner becouse you didn want them now why deprive them. Let them free abasakufuni hawu, Move on! The people who are going on and on about “hayi mina my friends ex is limited wara-wara” one word for you NISEZOLAMBA. I believe friends and partners come and go as they please kuyafana. Who still has a friend that they had since Grade 3 or same partner they had since they were 15yrs old, maybe bakhona but they are RARE#TRUSTORY#

  140. Bee on Fri, 6th May 2011 4:44 pm 

    Gomolemo says:
    Guys understand this, my friend dumped him cause he was boring her, nna ga mbore, so what do i do? ke a mo batla, high and low legone? Ke wrong? i mean ga ke mo shape ka stena mos??

    Kwaaa@ Gomo…u sound guilty.

  141. Kiki on Fri, 6th May 2011 6:27 pm 

    The ONLY reason why one wouldn’t be happy to let their EX be is if they want him/her back meaning they are not over that person qha. It doesn’t matter who the new partner of ur EX is you will still have a problem with them moving on. Let GO and focus on you and your new life instead of holding on to what was or what could have been. You had him/her kuphelile so what’s left? Hai no maan people like to complicate their lives unnecessarily. An EX is an EX ayijiki lento. So would you rather have them dating someone you know behind your back? Phela their lives won’t stop bcoz of you. They don’t need your approval on who they date. You are not their parent. They will continue nje kakuhle living life like its golden whilst wena uhleli hanging on to the past.

    I repeat: what my EX does with his life or with whoever is non of my business. I have my own life to focus on. How will my man feel if he found out ukbana ndi busy blocking my EX from moving on? How will he feel if he hears I am my EX’s Mother Theressa,I am there when my EX needs me all in the name of morals or caring? Hai ngeke phela. Baby daddy can only call me to check on his child or let me know ukbana akana 2 bob ye maintainance so there is gonna be a delay nyana. That’s all we can talk about,nothing else.

    Ilife yam eyam I don’t want to be disturbed xa ndinomntu wam coz I can never pick up the phone just to check on how my EX is doing,anginandaba naye. What if I call him and he says he is not well,then what am I going to do? Offer him my shoulder to cry on? Hell No. We broke up (we don’t share a child) I won’t even keep his digits because there is nothing more we can talk about mina naye. EX is an EX.

  142. Lela on Fri, 6th May 2011 8:37 pm 

    Ok ke Kiki ndiyaniva hayi id rather have a friend as a step mom but kulo babay daddy endi sure uba ngeke ndibuyele kuye noba sekuthwa kushiyeke yena yedwa emhlabeni,hayike lowo soze ndimtye noba segqunyiwe.

  143. softnfree on Sat, 7th May 2011 12:04 am 

    #teamItHasNotCrossedMyMindCosIhaveBeenBusyWithHerDaddy#

  144. BabyGirl on Sat, 7th May 2011 12:31 am 

    I probably would date my ex’s friend but def. not my friend’s ex. That’s just plain awkward, shem

  145. mzuaqe on Sat, 7th May 2011 6:46 am 

    I wish there cud b new post on satdays eish!!

  146. me...me...me... on Sun, 8th May 2011 3:33 am 

    Ayiko lonto! U can’t date ur friends ex qha!

  147. Ms Diva on Mon, 9th May 2011 12:26 pm 

    With me I have 2 of my friends who I have come to believe we attract the same people. first time I did not know of this guy because it was long before I met her and became friends with her but the guy knew she was my friend and still he never said anything so after I told my friend I was seeing this guy only then it came that they dated and I asked the guy why he never said it and for that I could not trust him so I ended it but we are al 3 of us good friends in fact when we the 2 girls meet him my friend would tease him and say “here we are your two strong things”

    my second friend it happened 3 times, once was my ex but i could n’t be bothered i gave her my blessing but they did n’t work out. 2 times was guys that she dated u know those type of brief things that not all your friends actually get to know about and in both cases when I tell her cause she stays in PTA I would just be telling her to find out if maybe she knows the guy what she thinks and all and only to find that she knows rather too much ,on the second one though I was already in and she is happy with her new boyfriend as well so I did not stop.

    I’m a bit worried about my 2 friends though hey coz the first 1 if I go to EL or CT somewhere not here and meet some one 50% times she is met him or vice versa and we have 2 guys we ve kissed just for being naughty and we both did not know. I don’t mind all this but im worried that its gona happen to my ex that i still love and still hoping one day we get back together and the girls would maybe want to date them because by far we like the same ppl. I therefore constantly ask them and say please guys if there is one person you should never date is this guy

  148. Wild Island on Mon, 9th May 2011 12:27 pm 

    @snap:Hai ke wena WI hlala ne groupies yakho, hope you don’t find tht one of you has done your man,

    sizokuhleka period
    nooooooooo love…its a rule we are upholding and most of them are married and only 2 jezebels are left mara still it comes down to MORALS N KHONSHIENTS YAKHO…age of nie age hau angeke stru bob…karma yantshosa

  149. Ma2Stash on Tue, 10th May 2011 2:08 pm 

    kwaaaa haa Softnfree u worse sham

    eish nami nginoLela on this one there is that one EX i will KILL u for and all my friends know this as for the rest eh #teammabatyiwe amadoda mancane..but its also true that it means u are not over the Ex if u care so much or actually are nyonyobing with the ex whenever u get a chance *hides*

  150. stia14 on Mon, 16th May 2011 2:45 pm 

    okay so if it depends and all what about if it wasnt serous the guy says he never liked my friend exact words are “i did not like her baby ” and ur friend says “i dont mind if you date him we are histroy” no dilema rigth . worng they live right next to each other in a different neboghird then me and they still hang out thier only fieinds i mean whatas a gal to do but worry and whqat if i am just rebround
    sorry bout my spelling
    plus does age matter like i am 14 he is 15 my firned is 14 but does thaqt even matter

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