Guest Post :
or should I say Sasha Fierce? Wait is that a stage name or your pornstar name because I’m somewhat confused with all those rather *cough* strategically placed pieces of shiny material your mother calls outfits.
What can I say, you always release the platinum platinum limited edition white gold diamond uber-duber-even-if-you-have-all-the-versions-of-my-CD-you’re-missing-out-if-you-don’t-have-this-one of your chart topping new album. Snaps for you. You do know there’s a global recession, right? And with every version of the same CD that is bought, you could have fed at least 2 starving families in Sudan.
I also feel I need to give you some advice as you seem to be having an identity crisis of late, or pehaps you’ve sniffed too much hairspray? Both quite possible. Firstly, if you were indeed a boy, you would most probably have a penis. Go check, this should clear up all angst, ambiguity and whining.
Secondly, what exactly does a halo feel like? And does Jesus know you’re going around fondling his halo? Seriously, if I were him I’d draw up a restraining order ASAP.
Another thing, I was quite troubled to see you have some sort of seizure when you sing one of your songs. Now, when you sing:
“I’ma-a diva (hey), I’ma, I’ma-a diva (hey)
I’ma, I’ma-a diva (hey), I’ma, I’ma-a diva
I’ma, I’ma-a diva (hey), I’ma, I’ma a diva
I’ma, I’ma a diva (hey), I’ma, I’ma a di…
Na-na-na, diva is a female version of a hustla, of a hustla, of a, of a hustla…
Na-na-na, diva is a female version of a hustla, of a hustla, of a, of a hustla…”
Is this because you’re high off ADHD drugs or did you run out of lyrical inspiration and trying to be gangster was your only hope?
Lastly, you do know that your core audience is the gay male community, right? So when you start flaunting the fact that “if you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it”, it could be interpreted in many, rather disturbing ways than you hetero women couldn’t even imagine.
Just thought I’d give you a heads up
Hugs and smooches