Love: What We Should Do More Of
So I’ve been putting away publishing this because I worried that some of you will complain that like Metro FM DJ, we are always talking about relationships. But you know what neh, until we live in a problem free world… there will always be these kinda books, articles, TV shows , Radio topics etc. Another reason is because I’ve always been loud in asking why women are the ones that have to change behaviour to keep men but the reality is that, we often have to. Don’t ask me why.
So if you aren’t in the mood for one of those love topics, please leave the room hle (without a comment tuu). LOL.
In agreeing that we can’t really do much to make our relationship issues go away , I believer there are things we can do to try make a new experience better than the last. In trying to be a different, and trying more of what we don’t usually do… here are some thoughts on 3 Things We Should Do More Of.
- 1. Ask If He Has A Girlfriend
I was surprised to find out that some of us ladies find it difficult to ask a guy we are interested in if they are involved. Honestly, asking from the start will save you a lot of trouble later on and it’s actually much easier to ask early because he’s not expecting the question and is less likely to lie.
The problem with asking much later is that it might be harder to walk away when you find out that he’s actually taken because you’ve already invested so much time and effort into the relationship.
In an ideal world you would not even have to ask this question because common sense says that a man who’s involved would not make a move on you but we live in this crazy world we live in so ladies, let’s be courageous and ask.
If you don’t ask, and you find out he’s got someone else… he might just turn around and say “But you never asked.”
- 2. Take Responsibility For Our Choice In Men
This is one of the most empowering statements I have ever heard in my “love” life. The first time I read this was when I came across Steven James Dixon, whom I’ve written about before and it was just so liberating.
Whenever things go wrong in love, we are quick to be the victims, cry and ask why they always do this to us but we forget that we chose to be with them. That the men in our lives aren’t just in our lives but we’ve actively made the choice for them to be there and if things don’t work out for whatever reason, we should accept half of the responsibility. I’ve adopted this and I find that it’s easier to move on from a setback with this attitude because instead of focusing on “what’s wrong with me, why does he not like me”… my focus is more on “why did I settle for this when I could’ve gone for better.” Life is easier with this approach, try it!
- 3. Have standards and boundaries
This is nothing new. By now we’ve heard it over a thousand times but it’s hard! Steve Harvey gave us the exaggerated version of “Men Respect Standards, Get Some” but yazi he was right, standards and boundaries are necessary. A man needs to know what you like and what you don’t like so as to make you happy but we are afraid to set standards and boundaries because we are afraid they’d walk away. But if you think about it, a man who really likes you and really wants to be with you, will respect you and what you stand for and if he walks away because you know what you want, then perhaps he doesn’t deserve to be in your life.
We don’t have to go all Debora Patta about this, you can have standards and still be sweet about it.
Let us not be afraid to ask for what we want and the universe will give it to us. Hopefully.