25 Unanswered Black Coffin Questions

July 5, 2011 by Featured Guest Writer

Death, although a dreaded event, is perceived as the beginning of a person’s deeper relationship with their creator. Today it’s more of a celebration of one’s life, even though the host (Deceased) is not present, and is seemingly there in spirit. #we’ll drink to that

Since birth there’s been a number of traditional funeral customs that we practice as human beings, and these remain deeply rooted within our culture, and were valued and practiced by our elders. Ever thought of who actually came up with these customs and beliefs? Why we actually live up to them, and if they still uphold the value that they are perceived to have had 20 – 30 years ago?

There remains a fair amount of unanswered questions that our parents, grandparents and great grandparents seem to not have answers to, but rather tend to keep them saint as they would say “Ke dilo tsa badimo”. Questioning these traditions any further would come across as you being “Disrespectful to badimo” Why?

If we were allowed to ask then I wouldn’t still have these 25 Questions:

From finding out about one’s departure, why do we place the deceased’s partner/parent on a mattress on the floor?
Why do our uncles and aunts tend to take a trip to the deceased’s place of death, with a towel at hand to “Pick up the spirit”?
Where do they keep these spirits after being “Picked up”?
Apart from the families, friends and neighbours there seems to be an amount of unannounced guests, like grannies, nannies, aunts and uncles from Makotopong that we had no idea existed?
Why do we have to cook full meals for guests at the funeral? Let’s not forget that they expect mutton and rice with cabbage?
Do the priests really have to have their own cakes aside?
Not forgetting the fact that the priest cheers us to sing louder for we are “Celebrating one’s life” though he/she is not present with us?
There’s always an uncle who’s given the honorary role of choosing the cow to be slaughtered? What about animal cruelty?
The day before the funeral, the deceased comes home. Why does the mom/dad/partner have to sleep in the same room as the coffin and corpse with candles lit around the coffin?
That very same night we tend to have something we call “Moletelo” (night vigil), which seems to have lost its value of preparing for the funeral the night before. Why do we still have this?
Why do we buy the people/family or friends beer to drink that night? What preparations are they going to do if they are intoxicated?
Why do we have two different dishes for males and females? Surely it must be unhygienic to eat from Lezenke (zinc)?
I’ll bet you any amount of money that the hearse is going to arrive late, and the aunt standing next to you will say “He doesn’t want to leave; it’s was not his time yet.” Whose time is it then?
The Fashion Show, why do I have to wear something new to the funeral? Fish net stockings, Leggings, red sneakers, floral shirts and not forgetting the Nerdy shades.
What is the point of going to a funeral if you are going to stand 500m away from everybody else and light a cigarette or laugh and talk and pay absolutely no attention to the proceedings?
That aunt from point number 14, why does she cry (scream) and almost fall 6 feet into the hole that was dug for the deceased? Can she not have a sense of composure?
The priests usually stray off the topic at hand. Can they stick to the fact that there is a death and refrain from talking about how God is going to punish gays?
Flowers are a beautiful creation by God, Lord Almighty made them all for us to enjoy. (Even the dead) Do we have to use old cutlery as decoration on one’s grave? Would it not be better to use fresh flowers and adorn the site with those?
On the way back from the cemetery, why do some people speed off for the free food?
Why do the ladies that dish the food up insist on hiding the fried chicken?
The funeral is over, shouldn’t everyone go home and go and reflect about the meaning of life? Instead, these people will meet about four houses away from the funeral to indulge in their alcoholic beverages. This practice is called “After tears” (Jozi) and “Wie sien ons” (Pretoria)
The family and spouse of the deceased will get “cleansed” by a traditional healer. Cleansed of what? Is death a dirty thing? What are we washing off here?
The wife of the deceased will be expected to be in a designated period of mourning, and will only be allowed to wear black clothes and not go out at night. Can somebody please explain the significance of this practice?
A few weeks later, the mother-in-law and siblings of the deceased will start harassing his poor wife for money. “Peter ntse a nale di policy, re batla chelete e go!” They will make her life a living hell by accusing her of murder. Why do black extended families feel entiled to dead peoples’ money?
Bjala ba di garafo. A significant tradition or just another excuse to drink?

Some may disagree with me writing this article, but these are simply questions that a lot of young people like me don’t have answers to.

African funerals are community affairs in which the whole community feels the grief of the bereaved and shares in it. In my view, the purpose of the activities preceding the funeral should be to comfort, encourage, and heal those who are hurting and thereafter, the churches see to it that the bereaved make the transition back to normal life as smoothly and quickly as possible.

Question is, who comes up with these customs and beliefs? What do they mean?

Do they still uphold the value that they are perceived to have had all those years ago?

Why?

By @NeoClarker ©

Nice article. I have always wondered why these ladies insist on hiding the chicken, ke yabo mang kanti? The whole matress thing as well, like whats the point?
When my aunt passed on, her spirit was ‘fetched’ on the highway where the accident occured that took her life. My other aunt, and some old women who is a inyanga went to fetch her spirit. Now please note that this happened at a highway,when they got there the gogo did her thing, communicated na ba phantsi and the highway was suddenly quiet, no cars drove by until they completed their thing.
There’s also the belief that if a family member was killed in an accident, shot or stabbed the coffin is not brought into the house the friday prior to the funeral.
Nna i have these weird dreams, i once dreamt my dad had paased on, and he did a few weeks later. Dreamt he was shot and appeared in the City Press. When he died he appeared in a few newspapers.
With my aunt, i dreamt she had given birth to a pitch black baby, two-three weeks later she died!

Jahara on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 2:51 am

25 ANSWERS TO UR QUESTIONS. AS THEY ARE LONG ANSWERS,THEY WILL COME IN SMALLERNYANA NUMBERS.

1. She has to be at a lower level as a sign of respect for the departed,thus taking down the mattress.

2. It is said that if a person dies prematurely,their spirit will neva rest,it will frequent that place in a form of a ghost. Hence they go ”pick” it up.

3. When they get home they utter words like ”we are now home,from here we will take u to ur resting place,etc”

4. Well,funerals brings out the best & worst family secrets.

5. After all the crying & singing people could use some energy. Introduce sushi as a funeral dish & trust me,it will be tradition in a 1000 yrs to come,just like cabbage,samp,beef,etc

Jahara on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 3:01 am

6. Actually no. But imagine if ordinary Joe the drunkard had to be in the same que with ntate moruti to get food…my word!! tltltltltl…

7. Animal cruelty? M’darling u want them to chop cabbages only? What about those poor insects that survive on cabbages? Wouldnt that be insect cruelty? Hahaha… Ok,in the past,people wanted to wrap the dead with cow-hides (skin) as another sign of respect,thus slaughtering cows.
9. Just a way of final goodbye. So that the mourners’ feelings can be put at ease. & that’s when they see the corpse,for closure.

10. We still have it bcoz…its tradition. Also plays a role in comforting those in mourning.

Jahara on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 3:05 am

oh,the answer to question#8 is answer#7.

Jahara on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 3:14 am

11. Havent u seen how much energy the intoxicated people have? The lift those big black pots cheerfully & sing loudly,etc.

12. Hayibo! Zinc is the way to go! Forget hygiene. People have tendencies of burning plastic plates & breaking glass plates. So lezenke or disposables are the future.

13. That aunty must be high on burnt grass. Urgh,u know,some people are just dramatic. There is bound to be someone who rattles ur core.

14. That i dont know m’darling. All i know is as long as u wearing dark colours,u good to go, tsa sjwale-jwale ha ke itse.

15. Bcoz u are there to check out them ladies! Where else would u see them in numbers in broad daylight? Tltltltlt.. Also to check out who cried the loudes,what type of coffin is bought,who wore what…etc

Jahara on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 3:21 am

16. No. Dramatic is the name of the game. Gives u something to talk about (even to blog about) after the funeral.

17. I can assure u that the priest see new faces at every funeral,but not at church. So he sees that as a window of opportunity to deliver God’s message to the masses.

18. Some say ”it was his favourite spoon,so lets decorate with it”. Thats why u see old cutlery decorating graves.

19. Have u ever seen order prevail where free food is concerned?

20. Maybe fried chicken tastes better than all those meat dishes (tripe,etc) at funerals. Besides,funeral beef of mutton has a way of upsetting people’s digestive systems. Kwaaaaaa

Jahara on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 3:31 am

21. Who wants to go home & get miserable after the funeral? The reflection of the meaning of life was done the moment they told u ”uncle passed away”.

22. Hmmmm,i dont know. I will have to consult grandma on this one. I didnt even know about it.

23. Black is to alert those not in the know that u are mourning. That they should be sensitive to ur heart that is still fragile. To keep chancers (men) at bay so they dont approach u & start declaring their undying love. & a whole lot of other things,i guess.

24. Greed is at its best when someone dies.

25. Oh ja. It is said that bcoz the spades (digarafo) were used to dig the grave,they should be washed with umqombothi before they return to normal use. Just anada traditional practice.

Phew…Neo!! Interesting piece. Now lemme get back to sleep.

coolcaz on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 3:50 am

Ijo Jahara, u have all the answers neh! U maust be raised by ugogo.

coolcaz on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 3:50 am

Ijo Jahara, u have all the answers neh! U must be raised by ugogo.

Beautybaby on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 4:14 am

On friday’s Anything goes, I mentioned how my dad was in hospital and we were going to bury his bro, sad news my dad passed away on saturday *sad face*. I laughed at the e.g. Abt ‘Peter O ne a na le chelete’ my dads name is Peter. Lol. Will try answer q’s in th morning.

Mediocrity on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 4:16 am

Greetings!!

@Neo your article is the same as asking who wrote the Bible or Koran and whether they weren’t mentally incapacitated at the time. One’s degree belief plays a vital role. Some of those beliefs sometimes appear to sound a bit far fetched but someone somewhere believed in them.

The food question: historically, afore the European’s arrival, Africans didnt have coffins to bury their deceased in so a cow had to be slaughtered for its skin to wrap the deceased with before burial. Obviously the meat couldn’t be thrown away or preserved hence it became a community affair where it would be prepared and served.

The cleansing question: cleansing ceremonies exist in most religions and cultures. Take for example being “born again” water is used to wash away sin. Same with African beliefs, some substance is used to wash away “ibadi”. Both rituals symbolize new beginnings- new life without sin or with the latter- new life without the deceased. Yet again once’s degree of belief comes into play.

Questioning customs in the olden days was just as disrespectful as asking whether Jesus was in fact married with kids. So these customs just survived generations whilest being amended or altered or misstated or omitted. Yet again, the degree of one’s belief plays a vital role.

DexterSUPERIOR on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 6:52 am

Kwaaaaahaha…. I love the article. Pertinent questions that not even the elders are able answer most of the time. All i know is that none of this chaos will happen when I bury my parents especially the night vigil. Come 10pm, I want everyone to go home or go to sleep because the next day is gonna be a very long one. Imagine trying to keep ur eyes open at the funeral because you were awake all night staring at the coffin.

@Jahara, you should’ve pasted the questions above each answer as well. Now I have to keep going back to the questions to remind myself what they were..

Alexis on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 7:29 am

Oh my goodness @NeoClarke, u r sooooooo ignorant! How dare u embarrass yourself on a platform like this? You know nothing about black culture? Very disappointing. Even a 12 year old has more knowledge on this topic than u do. Tjo

Lol @ lezenke being called zinc! It’s actually iron. Lol. Zenke, zinc (how darkie of u) yet u clueless when it comes 2 ‘black ppls’ things. Hit school yo! U might learn a thing or two

Go-gogal on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 7:35 am

Condolences BeautyBaby! May Jehovah be with u in u & ur family’s time of need.. Be strong, not hard, but strong!! Take Care*

My parents are devoted Jehovah’s Witnesses, so we never did all the things mentioned in this blog.. I’ve always been curious when I go to other funerals as to why they do certain things.. Thanks for this blog!! Now I will know why certain things are done in a certain way.. Sometimes, we tend to judge something without the knowledge thereof..

Sobza on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 7:44 am

Black families waste a lot of money during funerals, money they don’t have and it’s because they want to impress people who will always criticise knowing very well that the family is poor. My granny used to tell me that they would only bake umbhako,irostile(braaied bread) or iinkobe….people would eat and drink tea without milk and go home.

Nowadays it’s a feast and siyanyomfa straight….who doesn’t want to eat free food. Apparently in Soweto people check the Sowetan newspaper for funerals nearest to them and then they would be roaming around for breakfast and lunch…

MissAN on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 7:44 am

@ Beautybaby my deepest sympathies. But the thought did cross,its life.

Its unfortunate people don’t understand the logical reasons that went into these traditions,our elders nabo don’t explain kahle or get angry when we ask and nathi we just dismiss peoples beliefs and ritiuals as crazy.

@ Medio I also know that’s the reason an animal is slaughtered,to use the hide to wrap the deceased in. Logic.

@ Jahara I’am not sure about the level of respect for the removal of the matress.

I heard that in the old days,particularly in the newly formed black dwellings i.e. townships,they had small places,so to make space they removed the base and left the matress. Logic.

The ‘fetching’ of the spirit as explained by @ Jahara is to put the person to rest and to make them ‘aware’ they are dead.

Another ritual,the coffin of someone who died violently i.e. stabbings doesn’t enter the house,because its believed other family members will follow the same fate soon enough.

lolaluv on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 7:45 am

My condolences @BeautyBaby and family.
funerals are just drama nje..the family secrets that come out itjo!@jahara thanks for answering the questions.

Zam zam on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 7:48 am

I would also like to ask a question.

2 weeks ago was @ my cousins funeral. When everything was done, as per the norm everyone goes to the deceased’s home for food. However there were ppl @ the funeral who go to the Lekganyane (sp) church and bona they just chilled outside the gate, which resulted in me and my other cousins having to make other arrangements and prepare food for them next door @ my uncles house.

So my question is why do the Lekganyane church ppl not enter the home of the deceased after the funeral? And what happens when one of your church members passes on? Do you still not enter their home after their funeral or what?

Anyone with knowledge plz shed some light.

Toni on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 7:48 am

@Beautybaby, so sorry for your loss. May God be with you and your family through these times. I feel for you.

Zam zam on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 7:56 am

My deepest condolences @Beautybaby. May the comfort of God help you during this difficult time.

Ndesheni on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:12 am

To me the article comes across as mocking African tradition & culture bcoz while I find some of the questions pertinent, I also find trying to find answers to them as well as answers to why those who help to serve people food hide chicken meat or why a certain member of da family wud cry more dan everybody else & why ppl fight ova da deceased money & other possessions distasteful bcoz dts not tradition & it was neva meant to mean anythng or serve any purpose & is neither African belief, it is merely bad habits tht were jst perpetuated over the yrs & “fighting” over the deceased money is not always as a result of deceased having ulterior motives bt bcoz da deceased legal wife is not “cooperating” in cases where there r other kids of the deceased who the deceased ws taking care of while alive & still needs to b taken care of esp since dying intestate is still rife in the black community…

To me dis article shows looking down on our tradition & an attempt to dismiss it as meaningless.

@Mwdiocrity —>Ditto & @Jahara—> thx 4 sharing

Polly on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:13 am

My deepest condolences to you & your family Beautibaby *sending you a warm hug*

Nice read Neo

Blaqjew on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:20 am

Good article neo, even if we wanted to change the way things are done. i like the fact that you are just questioning life as it is. The main question behind it all is, who came up with these and do they still carry the same sentiment they had as to when they were formed 20-30 years ago?

I respect you for biting the bullet and asking these questions, the fact that you asked these, means you do have an idea and do practice them, but wonder why we do things to a greater extent. Black people love exaggerating… can we stick to the bible and leave the poor mattresses and cows alone… please explain to me, what is Makgome????

SihleMlambo on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:25 am

SMH

Pappy on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:29 am

askies Beautybaby nana… very soon u’ll think about your dad and smile with one tear…

softnfree on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:32 am

Modern kid asks, modern mom:
‘mama why u always cut that part of a chicken off and throw it away’?

Modern Mom answers:
I actually don’t know hey (with a modern accent), I have to ask your grandmother.

Grandmothers’ response:
‘Back in the days our pots were to small to cook the whole chicken as we couldn’t afford bigger ones, so we cut a piece to fit the rest of the chicken’

Moral of the story…
There are some things we do/partake-in, practice that we don’t even know why or have an understanding of its origin,but we do it anyway.

I’d some-what agree with MissAn when she says ‘perhaps the mattress on the floor was lowered due to space , and it does make sense as back in the days ka di rondabula (huts) there was really not enough space to fit coffin with a bed as well,

You know this takes me back to what we define as tradition and culture..
What our fore fathers used to do at that may carry a ‘raised brow-puzzled look’ on the modern kids face, but truth be told those people, my people, our heroes as they were later called ancestors, had to do what they needed to do, under the circumstances, they were presented with.

They had to make way, where the was no way, with little resources they had and instead of ridiculing or patronizing their timeless efforts, we must stand tall and salute them, for those where tough times…

What is tradition guys?
Tradition is not something that started a decade ago carrying the babaric ten commandments that white folks diligently scorned us with , while modern black folks who sold their back-bone for a better modern couch, so that they can ‘fit in’

I don’t know
Maybe I’m old finished like that.
Or maybe just maybe I have learned to separate my ‘uncomfortable’ modern thoughts further away from my roots , as RESPECT and HONOUR keeps my feet firmly placed.

Most of the questions placed above, I honestly have never really given myself time to even notice half of the so-called-now-bizarre burial act, and my reasons have little to do with apathy, or ignorance, if not fear of finding answers, my reluctance has everything to do with the fact that I understand where black people come from and I respect their origins and post subjections in a form of coping mechanism and survival

Do I not get uncomfortable and cringe my teeth at some bizarre acts?
I do..
But with my head held high.

When we have a burial at home or mosebetsi, I strip myself of all the modern attachments and literally become indoni ya manzi, mosetsana wa sekgo sa meetse and I honor and respect their timeless efforts

To hell with whoever thinks what.
Its in me, its in my blood, I am AN AFRICAN after all.

Dumelang Kaofela!

softnfree on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:33 am

B their origins and post subjections in a form of coping mechanism and survival

Do I not get uncomfortable and cringe my teeth at some bizarre acts?
I do..
But with my head held high.

To hell with whoever thinks what.
Its in me, its in my blood, I am AN AFRICAN after all.

Dumelang Kaofela!

Naomi on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:37 am

So sorry for your loss beautybaby.Condolences to you and the family, this is a huge blow.

This was an interesting early morning read but here’s my thing. I am a young, motswana chick and for me yes, le nna ke na le go ipotsa gore why is it that we ( black people) do things in a certain way. My conclusion is that ke setso sa rona. Ok, there is setso and then then there are other silly things like hiding the chicken le bo di after tears, le bo mmatswale ba tshwenyang dingwetsi ga monna a tlhokofetse ( all this is plain f-ed up!)

As for things like night vigil, the widow/ er expected to mourn her husband/wife’s death. See those are the things that MAKE a decent, black south african funeral. The kind of funeral I want for myself and for my family. With regards to food, re ma afrika and re rata dijo, see that’s a fact! We feast when we celebrate ( think weddings, graduation parties, whatever), we also eat when we mourn, and o ska lebala gore rona bo darkie, funeral tsa rona di di telle, the service just goes on and on and on, so my take is that it’s only right that you provide something sa go ja. As for animal cruelty? animal cruelty for what? Ke se afrika gore ga go na le mokete go tshollwe madi, so be proud of boafrika ba gago and embrace setso sa ko galona, kante do you want to serve tea and peanut butter ko funeral ya ko ga lona?

Nna to this day, se ke se rutilweng at home, I still practice it everytime I go to a funeral. Ke apara a long skirt, cover my shoulders, and cover my head, , I simply can’t go to a funeral without any of these things, I’d rather NOT go at all. My point, ke ngwanyana wa motswana and ke rutilwe go respecta leso, and I will carry this with me for as long as I live.I’ll even pass it on to my kids, I am by no means saying practice what I preach, all I’m saying is some things are just setso sa rona (this is obviously not everything) but embrace setso sa gago, o se respecte, pass it on to your kids so that our culture doesn’t fade away just like that.

Alexis, actually it is zinc. The difference between the 2 is that zinc is softer than iron and is more likely to react than iron, hence lezenke is likely to rust quicker than iron.

Lustagp on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:42 am

tjo Beautybaby- my sincere condolences dear, keep strong and let your father’s memory shine through vha!!!

softnfree on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:44 am

Heart felt condolences BB…. (Warm hug)

Lustagp on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:50 am

i hate this article damn, Van Riebeck’s mission has really been accomplished la Emzantsi, he must be smiling in his grave by now!!!

miss_a on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:52 am

I won’t lie, this is ignorance at it’s best. And half the things you listed lana are not tradition; that aunt who cries and wants to throw herself in the hole isn’t doing so cos of tradition. Not every funeral comes with one.

I could go on and on and on… But I wont. Terrible article.

Blaqjew on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:53 am

Good and stimulating write up Neo. Some of these practices linger on because of word of mouth. If no one recalls why the rituals are performed…then they should be cancelled. Doing them wrong or without understanding the meaning could have consequences for the departed soul. I for one would hate to execute a ritual so wrong that the departed soul ends up down stairs with Lucifer and Osama Bin than upstairs with Mother Theresa and JC’s angels!

Mabhebeza on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:03 am

My condolences to you and your family Beautybaby.

Botshelo on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:08 am

This is very sad for me because last week I was burying my cousin (27) this sat I will bury another (21) yeaterday a friend passed on (29)
Pelo ya me e botlhoko, I cant deal with this anymore! Haai man! I cant

Pana on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:10 am

1. From finding out about one’s departure, why do we place the deceased’s partner/parent on a mattress on the floor?
Back in the day there wasn’t a lot of space and that meant furnisher had to go to di neighbour and to make space batho ba dule matraseng
2. Why do our uncles and aunts tend to take a trip to the deceased’s place of death, with a towel at hand to “Pick up the spirit”?
Good question, it’s believed that the spirit wanders around like in “Haunted Mansion”
3. Where do they keep these spirits after being “Picked up”?
With family, like ancestors tsa Bataung or something
4. Apart from the families, friends and neighbours there seems to be an amount of unannounced guests, like grannies, nannies, aunts and uncles from Makotopong that we had no idea existed?
Usually they knew your grand parents or are extended family, in African culture you have to show last respects if you know the parents or you family of the deceased
5. Why do we have to cook full meals for guests at the funeral? Let’s not forget that they expect mutton and rice with cabbage?
People want to impress, it’s not a must but it’s got to do with pride and not culture
6. Do the priests really have to have their own cakes aside?
Lol, NO!
7. Not forgetting the fact that the priest cheers us to sing louder for we are “Celebrating one’s life” though he/she is not present with us?\
When we praise more especially louder we tend to forget our sorrows and usually one gets celebrated ha a shoele because people only see your value once you gone
8. There’s always an uncle who’s given the honorary role of choosing the cow to be slaughtered? What about animal cruelty?
Animal cruelty in black culture? Lol. That’s food mme
9. The day before the funeral, the deceased comes home. Why does the mom/dad/partner have to sleep in the same room as the coffin and corpse with candles lit around the coffin?
Not sure if it’s a myth but usually to make sure that the witches don’t come to steal the deceased’ spirit
10. That very same night we tend to have something we call “Moletelo” (night vigil), which seems to have lost its value of preparing for the funeral the night before. Why do we still have this?
Because it’s always been done like that, difference is that nowadays people are working, you can’t leave work on Friday afternoon and sing the whole night and go to the funeral and expect to be sane
11. Why do we buy the people/family or friends beer to drink that night? What preparations are they going to do if they are intoxicated?
That’s modernising it, again, it’s not culture.
12. Why do we have two different dishes for males and females? Surely it must be unhygienic to eat from Lezenke (zinc)?
There’s nothing wrong from eating from an enamel plate unless it’s rusted. In the olden days they actually believed certain meats cannot be eaten by females and in some cultures it’s like that. A man and a woman cannot share meals or eat the same thing. Pappa eats chicken, mama eats moroho le tin fish ka papa
13. I’ll bet you any amount of money that the hearse is going to arrive late, and the aunt standing next to you will say “He doesn’t want to leave; it’s was not his time yet.” Whose time is it then?
Not all adults are wise, when it’s your time to go it’s your time to go
14. The Fashion Show, why do I have to wear something new to the funeral? Fish net stockings, Leggings, red sneakers, floral shirts and not forgetting the Nerdy shades.
Modern a kere, it aint culture but you find a lot of competition amongst family more especially cousins.
15. What is the point of going to a funeral if you are going to stand 500m away from everybody else and light a cigarette or laugh and talk and pay absolutely no attention to the proceedings?
It’s called disrespect, it’s usually imbeciles who think their presence is needed or is a favour to someone so that people cannot say they don’t attend di ntho tsa batho
16. That aunt from point number 14, why does she cry (scream) and almost fall 6 feet into the hole that was dug for the deceased? Can she not have a sense of composure?
For attention hle.
17. The priests usually stray off the topic at hand. Can they stick to the fact that there is a death and refrain from talking about how God is going to punish gays?
Again, not all pastors are wise. I think family should actually request pastors to stick to the topic, can’t they? I mean they pay the dude
18. Flowers are a beautiful creation by God, Lord Almighty made them all for us to enjoy. (Even the dead) Do we have to use old cutlery as decoration on one’s grave? Would it not be better to use fresh flowers and adorn the site with those?
Lol, I’ve been asking that same question for ages. Even if you break a mug, they wanna take it to your uncle’s grave to decorate.
19. On the way back from the cemetery, why do some people speed off for the free food?
It’s called poverty, like Xhosa say, indlal’inamanyala
20. Why do the ladies that dish the food up insist on hiding the fried chicken?
Greed!
21. The funeral is over, shouldn’t everyone go home and go and reflect about the meaning of life? Instead, these people will meet about four houses away from the funeral to indulge in their alcoholic beverages. This practice is called “After tears” (Jozi) and “Wie sien ons” (Pretoria)
Modern, again not culture. It’s normal to talk about the life of the deceased after funeral but to drink and party is another
22. The family and spouse of the deceased will get “cleansed” by a traditional healer. Cleansed of what? Is death a dirty thing? What are we washing off here?
They say death is like a magnet, once one person dies, there’s bound to be another in a couple of months or a year apart so they believe that it that spirit of death is cleansed then it’ll repel the whole thing
23. The wife of the deceased will be expected to be in a designated period of mourning, and will only be allowed to wear black clothes and not go out at night. Can somebody please explain the significance of this practice?
To honour the husband and his family by not acting like a girl but for 3 – 6 months not have sex or party. I think it’s more a behavioural discipline
24. A few weeks later, the mother-in-law and siblings of the deceased will start harassing his poor wife for money. “Peter ntse a nale di policy, re batla chelete e go!” They will make her life a living hell by accusing her of murder. Why do black extended families feel entiled to dead peoples’ money?
Because the wife allowed them to make decisions in her house when the husband was still alive. And they’re greedy. Usually extended family always sees you as an outcast and not Peter’s wife so they want what is their son’s. It’s up to you if you stupid enough to listen to them
25. Bjala ba di garafo. A significant tradition or just another excuse to drink?
Tradition, but again with all traditional do’s. They all excuses to spend and usually the people that mention these things are not the one’s popping the cash

Bongani on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:13 am

i wish not to die in an accident or shooting or stabbing. i want to be sick first, that will give me an opportunity to joing the Muslims, so that when i die i get cremated that very same day or the next day. avoid all these “black funeral tendencies” of having half the township coming to bury me, also avoiding the cooking for the masses thing.

i just want to be crimated and buried by my close family only

mbulela on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:23 am

@beaytubaby,may you and yours find grace and strength in these days.

softnfree on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:24 am

@Lusta ngi sho U’buti Van Riebeek where ever he is, he is smiling-up and saying ‘ja jou ma se poes, my swaartjie kinders’

Its so sad how we are willing to strip every inch of our identity just to reflect non-african cultures.

How accommodating our battered souls have become, we don’t need enemies, we are our own worse foes, nightmare that don’t even require sleep to re-live nor a trance to hypnotize.

We are so gullible as we are made to be ashamed of what has breathed a sense of belonging into our hearts as we easily trade pride over predujice according to a white man’s standard of acceptable rules of engagement…

#bleeding christ#

baby_doll on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:27 am

I remember when my mom passed away 8 years ago I had to drink this disgusting mixture. Have no idea what it is and no one wanted to answer me. They just said it was to protect me and give me strength since i was the youngest. Remember i had to drink 2 litres of that the week of the funeral. We also had to do other rituals after the funeral that my mom’s side of the family didnt agree with.

@beautybaby my sincere condolences.

Beautybaby on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:29 am

@all Thank you so much for kind words. Neo I have so much q’s to ask the elders, will post some of the answers they give me. *cyber kisses everyone*

Jahara on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:35 am

@Alexis before u tell @Neo to get educated let me educate u myself!!
LEZENKE is ZINC.
TSHIPI is IRON.

Lezenke is light while Tshipi is heavy when it comes to weight.

Unless ur plates are made of iron @Alexis…shame that must be a mission carrying them.

mbulela on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:37 am

Africans are mean.
A person dies young and in drastic circumstances and you have the nerve to come and eat at his/her funeral.
shame on you.
I attach no importance to funerals and related activities.Never eat when i attend one and wish to be buried in the most minimal way possible.
I will haunt anyone who does any elaborate thing on my behalf.
I will haunt them in their dreams and make life a nightmare for them.

Jahara on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:41 am

oh…by the way. Blacks & their coconut tendencies… When @Neo said lezenke ur mind ran wild & u immediately thought CORRUGATED IRON. But then again,common sense is not so common with all of us.

Nomaha on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:41 am

@BB warm hug to you babe, The Lord is watching over your family.

Nice article but I think its one of those questions I tend to ignore because no one really knows the answers and if you ask too much kuthiwa “uyaphapha”.

Lol at the fried chicken, went to a funeral 2 months back, luckily was one of the VIP’s (yes there are VPI’s at funerals these days) so I got served the fried chicken and I really have to say ukutya komngcwabo kumnandi shame and I always look forward to it.

Bushnana on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:43 am

Luv the article..I have always asked why do we need to slaughter… why cant we just go buy the meat .. the reason why people slaughtered in their backyards was probably because there were no slaughter houses then.. now for hygenic reason can we just leave this to the proffesionals?

Tebelo aka Night vigil was done to keep thieves away from the corpse… people used to steal dead bodies and use them for witchcraft purposes ..

I like after tears and think it shoud stay .. after all that crying people need some cheering up

mamamia on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:50 am

Sorry to hear about your loss @Beautybaby, my condolescenses to you and your family at this very tyring time.
Such is life.

Bushnana on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:54 am

Why do our uncles and aunts tend to take a trip to the deceased’s place of death, with a towel at hand to “Pick up the spirit”?
Where do they keep these spirits after being “Picked up”?

I copied this from another blog:

Aperson who dies violently and/or quickly, in an accident can always come back for some clarity. People who died quickly and violently have come back to claim that they are in ‘limbo’ as to whether they are dead or alive. Earlier on, I explained that when we die we take the role of being guides to those who are still living, so the ones who are in ‘limbo’ they are obviously going to create problems in this whole system. They then come back and haunt their loved ones by creating problems in their lives. They may interfere in their daily lives or brig them nightmares when they sleep. The spirits in limbo are not sure how to use their powers. They may try to use their physical part thinking they are still alive and when they fail they might resort to the emotional aspect used by all the spirits through feelings. It is important for the loved ones of these spirits to set them free by praying for them allowing them to accept death and their new responsibilities.

Loulou on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:56 am

Excellent article Neo, I don’t think that this is in any way disrespectful! Gosh Black People mara – next thing you know bo Alexis will be calling the poor writer a racist!

I come from a traditional family and I have seen all the above a number of times, luckily for me we are also liberal and are allowed to ask these questions and often, my grandmother has no idea why, but we do it anyway.

Mara being black is awesome tuu! Here’s a question – why do white babies not have ‘magotsana’? Don’t even know what it’s called in English! lol

softnfree on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:58 am

LMAO Mbulela
whenever I feel naughty, or want to pull my mom’s leg if not shock response out of her I will say things like ‘nna Mama I don’t want all this fussy-footsie nonsense, I want sandwiches with kgamere and if indeed people are celebrating my life on planet earth, I want bright colors attire so-maar spring collection with British hats and all, and no sefela (hymn), I want my favorite songs playing, and the top ten must be lyrically compiled and handed to attendees (and I’ll mention my artists including Frank Sinatra,Christopher Cross, le Bo-Makhendlas , Menwana phezulu)

And I will say what u just said
If its not done my way , ke tla pokela motho.

Lol
U should see my dearest mothers face in emotional conflict, she wants to laugh but my serious face worries her..

Tltltltl

mamamia on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:58 am

You know Neo you are right and fair in asking these questions because as we progress into a modernised way of thinking and doing things all these practices will be rendered useless in the time to come.
We are running out of burial space (so they say), cremation is the way of the black funeral and along with it half the rituals and customs on this list will be burned up by the fires pf new age beliefs.

Cinnabon on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:01 am

May the Lord keep you and your family under his watchful eye till you heal @Beautybaby…Love and Light to you.

Themzam on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:04 am

love the article and thanx Jahara for the answers…you know you stuff neh lol

Maihlomeihlasele on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:04 am

@Beatybaby my sincere condolences …I’m sorry to tell you this but brace yourself for some family D.R.A.M.A I’ve been there

@Neo interesting article I asked myself some of these questions when my dad passed away.

The Cleansing Ceremony I have 50 questions to ask, I’m still traumatised even today because no one tells anything about it until you go thru it…now that’s one thing that made me go TJO TJO TJO!!!!!!

mbulela on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:07 am

@miss_a,please take it easy.
some of the points are obviously tongue in cheek and pun intended.
but deriding the entire artlicle as terrible is a bit too harsh in my view.

Mapakisha on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:14 am

oh shame man Beauty Baby, condolences man.. May God make u & yo family strong. Askies hle:(

LizM on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:15 am

So sorry @BeautyBabe. Condolences to you and your family.

I really enjoyed this article and couldn’t help lolling at some of the points Neo made. And really, is thinking about something and raising questions mean that I’m being disrespectful and ignorant?? We all have questions about why certain things in life are the way they are and we are Just Curious.

I would like to thank those who answered the Q about why the people who died via a stabbing or getting shot only arrive the morning of the funeral coz I saw that during my uncles funeral a few years back and wondered why that happened. And nna I prefer funerals from the rural areas coz by 09:00 everyone has eaten, the dishes have been washed and you kinda forget that there was a funeral earlier on.

Pana on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:19 am

@miss_a, don’t be a hater.
The writer only wanted to know if it’s tradition coz you get it at most funerals, like if someone doesn’t do it then e kare it wasn’t a funeral enough or something. Great article, touched base with things that we want answers to but never get.
Great example there Sofnfree bout the chicken. lol

mamamia on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:21 am

I think the people of old practiced these beliefs as a way of honouring the spirits of the departed because death in itself is mystifying and no gratification can be found in the passing of a beloved. So in order to ease the heartache and burden of carrying on without the departed loved ones, they and we too absorb ourselves in rituals and customs as a way to cope.

some of these rituals are stemmed in fear of the unknown, the part about the coffin not being put in the yard if somebody died violently.
I think people of old (see ancestors) were a lot more respectful and mindful of death, funerals back then were not about grandstanding and showing off but being there to comfort and support the people experiencing the grief.

What we must understand is that tradition is constantly being amended and manipulated to better suit the conveniences of ulterior motives.
Where there’s pain, famine, war someone out there is benefiting, same goes with funerals. Why do we think the funeral policies adverts target the blacks – always. Their cashing in on our ignorant and wasteful ways of doing things and then calling it tradition.

Our culture does not dictate that a 3course meal is what must be served, di wie sien ons is disrespectful. If you look closely and carefully most of the things we do at funerals are not mandated by our traditional beliefs. Says a lot about us!
@Jahara well answered.

BlindFold on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:22 am

In our cultures as different as they are, the first child will be sent to the fathers for some ritual, then it will be assumed that the baby stopped crying too much because the grandparents put either bids or something in the babys neck, hands or feet.

My question is there are so many Mvezandlebe (Illegitimate kids) outside who are are sometimes not even known or reported, those kids grow up as normal as they can be, now when does the ritual work? is it something in our heads or these things really help???

Mapakisha on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:25 am

Nna i was introduced to my father about a month before he died & the family wanted me to be part of all these rituals before & after the funeral. I decided I was gonna go to the house on the day of the funeral & I ws wearing a dress i would normally wear when I went to anybody elses funeral. I was 20 @ the time, they made me sit on the floor with the rest of the family, gave me a box of tissues, a blanket & ish. Me & my sister laughed about it afterwards but i was ihs annyoed. The priest even said i should get something to cover up as my dress was revealing. I personally don’t believe in any of the stuff that’s done when someone passes on, it’s xpensive & most of it unnecessary. The cleansing is another story, the wanna make you bath outside in the cold in front of some perv of an inyanga/cousin/uncle. I’m glad my parents taught me nothing when it comes to such, I can @ least make my own choices when i have a family of my own.

mamamia on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:30 am

@LizM yes in the rural places they are much closer to traditon as the way it was meant to be observed, when my granny died, there was a night vigil but i was amazed, members of the community were sleeping around the yard and there was peace and quiet in preparation for the funeral day by 1pm. It really touched me to see how considerate they were no loud noises, no running around like chickens and by 10 the next day the service is over and people are giving you space to get on with matters.

Die after tears should actually be on the day of the unveiling of the tombstone, i think there it can be appropriate if we really must excuse it.

Mapakisha on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:35 am

Shame Botshelo man, 3 funerals in a row, really sad hey. Goes to show hore lefu hasle tlwaelehe no matter how many times it knocks @ one’s door. Condolences to you too babe, stay strong.

mamamia on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:38 am

Oh and then there’s that funny tradition that says ka 12 noon gago patiwi motho, everything must stop to observe something i’m not sure what, always leaves me confused and irritated as a … that one.

When i was young i was cleansed by means of this sage i suppose spitting some liquid on my face like eeeeuw – i was disguted by that, it put me off for life.

Mapakisha on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:42 am

Wow Bushnana, thanks for tha explanation, makes a lot of sense..

Maihlomeihlasele on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:43 am

“The cleansing is another story, the wanna make you bath outside in the cold in front of some perv of an inyanga/cousin/uncle”
@Maphakisa that’s what I was talking about in the middle of June

Mapakisha on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:57 am

@ Maihlome, I’d actually forgotten about that until I saw yo comment, seriously tho some practices are jus nonsonso maan.

Bongani on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 11:02 am

i just want to be cremated and buried by my close family only

DexterSUPERIOR on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 11:05 am

Thankts @Pana. It makes more sense with the questions pasted

Mamashaba on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 11:11 am

I have always been a silent blogger until now, had to register this topic is close to home.
Can someone assist me here, My close friend was burying her husband this weekend.
The husband was positive but luckily she is negative. Me, her and the deceased are the only people who know about this beside hospital stuff. Other people and his family only knew about lungs and TB.
After his death his family believed that he was killed, some family members were jealous of him. Now my friend has shifted from what me and her know and she believe all this nonsense. I feel sorry for because she is in so much pain. She says the healers and some prophets said ke sejeso and the blood was dirty.
My question is when someone dies, why some people always have to go and checka what happened eventhough the doctor told them gore is cancer or something?

And how do I help my friend not to loose focus? She was shocked I know when she found out, as she never thought the husband is cheating?
Must I just tell her not to listen to the inlaws as she know what happened to him?
Very confused.

@JoneighGLOBAL on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 11:15 am

@BeautyNana & @Botshelo – I pray that GOD will give U Grace to accept with Serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to stride ahead of life’s inconveniences, Strength to hold U up,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the difference.

Even though death robs U of UR loved ones physically it’s important that u keep their memories in UR hearts, that way U still maintain that spiritual bond w/ them & their presence lives on forever in UR heart one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace. Trusting that GOD will make all things right, under his will so that U may be reasonably blessed & happy in all avenues of life.

XOXOXOXO

Lela on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 11:15 am

As I read,sorry Mediocrity but Born Agains don’t use water for cleansing,maybe you refering to another group.
BB condolences on your dad’s passing,glad to see you are strong.

mbulela on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 11:16 am

@Botshelo,eish it must be hectic.sometimes when it rains,it pours.
I pray that this is the end of the rainy season in your life and that the sun will shine on you and yours.
3 burials in quick sucession must be hectic.

Lela on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 11:19 am

I see Alexis is back with her attention seeking tendencies,how dare you call Neo ignorant for asking questions that most of us need answers to. The only person embarassing themselves here is you. Just answer the questions wena qha since you know everything about our culture.

mysista on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 11:42 am

Culture or tradition is not static, it shoul’nt be. I for one do not need to understand the origins of any culture in order to respect it… If no one is harassed or harmed by the culture I observe and participate…The whole when in Rome do as the Romans adage!

I mean if I had to understand the origins of anything in order to observe and respect… I would not be using the internet, cause LAWD knows I have’nt got the faintest notion how this shit works… bout fact is, it does therefore I use it… Weak example I know but today like most days my mind is occupied by bigger more pressing issues !

About the fried chicken hidden and only given to the select few, Boy can I relate, Went to a funeral of a friends fourth cousin , twice removed c, did not make the VIP list(I’m finding out these exist) had to queue like all the other peasants for our meal, so when we went to sit in the lounge Lo & Behold we found a dish packed to the max with fried chicken hidden under the TV stand, well you should have heard the whopping and the rejoicing by us, you could have sworn that we had located the immunity idol in Survivor, sadla inkukhu yabantu sengathi we were returned exiled carnivores who had been trapped in a vegeratian Island… eish ukurhala mara,

@ GA & Mmaditaba @JCN (JUST CURIOUS NETWORK) Yesterday I saw a picture of uSofty…mina bengithi ngoba she’s clever then for sure angeke abemuhle kangako, I was just hoping for a pretty smile… BOY was I wrong, bought the July magazine she is on and I was gobsmacked… DANG she fine, muhle,
.sun kissed chocolate skin with milk!
.gorgeous smile, perfect teeth as in totally flawless.
.skin so smooth and even toned you wanna lick it, dang where does she get off being this fine? + she’s slim, manje ke mina I’m very intimidated EISH!

@ Softie, hello !

lwandie on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 11:47 am

@Beautybaby and @Botshelo heartfelt condolences for your losses.

The sacradness that surrounds tradition is what makes it hard to get the right answers so most things have always remained a mystery.

I once attended a night vigil(different african culture) where they sang and danced all night around the open casket,the only person excused was the widow but she was made to sit in the middle of the room next to the open casket. Somewhere along the night some of the elderly relatives and close friends performed some impersonations of the deceased in his clothes.I found the whole experience surreal in a disturbingly unforgetable way….My friend (whom I had accompanied) explained the singing ,dancing , ululation, and impersonations as their way of remembering the deceased and an extension of their love to the grieving family….We learn daily I guess.

Maihlomeihlasele on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 11:48 am

@Mysista uyibone phi??????? tell

Go-gogal on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 11:48 am

@Mbulela – u’re such a caring soul – not many of those left lately..

Sometimes ppl ask about certain things not because of ignorance but simply because they would like to know more.. When u know the reasons behind other rituals and beliefs, it helps u understand ppl better..

softnfree on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 11:49 am

MySista u are out of order!

Anyways this part I Loled
‘well you should have heard the whopping and the rejoicing by us, you could have sworn that we had located the immunity idol in Survivor, sadla inkukhu yabantu sengathi we were returned exiled carnivores who had been trapped in a vegeratian Island’

Tltltllttl

@JoneighGLOBAL on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 11:51 am

@MySista What’s the name of the mag Softy features on? (Pls attach the page number)

Mmaditaba on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 11:58 am

Thank you Neo for the article, a big thank you to every0ne who shared their kn0wledge and those who are still going to. I’ve asked myself most of these questi0ns,especialy being a b0rn again christian id wonder alot about whether these cultural attributes go against God or not.

Just a few m0nths ago when my nephew who died from elephanticis(sp), my uncle in law went to the hospital(Baragwanath) he had died in with a small tree branch, from the bed till back home in the rurals he was adressing my nephews spirit, that got me thinking alot bt was t0o scared to ask. Now i knw and have m0re respect for that cultural ritual. Rest assured i’ll do it too.

I believe alot of rituals that were carried out by our grand grandparents were done in essence to show respect and dignity,aswell as using the limited resources they had. Which to me is wise…

C0nd0lences to those whose family members are nomore,our hearts go out to yal. May God give u strength during this difficult time.

GA on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:02 pm

Eish…Ouboet…just this once ne, im having lunch

Softy…that comment UP there just closed sealed the topic for me, if i ever had questions as the writter does and i did, your response just took me to a level of leightnemnet i can be happy with.
As i was reading the comment i ketp picturing mysista falling more and more…hehe…@mysista…realy now!!?…Interestingly i always associate the best comments (imo) with the beutifullest people aesthetically.

K….ouboet…ill be gone in 15 minutes when im done eating. Promise.

BTW…lovely comment mediocrity.

And Alexis and all….if im not mistaken Lezenke is “galvanised iron”…which means “steel or iron” plated with “zinc” for protection against corrosion.

GA on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:04 pm

And…hiiii Lwandie

Mmaditaba on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:13 pm

@Mysista bo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o PLEASE DO PASTE THE MAG EDITI0N DR.SOFTY FEATURES IN!!!! Tjo banna iv also always wondered if Her intellect matches her facial aura, i knew she was nice and slim though because in some “Anything Goes” she menti0ned her gym diastes and nje just how mindful she is with what she eats! Ma gosh please please do drop some hints, even riddles if possible WE ARE JUST SO CURIOUS!!!! (sorry to go off Neo—–>>blame it on MYSISTA) p.s mysista i promise i french kiss ur backside hole if you do share such breaking news!

snapshot on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:19 pm

Hi everyone

my condolescences to Beautybaby and her family.

my gogo is the eldest so i’ve seen a couple of things but not everything on the list, i’ve seen the talking to a branch and coffin arriving saturday morning, people wearing black clothes and sitting next to the coffin, i’ve hear weird things though with regard to some inlaws forcing the deceased wife to have sexual intercouse with the decease,anybody who has info on that

to the christians,if cleansing involve inyangas and sangomas, what happens when it directly affects us, i guess need to ask my gogo,anyone please enlight me

Brown Shuga on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:22 pm

Condolences Beautybaby and the other blogger who’s lost loved ones. Strength

GA on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:23 pm

Aowa Mmaditaba…..my learneered original NesAnchor;).
I think @mysista should leave the description right where she left it and say no more. Im certain she will not divulge details of the mag, or atleast i hope so. It will take something deep out of this JC thing…fun maybe?..but something. Pleaaaaase mysista, dont give coded hints of the mag, nothing.

Brown Shuga on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:27 pm

LOL at Maphakisa vs Mapakisha

Brown Shuga on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:33 pm

@mysista are u soulsista?

mysista on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:34 pm

@ Softy, noted, back in order… askies neh? uxolo vha ?

Brown Shuga on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:34 pm

Sorry Botshelo, meant u.

samoooosa on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:39 pm

Lowering the mattress isnt an issue of space. Darkies used to sleep on animal skins or grass mats ‘icansi’ ngesiZulu. In rural KZN we still use icansi and will use the mattress when its cold coz no one wants to sleep on the floor/just to provide something more comfortable for the women to sleep on.

Mapakisha on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:40 pm

Jwale Brown Suiker oreng?? Mna islungu siyangi jampa eskhathini esningi, especially when it’s the boss speaking. What u mean “Me vs Me”?

samoooosa on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:45 pm

Also if u ever had to fetch the body of the deceased from the mortuary,u wouldn’t want them to bring it on the day of the funeral coz they never clean it and dress it in the way you’d like. Mortuaries are a fairly modern thing, i just think its better to have the body over night to prepare it for the burial

mysista on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:46 pm

No Shuga I’m not Soulsista… ngubani waphi loSoulsista undiphazamisa naye?

Mmaditaba on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:56 pm

Mysista, in respect ,SoulSister is our very own grandmother

samoooosa on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 12:59 pm

Finally,”ukulanda umuntu” whether by candles or with a branch of a certain tree is done to appease the people who believe in spirits. e.g some people wont sleep in a hospital bed where a person died they expect the family to come collect his spirit so that its not “roaming”. You dont have to believe in spirits to do that but u are appeasing others who do cause it wont hurt u anyway.

buckzy on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 1:03 pm

This article lacks research $ its not on point shame!

Anyway answering some Questions like why put old spoons instead of flowers on d graves- ds ornaments like spoons $ plates were put der as signs 2 identify the grave because in the olden days they could not afford tombstones!

About a certain uncle being choosen to choose a cow this simply means each an everyone has a role in the family $ this helps the preparation of an event to run smoothly, hence even @ work the are seniors $ juniors.

My uncle passed away yesterday because of Makgome, meaning he once had an affair with a lady $ that woman passed on so my uncle was suppose to do cleansing rituals to remove her spirit from him, instead he kept quite $ this let him to being sick $ now hs dead.

Botshelo on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 1:14 pm

thanks everyone. With time I will be ok. I have to see God’s will in all this pain, just that the human in me is failing to at this point

Koeks on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 1:17 pm

@buckzy if I may ask hw long has it been since ur uncle’s lady passed???

mamamia on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 1:21 pm

Softy is a hit maan!

African tradions for the most part are very mysterious and requires lots of patience of understanding.

@mamashaba to answer you, your friend knows the truth and she’s trying to find solace in blaming everybody else but the person responsible for the pain she’s experiencing. It’s a double blow but you should rather advice her to remain in the truth because once accusations start flying around more people could get hurt and family ties could be ruined for good, is it worth it.
Rather she acknowldges, accepts and carry on with her life the best way she knows how. Her inlaws are brewing trouble and there won’t be happy endings guaranteed!

@Botshelo that is hectic but the ways of God are very strange and unusual, hang in there don’t lose hope. It will get better even make sense in time even if you don’t feel it now.

mysista on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 1:27 pm

Nyhani Mmaditaba ?… hayi shem andimazi… we have not been formally introduced… I don’t blog all that much unless I have an impending deadline… (this time it was exams), then I blog in order to procrastinate more effectively, twiddling my thumbs has never really worked for me! Lo SoulSista you speak of uphi currently? I’d like ukumxhawula officially… I can understand the confusion though Mmaditaba I do tend to have grandmotherly tendencies…Old age & all that

Do I sound like her? Mmaditaba?

TheSushiQueen on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 1:54 pm

What I don’t get is why ladies have to wear skirts/dresses to the funeral.. do you honestly thing that the corpse cares what you were? haai

Why if the widow doesn’t cry and SCREAM and throw herself on the ground and roll about and hyperventilate whereas they need to slap or carry her or give her water to bring her back to normal, do they think that the wife has something to do with the husbands death? i.e. omo loyile etc Sometimes the wives feel the need to act like this so that no one suspects that she killed her husband.

And why the moruti’s are treated better than the actual grieving family.. they get to eat at the table and get served the proper juice.. lol! haai khona

Vesa on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 1:59 pm

Not to be disrespectful to anyone, but I know a lot of Batswana are still in denial about HIV/ AIDS and they call it makgome

Mmaditaba on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 2:00 pm

Lmfbao! Mysista the reason i said shes our grandma is because she’s JC’s eldest citizens,normaly spoke with wisdom in that oldish way yabo. I think BS may have thot u might be her in echo with yals oh so similiar names “SOUL SISTER~~MYSISTA” uyabo? And your way of blogging may resemble our very own SS… I dnt know uBS will explain why she thot u wer SS, those i menti0nd are just my guesses .. And i believe SS is away on very busy business for nw and will return ngabo September if i remember correctly. If you check recent articles ,theres a one she c0mmented on.

buckzy on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 2:00 pm

@Koeks apparently its been 5years since she passed on!

Condolences to BB $ Botshelo.

Vesa on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 2:03 pm

As I read,sorry Mediocrity but Born Agains don’t use water for cleansing,maybe you refering to another group.

@Lela, maybe she meant baptism by saying water cleansing?

MissAN on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 2:14 pm

@mamamia yeah, @mashaba trying to shift the blame on others.

@Maditaba yeah,where is @ Soulsister vele?

Just saw a Drum cover,what happened to Zenani and Kabelo’s (7de Laan) baby,read on the cover s/he died.

Mamashaba on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 2:14 pm

Thank you, mamamia

shybear on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 2:18 pm

I find most of these customs unnecessary. Coffins, mattress, candless, r nt part of our culture,n i hate the way the house wud get packd n theres always these family members that u neva knew ethey xisted until the day of the funeral, n black funerals r way 2expensive.

I once went to a funeral for this white little gal from res that we were knolles 2geda. she died on monday,funeral was on thursday, @14:00 we gathered at the church, the coffin arrived at the church strait frm the mortuary, service was held, 15:30 the coffin left for the cemetry, only the parents n close family members went there, the catering was cake,sandwhiches, muffin, tea, coffee, juice water,16:15 the funeral was over, we left, on friday life continued as normal.there was No need to go to the deceased s house.
im nt saying we shud follow other pple s cultures bt it was nyc n simple.No slaughtering of cows, nyt vigils,strange relatives frm makotopong to spent the entire week,no mess that is usually left behind by mourners after the funeral.
mine is gonna b like this.

miss_a on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 2:30 pm

@mbulela and @Pana, I’m not hating guys. Just saying how I feel about the article. Each to his own…

@MissAN, the baby was born a few months premature and ended up dying. Very sad thing for her to have to endure so soon after losing her daughter.

Mmaditaba on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 2:45 pm

But guys i dont understand whats the complaining about family members you didnt knw of ,coming to the funeral. Are yal trying to say just because you don’t know them ,they shouldnt come to the deceased family members funeral whom they knew? Those saying their irritated by the family members they didnt knw ,please explain to me.

MissAn hahaha i thought you would know about SS,usually you remember everything mos…funny how situations change the way things are..

Mashaba i believe mamamia has answered you .. Thd widow knows the truth angithi ,so shes probably scared to disclose to the inlaws how husby died cause it may cause them to blame her and say she gave it to him, and that would cause hela loda tensi0n between yena le the inlaws! They may even call her moloyi etc ,so shes probably protecting herself.

Kusihlwa on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 2:46 pm

Thats why I am going to get cremenated.

softnfree on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 2:46 pm

Tltlltlt @Mamania

Hit and run or hit and miss?!.

Tjo.. Taba tsa Zenani bathong.
Khanti how many kids is the poor soul going to loose for her to say to the universe ‘okay okay I get it’

Ai..

Could this whole Mandela-curse be real?
Could it be true that at some stage the universe plays dirty tricks by showering blessings coupled with stones to the ‘chosen, elated’ ones?

Cha**
I ama afraid.

@Mysista ..forgiven and forgotten!

shybear on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 3:21 pm

@mmaditaba y shud they come only during funerals? if we r not in each other s lives i dnt c a need of being in each other s death. I expect ot c pple i knw, ,who r there during weddings, n other functns, who visit once in a while. I personnally wont go to a funeral of a cuzn who i dnt knw, or who i only knw by name bt never seen.

Brown Shuga on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 3:29 pm

Lela, yhazi uAlexis uvele andigqibe amandla… lol enkosi.

LadyM on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 3:29 pm

OMG soooooooooooo true!!!
the chicken yona grinds my tits!
after party- i dont even wanna begin. crap i just wanna kill myself!!!

Mmaditaba on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 3:36 pm

*Hands LadyM a knife to kill herself* we’ll be @ your funeral vha? Lol

shybear, ok, i think they attend the funeral because nomatter that yal arent close,ur still family and they want to c0mfort u in ur time of grief,nothing major.

Ndesheni on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 3:45 pm

Communities can change any customs that they don’t think are relevant or are meaningful anymore. Like where I come from back home community leaders called a meeting and suggested that this custom of cooking for the masses tht come to the funeral be stopped and that cooking shd be limited to catering for relatives who travelled from far to come to the funeral & the community adopted the idea… So where I come from this cooking custom is a thing of the past bt I’m afraid when it comes to tradition the same principles can’t be applied bcoz it all depends on a family/person’s belief…

mysista on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 4:02 pm

@ Softie,did not mean to freak you out, hope we’re cool now!
@ Mmaditaba yhu shem usile , kutheni ufuna uku help- er omnye umntwana ukuba azibulale… Kodwa ke ndirhalele i queen cakes ne rhemere, so if this helps go ahead, We will arrive @ your house later on today LadyM after you’ve passed on and we will stay until i 10 days next Sartuday, BTW, I’m a long lost cousin so that you family does not look at me skew , when I show up Lol

SveegIsCurious on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 4:11 pm

Ai kwezintsuku ifunerals funeka zibene invitation cards, to avoid the ‘other crowd’ lol.

Makgotso on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 4:16 pm

Big hug to Beautybaby, May the Lord be your comfort to you nd your family and may you find peace in Him. He is the father to the fatherless rely on Him and trust Him, He will see you through.

As for the article somethings that were mentioned they are not tradition just habits any way angazi nto ngetradition all I know my mum did sit on the mattress when my dad passed on because he said he doesn’t understand why it is done so she mustn’t do it. And he didn’t even come home on Friday, Saturday we took his body from the mortuary straight to the hall, kuthiwa izwi lohambile lyahlonishwa nathi we did what he said

mbulela on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 4:18 pm

Ouboet is just shaking his head in disappointment.

mamamia on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 4:34 pm

@softnfree i’m tempted to hop on your bandwagon of admirers but
let me see your pic first before i commit.
*hint hint*

hmmm didn’t Zenani cheat with this 7de laan dude knowing that he was with her best friend. I’m not implying anything since a child was lost here which is sad but the children always suffer don’t they.

Aldair on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 6:12 pm

Lmao. Nkare ka mmona Alexis a tshwere plate ya iron. Lol. Some people just wanna look smart here. Nna I told my family gore I want to be cremated period. I don’t want to leave my family in debts after burial. No one will eat beef or chicken at my funeral. Never.

@BB and all those who lost family members, my sincere condolences mtwana.

Bootylicious on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 6:54 pm

Lol @ Alexis telling Neo to go back to school… Thanks Neo for asking this questions some of us also wanted to understand why they are being done

MissAN on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:11 pm

@ Ndesheni I have heard that some communities people just bake amakhekhe and bring it to the bereaved family,no 7 colours just cookies and juice or kgemere.

@mamamia say what? I think I would to if I was that guy and even take the Mandela surname.

I wish I did African studies because I really doubt all these ritiuals were just done for the sake of doing them.

Most cultures have rituals and traditions for different types of occassions. I mean,even white folk will erect some cross and flowers at the side of the road,where a family member has died. I even heard they prepare *deka itafula* the table for their dead to eat,some domestic workers will attest to this.

manny on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 8:41 pm

Dumelang dumelang..damn nearly died by reading frm the side lines..mara ke sharp nou..phoneblogging manje…bck to the topic..ukulanda umuntu..we do it all the time recently ka easter when my sister passd on ka car accident i had to wait for my mamkhulu to cum bck with the tree branch *her*frm the highway then i could cal the farm to give them a go ahead to slaughter the cow..coz *she* was home

softnfree on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:19 pm

Hello Manny

#missedYaStax#

@Mamamia are u really the commiting type?
i sense you have a tie-me-down-commitment-type-phobia
#SniffingFace#

softnfree on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:24 pm

its almost 09h30 and i am yet to see Terry Pheto on Top billing
o-0
#exercizing patience#

Toni on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 9:49 pm

@softnfree I believe that episode aired last week.

MissAN on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:00 pm

@ softnfree can’t get over the fact TopBilling’s flights are sponsored by 1Time. I liked the house they shot TB in,so playful. So… Which magazine is this,please give me a hint… And I promise to handover @mysista to be your S&M slave forever…

@ Toni think I saw Terry on Selimathunzi. JC bloggers like exaggerating. Her accent and English sound fine to me.

Hello @manny

softnfree on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:01 pm

yoh Toni for someone who doesnt watch Top billing thanks to JC on the 28th june’s article i made a mental note only to realize the info given might/were incorrect!

anyways #shruggs#

http://www.justcurious.co.za/2011/06/top-billing-visits-terry-pheto-in-hollywood/

softnfree on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:04 pm

@MissAN the house is inviting neh?

yeah 1st time is making waves ausi and its about time!

tltltltlt as for the rest ‘selective amnesia just kicked in!

Toni on Tue, 5th Jul 2011 10:30 pm

@softnfree, yes u waz robbed!! Lol!! I hardly ever miss Top billing, so I did see her last week. @ MissAn there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her english or accent. Not every gets to attend fancy schools, plus a good actor will always work any accent if need be.

Biskiti on Wed, 6th Jul 2011 1:34 pm

Condolences to BB le Botshelo, Modimo ke oo bagaetsho! Trust in the Lord go re your respective family members have found rest mo sehubeng sa Rara.

I laughed out loud when people say they want to be cremenated (sorry Kusi)..lol..thinking of some blogger that once said that they hated pizza after the cremation of a family memeber…lol.

I also believe most of the things black people do at funerals are not 100% relevant. Anyways, each to their own. After my dad’s funeral, my mother never wore the black attire, there was never matrasses, or rituals performed because of our Christianity belief. By sunday night (day after funeral) all the gogos were gone, no funny business. I guess my mom doesn’t take cow dung…lol.

On a ligher note, i have an aunt that didn’t wanna take off ehr black clothes, are she enjoyes the attention/sympathy she gets, things like not having to stand in queues, people offer her a seat regardless of how full the bus is, etc.

Palacepalesa on Wed, 6th Jul 2011 6:00 pm

My question is why do they put a blanket on top of the coffin.

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