Our Insecurities Are a Reflection of Our Own Guilt

April 24, 2012 by  

I tend to do a whole lot of thinking which doesn’t mean anything really, but I find it to be very therapeutic, in the sense that my mind just wonders and comes to these crazy (what I consider amazing) conclusions, and brilliant ideas… These are just thoughts, and for some reason, I may skip a hurdle and ramble on about nothing but the aim of me writing this is to connect, with you, and your inner-self. If I confuse you, I apologise in advance, hope you make sense of what it is I am trying to say. Here is nothing:
What do I mean by ‘Our Insecurities Are a Reflection of Our Own Guilt’?
It is simple, although it may not seem simple: We fear what we know; we fear our capacity in its entirety. This thought is applicable to most things, if not everything, in our lives. Our daily, personal, work life. What I mean by fear, is that, we are afraid of certain situations which make us insecure because of our own guilt and understanding of the reality of the situations, and consequences.
Ever had this crazy feeling that your partner is cheating on you based on discrepancies in their texts, the time intervals taken to reply, ‘awkward’ responses, etc? At the same time is that thought not justified by the fact that you have been in your partners shoes, in the same scenario, and you actually did cheat? You keep thinking about the loop-holes and ‘things’ to look our for, because you think to yourself, “Hey, I’ve played this role before. And I know how it feels to be the person on the other end”. It must suck to be tasting your own medicine, right?
I just feel, that, to an extent, our insecurities are a reflection of our own guilt. We match our capacity to do bad things with the capacity of other people, in the same way we do with good things. We tend to view the world and its crazy predicaments through the lenses of our own scope, and analyse from our own back yards, listening to our own music. Most of the thoughts we have about betrayal, loyalty, honesty and forgiveness are thought from a personal standpoint – with the simple question: “If I can Do That, Then Why Can’t (S)/He Do That? What Makes Her/Him Any Different From Me?”.
If you have never been on the wrong end of the stick in a relationship, then your thoughts will reflect it. If you have never  cheated on or lied to someone, then you will find every reason to justify one’s behaviour before concluding that you are a victim. However, if you know that you have been wrong in situations where they may be chances of you suffering fool gladly, to someone, then you will look at the situation from the angle of you being a perpertrator and working from that point of view.
It’s crazy, but I think it has some sort of truth to it.
By Rati Jude Mmolawa
Twitter: @Judedadon

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Comments

14 Comments on "Our Insecurities Are a Reflection of Our Own Guilt"

  1. golden diva on Tue, 24th Apr 2012 2:17 am 

    This is soo well written I had to read twice! My two cents: That’s where the ‘save room for disappointment’ logic comes in for all the naïve people.

  2. RexonaABC on Tue, 24th Apr 2012 4:44 am 

    LOL, I can relate to this. That moment when you see a hunk passing by, I’m like ohh my G, then a thought of my partner being blown away by another hottie crosses my mind. Like G.Diva say leave a room for disappointment, and if he is not the one, there is gonna be another him.

  3. sxylin on Tue, 24th Apr 2012 7:46 am 

    Home truths ! Nice piece! Well written.

  4. zoesaldanah on Tue, 24th Apr 2012 8:59 am 

    This dragged me out of silentville. Every word in this article is so true. I know this because i’ve experienced it. I remember how my x would accuse me of cheating every chance he gets and I would wonder where it was coming from until I started opening my eyes. Every time he would accuse me of something, I would find that he did exactly what he was saying I was doing. Good read indeed

  5. zeeckyn on Tue, 24th Apr 2012 9:40 am 

    I am very insecure shem…its not healthy and its not bcoz am cheating or guilty of anything, I just have problems trusting someone fully even thou most of the time I have no reason not to. I always imagine the worst even when he goes out with friends… do you think maybe its coz am guilty of something?

  6. zoesaldanah on Tue, 24th Apr 2012 10:43 am 

    @zeeky, could it b because you think that if you were to go out with friends for example, you would do things u not suppose to do which leads u to imagine the same about ur partner?

  7. Zoe on Tue, 24th Apr 2012 10:46 am 

    I agree with @RoxanaABC

    The only thing that curbs me from cheating is thinking about how it would make me feel if things were the other way round.

    But as for flirting, I find that healthy and fun.

  8. Zoe on Tue, 24th Apr 2012 10:48 am 

    @Sexylin I hope you are collecting souvenirs(sp)that side. I’ll send you my list LOL.

  9. sweetness on Tue, 24th Apr 2012 1:29 pm 

    This is sooooo trueCan I also add…

    Sometimes our insecurities are also driven by the lack of self confidence in our own capabilities…

    when we dont believe how someone would want to be with you and not her/him?

  10. H2G on Tue, 24th Apr 2012 2:49 pm 

    I choose to look@this in a different angle; sometimes your past experiences are the cause for that.If you were involved with a cheating expert (partner) ,…chances are,you will have that thinking= “all men or all women are just lying cheaters!!!” …its not your fault,but …you are still traumatised and have not healed [from]the past experiences…I don’t believe that all insecure people feel like they would cheat too,if they were to be in the same position!!!Ke bo nthlanya!

  11. isis on Tue, 24th Apr 2012 6:34 pm 

    True @H2G thats how I feel lenna. Sometimes it aint about what you doing but whats been done to you in the past.

  12. caramel on Tue, 24th Apr 2012 7:05 pm 

    I was also about to say the same. I once loved a guy with all of my heart and soul and when he cheated on me repeatedly, I made all sorts of excuses for him coz I was blinded by the love. When we finally broke up, I met a wonderful man, sweet, loving, everything I could ever ask for but I’d always find myself going through his phone, social network timelines and watch how he relates to girls coz I was (and still am) very insecure. Everytime he takes long to respond to my messages or doesn’t pick up my calls the first time I freak out and always think he’s cheating. I’m so scared that will drive him away and he has also asked me if I’m not guilty of all these things I’m accusing him off, but honestly speaking, I have NEVER cheated on a man before but I’m just so paranoid and scared that every man will always cheat on me hence I’m also looking for ways to put me at ease. So, as much as I think there’s some truth to this article, I also feel like it’s one sided… Remember that some people take longer to heal after being betrayed and they take out their frustrations and pain on the person they are with.

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