Chronicles Of Ms Taboo: The Art Of Goodbye

November 8, 2011 by  

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This past week I’ve said goodbye to two of my trusted friends who left South Africa in search of greener pastures. The one immigrated with his partner to New Zealand, to start a whole new life from scratch, and the other is on an adventure in Miami for the next six months. I got to spend quality time with both my friends before they jetted off, reminisced about the good old days, sat half in tears laughing at the shit we used to catch on, taking me back more than 10 years.

It’s memories like these that remind you that the best of friends don’t have to be in each other’s faces all the time, and that at some point your hearts meet, and that is enough. But saying goodbye to these two very dear friends got me thinking about goodbye, and how you say that without being overwhelmed with emotion. When I say this, I refer specifically to the fact that tomorrow is not promised, and what if something happens between now and the next time we planned to meet…

It’s like, I always feel like I need to say everything I want and need to for fear that we won’t see another day but this is much like life. When you go to sleep at night, what if you didn’t wake in the morning? What if you had one last day with your family and friends and didn’t even know it? When someone dies unexpectedly the most common phrase used is “I didn’t get to say goodbye”. So how exactly do you do that in no uncertain terms?

We are so caught up in our own worlds; our insanely crazy lives that we tend to neglect those closest to us. I myself am guilty of this. I sometimes believe that the people in my life will live forever and that I will make the time for them when I have some time available; that I will never have to utter that heartbreaking “Goodbye” knowing I will never see them again, or hear their voice.

But life really does have its own plan. And I’m bad at saying goodbye. I’m bad at anything that provokes my emotions. I cry because I can never seem to find the words to say what’s on my mind and least of all in my heart, and the only way I can let out what the very core of my emotions is trying to express is through the tears running down my face. Maybe you think I’m sad all the time and that’s where you’re wrong.

Not all my tears are filled with sadness. Like I’m genuinely happy for the brave paths my friends have chosen to walk. And my tears are happy tears because I only want the best for them, but where the sadness creeps in is what if that goodbye was forever?

And there’s so much more to “Goodbye”, like bidding farewell to a hope, a dream, even a promise you feel was worth going after. That farewell in our lives can vary in duration and intensity. It can break you down and build you back up both at the same time. It could leave you lonely, helpless in a sense, or it can strengthen you to walk that path on your own; content. It also has the ability to numb you. And this is probably the saddest of these emotions, but the realest.

As we’re headed towards the end of another calendar year, I find myself especially emotional about the path I’ve walked; the friendships I’ve let go of, the ones I’ve rekindled, the new additions and the value they bring into my life. I find myself lying in bed night after night not dwelling on the past but remembering what all I had to go through to get here. I think about the family and friends we’ve had to bury, the ones we’ve had to kiss goodbye and wish well on their life’s journey. I also think about the love lost; something the last year of my life was been filled with. And in all of these spheres of my life the most common factor binding it together is the art of “Goodbye”.

But is there really an art to this? We can toughen ourselves up, play hard ball and pretend that the goodbye doesn’t hurt. That it’s merely this natural thing in life. Or we could place ourselves in the middle of this hurricane filled with the rawest of emotions and allow ourselves to feel every bit of it, with the hope that we will come out stronger. How you deal with it is all up to you. I sat with my legs crossed right in the middle of Hurricane Heartbreak. And I live to see another day.

Now I want to celebrate the good times; the good times with the good people who have played the leading roles in my life. In true random fashion, my friends can vouch that I sometimes send my most heartfelt messages just because, out of the blue, to remind them in case they forgot. You can never tell someone enough how much they mean to you. And rather be random now than wishing you had at a later stage.

And every chance I get I will remind them, as I’ve always done, how valuable their presence in my life is, so in the case that tomorrow is not promised, there’s not a doubt in their minds. And maybe THIS is my art of “Goodbye”.

By Myrna Burgess

@MsTaboo

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Comments

39 Comments on "Chronicles Of Ms Taboo: The Art Of Goodbye"

  1. noma4 on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 12:41 am 

    Wow hle eish, 2011 has been the best year for me. So many memories, friends, adventures and heartbreak. sadly I will be leaving P.E to go back home for about 2 months. some of my friends are not coming back here next year so I will probably never see them again eish Goodbyes are hard shem, what great read.

  2. Sweet-Ash on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 7:44 am 

    I am not good at saying goodbyes at all. I just cry though I know it won’t fix things. I think I will borrow your art of saying goodbye, maybe it will work much better.

  3. unpluggedchickitay on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 8:15 am 

    Wow! Your articles always make me choke up, coz I can relate so much, so so much. This one though, had me bawling.

    Goodbye is the most difficult thing in life, alas, we have to do it time and again as life is made up of seasons and no season is permanent

    I’m not good with goodbyes either. I’m away from home during the week, trying to make ends meet. I can’t get used to bidding my daughter and parents farewell every sunday, it depresses me each time. This year alone I had to let go of a lot of people and things; 4 days ago, the love of my life and I parted ways, leaving me shattered to the core. A friend was shot dead by her boyfriend, a couple of months back – another goodbye. I hate goodbyes, don’t understand them, never will

    Great article Ms Taboo

  4. RexonaABC on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 8:50 am 

    eish good byes are so painful, and i’ve been going through them a lot in the past 11 yrs, but then it’s life, nothing lasts forever, even us are gonna die one day.

  5. freckles on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 8:58 am 

    I’m yet to witness Miss Taboo not starting her articles with:

    I remember 10 years ago blablablah. In the 90′s blablah. I’m reminiscing about 16 years ago blablah.

    *sleeps**

  6. coolcaz on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 9:33 am 

    Eish!! Goodbyas neh! Hectic. Mara mna am always prepared when it comes to heart matters, just lost a friend to death.ja that was the most emotional one.

  7. Mapakisha on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 9:36 am 

    Nice read Ms Taboo

    My way of dealing with goodbyes is just being ready & waiting for it, in any kinda relationship. I’ve learned that no one will be in our lives forever, no matter how close ya’ll are or how much you trust them or they you. In time something better comes along, priorities change & we drift apart.

    The only Goodbye I can’t seem to get used to is by DEATH. It always leaves one feeling horrific no matter what.

    The people that are in your life now are meant to be, cherish them & treat them as well as they do you. As soon as they leave, be glad you met them & they made you smile even if it was once. But let go & focus on the ones around you now so they may also get to know the great person that you are fully.

  8. Jahara on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 11:37 am 

    There are people im always prepared to say goodbye to. & there are people i will never say goodbye to.

    Those that im always up for ”so long” to are friends,lovers,etc. In my mind,those people arent attached to me,they are here for a reason & as soon as that reason is realised & they or i choose to leave eventually…adieu… Im content enough to let go & pave way for greater things in my life.

    Now…i will never say goodbye to departed family…never! Those are the people who heard my 1st words,saw my 1st steps,& others whom i heard their 1st words & saw their 1st steps. To me they didnt choose to leave,it was beyond their control(death),so then,tell me how can i say g’bye? & no i dont harbour any pain for their departure,but i just cant say g’bye…in a bitter-sweet kinda way…they will forever be in my heart….FOREVER…
    *wipes a tear through a smile*
    *plays Mariah Carey’s ”BYE BYE”*

  9. BlindFold on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 11:53 am 

    @Jahara are u talking about your ancestors???

  10. Kiki on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 12:26 pm 

    I hate goodbyes. #PERIOD

    Sometimes I find it even difficult to say goodbye to my loved one even though i know I will see them tomorrow. Or even saying goodbye to my lil gal when i drop her off at school in the morning or when i am going away. I just hate it or maybe i am just being paranoid. I always feel like I might not see that person ever again. This life we are living is not ours. That shit scares me.

  11. Bee_Mo on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 1:07 pm 

    I have never had a problem with GOODBYE’S because i figure if its out last goodbye atleast I bid you farewell and it will hurt but its closure. I never leave without a goodbye. The recent goodbye that i did though i regret terrible because i remember when I said Goodbye the person said”Goodbye? Wow that seems like forever” and its proving to be that because I miss him everysingle *sigh*

    Now that is the Goodbye that i Regret
    :-(

  12. Jahara on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 1:55 pm 

    @Blindfold im talkin about my family,young & old,who have departed. Now,if my memory serves me well,ancestors are the old departed people from which we descend,some of which we have never seen or we dont know. Nna im talkin about ”YOUNG & OLD” people & only those i knew & saw.

    So if this brings curiosity as to do i ”worship” ancestors or whatever its called,i dont. Ene legone im not the only one who mentioned death,@mapakisha did as well,so whatz ur case?

  13. FentseStar on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 2:19 pm 

    Reads this while listening to Final Goodbye by Rihanna *in tears*

  14. BlindFold on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 2:25 pm 

    @Jahara aa my dear i was just curious akere!

  15. Jahara on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 3:09 pm 

    @Blindfold ok! But ur question with triple ‘???’…makes one wonder…u must have soo curious,if i were a cat ud be an ancestor urself by now…tltltltltltl

  16. sxylin on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 3:11 pm 

    hawu Jahara its not like you to be so defensive; Goodbye deepsigh*

  17. Jahara on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 3:11 pm 

    meant…u must have been soo curious,if U were a cat ud be an ancestor…

  18. Jahara on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 3:15 pm 

    @Sxylin…lol. The old Jahara is gone,out of the window. Since i was grilled here…no more…

  19. BlindFold on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 3:23 pm 

    @Jahara listen here my dear you do not have to be so nasty that is not you all, there is no harm in me asking if you believe in ancestry or no. You could have said yes or no. And me being a cat ancestor what what, please mannyeo sit down and take a deep breath, i had often asked you question on your previous stories and you would answer yes or no, so assseblief tog!

  20. BlindFold on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 3:26 pm 

    @Jahara and if you must know, my clan animal is a cat but obviously you dont believe in that as well, hence my curiousity. Thank you very much sisi..

  21. coolcaz on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 3:34 pm 

    This is not Jahara. This is someone pretending to be Jahara

  22. Jahara on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 3:40 pm 

    ohooook @blindfold…now dont work up a sweat…me laughin at the end of my comment says im being humourous…haibo! If i were deadbeat serious i wouldnt have added ”tltltltltltltl” on my comment. That’s 1 thing u should observe. No hard feelings mmanyewu…tltltltl,so lets both sit down.

    On a very lighter note….now iv never heard people sayin a cat is their clan animal….yoh,u the 1st i ever heard…arent u scared of cats though @blindfold? I heard that if people are mostly scared of their clan animals…hence ka setswana gote ”ke bina tshwene”,bina meaning ”scared of”.

    Nna ke bina tlou…(my clan animal is an elephant),so u know the nature of an elephant…it never forgets…it takes revenge on things that happened in 19voetsek.

    Truce @blindfold? *smile*

  23. BlindFold on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 3:47 pm 

    @Jahara Tuce my dear, i am not scared of a cat i just dont like it at all. My clan name Ke Mosia.

  24. Dddivo on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 4:01 pm 

    I can never get used to goodbye…I lost my father 2 a car accident when I was about 8…I’ve been depressed ever since…like I’m still askin myself if God loved me sooo much…why would he take away my superman..my hero

    Ever since then..I can never get close to a person..ever…its a question of either way he’ll just die or leave..
    So no u can never find the good in goodbye…

  25. JustPS on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 4:07 pm 

    Kwaaaaaaaa@”Let’s both sit down”……

  26. Pana on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 4:09 pm 

    Mosia Motubatsi. just had to say that.
    Great article hle Ms Taboo, nna i can’t say goodbye period.
    with friends i think i can, like Jahara said it’s a bit difficult with family.

  27. JustPS on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 4:12 pm 

    *Sings in my best Celine Dion sad voice*….

    “….Goodbye’s the saddest word I’ll ever hear
    Goodbye’s the last time I will hold you near
    Someday you’ll say that word and I will cry
    It’ll break my heart to hear you say goodbye….”

  28. Jahara on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 4:14 pm 

    yoh…now im ashamed coz i dont even know my clan name…or is it the same as surname? If it is,u must be very brave to expose ur surname on a public domain such as this @blindfold…

  29. Wild Island on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 4:30 pm 

    Jahara…hows u my dear? hope ontse oetshwere hantle o phela hantle ngwana:)
    @Just oqadile watlayila lol..missed u too..

  30. JustPS on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 4:54 pm 

    Auww @Wildy yazi you were really missed la ekhaya,your mlungu’s must never ever try to block you again shame……lol. Welcome back!

  31. Monei on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 5:02 pm 

    happy belated @Blindfold.

  32. sxylin on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 5:31 pm 

    OMG @Blind Fold and i was chatting to you all day izolo kanti its your bday *big hugs* Be blessed i hope you had such a beautiful day

  33. SpongeBob on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 6:02 pm 

    Eish!! A goodbye pulled me back from insanity. When I lost my brother who was my best friend & protector for the rest of my life through a stabbing, I just couldn’t deal with it. I was so torn, I never hurt like EVER before. Kept questioning why he never said goodbye to me, as ppl were saying he said & did things like he knew he was on his last days. It was until I dreamed of him, telling me to cancel the plans we had because he was going away. He said GOODBYE. He gave me a hug & told me how much I meant to him that I felt better. So that goodbye saved my life (I think)a

  34. Jahara on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 7:21 pm 

    hi @WI!! Missed u too…hope o shap
    Let me also wish @Blindfold a belated bday…o gole o lekane le tlou babe.

  35. Letebele on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 8:34 pm 

    Why did I never read this mare? Well,better late than never.

    This is truly a well written piece.

    Goodbye’s ne? Eish,saying goodbye to friends is not such a biggie,when they walk out of my life. I can make other friends.

    But I hate saying goodbye to family. Especially when I go visit my grandma,I always postpone leaving coz I know its gonna be a while before I see her again.

    As for saying bye-bye to departed,now that I just can’t dzeal shem. Unfortunately I always see death of loved ones before they leave this side of life. I guess that kinda prepares me but it doesn’t make things easier. Knowing I won’t see them again is the most painful thing ever.

    Before I lost my paternal grandma,I dreamt she was sick. That weekend I decided to go home only to find that she was admitted to hospital on the morning after the dream. That Saturday we went to see her and when visiting time was up,I just couldn’t leave. Something inside of me told me I’d never be able to talk to her again,hear her voice,touch her,kiss her like I always did when I got home. When I finally let go of her hand,I cried all the way home coz I knew that was it. The next day when I got the news that she had passed on,I felt my heart beating so softly,felt like I couldn’t breathe. 5yrs later and I still cry just thinking about her*wipes tears off* I got to say goodbye to her but it still hurts like hell.

  36. LadyMillion on Wed, 9th Nov 2011 11:05 pm 

    i had a boyfriend,we were very close.he passed on and i didnt want to go to his funeral..im happy with the decision i took because till this day when i think of him its happy memories and i feel if i had gone i would just b having visions of his coffin going down,all those people wearing black clothes and it would bring back all the sad feelings and tears i would have had that day!

    Just couldn’t say goodbye

  37. BlindFold on Thu, 10th Nov 2011 7:39 am 

    Morning Batho kaofela

    Thank you to each and every one of you for your birthday messages, i had a wonderful day. Thank you once more.

  38. Nkey.. on Thu, 10th Nov 2011 9:53 am 

    Happy belated @ Blindfolder.Im happy you enjoyed your day

    Lolest!!! I had a good lol…y’all finisheme Jahara le blindfolder Bo mannyeo Kwaaaaaaaaa

    @ Lady million I did’nt attend my Dad’s funeral for the same reason and no one could understand.Im also not regreting @ all.

  39. BlindFold on Thu, 10th Nov 2011 10:24 am 

    @Nkey thank you dear, akere jwale @Jahara she is now protective of herself, because of what happened in the past la ekhaya.

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