Before Being Convicted
Before you convict me of being an ASSHOLE, may I state my case?
*Sarcastic theme song – make you feel my love by Adele*
Thank you so much for labeling me the devil, and accusing me of enjoying hurting women. This is a case of acting in honesty yet landed me in a mess, relationship after relationship I am seen dragging their hearts all over the ground. As my friend said, maybe with time it will get better. Let us hope so, on the other hand, I have asked myself if I am really an asshole, or is all of this accusation or assumption? Is it fair to say I am a victim of women who refuse to accept responsibility for hurting themselves? Am I being defensive? I will allow you to be judge of this.
Indeed listening is a skill, pity emotions are a barrier of effective listening, and I do recall stating I am not relationship material. Yet impatience drove you to rush to be in a relationship, in a rush to have someone you can claim as your own. While hypnotized by my arms, eyes, lips, and maturity. With every word I uttered, you screamed, “shut up, hold me, and kiss me”. By acknowledging the harsh reality, that I am not relationship material would ruin your fantasy, as the relationship progressed, I further reminded you of everything that would break us up. The thing is that, women “hope” too much, did you hope I would change, or you would change me? Always remember these words, “falling in love is not a choice, being in a relationship is a co-choice, change of character or conduct is a personal choice”.
The ‘hope approach’ in relationships has caused major heartaches and break ups; how is replacing effort with hope beneficial? Why have you chosen this hope approach, is being single that scary, that you rather hope things will out? I remember when I approached you, we had a fantastic conversation, I was so happy I thought you were different. Guess I was lying to myself, but I did not, you lied to me, our conversation pointed out many similarities, you even agreed with me that women are ignorant of the truth. They push the heart’s agenda and then act like victims when things go sour, It is better to practice what you preach, it seems better than shifting blame or am I wrong?
Did I really hurt you? Did I not warn you? Did you not allow hope make you ignore reality? I have got to a point where I think women love being hurt, to be correct, hurting themselves. She said I was not the only one who was making a move on her, but she chose me. I wonder if she chose me because I told her that I do not want a relationship. Did she fall for me because I did not try to impress her by taking her out? With that said and done, who is to blame for the choice you made? Am I to blame because you caught feelings and you insisted to date me? Today, your sisters and friends know me as the ungrateful heartless heartbreaker, without knowing the truth. Fair enough, I was wrong to an extent for allowing us to date even though I told you what I am. However, you told me that you could handle someone of my nature. I guess I was caught up in the hype; reality hit me hard when the honeymoon phase came to a halt. The relationship was not what I signed up for, I had to leave, and unlike you, I did not ignore reality. The day you realize that, everything was and is not about you, you will understand that I am hurt too. There would be no need to play the victim card, if you did not believe the idea that love makes everything perfect, at times love is not everything in a relationship, While we lack a better communication…
Constructive communication is what most women lack, suprising how this is possible while women talk a lot. As I mentioned women hope too much, they mostly avoid raising sensitive issues in a relationship’s because they scared to trigger a fight so hectic it might lead to a break up. Women are aware of many things and are very smart. Yet emotions either blind their judgement and/or control their actions, they bottle things up, which hurts less compared to an argument or a break up. When I met you, we both agreed communication was important in any relationship. However, the longer we dated, the more silent you went. I thought you were a modern woman, what is with the tolerance and silence? I say “futsek” you laugh it off and act as if I am joking while you know I mean it. If only I had forced us to talk instead of playing along to your avoidance tactics, guess I assumed you could handle such.
Maybe I deserve what I am going through right now, yes, I am hurt. How did I allow myself to fall in love knowing I was not planning to be with you forever? I remember that day, when I went deep into thought, I asked myself, “why am I in this relationship?” I came to the realization that even though you may have all the traits I want in a woman, the timing is wrong. We both knew this day would come, typical of human beings blame is always redirected when things go wrong. From the word go, I did not hide anything from you, I told you the harsh truth. Today, you have the guts to tell everyone how much of a dog I am, however before the breakup, you overlooked my apparent dog behavior without hesitation.
The truth is the truth whether raw or censored, relationships and its participants are not realistic; this applies during, and after a relationship. There is a lot of confusion and fewer platforms for relationship technical issues to be addressed in the most honest manner, without adhering to fairytale standards of what a relationship should be. I have spoken, created the platform; the rest is up to you -
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Heartbreakers and victims, share your thoughts and experiences
By By Shitshembiso Mabasa , @FanaThePurp
Facebook ‘Fana the Purp” & www.fanathepurp.blogspot.com