Chronicles Of Ms Taboo: An Open Letter To Him

October 4, 2011 by  

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I used to think that each guy that came into my life was allocated a certain number of tears, and eventually the time would come that I would find myself all cried out over him, but here I am, typing this with tears rolling down my face.

I used to believe that if I treated someone the way I wanted to be treated, they would treat me and handle me with care, because that’s what I put out, but I was mistaken.

This is an open letter to HIM.

I can camouflage the pain in my heart to everyone but you. I have perfected the art of putting a smile on my face everyday because people got tired of seeing me sad, watching me cry, struggling to get out of bed cause all I wanted to do was lay there in silence, with the curtains drawn. It was hard to go out and see happy couples all around, everyone’s talking about love; being in love, when all I wanted was to be by myself. Or with you. Forcing me to get out of bed may have been the hardest thing to do most days, but it was necessary.

I had given so much of me to you that there was an emptiness within me; a hole of sorts. I was always putting you and your needs before my own, and it was the strangest feeling to have to care for myself now. I know this sounds weird to everyone else, but you know…

And to take the pain away, or least let it not be the main focus in my life I started focusing my energy on work. I threw myself in whole-heartedly. I started writing my book (this takes me to a place where only I exist, somewhere sacred), Chronicles Of Ms Taboo started taking shape (and the more I wrote, and shared, the more familiar my stories became to everyone). I started putting all of my energy into securing freelance work for the upcoming season and finally put some focus on my own “baby” Ms Taboo Media & Productions (something you pushed me to do). As time passed, work became a much needed distraction in my life, something that took me away from the constant reminder of my broken heart. The more I focused on work, the better I started doing. The more hours I put into doing what I loved and had missed for such a long time, the more I started growing, and in a strange way this led me back to you. ALL I wanted was to pick up the phone and say that “I did it! I picked myself up and I’m doing great!”

When I hosted my first event #FridayNightM!cs, I couldn’t completely savour the moment cause all I wanted was to tell you how perfect it was. I’ve come to miss sharing those moments with you because you were my “somebody”; you listened, and shared in those moments with me.

I stopped talking about you to my friends because nobody had anything nice to say, no words of encouragement just the same old “get over him and move on” story. It was depressing in so many ways because I needed to talk ABOUT you, since I couldn’t talk TO you. The way I remember it wasn’t all bad, and the good times still leave a smile, just these days they are accompanied by a teardrop or two. Call it taking a walk down memory lane…

Some days I just wanted to tell my mother how much I missed you, but I knew she missed you too, so I carried on in silence.

To the world I was just another girl who got her heart broken but to me it’s been the most bitter sweet journey. I’m not sad you came into my life. For the most part I don’t know how I would have made it through some of the toughest times without you. And despite all the trying times, you are not on my short list of regrets. The truth is I just miss you.

And I wish I knew how to bridge the gap between being the broken hearted girl and having my friend back… but I can’t. I just don’t know how. Because the very sound of your voice still brings tears to my eyes, and every time we talk, like Sunday, I feel the need to say everything on my mind for fear that I may never hear your voice again. And sometimes I just mail you to tell you how much I miss you because, even if you don’t reply, at least you’d know.

Every night you crept into my dreams. I’d wake up in the morning with the same thought day after day… you. At night before I‘d sleep, I’d say the same prayer, and I prayed for you without fail. During my day, every single day, there’s been a song, a name, a “something” that led my thoughts right back to you.

I haven’t forgotten… so how could you carry on like you forgot? How could you not wanna pick up the phone and call me every single day, when I have dialed and hung up countless times? I have saved draft after draft messages pouring my heart out in a sober and drunkard state of mind, and never had the courage to press send. The two messages that I did send were because I didn’t care what the outcome would be, I just needed you to know that I didn’t forget.

I’ve asked myself countless times, how could someone who loved me so deeply stop caring? And the easiest response was that you never loved me to begin with. That answer has tortured me, because it made everything appear to be a big lie. Was it? When we got mad we both said words that cut deep; I still remember, but I hold no grudges. I said some hurtful things too.

Everything you were so afraid I’d do to you from day one, you did to me. You were scared I’d leave; you left. You were afraid I would hurt you; you hurt me. When you accused me of cheating; and then you cheated on me. She was just a friend; till she wasn’t. That’s not ok but it happened; ghosts of the past. And when I ask myself why I love you I can’t come up with a single logical reason, but these tears are a reminder that what I feel is real. I refuse to believe it was all a lie. And it’s not me being in denial; it’s me remembering every single moment that made “us”. I refuse to believe that someone could be so cruel and careless with another’s heart.

Your promises, the words our love was built on have disappeared. They’re just memories of conversations in my head. And despite this, I know that I will love you everyday for the rest of my life. Because I’m not like you. I’m me. When I said I love you I gave my heart in its purest form. You know because you felt it. And when I said I’d never hurt you I lived up to my words.

And someday, you’ll find yourself in my shoes; praying, waiting for the impossible to happen. Life has a funny way of working out sometimes. And maybe someday I’ll get over you, maybe someday I won’t, but until then, my career is just gonna have to keep me warm at night.

I used to think that each guy that came into my life was allocated a certain number of tears, and eventually the time would come that I would find myself all cried out over him. I know now that this isn’t true. I’m still not outta tears crying over you.

With Love, Pink Cheeks

@MsTaboo

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Comments

191 Comments on "Chronicles Of Ms Taboo: An Open Letter To Him"

  1. slindoe on Tue, 4th Oct 2011 10:25 pm 

    Hmm I know imma luv reading ths,leggo
    *goes bk 2d post

  2. cebsyy on Tue, 4th Oct 2011 10:30 pm 

    *teary eyes*……this is me for real

  3. facebook on Tue, 4th Oct 2011 10:37 pm 

    Eish South Africans with Open Letters.

    I thought this too is one of those Trevor Manuels, Jimmy Manyis, that unkown ANC guy, Haffajjis, Eric Miyenis, Karl Kriels.
    The list is endless.

    I refuse to read another Open Letter again. Unless it’s from Mablerh to TS or Zahara

  4. slindoe on Tue, 4th Oct 2011 10:39 pm 

    *tears on my pillow* ths is me,never for a 2nd had I thought gettin over him would be so hard

  5. @NSwagGg on Tue, 4th Oct 2011 10:44 pm 

    For I couldn’t let go, I went back. Am I being naïve and setting myself up for yet another heart break? Things aren’t the same!! Will they ever be? *deep in thought* #IcouldRelate!

  6. mmawakhe on Tue, 4th Oct 2011 11:05 pm 

    *teary* this just took me bavk to my baby daddy :( I still miss him and I hate it :(

  7. Fortknox on Tue, 4th Oct 2011 11:10 pm 

    everything i felt and still feel. *bows in appreciation*

  8. soulwoman on Tue, 4th Oct 2011 11:22 pm 

    I also broke up with my ex 5 months ago but even today I still cry myself to sleep every night. I’ve went out on a few dates these past months,But ngeke akuvumi!*teary eyes*

  9. kimmy... on Tue, 4th Oct 2011 11:22 pm 

    I found him in bed with the filthiest of all filthy skanks. Only thing the bastard could utter was “wenzan lana wena” wtf? Took my stuff and walked out. 2 hours later he calls me saying he is sorry. Uphambene? Thats the last thing i said 2 him. 2 years later im still thinking about him. Day and night. Ya neh

  10. Bee_Mo on Tue, 4th Oct 2011 11:24 pm 

    Yoh…*sigh*
    Where do I start? Well i have tears going dwn my cheeks because this is exactly what I am going through.. It is as though you speaking through me everything that I have been feeling I Broke it off finally AFTER back and forth with my boy lastweek because i just could not take it anymore and i felt like I was loosing myself in the relationship. I love him so much and iT was the toughest desicion that i had to make evrysingle day a song reminds me of him i cnt stop reading the sms’s, emails from him, i miss his voice the silly things he did.. A part of me thought he would fight i guess he was also tired i keep asking myself if he misses me though or why cnt he just pick up the phone and fight for us??

    To add salt to the wound only ystday a friend of mine told me that my”could have,should have” has moved on… And he is very happy The pain i felt tjo! #smh
    So I am nursing a double heartbreak really
    eish dnt knw if il ever love again honestly my heart is LOCKED UP
    GOSH I AM A MESS
    #SORRY FOR THE LONG POST :-(

  11. d.lishdish on Tue, 4th Oct 2011 11:49 pm 

    Its bin 14months n I still sleep on a wet pillow, the saddest part really is when he seems like he’s forgotten… So easily. Its worse wen he’s ur baby daddy. Very nice piece ms taboo *wiping tears*

  12. Znat on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 12:11 am 

    He’s getting married. To someone else. But all I want is for him to tell me its a lie. I miss him. *tears*

  13. Znat on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 12:13 am 

    Damn MsTaboo. I was so proud that I haven’t cried today. Now I can’t stop. You right though, productivity increases at work

  14. Philile_N on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 12:53 am 

    THIS!!!!—–> “I’ve asked myself countless times, how could someone who loved me so deeply stop caring? And the easiest response was that you never loved me to begin with. That answer has tortured me, because it made everything appear to be a big lie” *ekhihla isililo*

  15. Philile_N on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 12:54 am 

    THIS!!!——> “I’ve asked myself countless times, how could someone who loved me so deeply stop caring? And the easiest response was that you never loved me to begin with. That answer has tortured me, because it made everything appear to be a big lie” *ekhihla isililo*

  16. Kiki on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 1:03 am 

    Ku tough shem. *cries*

  17. Luyah on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 1:37 am 

    Wow *speechless*

  18. lbg on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 4:01 am 

    I love this piece. I dnt think anybody can read this without that somebody creeping into your head and little memories. I refuse to let those memories in I will fight them till I dnt hv to. I refuse to cry over someone who probably aint crying for me.

  19. Bootylicious on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 4:06 am 

    This is me shame 100%

  20. Jahara on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 4:11 am 

    Great piece Ms Taboo.

    But i,unlike most bloggers,am all smiles. I wake up & go to sleep with so much love everyday.

    Truth: i used to cry myself to sleep,2yrs ago. But when that phase was eventually over,i told myself ”now that i pulled myself together,i need to FOCUS on my life”.

    & those words: someday u’ll cry for me like i cried for u… it happened.

    & trust me ladies,nothin crushes a man’s ego like seein his ex goin stronger & doin greater things for herself. Oh,& gettin more attractive errrrrday! *smile*

    *cues Destiny’s Child*
    Now that u outta of my life
    Im so much better
    U thought that Id be weak without u
    But Im stronger
    U thought that Id be broke without u
    But Im richer
    U thought that Id be sad without u
    I laugh harder
    U thought I wouldnt grow without u
    Now Im wiser
    Though that Id be helpless without u
    But Im smarter
    U thought that Id be stressed without u
    But Im chillin
    U thought I wouldnt sell without u
    Sold 9 million

    Im a survivor – Im not gon give up
    Im not gon stop – Im gon work harder
    Im a survivor – Im gonna make it
    I will survive- Keep on survivin

    Thought I couldnt breathe without u
    Im inhalin
    U thought I couldnt see without u
    Perfect vision
    U thought I couldnt last without u
    But Im lastin
    U thought that I would die without u
    But Im livin
    Thought that I would fail without u
    But Im on top
    Thought it would be over by now
    But it wont stop
    Thought that I would self destruct
    But Im still here
    Even in my years to come
    Im still gon be here

    Im a survivor….

    Im wishin u the best
    Pray that u r blessed
    Bring much success, no stress,& lots of
    happiness
    Im better than that
    Im not gon blast u on the radio
    Im better than that
    Im not gon lie on u & ur family
    Im better than that
    Im not gon hate on u in the magazines
    Im better than that
    Im not gon compromise my Christianity
    Im better than that
    U know Im not gon diss u on the internet
    Coz my mama taught me better than that

    Im a survor…

  21. soul sista on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 5:38 am 

    Let’s go!! 1…2…3… (((((( Group Hug )))))) Hope you all feel good.
    Been there, done that & got the T shirt. This is just a phase & it’ll pass sooner than you think. Who knows, maybe next time your pain will drive you into doing something great,eg. write a great book or go the Adele way and write killer lyrics.
    I always say it’s his loss not mine at times like this & hey @MsTaboo it’s his loss darling :-)

  22. mazaza on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 6:10 am 

    Kutough indeed, I thank God for the heart he gave to me n let me accept things easily n be ready for anything @ anytime. My mom told u must never show ur how vulnarable (sp) u a, to a man cos he takes advantage. If he say F… U say say F…u as well @ the end….walk into the rltionshp with ur head facing back…maningi amadoda la ngaphandle …

  23. mysista on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 6:15 am 

    Miss Taboo,good writers make readers understand, great writers make readers feel,you Miss are a great writer #takes off hat & bows#

  24. lebzangwana on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 6:35 am 

    Eish, just wish that i could copy and paste and give it to him, but just like one blogger said, dont show him you are vulnerable it gives him power. But you said everything i am feeling now

  25. MissAN on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 6:38 am 

    Lol @ facebook. I wonder if the source of le open letter got the letter as well.

    @kimmy mina I am JC,I have never caught a bf with a woman in bed or other people for that matter,manje what position were they in? Wasn’t the door locked? What did the skank say?

  26. coolcaz on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 6:47 am 

    Yo miss T yo…. You touched me right there and wa ntsosetsa mahutsana watseba. Ku tough ngaphandle and its hard to let go. Right now am inlove with a man that is not into me and after 2 months I finally gathered the strength to dump him and two weeks after that he came back into ma life and this is causing me more pain. I have always managed to get rid of people that are not adding value to ma life(friends and lovers previously), but shooo this one is. one tough project to get rid off I don’t know what to do with ma self. I love him so much it hurts. I have two other gud men interested and I can’t seem to even give them a fair opportunity because of this man. I did not even love ma baby daddy like this and I managed to dump ma baby daddy of 10 years but so irritated that I can’t even dump someone I met three months ago. Ku tough empilweni ngempela.
    Yo article touched me right there…and I know time heals all wounds and ku zo ba rite

  27. posh on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 7:49 am 

    Wow I can relate to this letter, I mourned my first love for a long time…I had a tendency of holding on to lost love until recently.

    My question is why men get over relationships easily?

    could it be that in most cases they date more than one woman at the same time who compete for their affection, by the time he breaks up with one, he allows it cause he’s made his choice…one thing I believe is that when man loves a woman he’ll do anything to keep her…

    could it be that we are emotional beings and men treat relationships like business transactions…when the deal is over, its over, they move on…

    could it be they find it easy to find good women and good men are hard to find…after him you get into bad relationships that makes him look like an angel
    or women standards are too high, men easily find good in women and fall in love while we are comparing current boyfriends with exes

    what do you think?

  28. GA on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 7:49 am 

    *falls on top of Soul sista for the group hug*….m.oh girls (((hugz))).

    Askiesing hle, to everybody. I pray everybody healing and restoration of all that was chunked out by the break ups.

  29. GA on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 8:00 am 

    Good questions Posh, I don’t have answers, but am gonna ask the guys arround me. I wanna know.

  30. bongi on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 8:02 am 

    eish kunzima nyani when its comes to love… (((squeeizing you all)))kuzolunga bethuna – i was separated from my now hubby, baby daddy for 18 months…kubuhlungu especially when you try to move on..stay strong ladies. I know what you are all going through; stay strong..

  31. Mathaz on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 8:06 am 

    I am one of those who us all cried out over a guy. Before i met my husband i was in turbulent relationships and had my heart broken one too many times but that toughened me up.

    RevRun says if he he is not crying over you, then hs is not worth crying over. You all should follow @RevRunWisdom, he has got some advice about men and relationships.

  32. mysista on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 8:20 am 

    @Posh some really good questions hey…I think some people ke degole, like they are seriously disabled in the heart department, they are just incapable of loving.

    You meet someone, you click on some intellectual basis, you fall for them, you think they are also falling, they make the right noises, are on some “I love you too” nonsense, kanti They feel nothing of the sort, to them lovemaking is just addressing a physical biological need , like thirst.

    Some people are truly incapable of sustaining longterm meaningful emotional attachments.Its not that they don’t have a heart cause they do, but their heart is just an organ that oxygenates blood & then pumps it to the rest of the body, their heart has a one-dimentional biological function, Like nobody lives in their heart,NO ONE.

    Some of us have been unlucky enough to meet & fall for such cripples, but thank God I loved myself enough, & deemed myself worthy enough to move on… let go. Motho ha elesegole ke segole, you can’t heal/cure them & you’ll drive yourself crazy trying so mna I just move on, love another STRUU!

  33. Cutypie on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 8:21 am 

    Ya ne..A lot of us have been through some sort of relationship pain..This reminds me of 1 ex of mine whom I used to cry for second weekend. he’d apologise. we move on and again boom, let me down. This happened for a while and after 3 years I was gatvol. Dumped his sorry ass and told him NEVER to contact me in ANYWAY again. Dude started calling me endless times, called my friends..gave my number to his aunts and uncles and they called me..came to my place to talk to him..and all of that just drove me even more mad..It took him a whole year and more to eventually stop calling..The classic case was when I was out with a guy that I had met after him (who I’m still with even today) and when we got to my place we found him there waiting for me..I nearly fainted..he was so obsessed. So yes, guys can be vulnerable too after realizing what they’ve lost.

  34. lebzangwana on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 8:23 am 

    @MsTaboo, you are a very good writer, good piece indeed

  35. flawleslee on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 8:26 am 

    wow ….. woww … beautiful no words for this one, the truth that sistas never reveal…

  36. Bee_Mo on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 8:35 am 

    Eish…. Nna i always if only we could choose who to love but then again if that where the case, it myt happen that u choose sumone and he doesnt choose you.”sigh” its a never ending cycle really.

    @ Posh great questions. Well a guy(my ex) once told me that I must wise up to guys in that they ALWAYS have OPTIONS so while persuing you there is another one on the pedestal that they ready to hook up with incase it dont work with you BUT as much as its so there will FOREVER be that one lady that they cant get over and all the gals he dates will never amount too, so they also have heartbreaks they just dont go crying n mourning like us bcause we are emotional beings.. We mourn our losses heck we even mourn that our favourite pair of jeans does not fit!
    So go tla loka with time…

    I always think of the ones that I let go those that cared kere maybe I lost”my one” in them and terena ya ka e fetile..

  37. soul sista on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 8:39 am 

    *cues* Angie Stone’s Wish I Didn’t Miss You

    I can’t eat, I can’t sleep anymore
    Waiting for love to walk through the door
    I wish I didn’t miss you anymore

    Memories don’t live like people do
    I’m sick for ever believing you
    Wish you’d bring back the man I knew
    Was good to me, oh Lord
    Everytime you say you’re coming
    Boy, you disappoint me, honey
    How well you forgot when you were down
    And I was around…

  38. Twitter on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 8:47 am 

    lol @cutypie finding your ex waiting for you at your place..

    Good piece Ms_Taboo…*wipes tears*

  39. Leungo on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 8:51 am 

    The day women understand and take this advice to heart” Always leave a room for disappointment” is the day they will understand that a person’s feeelings for them can change anytime and they will have no choice but to accept the status quo, dust themselves off and move on.

    There’s nothing wrong with mourning lost love but sometimes our mourning tends to take an unhealthy route.

    There are no guarantees in life. If he is head over heels with you today and treats you the way you’ve always wanted to be treated, savour that and enjoy it to the fullest.

    When he leaves you because the feelings have somehow fizzled away, cry, it’s healthy to do that. But stop obsessing over him because trust me, he is moving on with his life while you are a downright mess.

    One thing I know about men, when they don’t want you it’s obvious. Women should then have enough self worth to steer clear from relationships where they are not wanted and appreciated.

    Women are the most wonderful, caring and sensetive beings out there and deserve better than being in a toxic relationships for the sake of a fairy tale ending.

    In an ideal world the men we love so much would be with us until the end. However, the ideal world does not exist, only the real one where being dumped, cheated on and abused are the order of the day.

  40. mysista on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 8:54 am 

    @Leungo well said love… That is the truth Ruth!!!

  41. ratile on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 8:58 am 

    Excellent piece Ms Taboo *bows*

    Touching stories…I hope you guys will be Ok.

  42. ratile on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 8:59 am 

    Oooh & great advices from bloggers, much appreciated.

  43. lbg on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:02 am 

    @posh men have hearts like women they mourn like women, they have pride unlike women they dnt think calling nd texting any chick after a brake up is worth it. Most women who got hurt dated war veterans they got so hurt by another woman that they decide to continue spreading the pain. Just as women have chased a bad man around while plenty good men where standing and wondering y she does that same thing with guys he was chasing something else whilst u thot it was u. Relation ships r complex mainly cz u dn knw what the other person was thinking and will never know. I have come across so many guys in serious relationships nd they still chase skirts and they leave u wondering what is missing in their relationz but I stopd trying to figure it out I will never know so I enjoy the moment and when its done I stop remenicing. On the good times but I think about y it ended if he cheated hez a dog if it just fizzld out it was not ment to b cry it out put on ur fav heels look good nd hv fun. Somebody once said we mix loving someone with the need to love do stuff for ur self, love for ur self not the ather person. If it does not work out get a dildo nd wait ur turn

  44. TheSushiQueen on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:07 am 

    *Phones Pyschologist*

  45. Vesa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:08 am 

    Well said Leungo!

    It’s life, and we just have to chin up and move on

  46. lbg on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:08 am 

    Where’s my post

  47. Mapakisha on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:11 am 

    Thank you MsTaboo for a great piece, bigger thanks to @Jahara, i didn’t even like that song(until now). I’m also getting properly on my feet, the time ya ho lla & wonder ea fela. I have (big)plans & as much as I had dreamt of sharing my successes with him, the reality is nigga left too soon so he ain’t gonna be part of.

    @-> trust me ladies,nothin crushes a man’s ego like seein his ex goin stronger & doin greater things for herself. Oh,& gettin more attractive errrrrday! *smile*

    Well said Jahara:)

  48. mysista on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:12 am 

    @lbg try again, I’m interested in your take!

  49. GA on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:16 am 

    True Leungo
    As Baz Lurhman said ‘ our choices are half chance” ….its the reality to always bear in mind.

  50. Botshelo on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:18 am 

    For the most part I don’t know how I would have made it through some of the toughest times without you. And despite all the trying times, you are not on my short list of regrets

    This is tru about me as well. And the truth is I DONT miss him

    Nice read, will continue later. gotta run

  51. lbg on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:19 am 

    Understanding is the key. @posh men feel cry get hurt fall in love too. But they have pride and understanding. When u hv pride u dnt get the point y u hv to call someone non stop begging, they understand that it is over which women hardly do. So the day women start to understand that relationships end nd they end badly cz the are two people involved and they are constantly changing that’s the day woman will be salvaged. The only thing that I still remember is that one is not to love for the other but for themselves my life changed I dnt take an I love you too seriously. But the I love you that I say. I’m selfish with my heart nd I will not let someone have the pleasure of trempling on it so I dnt mourn over guys I have fun when I does not work out grab a dildo and wait ur turn. Coz the day women start looking at the signs the revolution will occur. As an L.O teacher I will remind u that relationships r there so that we can learn to deal with our emotions and learn about different people take relationships as experiments sometimes you need longer contact to learn what u need to learn sometimes u btake long but when u have learned take ur stuff and walk away to the next experiment.

  52. Vesa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:19 am 

    Comes running for that (((((((group hug)))))))!!!

  53. Kadeeja B on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:22 am 

    Wow Miss Taboo *bows* such a great read!!!!

    Haai ku tough shem!!

  54. DrDee on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:27 am 

    Eish,how come no man is coming out and saying that he is still crying for that ex that dumped him.Gals @luengos advice is so true.

  55. fruitcake on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:29 am 

    *Sobs, Sniffs*

    Seems like our stories are all the same. *Sobs again*

  56. Vesa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:29 am 

    But they have pride and understanding. When u hv pride u dnt get the point y u hv to call someone non stop begging,

    @lbg….I soo agree with you! And this has been my winning point when dealing with breakups.

    I remember bumping into my ex at one of my clients, and to his his horror I greeted him like I didn’t eve know him and walked on. Inside, I wanted to stop and chat & maybe even get a hug, but my pride didn’t allow me to do that. Tjo…I got an sms and e-mail from him telling me that he can’t believe I of all people, did that to him.

  57. Mapakisha on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:33 am 

    Listening to Whitney Houston’s “didn’t we almost have it all”. How appropriate!!

  58. Nerlee on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:34 am 

    (((((group hug girls keep strong)))))
    Just because you love someone it does not mean you should be together, as difficult as it is its not impossible to let go because by holding on you blocking your chances of finding “Mr right”

    Death by @MissAn’s questions to @Kimmy

  59. Lela on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:39 am 

    I don’t dump a man ndisamthanda shem. Lobhuti nditsalisana naye ngngubo undenzile izinto but zange ndimlahle and even when I tried I ended up going back but I knew the right time will come.

  60. fancyface on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:42 am 

    OMG so many broken hearts… And mainly guys,this reminds me why I’m still single,an its gonna be a loong time shem

  61. DrDee on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:43 am 

    Was discussin this letter with a male friend of mine,he is also South African.And what he said scared me.He said women cry and get depression when they are cheated on,but during the relationship they will be going on about how independant they are,how they can get other boyfriends and all that.He said cheating was a mans way of reaffirming his fragile ego.He said that skank or ugly gal that we girls look down upon usually know how to boost a guys ego big time.

  62. Mathaz on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:45 am 

    I guess we all love with our hearts but we should apply our minds as well.

  63. Mapakisha on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 9:48 am 

    True @Mathaz..

  64. sk1 on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 10:03 am 

    Hee m stunned dis feels like it ws written by me, i relate very well @ Ms Taboo seems mina name we on the same boat… ukthi nje mina I don call/ sms or see him coz I feel gore he wudnt tell me wat I wanna hear , so ja dey say time heals evrything hope n pray sumday dis wil go away & i wont hv 2pain maself

  65. MissAN on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 10:12 am 

    LOL @ Nerlee I have always been curious about it.

    @ DrDee I think Steve Harvey mentioned something similar,that women other women think they ugly,nasty,etc they give men a good time.

    I am glad I am over that phase of being in toxic relationships where I felt unvalued and used,until you know what u want from a partner and not looking for someone to fill a void then u don’t sweat over guys who just want to have their way w/ u.

    @ Luengelo I agree!

  66. MissT on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 10:13 am 

    Beautiful piece of your heart and soul that you just put on paper. So many people relate and have had their hearts broken but one day you will meet someone who will make you forget about him.
    Love gives to those who give of themselves…And having loved this deep doesnt mean you cant do it again. It jus proves you can…
    One day…

  67. MiszUp2NoGud on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 10:25 am 

    ‘You deserve the best your beautiful’
    *puts How to Love on repeat**

  68. sk1 on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 10:32 am 

    I ask maself daily ukuthi how can he 4get coz mina I think of him everyday & nite …. *sad* ja ku tough

  69. Lela on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 10:37 am 

    Seek first the kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will follow. When you have God you know how to love the God way and how to forgive and He will heal your broken hearts and give you wisdom to take time out of relationships to understand exactly what you want from a man and unfortunately most relationships don’t work cause people are looking for the other party to complete them, you need Jesus first to coplete you and get you a man who will complement you. And most importantly Sex before marriage is sin, you don’t need all those sould ties, if you didn’t sleep with these men you wouldn’t be crying now but the soul ties are what are keeping y’all bound, you need deliverance!

  70. Maihlomeihlasele on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 10:38 am 

    **Walks in (((((((((((group hug)))))))))))))) & walks out**

    @MsTaboo I bow

  71. sk1 on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 10:39 am 

    uPastor Zondo says 4give ol those who hv caused u pain by doin dat u’l be shifting ol the pain/hurt to their chest quote * kufana nokuthath’ amalahle ashisayo uwafake esifubeni sabo * unquote, since den I hv 4given him & it felt like taking a huge rock under ma shoulder … 4given bt not 4gotten wat he hs put me thru

  72. sk1 on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 10:41 am 

    ova ma shoulder …typo

  73. Nol@M on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 10:47 am 

    Haibo Sk1, those r nt pator zondos advices,,,they r from God ur creator, read ur bible. Niqala apha ukukhonza izithixo namadoda cz nimamela abantu too much. #hides#

  74. facebook on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 10:56 am 

    Kwaaaaa @ Nol@M

  75. Ms Taboo on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 11:06 am 

    Wow. I really am humbled and soooo appreciative of all your comments. Guys, wow :) it feels good knowing I can use my writing to reach people I have never met. THAT is an honour!

    Sometimes when you put your emotions out there like I have in this piece, you find that there are so many pairs of eyes staring back at you with the same emotion shared.

    I didn’t write this to be told about how sex before marriage is a sin (you don’t know my story), or how I may have been too independent that’s why he cheated (if only you’d known that for once I took all the mistakes I’d made in past relationships and made the conscious decision to do better. Be better.) But I value each of your contributions.

    Thank you for taking the time out to read my weekly column, and for being brave enough to share your stories.

    Much love and appreciation ?

  76. kimmy... on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 11:10 am 

    @MissAn kwaaaa. No they were talking, like i came a few minutes earlier. She had just got there. But shes the one who saw me standing at the door, cause ndavela nda matha, couldnt say a thing, i was in shock. So when the bf saw me, she covered herself with blankets.

  77. Biskiti on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 11:11 am 

    WOW Ms Taboo, awesome piece of writting! I can’t wait to read your publised material. Keep on doing the great work you do.

    Your article hit a nerve, I wish i could find someone that could love me as much as you say you loved/love the guy. I would say that it’s his loss, but i wasn’t in the relationship so i’ll keep quiet.

    We as guys fall in love, we also get hurt and yes we cry too. Maybe we don’t throw a pity party, but do it silently in our private spaces. In the last 3 years i’ve been in countless relationships, i’ve even re-visited my childhood sweetheart and after going strong for a good 9-months, eventually the air-fare/distance between JHB & CPT got the best of us and the relationship ended because neither of us could sacrifice our lives and relocate. It was hard but time does heal.

    The following relationship ended because i never really fell in love with the chick, more like a sweet 1night-stand that overstayed their welcome. I tried everything but i was just not that into her, yet we clicked socially. I felt that stringing her along any further would be a crime, so ended the relationship 3 months later. She was devastated as it came out of nowhere but i’m sure she is grateful right now, as we still communicate amicably.

    I have learned to know when to leave, how to eventually get over a former lover but even with all this, i am still to master the art of cutting ties. I befriend my exes and that always leaves the door open for err..rainy days…lol

    I now have a good woman that loves me and i love in return, even though i guard my heart and never give it holistically, the percentage that is available to love is dedicated to her, the rest nje ke spare-room sa disappointment.

  78. sk1 on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 11:12 am 

    hayi wena Nol@M ubani okhonza izithixo …, i mite hv missed dat kwi bible…bt m not ashamed 2say I heard it from kuye

  79. Kusihlwa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 11:17 am 

    I am going through my own drama with my husband which makes me wonder if I made a wrong decision in getting married but a part of me says this is where I am meant to be and this is the HIM I am supposed to be with but it doesnt make it hurt anyless. Instead of looking back or counting tears I am looking forward, I refuse to make my life a sob story or a book full of sorrow or regrets I am looking foward and the ages of diary about boyfriends and cheating scandals has gone up in flames…..

  80. Lela on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 11:32 am 

    Mna shem inye qha into endiyithethayo, uba akandilobolanga lobhuti ngalo December iyaphela icontract yakhe, soze kaloku isijolo se five years ngaba sendingu Oprah!

  81. KewlGal on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 11:33 am 

    *wipes tears*

    I’m so scared I feel like i’m gonna be in Ms Taboo’ s and everyone else’s shoes very soon. My relationship with my man is straining me soo much I’m already preparing myself mentally & emotionally tht it may not be the one I thought would go on forever. *sigh*

    Wow kunzima emhlabeni inene

  82. mysista on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 11:39 am 

    @Lela kwaaaaa, but have you told him love, does he know this? cause sometimes as women we tell our girlfriends everything & forget ukuxelela lo singaye ndini! Lol @ the Oprah comment!

    @Kusi all marriages have their ups & downs…this to shall pass, there is love & commitment there, the two fundamentals, everything else is such a side show, hold on!

  83. Bee_Mo on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 11:42 am 

    HAIBO @LELA I DDNT SLEEP wit my guy AND YET here I AM CRYING so now please explain it…
    Gwa tshwana u sleep wit him he leaves! U dont sleep with him he leaves…!
    so pls explain this to me…
    Seek the kingdom first dont do the deed yet u dnt do it and u still get scard mos..

  84. LadyM on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 11:44 am 

    brilliant writing @MsTaboo!

    great advice @Luengo and @Jahara.

    And i concur with the blogger who said we should leave room for disappointment. lazy to scroll up and see who said that.

  85. LadyM on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 11:51 am 

    Guys, true love doesnt hurt. I mean think of the love of God, His love makes us feel good. So these people who hurt us are selfish.
    I’ve been hurt, and funny enuf i wasnt dating this guy formally. but we were hanging out every single day, and “acted” like we dating. he stopped talking to me out of the blue, and it hurt coz he spoke to every1 but me, even tho i never did anything. but i told myself i cant be crying over this guy when clearly it seems he doesnt care. Yes friendships come n go, gradually, but ela yona was like we chat today and tomoro he literally pretended he doesnt know me. But i got to see gore he doesnt deserve my friendship and ya, im over it.

  86. Mapakisha on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 12:00 pm 

    @Kusi, please o ska kgaohana le monna oo, ke le rata too much. It’s just mathata a lenyalo fela atla feta hle. You & hubby kinda inspire me, u know:)

  87. sell1 on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 12:01 pm 

    ”ýou accused me of cheating then you cheated on me, she was just a friend till she wasnt ” and became baby mama ya ne men, @ ms taboo thank lovey for another beautiful article but dont thk i should have read at work now im dead sure im going to find my mind wondering back to the past and @jahara gal that song that song put it on repeat

  88. Kusihlwa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 12:29 pm 

    @my sista thanks,please reply to my last email which I sent you. @Pakzin,Its hard if trust is broken because its hard to rebuild and I am angry

  89. mysista on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 12:37 pm 

    @Kusi , but I have replied love, promise, two days ago already,love the photo of you, but umncane shem… very young!

  90. Special Kay on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 12:40 pm 

    Personally I don’t get that kind of pain and I am a woman. From the very beginning I hv believed in treating myself the way I want others to treat me and never in treating others the way that I want them to treat me. It has worked wonders for me and cos of that I hv never been a victim of such pain. I have loved whole heartedly and lost however I hv never lost myself. I could b wrong but i think dat could be why most men get ova relationships so easily, maybe it’s bcos they understand the difference between loving someone and putting them on a pedastal

  91. Nerlee on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 12:41 pm 

    “Mna shem inye qha into endiyithethayo, uba akandilobolanga lobhuti ngalo December iyaphela icontract yakhe, soze kaloku isijolo se five years ngaba sendingu Oprah!”

    I AM DEAD, STRU

  92. Kusihlwa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 12:43 pm 

    @mysista, then send a photo back nigga. I was that reply.

  93. Lela on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 12:45 pm 

    He know @mysista. @Bee, I’m not saying he won’t leave I’m just saying when you have slept with someone the bond is stronger emotionally and spiritually making it more difficult to disconnect from that person. If ungalelanga naye it’s better you will cry yes but the ties are not so strong compared to those who exchanged body fluids.

  94. Nerlee on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 12:45 pm 

    “I don’t get that kind of pain and I am a woman. From the very beginning I hv believed in treating myself the way I want others to treat me and never in treating others the way that I want them to treat me. It has worked wonders for me and cos of that I hv never been a victim of such pain”

    AND I CONCUR 100%, THIS IS MY STORY TOO

  95. mysista on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 12:55 pm 

    @Kusi… look I can’t send a photo cause I don’t have the money to hire a helicopter just yet… I’m so big that you have to take aerial photos of me …no joke!

    Do you remember the Nqobile debacle where I said that,when I was little I was so ugly my mom had bath me using a mop… well that was ALL TRUE!

    I not only have a uni-brow, but I have a uni-thigh aswell, I wont scare you, you are too young!!! I refuse to scare my Kusi shem!

  96. Nomaha on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 1:02 pm 

    When it comes to love we all have different stories to tell whether we were hurt or hurt other people.

    Matters of the heart are the most difficult.

    “Leave a room for disappointment”

    How true is this?

    I told my ex about it. I was on a Wednesday. The way he was so mad I swore he would never ever cheat on me. Went to him 2 days later on a Friday, the very same day I arrived kwafika elinye ikhehlekazi wayeliba.

    SMH. Im happy though he did that to me because I wouldnt be this happy today.

    *Hugs everyone*

  97. Kusihlwa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 1:03 pm 

    @my sista….kwaaa. I dont care about that,send the photo.

  98. Mapakisha on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 1:14 pm 

    @ Kusi, ya’ll must just work thingz out assomblief. You’ll retrust in time, you know it heals all mos.

    Lmao@ mysista’s mom mopping her, o sile waitsi!

  99. ndaku on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 1:16 pm 

    I have had my heart broken, I have broken hearts… Life goes on… I am ready to love like never before! Next!!

  100. Bee_Mo on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 1:18 pm 

    @Lela ok yeah i gots u now..
    I understand :)

  101. mysista on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 1:22 pm 

    @Pakzin it trully is not nice to laugh when other children are relating stories from their miserable childhoods, this has traumatized me, to this day I’m afraid of imop! So I vacuum my tiled floors!!!

  102. LadyM on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 1:26 pm 

    deathby vacuuming tiled floors! hai @mysista usile tjo

  103. manny on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 1:27 pm 

    I am reading this…and my eyes are welling……i can relate in every single way ……now im gonna go as if my eyes are givin me grief even though I have my specs on…
    ya i was left ..still miss this person every single day …the sunday sms’s ….the drunken dropd calls
    but time heals eerything ms Taboo…it is really getting better in time ..
    im just scared if this person says we should get back together id run back yet i have some1 who loves me …
    whats a guy to do ?

  104. ndaku on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 1:27 pm 

    Why do girls like to throw pitty parties? Its only you who will be miserable, this man is busy moving on. Get up, clean yourself and find you a man who will love you more than you loved your ex. No man will be attracted to a miserable woman, and that will leave you even more miserable. Next thing you hear your ex is getting married. What then? Will you commit suicide? Hayi man! You were born alone, not attached to anyone, learn to stand on your own. You will die alone too.

    Peace!

  105. Mapakisha on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 1:34 pm 

    Hiding my heart – Adele… nna that’s how my handle on relationships is now.

  106. DrDee on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 1:37 pm 

    @Kusi,what’s wrong gal.Do you know how ur marriage inspires me?

  107. MamaWaYaone on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 2:00 pm 

    @Lela. I get what you are saying but to a certain extent I disagree. I was in a relationship with a guy from church. Seeing as we are both born again, we did not have ANY physical contact. No hug, no kiss, no sexual intimacy. We had a very strong spiritual connection though. He meant the world to me and I to him. We shared great memories and I loved him like I had and never will another man. Then one day, he woke up and decided that he was going to get married and I was not the one he wanted to marry. So he left me and got engaged a VERY short while after that. I have NEVER in my entire life being hurt like that in my life. I cried until I could cry no more. I still cry to this day. But I did not have sex with this man. Only spoke over the phone and at church and on lunch dates. My point is, sex is NOT the main reason why we cry over a broken relationship. It goes waaaay beyond that.

    Excuse the essay people, I was just making a point.

  108. mysista on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 2:06 pm 

    And today’s post was sponsored by Kleenex!!!

  109. manny on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 2:09 pm 

    LOL MYSISTA KUKHALA AMADODA NABAFAZITODAY ..
    HOLOLO BISKITI BRA WAKA….IS WAAR WE HURT TOO..ITS JUST THAT WE DONT SHOW THE WORLD ….
    @IBG…THANKX FOR THE ADVICE
    @VESA ..UMLAILE USATHAN(A)

  110. LadyM on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 2:16 pm 

    wow @mamawayaone. thats deep. But i have realised that its the church guys that hurt people more. I mean how does a guy go from hanging out with you, chatting with you, praying with you and FOR you, to decide one day, out of the blue that he wants to marry some1 else?!

    stay strong girl, God is nearer to the broken hearted.

  111. Nerlee on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 2:18 pm 

    “Seeing as we are both born again, we did not have ANY physical contact. No hug, no kiss, no sexual intimacy,Then one day, he woke up and decided that he was going to get married and I was not the one he wanted to marry”

    TJOOOOOO, abazalwane banje ke dali, nibaninzi – most of women who find their man in church have the same story as u.

  112. mysista on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 2:29 pm 

    @LadyM its because he prayed about it & God told him to marry someone else…Maybe??? I don’t know!

    Its like that joke that goes

    A man buys a female parrot (bird) the bird is already five years old…middle aged in bird years & the bird has a foul mouth, always saying things like:

    Hello cowboy! do you wanna fuck, or “I really could use some dick right now” the new owner of the bird is embarrased by this behaviour, after all he is a God- fearing man,

    so he goes to his priest & the priest says no, problem the man must bring his bird to the priest’s house, cause the priest also has a parrot, but this parrot is always saying the rosary, hail mary’s & erthang,this bird is forever praying,The priest thinks his bird will be a good influence,

    so the man takes his bird to the priests house, the female bird sees the other parrot & as expected she says “Hi cowboy do you wanna fuck” the other bird drops the rosary beads & says my prayers have been answered!

    Ku tough!

  113. LadyM on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 2:39 pm 

    LMAO @mysista!!! thats a good one. kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    but jokes aside, what that guy did was just wrong. Couldnt he have prayed e yedwa a thandazela umfazi ke? i mean he could have not been in the relationship le MamaWaYaone.

    @MamaWaYaone- how long were u guys together, and did you ever speak marriage?

  114. Biskiti on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 2:44 pm 

    Heita Mannisto! O grand bra yaaka? Please tell them kuthi it’s tough out there for all of us. Nhlanhla Nciza, uthe Indoda ayikhali and i’m sure it’s tough for aboTk to have to bottle things up like that.

    Lela i agree with you nge ndaba yama soulties, but like MamawaYvonne said, i think it extends to love in general not just sex. By loving another person you automatically give a piece of your heart to them, and the extent of the pain you feel during the breakup depends on how much of your heart you gave off.

    And I feel the same goes for our friends and loved ones, that the extent of love we feel for them determines how we respond to disappointments. for example, if your mother said something hurtful to you, chances are you will be deeply hurt than if the very same words were uttered by one of those off-ish aunts notorious for being bitter.

  115. Kinky Afro on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 2:44 pm 

    The one thing my mother told me is – ‘Do not, whatever you do, love a man more than he loves you.’ because the one that careless always has control in the relationship and as a woman you do not want to be in the other position where men are concerned. That has been my unbreakeable rule that’s saved me a lot of drama and heartache. I never really subscribed to this notion of all consuming love, it never gelled well with me.

  116. manny on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:02 pm 

    ke fresh man …
    re shota ka wena ko di emails with snapshot and wild island
    kenya email add boet…woza baba these women are oppressing me im the only guy chatting lebona on email

  117. Pana on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:13 pm 

    how do u leave space for disappointment na? so that i can also learn hleng? and when it comes to loving, how do you contain your feelings so that you don’t love him more than he loves you?
    personally i think pain and hurt are part of the equation ya lerato but they vary ka di degrees le bohlanya

  118. Kusihlwa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:14 pm 

    @Pakzin and @Dr Dee. Its along story but I willl summarize because I am on deadline and I have a million stories to do,so here goes. this week end hubby sat me down and he said he had a confession to make and he was scaring me. Then he told me that there is a girl that he started talking to while I was away in Cape Town in aplril and they have been talking or chatting for a while and she had sad stories and he felt for her but when he started noticing that the girl wanted him after she kissed him and he pushed her off and the chick pleaded that he divorce me and they should be together. They had a fight and thats the last time they spoke or so he says. Before that, hubby fixed the chicks computer and backed his harddrive on her laptop and forgot to erase it. The hard drive has pictures of him that he sends to me when I am away but nothing too graphic and a phot of the girl and him at a party they went too which I did not know about. The chick sent those pictures and an email saying they are together to his whole contact list including his family and my friends and that is why hubby confessed and said thats why he couldnt touch me because he felt so guilty and it was making him sick. So, I am not sure exactly what happened.

  119. sexymm on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:16 pm 

    @Kusi,dear just be strong.Being willing to trust again does not mean that you approve of the things that were done to destroy your trust. It simply means that you are willing to try to forgive and go forward in your marriage. Help your spouse prove they are trustworthy by allowing them to try.Ku tough emshadweni, but owakho lomshado,you can do it sisi.

    HEY MissAN…

  120. manny on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:21 pm 

    kusi …baby stay strong ziningi izitshathsa who want peoples men..umshado uyanyamezelwa ..im sure they told u that @home ..no one has it easy ….for the fact that your husband came clean is leeway to give him the benefit of doubt

  121. Pana on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:23 pm 

    tjo Kusi, just continue with your man sisi.
    i think it’s best to let him know how much he hurt you and make sure uba you don’t let it slide that easily.
    see a marriage counsellor and when you forgive him, don’t remind him everytime you guys fight uba what he did.
    as for i-sylon le, don’t make her happy, don’t make the devil happy either but work together with your man to resolve this and pray for the lady shame, uyasylona

  122. Biskiti on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:31 pm 

    Manny, how will i get your email address without publishing it here on JC, i like remaining Anno…lol

  123. bongi on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:34 pm 

    @ Kusihlwa sorry about your heartache:

    Please do not leave your husband. Allow yourself to be angry and react, but do not leave him. You reallly dont know what happend, but kule situation nikuoyo stand by your man. Men can really be stupid sometimes you know..i dont wanna say alot about this situation, but it looks like this affair is not what he makes it out be… Stay strong and fight for your marriage.

  124. Kusihlwa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:34 pm 

    thanks guys but its hard, the fact that he kept this a secret from me all this time kills me. I remeber we went to a party at his friends place where the chick also lives and the chick was so happy to see him and rushed to hug him pushing me aside and when he introduced us the chich just sized me up and clicked her tounge before walking away, I demanded to leave the party and hubby was angry coz he wanted to stay so he dropped me off and went back so how should I know what happened then? It is so embarrasing because his sister called me all the way from Cananda asking what is going on,even my friends did. The chick calls me and swears at me and says I caused her emotional pain, what did I do? I feeel like I am going mad.

  125. manny on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:37 pm 

    @kusi iba stroing mam you are the one wearing that ring on your left finger tikiline can go click het tongue else where su stressa man

  126. manny on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:40 pm 

    @biskii,,,,,if u are on twitter ff @nkoanemanny lets take it from there boet

  127. Biskiti on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:40 pm 

    TJO! Kusi, shame man. I’m sure you’ve known your man for a while now and TRUST should be part of your relationship, and i think you know if he is sincere or not….talk to him and sort out your relationship nana, it can’t be easy but if he is worth your love then don’t throw away umshado because of a blunder. Take time out and sort things out naye, get an unbiased third party involved if you have to.

    AboJezebel mean business laphandle hey….

  128. Wild Island on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:40 pm 

    MEHLOLO YARONA KE EO…WAPOTA WENA@Haibo Sk1, those r nt pator zondos advices,,,they r from God ur creator, read ur bible. Niqala apha ukukhonza izithixo namadoda cz nimamela abantu too much. #hides….U HAIDELANI?

    (((((((GROUP HUG))))))))
    Tomorrow am celebrating my baby’s 4th birthday and will hope(no i dont) my ex will remember one day God blessed us with a little angel that he later took back…RIP MY NANA…i doubt though after everything ayenza kimi i dont even wish to go back modimo ke paki shem (ya’l remember my story mostan)..so i wil celebrate nge cup cake and my family

  129. LadyM on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:40 pm 

    eish @Kusi, me i’m single and dont think i have licence to comment. But i do agree with some of the bloggers here. see a counsellor and tell hubby how u really feel. Be strong girl, and pray together.
    the bible says what God put together, let no man put asunder *cyber hug*

  130. bongi on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:43 pm 

    Your hubby must respond to the same email and set the record straight..((hugs you)) go down on your knees and ask ophezulu to assist in this matter.

  131. Vesa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:44 pm 

    The chick sent those pictures and an email saying they are together to his whole contact list including his family and my friends and that is why hubby confessed and said thats why he couldnt touch me because he felt so guilty and it was making him sick. So, I am not sure exactly what happened.
    The things we do to one another as women? SMH

    It’s a hard one…..I wouldn’t know who to believe in this.

  132. LadyM on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:45 pm 

    wena Wildy why ke go missa mara? mxm. and o rata go no disappeara fela mo space(ing)

  133. Nthoentle on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:46 pm 

    Oh @Wildy! Now u made me cry! I’d literally go mad ka thoma go topela di pampiri mo fase kea go botja. Homotjena nana, go tseba Modimo fela why He took away your angel. :-( :-(

    @Kusi-nana askies hey, stay strong and pray.

  134. Kusihlwa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:47 pm 

    I should have listened to JG and RICA’d my man :-(

  135. Vesa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:49 pm 

    The chick calls me and swears at me and says I caused her emotional pain, what did I do? I feeel like I am going mad.

    If all else fails, we resort to attacking the poor woman! nc nc nc

  136. Kusihlwa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:49 pm 

    @Vesa, that is exactly how I feel, because that is hubby’s story and I have no other side to listen to as tikiline is a tramp.

  137. manny on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:53 pm 

    HALLO NTHOENTLE….EISH BUDDIES KGALE KELE HOPOTSE NEH..
    HARDE WILD….
    I always say Jehoa onka palesa tse ntle …rona basetseng we should worry

  138. Nthoentle on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:55 pm 

    Hahahaha @Kusi-Ricaring her man, I’m not laughing at u just at what u said.

  139. Nerlee on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:56 pm 

    @Kusi you know the man you got married to, why would you believe intombi ongayazi over your man? unless you can feel/sense there is more to it than what he is saying. Women are evil & most of them(jezabels) would do anything to hurt another woman, AND PRAY WOMAN PRAY!

  140. manny on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:57 pm 

    eish kusi inzima le eyakho

  141. Biskiti on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 3:57 pm 

    Manny ngizwile bathi iTwitter ke playground ya sathane so azang ka e entertaina, i’m not there bandla :(

  142. sexymm on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 4:02 pm 

    Kusi,awuna-private mail,if you do please send it to me sisi,sizokhuluma.

  143. Nthoentle on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 4:08 pm 

    Dumela @Manny! *big smile*

  144. Kusihlwa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 4:26 pm 

    @sexym, I do please send me an email on mateebaby@yahoo.com and I will respond.

  145. MamaWaYaone on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 4:29 pm 

    @LadyM…we spoke about marriage,kids and the works.To this day,I do not know what went wrong.When you are raised in a born again Christian home,you are told that you should marry a born again man.The Christ who he believes in will stop him from hurting you.And then boom,he runs.I was with him for 4years,he started being dodgy in the 3rd year.rumour has it that his momma didnt want him to marry a girl with a child.and so our 4 great years were gone.but one thing i know is that childless girl will not make him as happy as i made him*cries*…i miss him though

  146. Kusihlwa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 4:30 pm 

    @manny, too much. Its like I went to bed with the man I have known for years and woke up nect to some one else that I do not know.

  147. Wild Island on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 4:36 pm 

    Khus my love…kunzima yebo but God will never give umthwalo ongeke ukhone ukuwuthwala..this is your cross and dont even think for once to let this little 20% get to you.For the mere fact yokuthi u huby confessed naye mara bekathuleleni all along shows he’s sorry abt this whole thing(but ke if kungenzekanga le mistake yama reboot or yini was he stil gonna tell cos manje indaba iphumile) either way..hang in there my angel and tell hi uyamthemba nomakunzima hlala sisi mara ke if uzwa ukuthi kuyashisa e khishini phuma cos there’s not pint in pleasing abanyabantu kanti kushawena uyi one behind closed doors…

    hang in ther my love support him (a friend of mine yena wathola i call frm HR ukuthi indoda yakhe was being sued for sexual harrasment ke hotel stuf) and he said yena azange enze niks wahlala sisi yaz and all is well today cos of ukuthembela ku nkulunkulu ur a full80%nana and after this i hope he will appreciate u more and not entertain anybody cos once beaten twice shy..dont even hold grudges just be supportive so he can proove his innocent if amanga then umanyora uzozveza nana and wena u’l be clean emehlweni kankulunkulu….HOLD ON OK…

    @MANNY..hau angithi wena ungu zumawethu nabo snap:)

  148. Cinnabon on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 4:41 pm 

    @Wildy…Love and Light to you…your angel will forever be a part of you…*HUGS*

    @Kusi…1st pray/meditate, then speak to your hubby honestly about your feelings…ask him how he would feel and deal, if the roles were reversed…Trust your instincts going forward.

    @Nthoentle…how’s your baby?

    @Miss Taboo…Thank you for sharing your emotions with us…You are closer than you think to finding inner-peace and true love.

  149. Wild Island on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 4:43 pm 

    Hi Nthoentle.LadyM,Manny…eish kunzima guys yaz abanye bakhalela ukuthi babalahla at least u have only yo self to move on with..thina abantwana,abuse,ukushonelwa weeee..mar i will never forgive him for bringing his girlfriend to our son’s funeral ngingazi nokuthi sengilahliwe amdraivisa imotoyam heeeeeee*claps99 times*…lerapele moruti oitse thank God for all the tribulations u go through cos u gro and they make u strong.hai

    *nee a smoke* sideeys lady M ..awemetu kenale stress lol

  150. Wild Island on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 4:55 pm 

    thanks Cinna…khus ube kahle sthandwa…bye all

  151. Monei on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 5:00 pm 

    @Kusi, i’m slotting u and ur hubby in my prayers. Work it out. with all u have. Sending love your way.

  152. Kusihlwa on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 5:13 pm 

    Thanks guys. I will do my best to fight but it hurts,even touching him hurt.

  153. Nthoentle on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 5:26 pm 

    @Cinnabon-my baby is good thanx for asking, gonna go bath him now

  154. DrDee on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 6:15 pm 

    @Kusi sorry was busy,but hope you see my response to you my cyber sister.
    1)Give thanx to God even in this difficult time.God allows such things to happen if there are lessons he needs you to learn.Trust me a few months from now you will be happy all this happened.
    2)Don’t give up on something so beautiful becoz of this other woman.She might have been a fling that is now bitter becoz she wanted more.
    3)Dear no makwapheni who is happy will ever do what she did,the e mail thing.If you are the other woman you don’t do something so stupid.This is just bitterness and spite.She wants to hurt both you and hubby.
    4)It is ok to be angry and to want answers but remember ur hubby is also hurting so timing is everything.
    5)Prayer,prayer,prayer,it helps put things into perspective.Whether hubby was just stupid or whether he is being set up.You are a strong and smart girl you will pull thru.Will pray for you.

  155. DrDee on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 6:20 pm 

    Another thing @kusi.When the girl calls you don’t listen to her or entertain her no matter how tempting this may be as she will make up things just to destroy ur self esteem.If you don’t mind is this gal also Shona?

  156. facebook on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 6:23 pm 

    Off topic:

    Things that make you go TJO:

    Foschini Group bought Fabiani for undisclosed amount.

  157. TheSushiQueen on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 6:39 pm 

    Why ele tjo??

  158. facebook on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 6:51 pm 

    @SushiQueen I say tjo coz the value of the brand will decrease, imo.

    Look at Uzzi after they merged with Truworths. Now we see every Tom, Dick or Harry ebetha ngoUzzi.

    I haven’t bought anything from Uzzi ever since.

    Anyway here is a link:

    http://www.businesslive.co.za/southafrica/sa_companies/2011/10/05/the-foschini-group-buys-luxury-men-s-brand-fabiani

  159. facebook on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 6:55 pm 

    Fabiani clothes will be available at Markham now

  160. Pule on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 7:04 pm 

    Out from SilentVille…..
    @Kusi, i am going to send you a private mail to the address you posted above.
    It is unrequested but i hope you do not mind.
    I would censor myself so much here that it won’t make sense,hence the mail.
    @MissAN,I hope you are doing well?You are such a fiesty character that i am certain none of the present job issues will hold you down.In my prayers.
    @MamaWaYaone,being a born again Christian is no insulation.Dodgy things happen even in Christian homes.At times even spiritualising relationships is used as a means to hurt loved ones.
    I tried matchmaking two friends and after dating for a year the guy left the girl after a silly argument.They were both born again and he tried spiritualising his actions.The truth was that his mother did not want him to marry from the girls tribe.
    The girl was so hurt and distraught.I have ceased to be friends with the guy ever since because the girl is one of my sweetest friends and i just could not accept the pain he caused her.
    Like i told that girl friend of mine,if you believe in God and have a relationship with him via Christ, then you must believe that every aspect of your life is in his hands and he will perfect all that concerns you.
    There is no one man for any woman.IT is okay to hurt but there comes a time when you just must move on and that time is now.
    You will find a lovely Christian man that would love you with your child and you will have a God blessed relationship and marriage.
    Just move on and remember that being a Christian would not stp the man/woman from hurting you.It is how much he/she lets Christ reign in the relationship that would stop him from hurting you.
    Whatever you do, when you love next time, love with all your heart.There is no other way.

    @WI,my thoughts and prayers are with you.May God continually comfort you even as you remember your loss.

    sorry for the essay.back to SilentVille……

  161. prettylicious on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 7:53 pm 

    @ kusi chances are hubby did sleep with her bt even if he did so what,are u gon let a tikiline get inbetween u and ur hubby, no, surely u hv invested a lot in this relationship , ths is only one of those humps u gon face in marriage bt u gota b strong, whatever u do just know tht ur hubby is nt an enemy here, I enemy yilentombazana. Can’t u c she cn feel ur presence that’s why she’s doing all these things to destroy ur relationship, I know its nt easy bt try to forgive ur husband

  162. kagisho on Wed, 5th Oct 2011 10:06 pm 

    Wow guys. So yet again we are labelling this other chic hey. So yena wa hlanya vele? And the hubby yena was forced into this affair and he couldnt help but be in it because…? This is sickening. If he did not want to be in this relationship he wouldnt be in it. its as easy as that. And dont get me started on him keeping this a secret until the email scandal.
    Anyway awesome article, I have never really been in love so i cannot relate in that plane, but i have lost a dear friend via him wanting more out of the relationship than i could provide, but all is well. Some things are not worth the heartache.

  163. Miranda on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 12:52 am 

    Tjo! It looks like every lady has cried for some jack out there…I mean this is like stats,,,99.9% of are more likely to cheat…I don’t wanna hear the sentence ‘Not all men cheat’,I mean even the brothers@church just wake up and decide to go marry someone else after a couple of years…Ayaya!Go rough.

    That whole ‘leaving room room dissapointment’ thing works yazi,It makes it easier to get over umuntu.The problem with me I think I leave 50% room for dissapointment-a bit too much,and I start asking my self questions like ‘when is he leaving,why am I not seeing the cheating signs?’ and this is a setting in my mind,applying to everyone I meet – # singleville-my hiding place until from all that…My friends who are in serious relationships always say ‘ You are going to need a guy at some point,or you will be miserable’ to which I answer with a ‘ hey lena,I dont have a second heart to give away,and go a swana I could get into a relationship now and be single four years later… I just dont wanna risk it now’….

  164. mzwelisto on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 12:54 am 

    This is Just too beautiful *teary eyes* Great Piece Ms Taboo. I still think Love is Shit!!! Can’t deal with a Broken heart shem!

  165. noma4 on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 1:46 am 

    Eish hle, what a beautiful piece

  166. manny on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 8:18 am 

    DU8MELANG ..TJOTJOTJO @WILD HE MADE ous tikiline drive your car to Bs funeral ?iyo im sure you wanted to stand up from matrass neh ?so what did u do ?

  167. Wild Island on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 9:22 am 

    morning
    @manny the day before kemokapile kastena cos he was not wanted mos only saw nana for the first time kamolekaseng friday morning oh well during church nadutse lenna(why akitsi nxa) lemmewahe le family tsarona kaofela kana ke ex husband motho okebuwang kaena then haretswa reyamabtleng ausi came out of nower atlomotshwara letsoho..i was fuming but i was in pain hey..my aunt abidisa metsi achesang heeeee haretshela mobu keheballa batshwarane and hugging each other for motho obasamotsebeng i got up kamatshela kamobu ka etsa dust engwe e strong and azange bakgutlela kohae cos metsi achesang nabaemetse heeeeeee yaz…
    Happy birthday my nana mommy misses u so much:)

  168. LadyM on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 9:48 am 

    @MamaWaYaone. Some things are blessings in disguise. I mean atleast he left before he married you. imagine if yol had tied the knot and then he did all these things? im not justifying his actions. On the contrary, i think he’s a coward and spineless. I mean how can he let his mother decide his future for him?
    Keep praying for him. and like Pule said, God will perfect that which concerns you. Four years is a long time indeed. Stay strong girl, i will keep you in my prayers

  169. LadyM on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 9:50 am 

    Wildy darly, askies for your loss hey. It cant be easy losing a child *cyber hugs*
    I wanna understand something. so the guy divorced you while preg or what? coz ore ne ba llela motho o ne ba sa motsebeng

  170. Mapakisha on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 10:13 am 

    Bathong @ Kusi, mphe foun number ya ngwanyana oo, o re tlwaela hampe. Wanting to ruin a perfect relationship ka manyala, o go tlwaela blind serious & the lil tramp has the nerve to call you & tell you o mo bakela emotional watwat? mxm.

  171. Mapakisha on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 10:16 am 

    @WI, ma luv, be happy & celebrate the life(even if it was brief) of your lil angel. Hope ur good:)

  172. Fezzy on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 10:36 am 

    @Kusi..I think hubby slept with this tikiline and had to tell cos bese abona ukuthi indaba izofika kuwe.
    I simple lento, u hubby must take u to this gal and tell her straight that he doesnt love her uthanda wena and she must leave u guys alone!
    Hhayi amadoda kodwa!

  173. Wild Island on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 10:45 am 

    ao Fezzy yaz asimyekeni i decision eyakhe at the end of the day:(

    Thanks pakzin u know i was fuming kere khus must giv me namba eo lenna kemobontshe bo stratmeiti bojwang sheeee

    @Lady..we had a mis understanding and i left and went home keilothola ngwana (setswetse) then he rocked up lemotho oo.azange atla atlommona ha a hlaha wa andastendajanong

  174. LadyM on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 12:02 pm 

    oh i understand now. O be strong and take joy in the fact that you still have a daughter…yes nothing can replace ngwana o hlokofetsing mara wangthola mos.
    what happened if i may ask? to your son who passed

  175. Wild Island on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 12:09 pm 

    Cot death(sudden passing in his sleep) my dear..its common mobana ba btw 0-6months..google otlabona di stats are high all over the world

  176. LadyM on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 12:32 pm 

    oh i know SIDS. its a terrible death :(

  177. Kusihlwa on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 2:10 pm 

    Hey guys, sorry for the silence, I have been busy, those who sent me mail I will respond soon I promise. I dont think or believe that hubby slpet with this chick after we talked yesterday and he told me the whole truth and I believe him so I am moving on and repairing mu marriage. Thanks for the love and the encouragement

  178. Kusihlwa on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 2:24 pm 

    @Pule, did you send the email because I did not get it.

  179. Biskiti on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 2:55 pm 

    Amen Kusi. I’m happy that things are making sense for you now and that you are putting in the effort to repair your marriage. And Best Wishes in that regard hle.

    Wildy, my Condolences again. Eish, i don’t know how to say this, but even though i feel for your pain, i can’t help but laugh at how you relay your stories, kore i imagine everything you say and conclude that you are one crazy chick…lol. I can imagine the DRAMA that is Wild Island…lol.

  180. Ms Diva on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 3:18 pm 

    Eish ja hey.such topics make you expose your heart. well mna i’m a sucker for love i live for love i love loving but has always been okay with letting people go. If you wanna walk i just let you walk until i met this one guy. “The one”. ive never felt the way that guy made me feel even today my heart is still hoping one day we will be happily together again and the last we were together was 3 months ago cause all we do is break up and make up.( for the past 3 years) i think about him every day but the nice thing about me is though in my heart i knw i still think only him is “the one” i’m able to be with someone else happily and yes lovingly but knowing he just will never be my “The one”

    i listened to TD jakes ‘s DVD on women nurturing pain. He says we are wired, we are created like that , we just can’t help ourselves but nurture pain because we women. he makes biblical ref of this, and also tho he does not get us ,i mean why hold on to some one who left you years ago but he says i guess its being women.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrJ2rsKvJU0

    link to a part of the message

  181. sliqdiva on Thu, 6th Oct 2011 3:22 pm 

    Bn der dne dat kda esami sohlukile istory paid sweet revenge on him. Dated hm 4 few mnths nigga took my virginity, he ws da perfect bf kanti angiyazi indaba while i ws in a rltnshp wt hm nigga gt a gal preggie lobola”d her. He started them dissappearing acts wanyamalala, ignored my fne calls until he changed hs no”s. TJO da way i use to cry all day, everyday nver dated for a yr. Nigga came bck askn 4 4gveness. Tld hm in order 4 me to c he ws serious azovela ekhaya(acele), Nigga did dat nd more(wenza ezibukwayo)while in ts process of lobolaring i’m pretending to b da sweetest luving gf, i ws def over him when the neg were over nd everytng dne.Ngabukisa ngaye partied lke crazy jst to drive hm crazy ezwe ubuhlungu, nver gave him my attention until he gve up on me nd went bck to bby mama. i’m happily in a relatnship ryt nw nd he keep clln me askn me bck ngenke anginuke shame ngiqedile ngaye.

  182. Botshelo on Fri, 7th Oct 2011 9:04 am 

    When you are raised in a born again Christian home,you are told that you should marry a born again man

    @ mamaYaone and you will find one man, who after God’s own heart who will love you, worship and adore you and your baby.
    that one, mo lebale. cry and after you are all sried out, move on. you have moved from a stage of princes, your king awaits dear.

  183. Biskiti on Fri, 7th Oct 2011 9:34 am 

    Nothing grates my balls like mxit language on a decent site like Just Curious bandla>>YHOOO, deathby…lol

  184. Botshelo on Fri, 7th Oct 2011 11:16 am 

    @sliqdiva….why are you saving characters dear? use proper language, we have characters in abundance.

  185. dejane on Sat, 8th Oct 2011 5:51 am 

    .

  186. sliqdiva on Sun, 9th Oct 2011 4:33 pm 

    Askies bo daliza if I read da rules nd regulation of posting a comment on jc ngabe azange, nxt tym bo swirath bami

  187. Wild Island on Mon, 10th Oct 2011 3:16 pm 

    @Biskiti….its ok my dear…trust me my voice and looks ne okatshoha cos nna ke sweet konyana jwang lol…DRAMAQUEEN..:) bebuwa the way kengolang kateng…

    @khus..Thank God my dear and sizophela le storm my lov yezwa..
    @sliqdiva…i hear u mara ke qedelela kahle hau sthando

  188. Nalizo on Thu, 13th Oct 2011 6:27 pm 

    Eish Miss Taboo….why mara he? Crying and missing someone.

  189. LittleFifi on Thu, 20th Oct 2011 8:26 am 

    my boyfriend recently broke up with me,and everyday since i have cried myself to sleep and woken up with tears in my eyes. thought that i was being pathetic till i read this post and realised it is completly normal to feel for someone the way that i do. so much of what is said here is exactly hw i feel. thank you for sharing this!

  190. MsTeee on Fri, 21st Oct 2011 9:49 am 

    *deepest sigh*

  191. Lex on Mon, 24th Oct 2011 8:56 pm 

    Ya ne,the things we go through… I also remember how I used to cry myself to sleep over a man;I lost so much weight even my parents started getting worried. The fact that brotha man and I worked in the same building also did not help. When he saw how skinny I had become he said ‘snap out of it’. He-he,I couldn’t blv that this sweet guy whom I loved with all that I was had said that to me,shem but I did snap out of it and brotha is now following me around like a puppy wanting to feed. I told him to his face that the day I get back together with him is the day I’d be ‘fra’. And he says he doesn’t care coz yena he still loves me. Haai!

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