Just Random Thoughts
June 25, 2012 by MaBlerh
I always thought that it was a load of crap when those older than me said to me that with age comes wisdom. To me, it came across as something that older people say to younger people in order to come across as superior and command respect that they have not earned. I am not the type of person that reads book and I have nothing against those that do, in fact, I encourage it.
I am a thinker; I am that person that can sit in a house alone with the TV and radio off and be content with entertaining my thoughts. It is during these times that I realise how I have grown and the lessons that life has taught me, lessons that make it easier to understand life in as much as there is a lot that one still has to learn. The other day I randomly took these thoughts to my twitter timeline and thought that I should share them with you here.
Here are my random thoughts on life, love and relationships:
- God has blessed me with the gift of intuition and connecting with people on a spiritual level. This makes me an excellent judge of character. Being an excellent judge of character is crucial in the times that we live in, as people are dangerous with each move driven by some form of personal agenda.
- It is sweet to have friends and family members that you trust but NEVER forget that they are your kryptonite. Nobody can hurt you like your keen.
- Know who your real friends are. Set high pre-requirements for those that seek to be close to you. Constantly evaluate their loyalty to you. Jesus, Shaka Zulu and Julius Caesar were not betrayed by acquaintances.
- When someone randomly volunteers sensitive information about himself or herself ALWAYS take it with a shovel of salt. There is always an agenda. Do not allow yourself to be in a position where you are the vessel of false information and you stand by it because you heard it from the horse’s mouth.
- It is okay to care what people say about you. What is unacceptable is to allow it to infiltrate and poison your principles and core being.
- Your home is your sacred space. Be very selective as to whom you grant access to it
- In school, very few of the kids that twanged and used bombastic words were A students. Do not allow them to intimidate you know.
- A person that confronts you with an accusatory tone is NOT your friend. Friends find it difficult to believe anything negative about you. They would much rather not share their opinion on the matter until they have spoken to you.
- Crying is an essential part of healing. When you feel like opening the waterworks, DO IT! This thing of men not being allowed to cry is part of the reason why the majority of Black men are emotionally retarded and resort to violence when confronted by emotions.
- NEVER allow ANYONE to make you feel guilty about your education or achievements. You did not inherit any of it, you have worked hard for it.
- Just because someone does not confront you about something that you did behind his/her back does not mean he/she has not found out.
- NEVER sincerely apologise more than once. Someone that keeps hammering you after you have sincerely apologised is not there for your apology but for revenge and your apology means very little to them.
- NEVER share your dreams, plans and ambitions in detail. Not everyone around you wishes you well and you do not need informed negative counteractive energies. Keep the devils guessing.
- Love the one you’re with! It may seem attractive out there but the reality is grim. People are sexy and cute until you have to deal with their bullshit. Stick to the crap that you have studied and evaluated. When it comes to crap, there is no better feeling than knowing the air freshener that works.
By Mablerh
Rethabile on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 12:29 am
Very thoughtful thoughts indeed!!
vumaaa on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 12:59 am
Wooo uyalikhuluma iqiniso Mfana wakwa Cele.
- Just because people speak good English they always think they are SMART, nx shame
bumbum on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 1:27 am
Thoughtfull
Sewagodimo-Angel on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 1:36 am
Wow, a thought provoking piece!
“Know who your real friends are. Set high pre-requirements for those that seek to be close to you. Constantly evaluate their loyalty to you.” <—gave birth 4 months ago and I now know who my real friends. My "best friends" hvnt evnt checkd up on me or come to see my nunu, but we live less thn an hour drive frm ich other. I hv always bn there 4 thm 4 d 5 years that we bn friends, n now thv shown me that they care less about me. It used to bother me a lot n used to b so bitter about it, (well,may I still am, just a lil bit) mara ke tla ba sharpo, thy don't deserve me as a friend.
inURdreams on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 1:42 am
I like all of this Mablerh except—> NEVER allow ANYONE to make you feel guilty about your education or achievements. You did not inherit any of it, you have worked hard for it. I just don’t understand it tuuu, laark how does it happen? when does it happen?who does it happen to?
Nerlee on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 2:12 am
THIS IS ME—> “I am a thinker; I am that person that can sit in a house alone with the TV and radio off and be content with entertaining my thoughts”
I do not compromise when is comes to this especially kweli Rhawuti “Your home is your sacred space. Be very selective as to whom you grant access to it”
Bless u Mablerh!
extinct on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 3:22 am
This just stood out for me, I couldn’t agree more “NEVER allow ANYONE to make you feel guilty about your education or achievements. You did not inherit any of it, you have worked hard for it.”
lolington kwaaa on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 6:32 am
@inURdreams, if it has not happened to you, then it means you have good people around you, trust me it happens.
When we are still young, we all thing our elders are just tryna seem to ‘know it all’ and we think, ‘oh please! I’ve grown to understand so much that I thought was just a scare when growing up. I just hope when I have kids one day, they’ll believe me when i share my words of wisdom with them…probably not, #sigh
PowerPuff Gal on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 7:39 am
Mablerh is BACK!!!
NEVER allow ANYONE to make you feel guilty about your education or achievements.
This is so true.
sya on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 7:42 am
InUrDreams, it happens! When people, especially elders will say “ufunde gqith” or “you think you know too much”, especially when you’re standing up for your rights.
Babyluv on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 8:08 am
Yes yes yes Mablerh is in the building *tbo touchs voice* Im going to print this and keep it
IamMissHope on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 8:35 am
This neh >>>>> ?Know who your real friends are. Set high pre-requirements for those that seek to be close to you. Constantly evaluate their loyalty to you. Jesus, Shaka Zulu and Julius Caesar were not betrayed by acquaintances.
I so so relate, TRUST THEM NOT.
Vesa on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 8:49 am
Just because someone does not confront you about something that you did behind his/her back does not mean he/she has not found out.
This one stood out for me!!!
inURdreams on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 8:59 am
Thanx for the clarity guys even though I’m still not convinced. my argument is not even that such people exist more than the fact that personally–> I. would.NEVER.EVER.feel.guilty.knowing.ndizisebenzele.(For the why?) I mean xa ndifundile-ndifundile and I am going to give an ‘educated’ opinion on the matter. And in the same voice don’t go around throwing my education where its not needed so maybe that’s why. *Otherwise lemme cut-copy and paste Mablerh’s gospel!*
Smatsatsa on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 9:07 am
Sorry @Sewagodimo-Angel, such is life..
I believe that with age does come wisdom, le yokuthi “it came across as something that older people say to younger people in order to come across as superior and command respect that they have not earned” is subjective to whom said that..
Jellytot on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 9:15 am
So true mableh, when our elders were imparting their wisdom we just saw it as nonsense. but now i listen carefully to the words i rrceive from the elders, and though not always true, i come up with my own conclusions.
and as you get older you learn to be patient too, not the patience to be walked all over, but the patience that makes you understand whats going on.
Tkay on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 9:22 am
“It is sweet to have friends and family members that you trust but NEVER forget that they are your kryptonite. Nobody can hurt you like your keen.”
You are so right age does come with some wisdom even the way you think changes. I find that I am more aware now that I’m older than i’ve ever been
Botshelo on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 9:36 am
InUrDreams – it happens a lot, just it has not happened to you
Fluffie on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 9:45 am
Aaah great read MaBlerh!
“Crying is an essential part of healing. When you feel like opening the waterworks, DO IT! This thing of men not being allowed to cry is part of the reason why the majority of Black men are emotionally retarded and resort to violence when confronted by emotions.”
“NEVER share your dreams, plans and ambitions in detail. Not everyone around you wishes you well and you do not need informed negative counteractive energies. Keep the devils guessing.”
AMEN!
posh on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 9:46 am
“NEVER allow ANYONE to make you feel guilty about your education or achievements. You did not inherit any of it, you have worked hard for it.”
Family members who did not take their education serious, while you were slaving away and working your butt off, they make you feel guilty about your achievements…
You are made to feel guilty for buying a BMW you can afford and earned, because your siblings are struggling, I mean some decided to make babies, quit school
You have to hide info from your family about the real cost of things because you can feel the judgement and they are quick to ask you ‘how much did you pay for that’
FunLover on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 10:03 am
TX Mablehr, makes one introspect. I lost a close friend of 9yrs last after trying to make her see the light about her behaviour in public (drunken rage, vulgar fights with her boyfriend). one night i was going to introduce her to some VIP’s in my life and she did it again. so i got so upset, didnt say anything until after a week because i was scared of saying something i was gonna regret. after a week i tried to have a civil conversation with her and all hell broke loose. she couldnt see reason in what i was saying to a point where she cursed my upcoming wedding and my womb. I’m sore that we lost the relationship with each other and i’m sore that even if friends are to believe the best about each other, friendships end when one tries to steer the other on the right track. Friends arent there to make each other feel good all the time, i expect my true friends to call my ass in order if Im not acting within what many would consider reasonable.
akhona on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 10:24 am
Great article Mablerh!
This ne —>
“Love the one you’re with! It may seem attractive out there but the reality is grim. People are sexy and cute until you have to deal with their bullshit. Stick to the crap that you have studied and evaluated. When it comes to crap, there is no better feeling than knowing the air freshener that works.”
Like I know kubi phandl’apha but how much crap do u tolerate? And u when u do tolerate the crap, aren’t u settling for less than u deserve? This paragraph is speaking to me right now!
elegnamis on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 10:54 am
“NEVER allow ANYONE to make you feel guilty about your education or achievements. You did not inherit any of it, you have worked hard for it.”
I can relate!!! Should my grandmother mention me and “Jan Smuts” (OR Tambo) in one sentence then my so called cousins will start with sarcastic comments! Why a sa rekele ngwana ousi wa hae diaparo instead o senya chelete a fofa lefatshe le kaofela! Let me stop right here before BP e nyoloha
Nonkuku on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 10:57 am
Hi guys,
These random thoughts have brought to the surface my random thoughts regarding friendships……..
I’m in a friendship which i think is fading out slowly with a friend who to have her boyfriend attached to her hip alllll the time, we cant even do girl-nite out coz he cannot not be there (they are in a 3yr long-distance relationship) – am I being selfish or should i just take it as part of growing up?
Ohhh then i have another friendship where her boyfriend/fiance i think has issues with me – coz this other nyt i took her out, then brought her back to (his) their house after midnight and then he goes back to my other friends boyfriend and says that i got his fiance(my friend) drunk and brought her back drunk
Screw this growing up shit! its over-rated *deuces*
KhimKhadasheni on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 11:31 am
Hellowini bo love! Cudnt agree more with most of the sentiments shared on the column! You gotta be selective as to who u call your friend and who u allow into ur world ngoba not everybody wishes u well. B*tches be CRAZY outchea! Happy Monday all!
Smatsatsa on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 11:59 am
Nonkuku you need to grow up slowly dear, such things happen and YES, you cannot have your girls out nights as frequent as you used to, that “chicks before d**ks” mentallity needs to change.
But you’re not being selfish at all, you just holding on to memories, give your friends space and allow them to transit, phela growing up is tough..
I’ve lost friends because they wanted us to be ‘Charlies Angels” for life, I couldn’t do that, the minute I found my life partner I simply told them to give me space to build this new relationship that I’ve discovered as our relationship was already on a solid foundation. Some understood and some parted, I don’t regret loosing the ones I’ve lost at all..
The beauty of friendship is when you can go on for about 3 months without seeing each other but have the best of times when you hook up without scorning the other for not seeing the other, I have such and I love them to bits..
MyThoughts on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 12:07 pm
I always ‘preach’ this •••>>”NEVER share your dreams, plans and ambitions in detail. Not everyone around you wishes you well and you do not need informed negative counteractive energies. Keep the devils guessing”
Mablerh?! *bows*
kamzababy on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 12:14 pm
”NEVER share your dreams, plans and ambitions in detail. Not everyone around you wishes you well and you do not need informed negative counteractive energies. Keep the devils guessing”
i often “fall intp the trap” of discussing my dreams with people i think im close to i.e friends/colleagues/ family. my bofriend always advice m,e against it but i do it anyway cos i like “sharing” good news about my life. truth is sometimes things dont go as planned maybe because others bago tshwara ka pelo. like right now ditaba di a nchesa cos of new things and changes im doing in my life. sometimes its better to just shoosh. even my mom is like me, people think she’s telling them cos she wants to brag kanti all she’s doing is being proud of her kids and her own achievements.
Smatsatsa on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 12:35 pm
Aaah Kamza, I know that feeling too well.. But don’t ever think that anyone has the power yago go tshwara ka Pelo, that thinking will never let you enjoy life. If things go well, praise your believer, if not, take it as a lesson learnt but never give power to people minds luv..
Things go bad even when you don’t expect them to so that can’t never be the reason for that..
Biskiti on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 2:29 pm
Thanks for sharing the wisdom bathong. One thing i have learned, as sad as it is, it’s that some friendships are there for seasons, some to get you through the tertiary years, some for you to get comfortable when starting out in life with that first job, etc. Mara the sooner one accepts when a relationship has reached the expiry date the better. Life goes on and you’ll meet other remarkable people in life.
kamzababy on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 2:56 pm
O bua nnete Smatsatsa,but some are evil nje weather we believe or not
Bohlez on Mon, 25th Jun 2012 3:29 pm
I am in the same situation as Nonkuku, mina in my case my best friend got married and had a baby last year, we been bffs since early high school and we used to do the whole girly girly charilze angel things, sudenly things changed as she had to start spending time with her hubby and kid, at first it was painful, I was hurt( u can call me selfish) she would cancel dates at the last minute or sometimes she would not pitch at all….. thing is we have been through a lot of shit together,one time she went through shit in her life and I was there for her 24 7, I know friend are not suppose to count favours, but recently I wanted her so much in my life, life was just showing me flames and she was not there for me, it hurts shame… bt then I started reading books ( quarter life crisis and bo twenty something) and realised that all this is part of growing up and I just have to be strong, I gues when people used to say growing up is taugh, they were refering to such….@ Smatsatsa , u also making sense hey, I gues we can’t be young forever… but I have decided to put all that aside and we are still friends, bt I dont know for how long cos it seems like we r drifting apart, I am the single career focused woman with no kid while yena she is trying to nurture her new family.
Eyh2Jee on Tue, 26th Jun 2012 5:20 pm
I like the way you think Marbie,especiallu after the Senzo Noluntu Saga lol,this time you came up with some real issues.The way I have learnt not to hold on old friendships though.hehehe its part of growing up.I even got tired of a abo X abangasolvekie ,they can’t come and go as they please!