Random: The Cushion

June 13, 2011 by Brown Shuga

I’m curious…

With everything that we go through in life. In relationships. The heartbreak, lies, cheating and everything bundled in there, do we ever really learn from it all? Because I would think that if we learn from these bad experiences then we would not allow ourselves to go through them again, right?

Like, does it make sense for you as one person to count up to 3 or 4 people who have broken your heart? How do you allow that to happen over and over again? Doesn’t the first and second experience teach you to have some form of “cushioning” to prepare you for a safer landing if things happen to fall apart with your next?

I know that in love we are always taught not to let our past experiences influence how we handle our future relationships but is this possible in reality? Isn’t it kinda stupid to just go in blindly into your next relationship, forgetting everything that happened in your last and trusting the guy or girl completely because they are not your ex and therefore cannot suffer for his/her mistakes? Isn’t that opening yourself up for possible heartbreak AGAIN?

I know of people who are just too crazy about love and put their all in a new relationship, forgetting the past completely and trusting that THIS IS IT.

I also know of people who will go into the next carrying all the baggage from their past (trust issues etc) and having this wall around them that frustrates their partner…

And then there are those who get their hearts broken once and thereafter swear on never letting it happen again and therefore “play” around, never getting serious with anyone because they are “protecting” themselves.

And there will be that special one who will have 2 boyfriends or 2 girlfriends so that if it doesn’t work out with the one, there will be the other one to distract them from it all and provide “cushioning” for the fall.

So.. which type are you? Do you have a cushion? What is it?

I don’t have bad experiences, but it scares me how much I trust my significant other, I actually told him that.
But I think my general cushion is that I Am Not scared to be alone. I see how my life will be if I’m alone and if I’m with someone, in both cases my vision my goals are somewhat defined, there are children, there is friends, family, fellowship… In both cases I’d be fulfilled, ill have a packed life to live.

Poshla on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 5:14 am

This love thingy is one you hardly get right most of the time. When you first get involved with a person they are at their best everything (behaviour,dress,makeup,choice of words,etc) .
You learn about them as time goes along. Surely if you meet someone & they let you know they cheat in relationships, you’ll spare yourself a headache & ditch them.

Remember also that with experience or age~ you will know what makes you happy. Are you at that age where his kind of wheels matter? Bank balance? Looks?etc, or do you want someone who can share life & it’s potholes with.

@JoneighGLOBAL on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 5:44 am

@GA u’ve hit the nail on the head with ” in both cases my vision my goals are somewhat defined, there are children, there is friends, family, fellowship… In both cases I’d be fulfilled, ill have a packed life to live.”

In March I met a hot mo-Pedi brother from Midstream in Midrand. We kicked it off nicely & we had explosive intercourse on the spot, actually it was his car. He was the epitome of an upward mobile, gifted, suave coupled with a charming aura. He was all I always wanted but because he was an after-9 I had cold feet because I know that closet cases always prioritise chikitas & wena u just end up being a undercover option so I withdrew fearing heartache & started playing the field. But I now have huge regrets in letting my fears get the better of me. *kix myself* sometimes the cushion thing isn’t really worth it because it prevents u from experiencing a relationship in its entirety. Instead of letting yourself grow in appreciation of what the other person has to offer you let fear of loss / heart ache control your view of the other person & the potential for happiness & u misjudge a person before he gives u his love. I wish I could go back & say sorry to my mo-Pedi nigga & let things flow but I can’t as he got impatient & has since moved on. It’s a hard lesson learnt cushions makes u seem immature to handle life, they’re FOR KIDS.

@JoneighGLOBAL on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 5:51 am

I didn’t realise that I set up a blog-within-a-blog sorry bathong. *goes back to dream land to stalk my mo-Pedi ko SARS Sunninghill where he worx*

SilentBloggar on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 6:51 am

I’m in the ‘once beaten twice shy category’ I once fell so much inlove that I was blinded from clear signs that motherf**** was married. Hell even the breakup was traumatic I thought my heart would never heal. Since then I find it impossible to fall ‘hopelessly’ in love and be on that cloud 9.
I just go along, if it works good, if it doesn’t yah well!!!! My boyfriend is like ‘I love you babes’ Me: Oh ok. That’s how I feel.

mad33m3 on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 7:04 am

@Joneigh, I know the mo-Pedi brother, almost fell victim there, he got a wife and 2 kids. So at the end of the day don’t feel too bad about it.

PreciousPearl on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 7:12 am

Hahahaha deathby mo-pedi brother, *laughs my pedi ass off and hopes it aint my brother*

Zam zam on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 7:26 am

My “cushion” is being single. The last time I had a boyfriend was 2007. Never been in a serious relationship, and I’ve never really let myself fall in love with a guy. I just don’t see myself being with someone and being devoted to them which is weird since I hope to get married some day.

dejane on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 7:40 am

Tjo I have always been cheated on ( i wonder why), so when i go into a relationship i always have reservations. I do however give the guy the benefit of the doubt, coz you dont go into a relation expecting the worst. But then aggain after being single for three years, i have lost hope. Thought my baby daddy and i would hook up, but that doesnt look like it’ll happen.

Zeal on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 7:50 am

Most of my bf’s cheated on me, but that was back in high school, and clearly they didnt love me coz the minute i refused them my cat, they started being all snaax!! Oho!! So now, I’m knitting (that’s code for not dating) LOL

Nerlee on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 8:09 am

I’m with @GA.

Nerlee on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 8:17 am

LOL, @ mo-pedi ko SARS and the married motherF**** you girls just finish me *loling all the way to SARS*

Miss Thang on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 8:23 am

This is DEEP but TRUE

snapshot on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 8:28 am

Most of the people poring their hearts are females, its surprising why, aren’t the bros getting hurt.

My life is balanced, single im happy, in a relationship im happy,hurt me forget, love me you welcome

Biskiti on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 8:41 am

I’ve been burned too many times, but i always go into new relationships with new expectations, but ne double-story for disappointments. In otherwords, i can’t love completely anymore, until maybe when i find “the one”.

Fezzy on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 8:43 am

I’ve always been the 2-boyfriends person, in case one fucks up, I move on to the next one. That was until I met my recent ex, he led me to believe that he was really serious about me. I gave up a lot of things just to make him happy and he broke my heart into tiny pieces.
So thank you but this committment shit ain’t working for me.

Lucy on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 9:03 am

..i just cant let or trust someone with my feelings once bitten twice shy really..some one said to me last night my overly cautious nature will make me miss out on stuff in life..i shrugged, rather that really than being hurt

mad33m3 on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 9:05 am

@Nerlee, which “girls” are u referring to? Uhmm im not a giel

Nkey.. on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 9:13 am

In my whole entire life I fell inlove twice.1stly it was with my High school BF whom I thought He was gonna be my Future Hubby.If I did’nt develope Heart attack when I foundout Hes had 2 kids from Different Mothers @ the age 22.From then I decided to play around with 1 or 2 guys @ the same time wich I enjoyed so much.The guys in my life right now came and proved that He was the wine.It’s been 5 years now I have’nt caught him cheating,Not that I say He does’nt but ke clearly He plays his cards safe.

Guys yawl know a Leopard never looses it’s sports right.TEMPTATION Hleng.Sometimes I so want to play the field again with these intresting guys who are shelaring me.But when I think that life it’s not about me only anymore,My kid is involved too.It will traumatize her to findout that parents went separate ways because the mother was cheating.

Lucy on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 9:13 am

Zam Zam..i can relate

Nkey.. on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 9:14 am

Lol..@ mad33m3 I like ya user name too much.

Lela on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 9:18 am

I’m the type that falls heels over head(not head over heels cause that’s normal)inlove. I forget about everything and just fsll inlove and when I love I love mtakabawo ndibangathi ndidlisiwe. Jonga ngoku I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to break up with lobhuti but hayi ndiyamthanda shem.

mbulela on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 9:22 am

How can you loe if you don’t love completely and throw yourself wholly into it?
heart breaks are part of life.The fact that you choose to trust someone opens you up to that possibility.The fact that it did not (or has not) happened to you is not down to your intelligence or relationship tactics.
If you ever love with reservations and baggages from the past, then you are only living in the periphery.If you can’t give of yourself wholly then why give any bit of yourself at all?
My only cushion is forgetting the past and pressing on.
I give all of myself,irrespective of ast experiences.Anything less is a no no!!

Mapakisha on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 9:26 am

Im not sure which category i fall under cos i think i do a bit of everything here. I have only been in 2 serious relationships, both lasted 2 years & both ended very badly. After my 1st one i stayed single(but playin da field) for 3 years. I was sh*t scared of getting hurt again, so i’d hook up with some1 4 a month or less then leave em, play around with another & then u knw. That’s my cushion i think, but weird thing is i’d never hook up with 2 people @ once, it’s always, new guy then another new guy & then another one. Then 3 years later fall in love & get hurt again – lol. It’s been 4 months since our breakup & i’ve only seen 2 pipl.

Beautybaby on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 9:28 am

I sadly fall in the 1st cat. Trusting everytime. I believe people and situations r different, and u can’t bundle people in one basket. Though it hurts everytime shit happens, I believe u need to stand up, dust urself and soldier on.

mbulela on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 9:38 am

an edit or preview button please!!!
sorry for the typos.

mathulza on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 9:55 am

Im stuck in a cold, boring and full of lies relationship coz of the good sex! but ke I was hurt once buy my first real love ( the one Im shagging) since then i was never in a realtionship its been five years now, I do wanna move and fall inlove again but angishelwa tjo!

lynx on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 9:59 am

“Love is a foolish game, played by fools”

Botshelo on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 10:06 am

I have realised that Love is different with every person, and that I fall in love for different reasons.

That said, my baby daddy was my love for that time until i suspected foul play, only to relise that he is married. I was devastated, but it was tickets for him.

Had a rebound for 2 months, chucked him out cause it was pointless to have him around and then have episodes where I am crying uncontrallably cause it was still hurting.

Stayed for almost a year until I met with bubu.

Now I love this man, and have realised that the reason for falling in love with him is not the same as the ones for baby dady.
And I promised him that even though I was once hurt to the core, he will not suffer for that. I am done with that episode and I am doing this with him. And it is so right!

So i guess I am one of those who after being hurt, and being single, can still love hopelessly. why? because it is the best feeling ever. I dont want my life to pass me by because I am focusin on some sorry ass who is most probaly enjoying his and forgotten about me.

mad33m3 on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 10:17 am

Lol tx Nkey, i wonder why

KevCare on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 10:36 am

We all get heartbroken at some point in our lives! But by having these “cushions” aren’t you subconsciously giving ur partner a “visa” to go mess around??

By leaving “room for disappointment” aren’t we then creating a space for insecurity & snooping thru ur partners fone for “signs”!?

Its all a gamble really….Wen u play too carefully, u myt not really win much but if u disregard the risks & gooi dat dice strong enuf then o ka pop’a a really good thing!

I think having these cushions jus gets in the way of us being TOTALLY free in love & relationships!

beebee on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 10:45 am

This topic ne. Anywho, i’ve only had two serious relationships. Varsity love/Baby daddy for five years then i left cos ngaphelelwa uthando.You know, i cant pretend to love someone so i bailed. Tjo the next boyfriend showed me flames!!! Drama drama and more drama. Sometimes i was convinced that ungidlisile cos i couldnt understand why i didnt leave. Was single and happy for 8mnths thereafter but somehow found myself naked with him in March and April. But now im done, i guess it was closure cos the break up was horrible and we were in different cities at the time. The guy im with now deserves so much from me. Its still new and im not going to let him suffer for another man’s mistakes. Hes been there for the past two years but i never gave him a chance, i just cant do the cheating thing and i know that i wouldn’t have given him my all then. I can just imagine getting caught! Well i’ve watched him from a distance and he’s a great guy. Just grateful that i had the chance to let him in my life after so long especially since we’re in different provinces for now. Cant wait to get out of here!

faith on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 10:48 am

I don’t do the fall in love head over hills thing bcoz I’ve seen way too many people getting hurt because of that. I have never been heartbroken by a guy before because I spot the signs very early and end things immediately it does hurt but not as much it would should I have sticked around and saw the things they were doing first hand. Mna I get bored very easily with guys which is why I always have 2 or sometimes 3 boyfriends at the same time. I think love is hugely overated but when it hits it hits hard and theres no escaping it. Playing the field is goo dand you learn a lot from it which grooms you well for settling down, thats how I view the whole relationship thing. Because you will never see if you’ve found the one if you’ve never had any bad expirience.

MsFabb on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 11:15 am

“And then there are those who get
their hearts broken once and
thereafter swear on never letting it
happen again and therefore“play”
around, never getting serious with
anyone because they are
“protecting” themselves.” I tried

mbulela on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 11:20 am

@faith on mon,i don’t think love is ver rated.it takes a lot of hard work which we are often not interested in.
I think sex is what is over rated.

Palacepalesa on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 11:37 am

I’m a type that plays around coz I’ve been hurt once in my life but I have a friend ongapheli moya even if you’ve hurt her before she’ll take you back & forgets about the past.

Lela on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 11:40 am

Amen mbulela, sex is overrated and love is the bow wow!

kimmo on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 11:44 am

hai with me ive never really been cheated on( or rather know)ive always found guys that get rather possesive, the last time time i tried this 2 boyfriends thing it never really worked out for me cause the guy that i was dating then used to go through my phone, stalk me etc, but i left him for the one i was cheating on him with, who happens to be my baby daddy now!was risky but worth it

Jahara on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 11:45 am

Cushion neh…
I cant say i have a cushion when it comes to love…but

I have a serious problem tlhe bathong. I love commitment but just when it comes,i run faster than Usain Bolt.

3 times i said ”no” to 3 different guys when they went down on their knees holdin rings sayin ”make me the proudest man alive,will u marry me?”

Why? Coz i luv spontaneity. I get bored easily. I even chose a career that allows me that. The thought of being stuck with 1 thing/person for a long time just gives me the creeps.

mamamia on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 11:46 am

I find as you get older and mature ‘emotionaly’ you will find in love we take no prisoners but leave a lot of casualties. People tend to cushion themselves with relationships for security reasons.
In love you need to be the author of your own happiness first and foremost before you can even bring another individual into the picture. Love yourself like you are THE ONE.
As in some movie i saw, you (especially ladies) need to know how you like your eggs in the morning before you commit to making eggs for that special person in your life who you want to love forever.

Lovers come and lovers WILL go.
People get married, spouses WILL die.
Hearts WILL break but WILL also mend.
Partners WILL cheat and mess around but still want to be with you, all these things are human nature and seasons we WILL have to face and go through. You can’t write people off for good and love WILL always DISSAPOINT.

The best cushion is to find happiness in your own being, to make yourself happy.
There is no such thing as THE ONE it’s a hollywood made-up story, love is full of hurt, hard work and forgiving each other. Just ask your parents!

posh on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 11:52 am

After watching MaSisulu’s funeral and hearing their great love story it made me believe in love again.I’m the type that always has someone knocking and waiting for a chance or exes who wanna shag or come back but I guess I’m at fault because I kinda entertain them. However I can’t have sex with two guys at the same time and believe in staying faithful although there is always flirting I guess a cushion and those I can’t shake off. But its hard not to have a cushion nowadays, so many options and offers in glossy packages, you need will power and strong conviction to remain faithful

Nkey.. on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 12:02 pm

OMW @ Jahara.I pray that 15 years down the line you be hungry for these opotunities—–>3 times i said ”no” to 3 different guys when they went down on their knees holdin rings sayin ”make me the proudest man alive,will u marry me?”

posh on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 12:05 pm

I came across this: “Every woman need one man who will convince or prove to her that not all men are the same”its true, since I met this am no longer desperate for love and a need for a relationship at all cost. I bow to GA’s sober,matured and always wise view of life but she belongs to a few ‘elite club’of some sort for many of us, we learn these lessons the hard way, along the way get scared and collect baggage..but I am single and in a better place now since that angel of a man was sent my way, I even avoid my type of cushion

Jahara on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 12:16 pm

lol@Nkey…plz take back ur prayer. Rather pray that if there’s gonna me a next time i dont say no. It’s a serious problem,even friends & family dont know what to say to me anymore.

Jahara on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 12:19 pm

…if there’s gonna be a next time…

lwandie on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 12:24 pm

“But I think my general cushion is that I Am Not scared to be alone” well said @ Ga.I think that view helps to make objective decisions whether you are in a relationship or not.

I’m slow to fall in love but when I choose to love,I love completely and embrace love with all its risks of heartbreak etc.As we grow older I guess we become more realists than true romantics which is a bit of a pity because I do miss those crazy soapy teenage daydreams

Dddivo on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 12:36 pm

wow im in that situation of letting baggage get in a relationship.the guy who broke my virginity dumped me and left me for his ex.ive never experienced such heartbreak.now ive been in a relationship for over a year n i must say im makin my current man suffer,im always waitin for him to make a mistake,to make me cry,or to leave ,or to cheat, just like my ex did and shem its makin our relationship suffer.now im the one cheating just so wen he does it it doesnt hurt so much,mxm baggage is not nice!!!!

faith on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 12:37 pm

I just can’t help but notice that the majority of people commenting here are ladies, why is this??? Because I used to think that and seen it most of the time that people that sit through abusive and unhealthy relationships are people that missed fatherly love and are unfamiliar with being loved by the opposite sex. With this said I’ve grown to learn that this is not true for everyone. My best friend and I both of us were raised by our fathers I’m the first born at home and she is the last born and her dad really loved her and showed it as well and yet her relationships are very unhealthy all of them or rather the ones she chooses to pursue, her last 2 serious relationships she had were very abusive and she stayed with the guys for a long time even though they were beating her up claiming that she loves them and they love her. Now what I fail to understand is the fact that the first thing psychologists blame for abusive behaviour or staying with an abusive partner is missing fatherly love or a fatherly figure from a younger age whereas it’s not in some cases it is but not for everyone.

GA on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 12:38 pm

I also agree with Mbulela, Love requires work, lots of hard word. Besides the definition of love in Corinthians which we occasionally read together, some wise person also noted that ‘ Love is a doing word’ .

Dddivo on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 12:49 pm

Mamamia says
“I find as you get older and mature ‘emotionaly’ you will find in love we take no prisoners but leave a lot
of casualties. People tend to cushion themselves
with relationships for security reasons.
In love you need to be the author of your own
happiness first and foremost before you can even
bring another individual into the picture. Love yourself like you are THE ONE.
As in some movie i saw, you (especially ladies)
need to know how you like your eggs in the
morning before you commit to making eggs for
that special person in your life who you want to
love forever. Lovers come and lovers WILL go.
People get married, spouses WILL die.
Hearts WILL break but WILL also mend.
Partners WILL cheat and mess around but still want
to be with you, all these things are human nature
and seasons we WILL have to face and go through. You can’t write people off for good and love WILL always DISSAPOINT. The best cushion is to find happiness in your own
being, to make yourself happy.”

Thanks mamamia for these lovely words,i cud kiss u on ur vijajay for this!

Lovely topic!

Dddivo on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 12:54 pm

i have to agree wit u faith!i grew up without a father as well and its clear to me that i c my man as a father figure u know,i dont know how it feels like to be loved and held by a man and i use my man rather as a fulfillment and someone who completes me!Thats y i always find myseld sticking it out in an unhealthy relationship blaming it on ‘so called love’

mbulela on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 1:01 pm

@Dddivo, get room and do your thang!

manny on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 1:05 pm

yeah neh ….heheheheJoneigh–wena le mapedi ……ke mopedi lenna ..just saying…
im the one that brings baggage …for instance my last relationship i wasnt cheated on but i gave my patner so much freedom that it ended up being abused ..we no longer had time together
now in a relationship ..when i got it i was a control freak that i was even told ..Manny you are comparing me to this person that i dont know …let it go or let me go ..heheheh i got my act together
cushions dont work either way they are wrong and immature ,,,just be yourself ,,,cry and move on

manny on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 1:15 pm

tjo @gas cushion being not scared to be alone …
im scared of loneliness…..
mina when i saw things were going sour with my ex,,i opened my eyes and approached the next ,,,,,a week before the breakup my fb status read “i can have another u in a minute” coz the vacancy that was to come had some1 on standby

Dddivo on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 1:18 pm

mbulela wat thang?

Jahara on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 1:18 pm

@All those who blame absent fathers for unhealthy relationships:

Yes,the presence of a father makes it easier to let go of hurtful relationships coz ud be like ”i got a man in my life who loves me unconditionally,my dad,so i dnt need any other man to complete me”.

BUT…that’s not always the case coz i know women who grew up in the absence of their fathers & still stood up for what they want in a man.

AGAIN…i have a friend who grew up in the presence of her father yet she falls apart whenever she is single,she constantly seeks affirmation from men to make her feel whole.

So i guess its a matter of double standards…?
#Dont.Blame.Fathers.
It’s all in the mind.

Cutypie on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 1:27 pm

Love love love..Oh well. mina when I love, I love for real. But then again, I’ve never really faced that much heartache. If anything I left the guy I was serious with bcoz he loved booze so much it ANNOYED me to the core..and ofcoz his friends. Imagine some1 asking u to visit him on a friday then he gets back home after midnight, just because u have keys.

softnfree on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 1:30 pm

The little experience of life I’ve had has taught me that no one owns anything, that everything is an illusion and that appears to material as well as spiritual things.

Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever finally comes to realize that nothing really belongs to them
And if nothing belongs to me , there’s no point wasting my time looking after things that aren’t mine.

Its best to live as if today were the first or last day of my life

I can choose either to b a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. Its all a question of how I view my life.

I own no one in and out of love , and no one owns me..

My cushion is lack of fear to be alone..

Dumelang kaofela

mamamia on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 1:45 pm

*blushing* @Dddivo comment………….lol i’m flattered,
but you are right, we women tend to look at the men we have relationships through fatherly eyes.

Think about it, the first relationship with a man for a woman is her father, our fathers are to serve as an example to us how our future spouses should treat a woman. We look at the way they treat our mothers and we either add or minus point from our future hubbies from there.

Every girl or woman takes from her relationship with her father, either some want a man like their father because he treated her like a princess or some do not by all means want a man like their father because he was an idiot, alcaholic or abusive etc. Some choose men like their fathers subconciosly because that’s all they know to expect from men.

zaneliah on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 2:11 pm

Wow..so well written, so true hey… makes me think..

beebee on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 2:23 pm

@mamamia, you’re right again. I know that I’m attracted men that are similar to my dad. Humble but still outgoing, tall n dark and never attracted to light/short… Amongst other things.

Nkey.. on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 2:39 pm

OMW @ beebee njani uthande Exactly my type.Tall & dark nomkhaba ke it’s a no no…

Nonkuku on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 2:45 pm

Eish, I was in a relationship for 2 yrs with ma tertiary sweet heart (bt he was not so sweet) almost fell inlove with him, then broke it off coz of distance.
Met baby daddy was in a relationship with him for 2yrs (he was too sweet) fell out of love with him or maybe I never was.
So mna nje I long to experience this love thing *sigh* or maybe denial is ma cushion.

snapshot on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 3:43 pm

out of topic guys since my comment never made it to your eyes, hope this one will.

Who was the other person looking for work?

Census 2011 vacancies for all provinces- and the money is good

Vesa on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 3:46 pm

built4comfort on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 3:49 pm

They say insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result! I guess this gives meaning to ‘love crazy’… The one who cares less in/for the relationship is the one who’s cushioned!

Nkey.. on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 3:52 pm

@ Snapy ke MissAn le Flower.Give more details or site probably they will be online and see this.Very sweet of you Babe…

snapshot on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 4:08 pm

@Nkey i just spoke to MissAN, @Flower to leave her email will send her the details, but in short to email Litheko on sisil@statssa.gov.za and specify their province of choice, they only need matric and or drivers licence. Package will be confirmed later, but its said to be between 7-10g.

you can also sms her, DON’T CALL ONLY SMS: 082 888 2096

blaque on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 4:15 pm

hectic stuff, roll on, a shoulder to cry on or whatever they are called, someone is gonna end up a thoba pelo e thubehileng. You trust, you get hurt, you love, your fingers got burned. Loneliness is suicide. Nna ha ke sa tseba jwale!!!

Miranda on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 4:23 pm

interesting topic and comments

tjo,i see there is a lot of ladies who are a bit shaky when it comes to commitment,i am glad i am not alone. Nje,serious relationships scare me,if a guy mentions marriage…i run away, done it twice already and all my friends think i am high on my nails or something. Cushioning: think being single it is, being hurt 1.5 times,yes i said one and a half,but since then i am super scared of male species,…and i am scared of falling head over heels for an individual because i am scared of being hurt…..hence my decision of playing mary until

Miranda on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 4:26 pm

interesting topic and comments

Nkey.. on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 4:32 pm

Thanks allot @ Snapy.Eish my Cuz..dont have a Lincence.But will tell her to try her luck.You’ll never know.

Madoncan on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 6:40 pm

Being in love is impossible.

IamGeraldS on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 6:52 pm

wow, true and deep

Mmaditaba on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 7:06 pm

The fear to accept what you cannot change is what leads us to the cushy path. I was all those mentioned above until one day i decided to mature up and let go. I used to date even 5 guys if i had to. M0ving from this one to that only for the fear of knowing i’ll be left alone and thinking il always jump to this one ,two ,three of four if five hurts or doesnt make me happy but it never worked instead i had so much bagage to deal with ! When i finaly realised that only i can make myself happy before anyone can do so cause h0nestly if you’re not content with yourself ,who should be? Before a partner can revelate your life ,you have to be free from bandages and any set backs and just be happy without fear of doubt. That way he or she will just add on to your already existing puzzle!

Now im happily single and when my one does arrive i wnt be looking for this perfect box but a humanbeing whose full of mistakes yet in them all he loves me wholely!

Mmaditaba on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 7:32 pm

Your partner should compliment you not complete you…

MissAN on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 7:45 pm

Lol @ Ddivo! Truth be told only married virgins stay with the person that deflowers them.

@ GA mina I agree. Some people always want to be in a relationship and never without a man/woman.

I personally feel its good to reflect after a failed or end of a relationship that way you can look at a pattern if you go after the same scaly guys.

Its good and empowering to have thy heart broken at least once,provided you learn from that heart break. Next time be wiser,know exactly what you want and how you want to be treated. Be a great partner and be with a great partner.

@mamamia and JoneighGLOBAL in addition to father/daughter relationship how your own parents relate to each other also influences the type of relationships people are in. Hence they say to see what type of husband/wife a partner will be,look at their dad/mum

Thanks @ Snapshot,you were the bearer of good news,good news follows good news.

@Nkey when I get it ngizonithengela ama nubelizer!

Mr_Dezzel on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 10:01 pm

Lol no cushion at all they both know what I’m about but they still love me though the other feels jealous when pay much interest in the other.So I got to keep it stundy u knw coz I got that kush man…

MissAN on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 10:14 pm

Bantu bo @ Mr_Dizzel? So young yet already a polygamist?! You must have a wild horsepipe! Make them come *pun intended* for more.

Thank heavens for male JC bloggers such as @Kevcare.

danny on Mon, 13th Jun 2011 10:47 pm

Nna i don’t know what’s wrong with me,the guys i meet always fall madly in love with me.I would never cheat so when i feel it ain’t working for me i end things(leaving them hurt).Now i’m madly in love with my current man and i’m praying that he won’t leave and break my heart like i unintentionally did those poor brothers.gosh i love this guy

Wild Island on Tue, 14th Jun 2011 12:44 pm

ooooh so this is where the story sa j le m33 started…i see..
hai nna akena category hle:(

Letebele on Wed, 15th Jun 2011 3:08 pm

Love ne? Eish!

I’m the type that loves but leaves room for disappointment. I dont like having flings coz I really think at 27 I should be past that stage.

I’ve only ever loved 3 men in my life and they’ve all been long term. It does take me sometime to fall in love, but when I do, I try to give him as much as he gives me.

Tumelo on Sun, 19th Jun 2011 8:59 am

I love, and If It doesn’t work, then It doesn’t work!
A cushion smacks of emotional cowardice!
This Is how I see things life and love:

If I give my all In love, and It works, then It’s the grandest adventure ever, I know that It works because I opened myself completely to the experience.
If after having given all of myself to a relationship, and It still Isn’t enough, then I know It wasn’t for lack of trying, I can happily if a bit sadly, move on without feeling like I failed.

A cushion from giving all I have to the relationship, thus opening the chance for failure In my eyes, If I don’t commit 100 percent, I see no point In a relationship, might as well call It what It Is, a booty-call!!

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