Random Thoughts About Relationships
February 21, 2012 by MaBlerh
It has been a while since I wrote on this topic and it seems to be the topic of discussion on social networks and even radio stations these days, I’m not sure whether it is because it is the month of love and that people are generally unhappy when it comes to this department. I have noticed that we are a generation that has a very bitter and cynical attitude towards relationships and part of it is due to the fact that a lot of us were raised by single parents who we had the displeasure of watching as they struggle on the quest for love. Because of this, a lot of us do not have a clear indication of what it means to be in a relationship. However there are other reasons why people are unsuccessful in this departments besides the aforementioned (which I aim to elaborate on).
Whenever I attend wedding, without fail, some elderly woman mentions that ‘emendweni kuyabekezelwa’. I have an issue that they direct this statement to women only because it is applicable to everyone and not in just marriage. We often make the mistake of longing for the fruits of a relationship and forget that a lot of hard work goes into it. We look at happy couples in public and aspire to it and believe that it is like that all the time. People flock into relationships, relish the butterflies at the beginning whilst the two parties are still in excitement about being with each other. The next phase is you actually having to deal with the person in the absence of the euphoria of lust and excitement; this is when most people ask to get off the next stop. We assume that for love to feel right, it must be like how it is at the beginning forever.
Another mistake that most people make is falling for the sales representative that you meet at the beginning stages of a relationship. Somehow the idea of finding Mr/Miss right clouds your judgement and leads you accepting that the sales rep is the real person. We all put our best foot forward to lure our mate and yet we are blind to the fact that the mate is doing the same. We get so surprised when the real person emerges forgetting we are also emerging in the other persons eyes.
Then there is the issue of dropping a R10 note for a R1 coin because it is shiny and intrigued compared to a piece of paper. Withstanding the value of that piece of paper being 10 times the value of the shiny coin. In life there will always be someone seemingly sexier and more alluring than the one you’re with. So much goes into a relationship and it is foolishness to drop everything just because something shinier just crossed your path. Chasing the next best thing leads to waking up past your prime and realising that you haven’t given yourself the opportunity to experience love. Love has been suing lust for identity theft for years. Love the one you’re with.
In the middle of a relationship we tend to reach a stage where we sit and make a mental list of the things that we put up with in our partners and completely ignore the fact that we are not perfect and our partners also have to deal with our crap. Those in long term relationships probably are there because they have gained the wisdom of understanding that tolerance is a two-way thing but above all that they know that the situation is pretty grim out there; people out there most probably have the kind of crap that you mind cannot even begin to comprehend. Love the one you’re with.
We are different people, we are friends and colleagues with all sorts of individuals. In those relationships, we learn to appreciate and utilise one another’s strengths. We learn to support each other when it comes to points of weakness. We forget to apply this to matters of love. We make the mistake of competing with one another even in avenues where we know we will clear come second best. This often leads to resentment and the scary part is, it normally hides behind other more prevalent issues that we never ever pin point the issue of unhealthy competition.
Relationships that last are the ones that outsiders don’t know much about. Your problems are for you and your partner. Even best friends do not need to know everything. You truly do not need to share intimate details about your personal life with people. I suggest if you need advice, go and see a therapist. At least they issue out carefully thought out and responsible advice and not words tainted by emotions in support of you (in most cases to buy your face). It is also crucial to understand that not everyone around you is for your relationship. People can be so cunning that they knowingly offer nicely wrapped but toxic advice and because you are blinded by emotions, you fail to see this.
Sex is an issue as well that leads to unhappiness and ultimately the failure of relationship. Upgrade yourself! Read! Do not be a one trick pony in bed. Throw some exotic spice into things now and again. Remember, what you’re not willing to do, someone else is willing, ready and able. Lick, nibble, suck, etc. His/her body is your oyster.
Lastly, we tend to take advantage of the fact that we have acquired each other. Yes, our eyes get used to our partners. We get to fart in each others presence. We get to see one another in the most unflattering of times. We get to smell each others morning breaths. Because of the aforementioned we neglect the fact that this is the same attractive adonis/goddess that we were attracted to at first glance and through that we also neglect the fact that other men/women out there still see that adonis/goddess. We need to constantly appreciate each other. Remind him/her that they are still the one. Trust me, it goes a long way.
By Mablerh
Noance on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 12:03 am
Nice one Mablehr. Such truth in this. Most people are inlove with the idea of a relationship and not the actual reationship! Relationships are work on their own and as much as u put extra hours in ur work,those extra hours are also needed in ur relationship! A relationship is not a cactus plant that can grown with no effort @ all.
lolington kwaaa on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 12:18 am
This >>>>>”Relationships that last are the ones that outsiders don’t know much about. Your problems are for you and your partner. Even best friends do not need to know everything. You truly do not need to share intimate details about your personal life with people.”Is how our relationship is run! And it’s best this way.
Nice article Blessing.
richmond on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 12:44 am
Im gonna keep this and use it one day when I am in a relationship.
LadyMillion on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 2:21 am
Just thinking about my relationship ngivele ngikhathale nje! I think nguMr Right shame but just not my Mr Right..like we fight every week,about this or that.its never been about a 3rd party though.Relatioships are toooo much work.sometimes it just feels like everyone else has the perfect relationship,its just me and him that are just not getting it right
Nerlee on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 4:21 am
So true Bless, especially the part about supporting each other, dealing with ur problems quietly-not involve jealous/ 2faced so called friends and keep the fire burning in the bedroom (my favorite) on that note guys do u know of any sexy shops (not online shops) that I can visit in Gauteng? Blessing’s blog has nothing to do with this, me and my person long talked about introducing toys in2 bedroom life.
I thank thee for my man, I’m blessed. I’m not in a perfect relationship but our overtime pays off. Consistency is also a secret to stress free relationship and ofcourse invite the 3rd party- GOD! My man can have his cone ice cream anywhere & anytime and he will still be my person, the warmth of his love is stronger than those who have their cone ice cream indoors. Grow into in2 urself, appreciate the small things in life, stop being judgmental, let ur partner be his own person, and stop trying to correct each little damn thing about ur partner- remember those are the things that make him HIM- love him with his flaws and all. I have a good man and I know I’m not the only one with one just that some of the ladies if not most fail to realize that.
Jahara on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 5:43 am
Yoh…@Nerlee…well put!!
U know,the 1st time i met Mo,he asked me what i need in a man,what characteristics should a man have to capture my heart. & i refused to answer that one,bcoz i didnt wanna end up being with someone who tries to live up to those characteristics & when reality sinks in he emerges into the real him.
I told him: just be urself,& allow me to be myself. Bcoz then we’d be able to see each other’s strengths,weaknesses,good & bad habits,attitudes,etc….then our hearts can be able to decide from there if we can be together & embrace each other’s flaws or not.
U know its love when u dont have to put on efforts for ur partner to love u. Love comes effortlessly,if only u can be urself & allow ur partner to be himself as well.
Hi everyone!
Love,
J
Jahara on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 5:45 am
@Mablerh…nice article bro.
Soso on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 6:04 am
Morning bloggers
Wow! Wht a beautiful, refreshing article to read on my 2 yr anniversary day.. Thnks Mablerh
snapshot on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 6:52 am
Nice article @Mablerh
When a relationship is right everything just fits automatically. You don’t have to struggle to put things into place.
Problem is we like comparing our relationships to friend’s relationships or Brooke & Rich’s. We want to mold our partners to what we want them to be- forgetting that there’s only one potter -God.
**Stars** on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 7:10 am
.Beautiful article
! In our society women are almost always expected to work harder to maintain their relationships. Forgetting that, without the other partner’s commitment, relationships become unbearable.
I have my “mr right 4 me”. He is not perfect, so am I. We both had previous bad experiences. In the beginning of our relationship we set out our expectations from one another (I must say its sometimes hard to maintain these but we try). One of those most important thing we agreed on was extreme communication, if there’s such a thing. We talk about anything and eVErything, even the most uncomfortable things. We had our fair share of problems yes (terrible ones even), but we are still going strong:-). We constantly remind each other why got together. Its been 3 years and the basics are still the same as when we met: I still receive those morning calls, we still exchange those naughty msgs during the day, a day can’t go by without expressing our feelings to one another.
Well, you get used to putting in some effort, it eventually becomes effortless.
**Stars** on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 7:15 am
Yoh! Long comment. Well, The basics are still the same but we’re spontaneous.
lolo on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 7:25 am
@Mablerh if I had not given up blogging I was gonna say that the article is clear, crisp with a lucid message, but since I’m silent blogging…imma just nod in quiet approval.
lolington kwaaa on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 8:44 am
Hahahahahahahahaha!!! @lolo, I’m glad you are winning in this silent blogging thing, it shows.
@star, I sooo agree with you. Changing the basis of the relationship out of the blue nje, one person stops replying to msgz, one of you stops calling usually means there’s a problem or the true colours are coming out. I’m glad you guys are maintaning it and keeping it sweet like that.
And batho must stop comparing their relationship ti other people. Yes you can use other people’s relationship as a point of reference when you suspect that your partner is really treating you bad.
Nerlee on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 8:48 am
High 5 @Jahara
nana on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 9:10 am
Nice article Blessing! Soo true.
Lolo u remind me of Charlie Sheen when he believed he had quit drinking because he was only drinking beer. LOL
Zothile on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 9:52 am
Wow! What an article, I find myself in deep thought right now. Just what I needed, thank you.
Pule on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 10:03 am
*Love has been suing lust for identity theft for years. Love the one you’re with.*
*In life there will always be someone seemingly sexier and more alluring than the one you’re with.*
Take a bow, son!!! Words of wisdom you have up there.
lolo on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 10:36 am
@Nana tsek wena! Actually that is not the only thing I have in common with Charlie Sheen, the both of us have been with lots of woman.
Vesa on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 10:42 am
Nice one Mabler…..nice one!!!
Relationships that last are the ones that outsiders don’t know much about…….noted
nana on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 11:34 am
Lmao @Lolo..you two must be sharing notes.
shortT on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 12:16 pm
Just what i needed to hear, thanks Blessings.
capribabe on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 1:04 pm
Nice one MaBlerh, the truth in this article!!!
H2G on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 3:03 pm
Yah ne… *ku’tough nyan* …Amen Mfundisi wezo’Thando aka Dr. Love
FunLover on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 4:43 pm
I love love love this article. Thank you for the reminder Blessing for us to love the ones we are with!
Nalizo on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 5:30 pm
Ku tough shem,that’s all I can say.
Mna nje I think I’m not a relationship person cause its either I’m too understanding,or I’m too selfish…..I just can’t seem to find the balance *shrug*
richmond on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 7:09 pm
Wow! For the first time no one has anything negative to say towards Mablerh. Halala!
Ophezulu on Wed, 22nd Feb 2012 10:03 pm
Wow beautiful piece indeed, u see what happens when u write from the heart and not from the mind(Ego).
All I can say is that I am blessed to have the woman I have in my life as my wife.
RexonaABC on Sun, 26th Feb 2012 3:51 pm
Nice one Mablerh. True that, friends and family do not forgive, once one says something bad about bf/gf, even after two people have fixed it, friends will always remind you.
Being in a relationship is like a full time job, it requires extra effort all the time.