Only Fools Pay Lobola

July 24, 2012 by Featured Guest Writer

Only Fools Pay Lobola
By Fana the Purp

Disclaimer: read to understand, not to reply

Culture changes – with time, life gets more expensive and love is now for those with good credit – or am I exaggerating? The custom of lobola has evolved into an overpriced extortionist cultural practice. Lobola was a cultural practice where a man thanked the parents of his future wife, for raising her from a girl to a woman.

The parents had no right to demand an unreasonable amount for lobola, as the man is going to take care of their daughter. As culture evolved, lobola turned into a fixed payment process to acquire a wife then later turned into negotiation battle – where the woman’s family tries to get as much as they can from the man’s family. The nature of lobola moved from thanking to compensating – I am not disputing commodity involvement yet lobola has adopted an inflation system.

Let me get into the matter at hand, lobola should be canceled, as it is about affordability instead of culture and love. Currently, a man asks the family of the lobola amount then starts saving, which is wrong. In Tsonga culture a man offers what he has not what is requested, because it is not about money, it is the principle that counts.

In Traditional Tsonga lobola custom, the woman’s family does not have a set price on lobola, they say “Hi nyikeni hi dya hi xurha hi laha hi lavaku hakona”. This means, whatever you offer let it be satisfying yet greed could not dominate – as the man’s family states when they have reached their maximum lobola pay out. After all, “ndzovolo a wu heli” – loboling a wife never ends, as the man will still take care of her.

Looking at the current state of lobola, the woman’s family has to outsell their daughter. The basis of a lobola sales pitch is based on what family raised their daughter to be or wish she grew up to be. While the man’s family argues on what/who she is, using all the negatives to lower the lobola price. The woman’s education, sexual history and its results (brat(s) or not), beauty and age are common underwriting criteria in determining how much the family quotes the man for lobola.

Education

A modern father’s job is to ensure his daughter has an education, to liberate her mentally and financially so she is not dependent on a man. Therefore why is her education included on the bill, it does not make sense, why should a man compensate/repay a father for educating his daughter.

I do agree her education will be of benefit, yet will there be a refund when her education/career restricts her from playing her role as a mother and wife? In a day with 24 hours, a week with 7 days, does she have enough time be a career woman, a wife, a mother, a friend and a relative?

The education you are charging me for – is it for me to have an accessory for a wife. Guess I will be married to a woman who can afford to pay someone to play her role – a nanny to raise her kid(s) and cook for me. I do not expect any woman to say “but” a man is expected to play his cultural role and lobola a woman. Therefore, when does the woman play her cultural role after lobola is paid but acts western?

Sexual history

This is a sensitive one, society tends to cover it up, and in fact, a woman’s sexual history is critical in determining her worth. A virgin is pricey, she is like the lottery Powerball, finding one is the ultimate jackpot and very rare.

Few individuals on twitter did not digest my tweets properly, things got worse when I tweeted,

“@FanaThePurp: divide the amount of lobola with the number of d*cks she has sucked #operationcheaplobola”.

Parents overprice their daughters claiming they are pure, not knowing anything (debatable though). Culturally a woman’s sexual history determines her rating on the value scale – A virgin is a rare diamond, exclusivity is not cheap. While a woman with a child out of wedlock is considered damaged this even includes a woman with sexual experience but childless.

These types of women are not valueless, just considered second hand goods, lobola is paid yet they are the most affordable – by losing her virginity elsewhere, she has taken away all bragging rights from her soon to be husband. With the current state of sexual liberation, what right does your family have to overprice lobola? While ignoring your Kamasutra skills, known by more than 10 men or is a man charged for sexual expertise – if that is the case, please send me the memo.

Beauty and age
Age is a major factor, as it is used to increase the amount of lobola – a young wife is expensive, as she is full of life (fertile) and can achieve greater things (having more than one boy child) since time allows her. Where a man impregnates a woman before he lobolad her – damages, lobola and age will point a man with bad credit to a loan sharks office. The younger she is, you pay the charge for taking away her innocence, would force a man to sell his liver.

Looks play a significant role, beauty is not cheap, and this is applicable with life in general. In Tsonga they say, “ku biha a hi ku tilavela” – means being ugly is not a choice, a very harsh proverb. We live in a society where ugly people are second best to beautiful human beings, the same principle applies in lobola negotiations.

A beautiful woman is one of a kind while an ugly woman, while an ugly woman is a commoner – classification of beauty. How is it fair for a family to devalue my soon to be wife because they do not see beauty in her? How am I supposed to take the family I am marrying into serious, when they look down on their own daughter, by classifying her as ugly?

This article responds to many questions, I am not one with a traditional response but if you read in context all points I have made are valid. The basis of this article is on three factors, there are other factors involved in lobola negotiations.

However, expecting a man to pay lobola is illegitimate, as times have changed and women are not traditionally African yet Western. The nature of lobola has changed, a woman claims love yet fails to defend her man from her family, and she is in support of the exploitation.

Women demand lobola to be paid for them yet with conditions, selecting what suits them of being an African wife and redefining their role to accommodate their unfairness. The results of such a failure, means as a Tsonga man I can request a refund of my lobola or the younger sister (hlatswa – most modern families do not know this, this is one of the reasons why intertribal marriage were not support that much, as cultures clash).

The exchange of capital for a wife has a duty, a woman needs to change her surname and learn my ways (culture), – and in my absence she is supposed to teach/raise our children in my culture. Yet that is not done, as she is ignorant (refuses to adopt my culture) and arrogant (miss independent, she keeps her surname).

Lobola should no longer exist, as it is abused, which is not fair, men are exploited for being in love. Lobola is no longer applicable in these current times – funny how a group of men charge another man more than what they paid for lobola combined. Uncles and fathers are now funding family businesses with lobola money, it is nothing personal just business, right? What exactly is a man paying lobola for – is lobola for the woman’s family to receive and for a man to be a fool?

Guest Post by Fana The Purp

Twitter @FanathePurp, facebook group, “Fana the Group”

“It’s the Purp, I mlilo, mumu lowu nga hisa tolo. I Nkulukumba Mabasa, I Mhlengwe, Tsonga Original”

To a degree, I share the same sentiment with Fana. This whole lobola process has become a money making scheme for certain families. I know that in the Zulu culture, it’s not just lobola but involves other traditional practices that take place i.e. ukucelwa, vula mlomlo, ukwembeswa etc all of which form part of the lobolaring and requires more money. This reminds me of Isidingo, when Vusi was lobolaring Leti and that drunkard and greedy uncle of Leti was asking for a huge amount and poisoning Zeb to agree with the price lol.

Anyways on the otherhand, we can’t just forgo certain customs esp lobola. Abazali bethu basikhulisa kanzima and they deserve dowry shame. I think if a man intends on marrying you, you must just discuss the figure with him beforehand and then report it to the elders..it’s the only way khona kungeke kuxatshwane phambili.

Off topic.. These 2 Durban chicks are twarring over Stevel Marc hehehehe..then naye useyangena defending his chick hehehe. When will chicks learn not to fight over a man kodwa…hehehe..

*back to the hole I crept out of*

Beautiful-Butterfly on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:22 am

While there are some people who have turned it into a business transaction, there are still some who still practice it on good terms. In my culture(Pedi) a girl is asked how much his man can afford and by that the family makes their price. Its our culture and we are already a lost generation- rulling out lobola will be the final straw.

I say- even though there are some bad stuff that comes with lobola, there are some good ones too. So let’s not focus on the negative only. My future hubby is gonna pay, whether black, white, green or red he will pay.

And also in my culture a man who marries a woman with a child(if a child is not his) has to marry the kid also, meaning he has to pay more for the kid to carry his surname. So I don’t know about second hand or damaged good thingie you are talking about.

Miranda on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 5:02 am

Yazi, I am tired of telling these black opinionated men at (work and friends) guthi lobola is going nowhere. Just accept and DEAL Fana or alternatively, white, indians and chinese girls that want a R150 000 ring are that way——————————————————>

In my opinion, Lobola is a token of appreciation; to thank the parents for letting you marry their daughter , they could always say NO, ke ngwana bona.(Some say to thank them for raising her for you, which I don’t quiet agree with). In my culture this moolah is going towards the costs of the wedding, I am Pedi and we have a money wasting tendency of having two wedding parties;Saturday and Sunday (This of course depends on which type of Pedi’s you are). The saturday wedding party costs will be on the bride and her parent’s shoulders, so that Lobola cash will lower the financial strain there. Even if you guys are having one day wedding party, the bride’s family will be organizing other things for their daughters wedding and will use that money there. This explains why our lobola significantly lowers if you offer to pay all the costs of the wedding party/parties. Ko gae, that moolah stays with the parents, uncles get 0 from it .

As to why some families demand R75K even after the groom has told them he will be paying for all the wedding costs is beyond me.

As for the rest of the Lobola influencing factors, the negotiators just use those to justify the price they want. I think this used to happen back in the days too , but the uncles would want 8, 10, 12 cows, which nobody has these days, (well, do you Fana have 12 cows in your back yard????. so now they just multiply the cows they want by the amount of money a cow costs …..so its not that pricey, a cow is R7000 anyway.

Dumelang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bongi on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 6:25 am

Lobola such an exciting process; sjo mna ekhaya no one was ever lobolad before ngoba we grew up colored, and my ucncle also married a colored. Haike mna i did what my family, married at HA…lol..yhoo my hubbys fam wasnt happy about our decision at all. So ja he had to lobola, haike the drama of the family, since his baby daddy, he had to pay for the kids first…and only after lobola neg started…shame i cried everytime, ngoba the finances were just too much, everytime i had to cook, it lasted a full month…but now shame im happy when i talk about, ngoba the full process frm writin of the letter to the ukwamkela abayeni, all steps…ndinala pride tht it was not a one day marathon or uvuke ungumakoti…

soul sista on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 6:46 am

“A virgin is pricey, she is like the lottery Powerball, finding one is the ultimate jackpot and very rare.” Tjo!

Fana just pay the danm thing and stop complaining! Hawu!

lolington kwaaa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 6:49 am

I really wish people could do their research properly before they talk about such, especially young men who do not have a good cultural background.

First and foremost, YES there is exploitation, BUT it is very wrong to generalise. I live in the Free State, most of my colleagues are Sotho, Tswana and Pedi, before I tell you what I know please go and find out how much the lobola is, I was even shocked myself. One colleague once told me a girl she knows was lobola’d with R2000…yes maybe it may not be like that in the surbubs but I would not know since I grew up in the rural areas….and I will repeat this, EXPLOITATION has always been there…the stories my granny used to tell me were shocking.

Secondly, I’m Zulu, I have 2 sisters who are married…I also did not know much until it was my sisters’ turns. Well guess what? The lobola money DOES NOT go to the parents in our culture. 1. The father is supposed to use the lobola money to buy a new bedroom set (and I mean the whole thing, and that’s one of the things they negotiate about). 2. In our culture the wedding is supposed to be at/near the bride’s family, this means they pay for hiring of a tent/whatever and catering (that’s the other thing they spend time negotiating about, if the guy says he will help the lobola price drops). There are other small things like transport if the guy’s house is very far…..oh not forgetting ‘umbondo’, yes they also use the lobola money for that. The ONLY thing that the parents are entitled to is ‘Inkomo kaMama neka Baba’.

Guys should just stop being corwards,and while at it, learn about these things before you jump into conclusions. It’s NOT every girls fault that you are dating a girl from a gold-digging family. Those families were there maaany years ago, and they are not going away soon.

lolington kwaaa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 6:57 am

oh, and of course, there are those rich guys who just take of everything…cause they can! That’s also fine. They must just not complain when things do not go their desired way.

Another thing, you guys can’t honestly be serious about wanting a working wife who can also cook everyday, really? Like seriously? If we both come back around 5 pm, you go straight to the couch and I must go straight to the pots? Everyday? Do you honestly thing I’m physically capable of doing that? Women do not have a secret power supply. If you want a housewive, make sure you can afford one, if you can’t, be happy that she made you a man.
*sips green tea*

PowerPuff Gal on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 7:02 am

Oksalayo Fana nawe usazobhadala ilobola!!!
“Lobola exploits men for been in love”. KWAA, HAAHAA, LMFAO, ROTFL!!! I’m sorry, this line had my stomach doing cartwheels. When you are been judged on your beauty, age, education, SEXUAL HISTORY »SMH« and for just been a woman nje. Then come talk to me about exploitation!

Babyluv on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 7:38 am

Kwaaaaaa Fana, of course the lobola has to increase if the woman is educated. The salary she earns wil form part of your household income, which is a loss of income for her parents. If you want a housewife who will cook, clean and tend to your needs then you nid to be monied, because in this day n age having a single income in a household is difficult. N remember Fana women tend to bring home the bacon nowadays

Solomon.Mahlangu on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 7:54 am

where i come from, iLobolo is very expensive. and the parents demand what they want and do not care if you are wealthy or ordinary. A family friend had to pay 50 000 back in 2007 and he was just a teacher, he also had to contribute torwards the actuall wedding day. When i asked him how he payed, he told me the price had been set 3years before, and he went on a ‘saving’ spree to get his wife. So my pooint is, culture can not be ignored even if it exploits some of us, but i will do whatever it takes mina to marry my woman. if it means 70 000 or more, so be it.

In some cases men are required to pay according to what they have, if he is rich ukhokha kakhulu if ordinary ukhokha nje an avarage amount.

i have to agree with Fana fana boy on the way women are priced, people must stop demanding respect when they know very well that they dont or did not respect themselves, going around sleep[ing all over the place. hlalanani nge ntombi bo sisi, nizothola umendo.

Solomon.Mahlangu on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 7:57 am

baby luv.

are you dreaming? yooohhh. angeke ukubone loko kwami

Thee King on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 7:59 am

There is nothing satisfying like paying LOBOLA. FANA,one day you will understand mfanawami. Vat n Sit works but the day you pay LOBOLA,it’s like the weight on your shoulders has went off…

makasoso on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:02 am

Disclaimer: read to understand, not to reply – that’s just silly when have you ever seen no replies on an article on JC?

As i was reading i had so many responses to your theories until i realised you are talking about the”tsonga” tradision and since im not tsonga i guess my opinions will be different from yours, im xhosa but according to our culture just like @lollington & @miranda said the money goes towards the costs of the wedding, i could write down everything thats required but that would be just creating a blog inside a blog. With that said i respect your opinions & im so curious to know if you would ever pay lobola

Chase on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:02 am

u see Fana if ur topie had pay lobola for ur ou lady u wouldnt be thinking and writing this, so i suggest u work save up money and lobola ur ou lady thn uzoba grand.

next time do ur research and ask around before u engage in topics like these. u cant google info on things like lobola boss.

nama pictures wakho nje adakiwe boy cos if uphilile kahle la ekhanda wena ucabanga ukuthi ungaphakamisa inkomo ngathi ikati

samoooosa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:04 am

Her’s some history lesson for my Zulu peeps…back in the day poor families sold their precious daughters to the highest bidder (Those who had the most cows) until the English took over what was then Port Natal and stopped the bidding wars. Sir Shepstone standardized ilobolo to 11 cows. What Im getting at, is asking you guys to stop hiding behind culture for being greedy, Zulus are a greed lot. A friend paid 77k for ilobolo…thats 7 cows at 7k/cow “coz our daughter is a doctor”! It seems as if we have gone back to those bidding wars again, imagine if the guy couldnt afford that amount? Im from rural KZN,even damages for impregnating a girl are bloody expensive!

samoooosa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:05 am

Yho! meant 11 cows at 7k/cow

makasoso on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:06 am

@chase says: nama pictures wakho nje adakiwe boy cos if uphilile kahle la ekhanda wena ucabanga ukuthi ungaphakamisa inkomo ngathi ikati – LMAO, wow you’ve just made my morning!

Nokxie on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:09 am

Don’t know why we still entertain Fana’s chauvinistic ramblings – which he disguises as thought provoking debate. As I said with MsTaboo ‘I’m whining & won’t let go of my baggage’ Fana its the same I swear he’s also a product of damaged goods

posh on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:13 am

Culture evolves and how lobola is conducted today is based on today’s standards.

The author says:”The parents had no right to demand an unreasonable amount for lobola, as the man is going to take care of their daughter”

How many men take care of their wives today? most households are surviving because of women….I truly believe if we can lift a lid in most households men bazovuleka izinqa. Futhi your type of man is very irresponsible, women provide leadership and make crutial decisions while most men are chasing money and fame and sferb’s.

The author says: “These types of women are not valueless, just considered second hand goods, lobola is paid yet they are the most affordable – by losing her virginity elsewhere, she has taken away all bragging rights from her soon to be husband”

Men in those days were honourable too, they valued their wives and families. Nowadays, you father children all over, sleep around and infect faithful wives with diseases, for that they serve you right for overcharging you, chances are their daughter is going to die due to your recklessness!!

Why do you want a virgin when a lot of sferb’s have been singing on your mic….

fabulicious on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:19 am

Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa @chase!
*as I dig my own grave*

samoooosa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:21 am

I think some of you are missing Fana’s point though…the way i read it is that, if we gonna follow the cultural practice (in this case ilobolo) then we should consider everything that comes with determining the lobolo price. Its not Fana calling ppl “damaged goods” it is a term that is used everywhere and it is a determining factor. The lady’s family shouldnt say they are following culture in asking for ilobolo but turn around and ignore what the determining factors were for the price they came with. Culturally, education was part of those factors

Azande on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:32 am

Chase said

nama pictures wakho nje adakiwe boy cos if uphilile kahle la ekhanda wena ucabanga ukuthi ungaphakamisa inkomo ngathi ikati>>>>>>>>>>kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa DEAD, mina nje i have no words for Fana infact no time at all for this.

flawleslee on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:33 am

FOR sure Ayinamali LEH>>>>>> KWAAAAAAAX
and yah marry a Tsonga girl I hear they are affordable and submissive. yoh I dont want a man complaining ka lobola imagine how uzongibalela njani when we are married.

$$ Any ways I will marry a man one mali exake ibheki$$$ akudlalwa uwuthandi yini

PowerPuff Gal on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:35 am

“Why do you want a virgin when a lot of sferb’s have been singing on your mic….”
@Posh exactly my point.
Some men are just hypocrites. You demand a pure virgin wife while your trifling behind has planted his seeds the whole of Africa.
Get Out Of Here With That Bullish!!!

Leungo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:41 am

When I see articles like this I despair. Black people have been so brainwashed by white people so much that they also question their traditions.
As blacks, we really are pathetic:
1) We are the only ones who are ashamed of our languages and encourage our kids to speak English all the time and by doing so we are teching them to look down on those that can’t speak it properly. Afrikaners on the other hand safely guard their languages because it is part of their culture.
2) Lobola has been part of our culture for a long time but now that we are educated, we dissect it, insult it and come up with a way of doing away with it, just as we have done away with our languges. We satisfy those that see our cultures as primitive. By the way, does this practise harm anyone?
3) You never see other races writing articles like this because reagrdless of how educated they are, they still respect their cultures.
4) Just because a few people are greedy when it comes to lobola that does not mean black people need to rubbish it.
5) Black people, you need to start taking pride in yourself and culture. The reason other races look down on us and think they have a right to comment on subjects such as lobola and weaves is because we enable them to respect us.
6) Have you ever seen a Muslim man attacking the burka (the attire of the Muslim women that covers their bodies and faces)? No, you may not see it because although many disagree with it, they wont make that public and therefore give islamaphobics ammunition to tear their culture and practises apart.

To the author of this article: All that you need to do is to start loving yourself and also embrace your blackness and automatically you will start appreciating your culture.

mamdladla on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:43 am

@chase says: nama pictures wakho nje adakiwe boy cos if uphilile kahle la ekhanda wena ucabanga ukuthi ungaphakamisa inkomo ngathi ikati im finished!!!!!!! im dood!!!!!!!! kwaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Mrs JimmyJump on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:43 am

@Chase nama pictures wakho nje adakiwe boy cos if uphilile kahle la ekhanda wena ucabanga ukuthi ungaphakamisa inkomo ngathi ikati

Hahahahhaahhaahahahhahaahhahaaahahaha!! Ngafa fi

mamdladla on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:45 am

nama pictures wakho nje adakiwe boy cos if uphilile kahle la ekhanda wena ucabanga ukuthi ungaphakamisa inkomo ngathi ikati im finished!!!!!!! im dood!!!!!!!! kwaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

mamdladla on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:48 am

OMG Leungo you making so much sense, i agree with you fully!

blaque on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:50 am

as if she wont cheat after PAYING that exobitant amount.
As if she wont say mmao o ya loya, while a batla ho nrica.*korobela*
is sex a lifetime guarantee after lobola?
Sesotho se re; mosadi o ngalla motsheo, the highly priced women are ‘moving out.’ where is love then?
@Fana, you deserve a Bells!!!

Leungo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:51 am

As I said with MsTaboo ‘I’m whining & won’t let go of my baggage’ Fana its the same I swear he’s also a product of damaged goods

Tjo @Noxie, you got me dead and buried with that line.
Fana must just know that if he can’t save and pay lobola, then he has no business getting married.
At the end of the day marriage is not for the faint-hearted. How can you take care of a wife and a few kids, build them a house, educate the kids etc if you battle to just save for lobola?

No bhuti, stop rubbishing this tradition.
NB: By the way Fana, if you were to marry a woman like Khanyi Dlomo who was married before had two kids and was later divorced (damaged goods in your vocab cos she has kids) you will still pay top dollar for her compared to Dineo who is still a virgin but is a shelf packer at Shoprite.

bumbum on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:53 am

I was lobolad with 40 K in 2009

I was 21 by then, finishing my diploma.

Ukucelwa – have to cook for the inlaws.
Kulethwa ilobolo – still cook.
Izibizo – still cook.
Inqibamasondo – monthly grocery X10 for the grooms family
Umshado (bedroom suit, izinto zomabo, and the actual wedding)

And you think lemali iyasala….Gosh people will never stop complaining

samlicious on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:56 am

Hi guys YHO it feels good to be able to comment. Two weeks on leave and not remembering my password was a torture. Sorry silent bloggers I dont know how you guys do it BUT mna I was itching to comment on each and every post and I couldn’t.

posh on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:57 am

Lobola negotiation stories are interesting and funny, there is always drama…people please share!

But it has to be done, if not for ourselves but for our parents who still strongly believe in it…

I’ve learnt not to undermine other people’s beliefs and traditions. If you want to marry a woman, you’ve got to respect the family’s tradition.

Once married, you can then set your own family values and norms. Then you won’t have to accept lobola for your own girl children, give them away for free.

You have to choose your battles wisely, some are not worth it when they will cost you relations with your in-laws and cause a rift between your wife and her parents, such things have long-term consequences that affect generations to come, even your kids.

In Zulu we say ‘amandla endoda awapheli, you’ll make tha R50 000 tripled! it’s a once off payment…

Some things you don’t have to buy into them or believe in them, you do them because you have to and it will make those you care a great deal about happy.

Ms Keri on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:59 am

@Leungo unyanisile yaz to even write such an article is just damn wrong…i think the author needs to start learning about our practises , your utterances are those of white people , most of the time here at work you will hear them saying how we are being sold by our parents not knowing that lobola brings families together it builds a relationship…..you know in Xhosa culture when a man messes up and a woman goes back home for him to be able to apologise for the shame he has brought to his family.. he then has to bring one cow to build relations and make amends this also teaches him a lesson of respect …this has been our culture for many years and it has worked…mna i was loboled and i respect the process…shem next thing uzothi makuyekwe ukoluka woooo safa yiwestern ways bethuna

samoooosa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:03 am

@Luengo, im all for practicing culture but if we are to practice it then we have to do everything right and not choose what suits us. It is how lobolo is charged now that leads to ppl like Fana and a lot of us to question it and its relevance today. By the way, Islamic ppl do question a lot of their cultural practices and there’s a lot of literature to prove that. U dont lose ur blackness by questioning ur culture or else everyone will keep quiet when young girls are forced to marry old goats (ukuthwala) “coz we shouldnt question culture”

Gomolemo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:04 am

@Leungo, good points you are making there dear. Nna, i have been married before, my ex paid lobola. Im getting married again soon, my bf is going to pay lobola. No debates, questions, discussions, only negotiations on how much he needs to pay. NO lobola, no wedding. FINISH EN KLAAR!!

Ophezulu on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:06 am

Oh my God where does one even begin .. let me start by saying I’ve been to school but I am traditional as they come, bringing a girls sexual history to lobola negotiations is not only foolish but it’s an insult to the bride’s to be family.

Only a foolish guy asks a girl how many partners she has slept with, I mean why asks a question you know very well you will not get a honest answer to ? even if you do get an honest answer it’s either it won’t sit well with you or you won’t believe it.

from the content of this letter it is clear with me that you have never been truly in love and you are the type that treats women as possessions.

nana on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:07 am

LMAO!! @Chase is gonna be the end of me stru! Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Babyluv on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:11 am

Kwaaaa chase dead deader deadest. I wonder will u still have the same views when you have a daughter Fana and she wants to get married. Will you tell that guy no to worry about loboling your daughter coz awuyifuni. Mind you black people arent the only ones doing this practice.

samlicious on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:15 am

hahahhahaha @chase mara, there is never a dull moment when you around. This is a very interesting topic pitty I dont have time to read at the moment. BUT girls never marry hum if he is no prepared to pay lobola.

Kusihlwa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:16 am

Kodwa Chase wathathwa phi hhe??? you killed me. I respect lobola but I do agree to some extent that it is bieng abused. Fopr me to this day I dont know where my lobola went coz hubby and I paid for the wedding. Eventhough I spoke to my parents before the negotiations and highlighted hubbys financial situation they still charged an exorbitant fee. kunzima

kimmo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:21 am

nahana my uncles negotiating lobola and discussing about my sexual history i mean WTF
lobola is part of our culture PERIOD

kimmo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:23 am

loooooool @ that cow wrapping its hands/legs or whatever all over that man

Leungo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:25 am

One of these days people like Debra Patta will take things very far and do a show on lobola and people like Fana will be cheering her on. But, she will never ever ever do a show on Muslims and arranged marriages. Why? She knows that it happens but she will not even explore it because thina we are black and not only are we to be disrespcted but our cultures too whereas other races are treated with a lot of respect.
Watch out black people, let’s stop giving people power of us.
Fana will speak until he is blue in the face and write as many articles as he can but all I know is that if he marries a black woman, he will have to pay magadi (lobola). So, he might as well start saving.

LadyMillion on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:27 am

and love is now for those with good credit
#Truth *goes back to read*

Cleo04patra on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:34 am

While I get your point, Fana, your tone comes off as mysoginistic and incredibly chauvinistic.

The title itself is a red flag, ‘only fools’… So does that mean men who pay lobola are fools? I put it to you that not all families see lobola as a get rich quick scheme, and if you as a man see it as foolishness, don’t you see the traditional African need to thank your wife’s family (albeit monetarily, which is problematic) for giving you a wife, a queen, a future co-parent?

This article left a bitter taste in my mouth. That’s all.

LadyMillion on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:36 am

How am I supposed to take the family I am marrying into serious, when they look down on their own daughter, by classifying her as ugly?

I dont think the womans family would say ‘hayi no our daughter is ugly u can pay less’… its the guys family that argues that she is not the best looking so you cant charge us that much

fabulicious on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:36 am

@Kusi I also went thru the same thing, when my hubby lobolad I was already preg and only my mom knew, there she went telling the uncles and they charged R15000 damages plus R34000 lobola making it R49000.
(Mind u one of the uncles there had just accepted R5000 damages two months prior from a guy who has no intention of ever marrying the daughter)
I was Sooooo mad since I highlighted very well to her what’s what and how much hubby cud afford which is still reasonable in my eyes. She didn’t even bother telling them that part tho. Yazi I felt so deceived.

My dad who’s never contributed anything towards me financially made sure that he’s part of the negotiatians and at that time we weren’t even on speaking terms.

Yes I do agree with all things of what lobola is culturally but to SOME EXTENT I get where Fana is coming from

Thato on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:37 am

I am Tswana, and Lobola money goes towards the wedding that is held at the bride’s home. Which means her family pays for it, if the man decides to help out on the wedding then he does it out of his own goodwill. Futhi you speak about men taking care of women, like you said things are changing and women can now afford to be independent or go 50/50 in the marriage. They both take care of their expenses as a couple, so i dont see how i man shouldn’t pay lobola coz he will be taking care of a woman.

Lobola is a token of appreciation to the bride’s family for raising her for you, exploitation has always been there with some families. They look at the car you drive, your job e.t.c but not every family does that. This is unfair generalization.

posh on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:41 am

@sammoosa I agree with you Islam/Muslim women are questioning their traditions too, especially polygamy and being denied other basic rights in the name of culture/tradition

In India there is evidence that modern and educated Indians are questioning and rejecting some practices including the caste system and being forced to marry in the same caste, meaning ethnic group,

BUT they still practice those traditions to respect their parents who still believe in them.

It is very rare to find a Muslim or Indian marrying outside their race, even outside their ethnic group…no matter how educated and well travelled!!

promisez on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:42 am

#deadby @Chase… ngiphonse nga khipha itiya ngamakhala!

promisez on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:43 am

didnt finish reading through the article, but il tell you that im getting Lobolad on the 20th of October!

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:44 am

“Currently, a man asks the family of the lobola amount then starts saving, which is wrong” YES, THIS IS WRONG! IF YOU ARE GOING TO START SAVING FOR LOBOLA HOW ARE YOU PLANNING ON PROVIDING FOR A WHOLE FAMILY?? Loans much?!

As much as this seems crude, it’s truer than true! “Love is now for those with good credit”! It has always been like that and it won’t change anytime soon, the fact that they used to use cows in the olden days was still a sign of wealth, I don’t remember anyone being given away simply because the groom wanted to marry but had no cows..

So stop dissecting matters and involving stuff like Education, sexual history and age. All these points are also taken into account from a women’s point of view..

Re: Sexual History, “@FanaThePurp: divide the amount of lobola with the number of d*cks she has sucked #operationcheaplobola”. THEN ULTIPLY THAT WITH THE NUMBER OF CHICKS HE’S SLEPT WITH???

Don’t act like men get married when they’re saints and have no history at all, you’ve failed to point that out by stating your one dimensional viewpoint…

Your article lacks balance, exposing your level of maturity when it comes to this topics, luckily for you, your ignorance will only be tolerated by a woman who’ll have no sense of worth to be taken freely by you..

kamzababy on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:46 am

mara wena fana hahahaaaaaaa lemme read first. i feel sori for your galfriend shem

LadyMillion on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:47 am

Women do not have a secret power supply!!

hahaah lolington..ur the best!

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:51 am

So can Fana explain to us what the lobola money is being used for in his culture? after the groom’s family has beeen so greatly exploited??

LadyMillion on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:52 am

okkkk!! like @chase made my day kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Babyluv on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:53 am

@solomon what am I dreaming about. Mna I would never get married if my guy doesnt want to pay lobola, he can go fly a kite. I also think one of the reasons that families demand such big amounts is because of divorce. Once you leave your marriage you go back home.

Chase on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:56 am

@The parents had no right to demand an unreasonable amount for lobola.

wht would u say is a reasonable amount to pay to some1 who had raised u a wife? some1 who incurred the ff costs:

-bought towel nappies or disposable nappies
-ama nestum nama purity
-ama rompers n crawlers
-medicine
-creche fees
-school fees 4 12 yrs
-school uniform
-food & clothing
-tuition fees 4 4yrs, the list is endless…..

if u count the money the parents spent raising u a wife ur lobola is only a 1 year’s cost. Phela a wife is not like le ipad ongayi affordi oyibhadla ngama cosicosi but uchoma ngayo uclaimer ukuthi unenyuku.

Wild Island on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:59 am

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeer bra fana: @by losing her virginity elsewhere, she has taken away all bragging rights from her soon to be husband….wena are u a virgin in the bloody first place?

*reads comments…mxnm…waitsi batho lebona ke di VOETSTOETS MARA BALLELA MA VIRGIN AS IF LEBONA KEWONA..SIS..akena taba le lobola eocos i can lobola u myself hakebatla jeeeeeeer

posh on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 9:59 am

@Chanse “nama pictures wakho nje adakiwe boy cos if uphilile kahle la ekhanda wena ucabanga ukuthi ungaphakamisa inkomo ngathi ikati”

lol kwaaaa

Soso on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:01 am

AMEN @ Leungo’s first comment..

shybear on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:02 am

its worse when the man is expected to pay lobola, buy expensive ring, expensive white wedding, buy the house, etc. Lobola must just end, it has lost its true meaning/purpose. today’s society(esp women) is selective wen it comes to culture, they follow wats convenient to them, they want lobola but they dnt want to wear black clothes(for mourning/shilafala) for the whole yr wen their husbands die, n its also difficult 4careerwomen to play the housewives roles becoz we need to work, so #lobolamustend (by the way i was lobolad with real cows they must be fetched in Bots, lol)

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:05 am

Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Only reading Chase’s comment now about inkomo ngathi ikati! Kwaaaaaa!!

Nokxie on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:06 am

Didnt Fana say he doesnt respond to comments, soo why the hell is he subtweeting us and trying to justify his article in a platform that it was not published on

BlindFold on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:08 am

As @chace mentioned @fana please do not make assumptions about lobola, you need to ask your elders not what you get on the internet written by whities.

Lobola is suppose to be cows as it was done traditionally/way back, however due to the fact that most families no longer have cows they have to compensate with cash. And these days both the groom and bride contribute to the lobola even though it will appear as if its the husband to be who paid the entire amount.

If they can afford to pay R100 000.00 why not!!

Eyh2Jee on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:15 am

lmao at this Article.
I just had to lol at BS’s comment.
Hayi uFana uze kak’bi.
Here am I, thinking that the Fana who wrote this article was Fana Mokoena. Lol anyway
I fully agree with Fana.Lobola has no value these days,people charge you like they wanna pay oomatshonisa.

LadyMillion on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:18 am

Nkulukumba Mabasa?@FanaThePurp

In breaking news: Fana, Tsonga Original has haters. Can you believe it? Wow, Jesus can come back now.

Expand Reply
Retweet

Favorite

3mNkulukumba Mabasa?@FanaThePurp

So its official, I got haters via JC bloggers. Just because its written by me its nonsense and not worth reading or commenting on. *lmfao*

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*shame akekho right*

sweetness on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:19 am

YHOOO Leungo You have made me change my comment!! I fully agree with you!!

I do understand that in most cases it is over priced, thats why you dont see alot of black weddings, but go to a coloured/white neighbour hood, there is a wedding every weekend.

I wont comment much on this, as my knowledge is limited. I wish I knew what really goes on there…

I remember my mother asking me what my bf does for a living, i told here he is an engineer, Yho, she shocked the livers out of me!! she said, “thats wonderful, engineers have money, he will pay a nice price for ilobola, and I can finish off building my other house!!” For a moment that put me off wanting to be lobolaad but i know it has to be done.

PoohBear on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:22 am

I agree with the sentiments that Lobola is fast losing it’s value in our black culture. Yet i disagree with the notion that it should be discarded. Slowly we are losing sense of ourselves and our culture as black people. If you don’t want to pay Lobola don’t get married simple. If you want to pay Lobola khipha okuphuma enhliziyweni yakho. If you happen ukulobola umuntu who already has a child out of wedlock, umkhethile that shouldn’t matter mumthanda ngempela umuntu wakho. I still don’t get why Education kumele ibe ingxenye yeLobolo, mina ekhaya ngabatshela nje ukuthi should kuqhamuke umuntu efuna ukungilobola bokwamukela lokhu anakho. Bangabi nje nombobholo ongasile.

hlengzzz on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:26 am

THIS!!!>>>>> “nama pictures wakho nje adakiwe boy cos if uphilile kahle la ekhanda wena ucabanga ukuthi ungaphakamisa inkomo ngathi ikati” *in tears!* #MorningMade!!

posh on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:27 am

Regardless of their carees women still play a primary role at home of being the cook, mother, teacher, wife, sex goddess in the bedroom, added to that is their financial contribution towards family expenses…

She is the Prime Minister/CEO while you are the President/a ‘board’ that wants reports and oversee the operations of the house, but not hands-on

Women fall pregnant, take 3-6 months leave caring for children that will carry your surname….We then bring up these kids while you are out hustling for the family, in endless meetings and hanging out with your homies…

On who is the primary caregiver, it is not negotiable, a woman has to be there all the time, while it is expected that you have to have your ‘you time’ with your newspapers, friends, sports, entertain business partners etc

What you think has changed is actually still the same, at home women are still expected to play same roles like before, this time there is an added responsibility of bringing money to the family to relieve pressure on men

So, these are some of the reason you still have to pay LOBOLA….a token of appreciation to your wife’s family for training their girl to take care of you and create a home for your children.. nowadays help you in your responsibility of being a bread winner!

Truth is, a house is not a home without a woman…it’s cold broda

Miranda on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:29 am

7 years from now I see Fana at Capitec bank going to ask for R100k to lobola her Zulu/Xhosa/Swati girl….he wont even tweet about it because the tweeps will remind him about this article.

shybear on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:29 am

@chase the groom’s family also did all that u mentioned on ur list to raise their son mos? Nna i just want us to come together as two individuals who will start life together, n if it doesnt work out we go our separate ways, finish!! no buying of another human being. n this thing of paying for damages who is damaged?? its nt the guy s fault that the lady is preggies it takes two to tango she shud know that b4 engaging in unsafe sex(or its a mistake wateva) A gona di damages tsa selo mo, otherwisw the boy is also damaged. #myopinion cant say i dnt expect to be crucified pls

makasoso on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:35 am

@shybear i believe its only the girl that’s labelled as damaged because once you as a girl have sex there is something physical that changes unlike a man, you will never know if the man has had sex or not before. Same goes with having a baby, very difficult for a lady to hide that she’s been pregnant before whereas with a man they can have 20 children but no one would be able to tell

fabulicious on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:38 am

Hehehehehe Fana Mokoena pho??
LMAO u guys r funny! *wiping tears*

Miranda on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:39 am

@Makasoso….and we might have 20 cases of Khumbulekhaya 20 years down the line. Poor wife still has to deal with that.

manny on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:44 am

nna I am marrying a mlungu..angizu kudliwa …
I have sat in two lobola negotiations for my cousin and my sister..

this couzin of mine is SFERB of note …the whole family knows mara they go and charge R45 000 …shame the way my cousin cried saying they want to kill her boyfreind.yena she knows she is not that much and all she wants is to get married…
we would hear her cries in the dining room .

my take is that lobola/mahadi is to bring the families together-building a relationship between inlaws …and thanking them for naturing a wife for your son …

come to think it, all the money comes back coz there are presents to be shared by the families ..ITS BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP..HENCE THEY EVEN EXCHANGE LIMBS OF WHATEVER ANIMAL IS SLAUGHTERED…

you cannot charge people for educating your child ,,,ITS YOUR JOB TO DO SO…..what if she doesnt get married ? will she pay you back once she starts working ?

@chase …insults are so not like you bafo? i gstring yakho ingene itswape ?

samoooosa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:45 am

This “its our culture” argument doesnt hold water! If every cultural practice is to be continued for that argument then we should stop question polygamy and all the other practices. Women moan about a patriarchal society but are in favour of ilobolo a practice that has historical made women slaves and allowed men to get away with a lot of nonsense siting the “coz I paid lobolo for her” reason. Culture has become more like religion with ppl selectively using parts of it to justify what they want.

@JohneighGALAXY™ on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:47 am

There is a Man who payed R8K for a Woman who is a dentist a while ago. Their still blissfully married years later. Their relationship is one of mutual respect and adoration. His Wife didn’t think less of Him just because She was a masters graduate w/ a 6 figure salary. There is another Man I know who payed R80K for i’lobolo roughly around the same time as the Man who payed R8K and the poor marriage didn’t even last a whole year. Their marriage lacked the essentials of a great relationship though a hefty dowry was negotiated.

You people speak of i’lobolo as if it’s gonna make your marriage last for eternity. The practice of dowry was mostly for relationship building between families. It lost it’s cause the moment it became about sexual history and level of education. Don’t make me pay for things You had to do as a parent. If it’s about claiming back from Your son-in-law things You HAD to do for Your daughter, then there’s no point at all for it. The beauty of it is then lost.

As for Fana’s take on things, ga ke mo-blame shem. Banna ba ma-changane gaise ba tlhomphe basadi babone. Ke le’changane mo le sepelang moteng. MaChangane ke dichauvinist ka tlhago ya bone.

hlengzzz on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:49 am

…and that time the guy ophakamisa “inkomo ngathi ikati” is wearing iwaistcoat ye Coco Chanel… *ClapsOnce*

PoohBear on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:49 am

The only things that should determine how much you should pay for Lobola, uThando lakho for umuntu ofisa ukumenza uNkosikazi wakho, and how deep you think your pocket is. No1 should dictate how much you should pay. And all these other factors should not play any part of lobola negotiations.

Wena Fana you claiming a woman who has a child out of wedlock is 2nd hand goods, whose to say wena you are first hand. How many noockies have you muffed too. AmaDouble Standards awafuneki. Mthande umuntu wakho enough not to let the past influence ifuture yenu.

samoooosa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:51 am

And i put it to you that the very same ppl who use the culture argument wont go through with culture norms after lobolo has been paid! For instance, u wont allow your sister to bear your man’s kids if you (lobolad lady) cant. The issue of lobolo and the other cultural practices around it is very complex and modern women wont stand the other “demands” of culture but would gladly accept lobolo coz “its our culture”

thephlyone on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:53 am

To think that some guy has to pay lobola 1day for that chick who gave Kenny Kunene a bj at Icon on Sunday at the VIP section in front of every1 who was there…shame!!!

kimmo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:55 am

loooool @ maule saying they could hear the cousin crying from the dining room , kante didnt the guy have the money manny?

MsCanham on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:55 am

LOL @ chase!

There is nothing wrong in questioning culture but funeka siyenze lonto ngentlonipho. Lobola is part of our culture, whether we feel if it’s relevant in this new generation or not; it’s going nowhere. Let’s just DEAL tuu!! Thandaza qha wena ufumane ifamily engazuku exploita!!.

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:56 am

Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! JOHNEIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“As for Fana’s take on things, ga ke mo-blame shem. Banna ba ma-changane gaise ba tlhomphe basadi babone. Ke le’changane mo le sepelang moteng. MaChangane ke dichauvinist ka tlhago ya bone.”

flawleslee on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:56 am

sometimes the people who give guys the right to say shir like this is those women who are so despearate to marry that they even lobola themselves , or tell a guy that ekhaya they musn’t be greedy nathi mantombazana siyazishibhisa ngoba sincenga ukushadwa izilima thatquestion why they should lobola us, like we are a commodity…. with love comes sacrifice, the greater the goal or the prize the bigger the sacrifice, uma ungenamali ungafuni ukushada ke any ways uzoze ulambise ingane yabantu. If you dont have money thula uti tuuuu….

@JohneighGALAXY™ on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:57 am

@Fana The Poop must stop being childish. Just because people don’t agree w/ Your views it doesn’t mean people hate You. Le wena ekare otlile go iphetosha a blocked toilet bjana!

kimmo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:57 am

“ooooops malume manny”

Jellytot on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:57 am

Hai man sies, who would want to kiss kennys tototsi! some girls have no standards

cherries on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:58 am

Firstyl, can I just put it out there that I havent read the comments so forgive me if I will repeat what has already been said before.. I’m merely replying to what Fana is saying..

I’m glad the Lobola that I know does not fall into the one u just described above.. In my Swazi culture, or rather in my family, my education will not determine my lobola simply because education is not a rare commodity in this family.. Our lobola currency is also not cash, but rather its cows, if u do not have those cows u will go buy them & bring them here..

My Lobola will to an extent be determined by what the oldest girl (known as inkhosatana) went for, in our case she went for 20 plus 2-lugege (slaughtered during the lobola ceremony) nensulamnyembeti (given to the mother of the bride)!! So if I’m to marry now, before I have kids, I will be worth anything between 15-20 cows!!

On the Sunday, after the wedding (which is mostly paid for by my family), we will have to present the grooms extended family with gifts (grass-mats, cutlery, blankets & the ever important bedroom suite for the groom). Those lobola cows will be sold to pay for all those gifts!!

This whole process is meant to build & sthrenthen the relations between our families not exploit each other, at the end of the day we end up forking equal amounts, no richly gains there!!

Sorry for the blog within a blog..

shybear on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:59 am

hands a Bells to samoosa,
@Makasoso but that is nature taking its course, y shud i be referred to as ‘damaged’ because i had a baby, just becoz my body goes thru some physical changes becos of pregnacy/sex doesnt mean its damaged, sumthing that is ‘damaged’ its useless n can no longer be used for its original purpose, hence i have a problem with this, maybe its just english, pity i dont knw wat its called in Sepedi since its nt practised in my village,

Azande on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 10:59 am

@PoohBear Wena Fana you claiming a woman who has a child out of wedlock is 2nd hand goods, whose to say wena you are first hand. How many noockies have you muffed too. AmaDouble Standards awafuneki. Mthande umuntu wakho enough not to let the past influence ifuture yenu.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>@PoohBear mina i think uFana useyi V-Dot never seen it b4 LOL Phela usawoti/indlala ibanga ulaka

shybear on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 11:06 am

now go na le di bedroomsuite? nna i dnt rememba any culture e involva di bedroomsuite

Monei on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 11:22 am

hmmmm. interesting topic.

guys, Fana didnt come up with the term “damaged goods”. y’all all now it. and y’all all know the discussions following pregnancy out of wedlock are nicknamed “damages” vele.

I do find him a bit weird for his subtweets if they are truly directed at the bloggers commenting here. they don’t make sense if thats the case so he must be talking about other ppl being haters who wnt read or comment.

anyways,to those who say it must be done away with. it saddens me that you don’t even think of improving it or fixing it. as we all acknowledge, this world has evolved and i agree with cultures evolving too. we can’t think as children when we’ve grown into adults, similarly, we should be bringing our cultures into the new century. how about we work on that? one idea, is to work on intercultural stuff. coz at my rate, i won’t be marrying a motswana but if i marry an nguni and they want all those gifts and ceremonies, it will be foreign to my family by far. our process is alot more clean cut. negotiate, transfer cows, my family throws the celebration, be off and happily married.

BlindFold on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 11:24 am

@shybear almost every culture involves bedroom suites, dining room suites and kitchen units, when the bride is officially taken to the grooms home she has to go with those, in Sesotho its call “ho phahlela” its also done with other cultures.

Monei on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 11:26 am

just the way bedroom suites and kists made it into nguni cultures, these high prices and purchases can be corrected.

and my assertion about bringing our cultures into the new centuries with us applies to languages as well. they die if not used and updated. i think we can even extend it to foods.africanise the things we now grow on our land coz they are now also a part of our lives.

makasoso on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 11:26 am

@shybear maybe its the english word thats making it a bit harsh but this issue is a debate on its own. They might be calling us damaged because we were never supposed to have sex/children before we were married anyway!

and withregards to the bedroom suites issue, in my culture ikhona, there’s a meaning attached to your parents buying you all the stuff they buy but since in my culture women aren’t involved but like Lelo said, it would be nice if there would be some tv show explaining the process of lobola in EVERY culture that practices it, in that way people would be making statements based on facts instead of calling people fools because they do not believe in something

Sips187 on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 11:27 am

Another reason for ilobolo is that its supposed to be a deterrent for divorce. After having gone through such an expensive exercise ( lobola, umabo, izibiso, wedding etc) you need to think twice about going through the same experience again. The whole process makes you value and appreciate each other. I value my husband cos he showed me that I am worth all the trouble he had to go through & respenct him for that and i also had to part with extra money that lobola did not cover. So there, ilobolo aliyi ndawo

manny on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 11:30 am

DAMAGE KE DAMAGE .MAAN …second hand…

Jellytot on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 11:37 am

Yawn, lobola wont go away anytime soon. deal with it, be prepared to go through the motions. take the challenge like a man!

nana on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 11:38 am

LMAO @JG “As for Fana’s take on things, ga ke mo-blame shem. Banna ba ma-changane gaise ba tlhomphe basadi babone. Ke le’changane mo le sepelang moteng. MaChangane ke dichauvinist ka tlhago ya bone.”

*DEAD*

Kusihlwa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 11:43 am

Kwaaaaaaaaaa@DAMAGE KE DAMAGE .MAAN …second hand… manny uyahlanya shame. Mina when a man comes to pay for lobola for my daughter I will ask him to rather use that money to pay for a deposit for a house so that they have a foundation to build thier lives on, thats me.

BlindFold on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 11:54 am

I do not think that there are parents who will be happy if a son brings umakoti who has a child/children, however the parents must just accept the decisions that have been taken by the son.

Ms.Zie on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 11:55 am

Kwaaaaaa Fana, of course the lobola has to increase if the woman is educated. The salary she earns wil form part of your household income, which is a loss of income for her parents

I AGREE!!!!

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 11:57 am

LOL, it seems like some people were touched on their studios by being reffered to “damaged goods”!!!

Kanti what do you wanna call yourselves?

“DAMAGE KE DAMAGE .MAAN …second hand…” Kwaaa!!

PoohBear on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 11:57 am

@kusi Lmao, ngyamsola nami. Ngizwa ngiyamuzwela ke ngoba leliVava alifunayo, usazolicinga, ngaphandle meya emhlangeni.

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:02 pm

I have a question, when gays/lesbos marry, do they also pay lobola? How does it work? Where’s @Bee to explain..

So Lerato would send her elders to Nthabiseng’s fam, and would Lerato then pay lobola for Nthabiseng if she’s the “man”?.. Can someone please explain..

Kusihlwa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:04 pm

@Pooh bear, Ngempela…I mean raising a deposit for property is no walk in the park just like raising imali for ilobolo akusiyo insangu so atleast when they so that they are covered.
Atleast I fell pregnant in my marriage, angifuni ukuba ama Damaged goods shame, AKA Second hand.

mama ka Gundi on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:11 pm

Ok I couldnt finish reading the article as umoya wam ubuxoveka!
Reasearch does wonders yazi, not google research but sit with elders , interview different people from different cultures etc! Just maybe ur perspective will differ from le ntsango ur wrote!

As 4the damaged goods and virgin statement! Ok’salayo uzodliwa! No trophy No reward 30 minutes is all it takes virgin no more!

Babyluv on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:11 pm

Kwaaaaaaaa hai maan JG —-> fana the poop. People should just deal LOBOLA isnt going anywhere just like CIRCUMCISION.

cherries on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:17 pm

@Shybear “Monei says:
just the way bedroom suites and kists made
it into nguni cultures, these high prices and
purchases can be corrected.” Obviously the bedroom suits are a result of evolution of time & I think Monei answers that perfectly..

On the ‘Damaged Goods’ subject-eish limbi naleligama, but in my view the lobola price is lowered because whoever has impregnated u before is expected to have paid damages already so those damages will be deducted from ur lobola..

Mathaz on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:20 pm

Fana you are very disrepectful towards women and our culture. I feel sorry for whoever you are going to marry coz you will forever check if you got your money’s worth. Lobola is a beautiful tradition which has evolved with time. Clearly you don’t expect the same 1 cow in the 60′s to be the same this day and age.

There was a painful article on City Press the past Sunday of an uncle whose niece did not want lobola coz of religious beliefs.

Leungo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:23 pm

Bathong Joneigh, wa re banna ba MaShangaan ba dirang?
Modisana wee!!

Alexis on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:28 pm

Is there anyone in here who is married to a Venda lady that knows the lobola procedure? Anyone?

Mathaz on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:32 pm

@Fabu and @bumbum….tjo your husbands paid that much?? Clearly mine was under charged shem.

Ms.Zie on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:32 pm

CO-SIGN!!!!

MyThoughts on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:32 pm

thephlyone says:

To think that some guy has to pay lobola 1day for that chick who gave Kenny Kunene a bj at Icon on Sunday at the VIP section in front of every1 who was there…shame!!!

Posted on July 24th, 2012
^
^
^
Things y’all see with your naked eyes though LoL

MyThoughts on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:35 pm

Do homos lobola each other mara? #JustCurious

lolington kwaaa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:37 pm

In fact, boys should not be talking nje….unless they understand the real meaning of lobola. Men know better.
And I refuse to belive a guy who trully loves his woman would rather remain unmarried than make her a wife all because of lobola negotitations. If you are complaining about the price….then how about you go buy 11 cows cash. Let’s see how ‘cheap’ that will be. Angazi ngoba each cow costs R7000 to R9000 depending on the size.

In fact that’s the solutions for people like Fana and the likes, you don’t wanna pay cash, bring cows then…..and if she’s not a virgin (which you would be….in your dreams) then minus 1 cow (Inkomo yomqhoyiso). You will still have to save up R70 000+! Can we not forget the fee to transport the cows! Your budget goes up to R10 000+ depending on the distance.

You can choose to grow up and be a MAN (with a home, wife and kids) or a BOY.

Babyluv on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:38 pm

Oh mi gosh @thephlyone did everyone see Kennys totolozi? Is it big/small? Did he climax? Eeeuw (/_\)

tin tin on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:45 pm

I think Fana’s biggest mistake was dragging Tsonga culture into this whole debate.

He should have just written his view on the topic and left it at that!

Tsonga culture is indifferent from other cultures and lobola is a custom to bring families together in marriage. As a proud Tsonga woman I beg for Fana’s views to be distanced from our culture.

As for Joneigh’s comments about Tsonga men I really am appalled by your utterances,not all Tsonga men are like that,it’s an unfair generalization and shouldn’t be entertained in platforms like these.

Thanks y’all enjoy your day!

Monei on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:55 pm

anyone wana share what Fana is saying on twitter now? MyThoughts, ke kopa o thuse. i know u’r on twitter.

lolington kwaaa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 12:58 pm

And can you girls tell your mothers to tell your Uncle Jabulani’s who don’t even have jobs to sit down during lobola negotiations. These people will think with the ‘GREED’ part of their brains because they’ve never even had a job and obviously do not understand how much one has to work for the ridiculous money they charge the groom’s side. Those Uncles are poison istru. You guys included, send people abangamaciko (great speakers) who can lower the price and be respectful while at it. Lobola negotiations sounded like a form of game/ art when my granny explained it. It needs people with respect, dignity, charm and brains!
#JustSaying

manny on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:08 pm

@kimmo…they had some money ..mata nje sistaz was just emotional thinking what iff the people who wanna marry her retract their offer coz they are being charged too much ?

Wild Island on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:10 pm

tjo haaaaaaaaaaaaa

1..Phela a wife is not like le ipad ongayi affordi oyibhadla ngama cosicosi but uchoma ngayo uclaimer ukuthi unenyuku.
2..Banna ba ma-changane gaise ba tlhomphe basadi babone. Ke le’changane mo le sepelang moteng
3..heeee there’s a guy who once told me in my face i’m worth 5tauzen cos kele return soldure kamorwaka kammae lol
4…*claps 50tmes* there’s a lady i know who’smother wants to renovate her kitchen ka batho babohadi ,as she single raised her daughter vele ojwetsitse bo mkhozi kgore obatla
*russell hobbs kettle ya glass
*russell hobbs toaster ya glass
*russell hobbs sandwithc maker
*russell hobbs fridge double door ya spili
*russell hobbs microwave
*carmel accessories.
*mvula mlomo R15000
*lobola R50000.
PS:they are rich so pls its not like they want the guys money batlwaetse dintho tse expensive vele oooh..for umambeso(sp) banyaka dituku tsa LV and marc jabobs bags..nto your moseme nama tjali nama cup wase osbro…heeeee
#how i wish Fana can marry into this family bathong hle..rebone hore kgomonyana eo yahae ya lefyega(igwala) ekukilweng otlaereng….
*tlabe ribina tswang tswang tswang..leboneee..ngwana otshwana lelekhalate(alemontsho gore nogal makoti wateng)…lebo manny ..

*chase wena i give up shem haaa.

bumbum on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:11 pm

@Mathaz Hahaha he really did cough out shame, I remeber eyoyikhipha ebank eyiphethe ngo back pack lol. He’s the best I tell you.

Lustagp on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:14 pm

Without reading anyline form your article pulp let me just say: Only a black Fool will write this.

Why do you black people make a mockery of out tradition and cultures? Damn i curse the day a white man came to this part of the world and taught u and me how to write, type and speak his langauge more than yours…Yeer…!

MyThoughts on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:15 pm

Ha ha ha @Monei will you pay me stipend(nyana) for copy and paste ya @FanaThePurp tweets or atleast get me @Eyh2Jee’s e-mail address? <3<3

manny on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:25 pm

@wildy ….thola rona reya lenyalong ..

offtopic ..im being vurvayad mo moyeng,…nrapeleng coz ketlo ya sun city soon

Monei on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:26 pm

Ijajajaja! WA TURA @MyThoughts. count this is as part of ur 67min ya 2013 in advance. tltltltl. Where’s Eyh2Jee to help a sista help another sista?

asanwababe on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:29 pm

The title of the article just makes me SMH.
I haven’t read all the comments, so I don’t know if this has been mentioned.

It’s funny how a lot of men from other cultures / races are more than willing to pay ilobola for their black women. They embrace the whole concept and they seem to understand the significance of the whole act; perhpas even better than our own brothers *side eyes Fana*.

Letebele on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:33 pm

Its sad to know that these are thoughts of a young black man.

Saying a woman with a child is ‘damaged goods’ is not disrespectful but it just goes to show that men are hypocrites(sp). If they were men enough,their kids wouldn’t have to be raised by other men.

The writer of this piece is clearly not gonna marry a black girl coz no family would allow their daughter to be married by a man who doesn’t respect african customs.

You think Lobola is the worst thing that can ever happen to a man? Trying marrying a sangoma,uzobona amasimba before you can say she is yours. There’s more than just lobola involved. and that is something you can’t run away from.

GeePee on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:35 pm

is Boity and Stevelmarc dating???

Lustagp on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:42 pm

Yhoo after reading your comments i can go back to my whole, i am glad most of you still respect and holding on to your Africannes..

People like Fana prefer to be ‘Skhothane’s’ than saving for Lobola, they are so brainwashed they cant even see it. They opress themselves and have the typing powers to share their garbage. I bet he would rather pay R200 000 for a white wedding than paying a mere R70 000 for lobola.

Go to Hillbrow Fana, i am sure the are a lot of Magosha’s who can marry your for free…nxaaa!

Gomolemo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:46 pm

Ha..ha…@Manny, wena? sun city? I thought u said i was going there, not wena. lol

TheGirl on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:47 pm

LMAO! “nama pictures wakho nje adakiwe boy cos if uphilile kahle la ekhanda wena ucabanga ukuthi ungaphakamisa inkomo ngathi ikati”

kamzababy on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:55 pm

Why do you want a virgin when a lot of sferb’s have been singing on your mic….
kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Chase and Lolington high 5 guys

Ice on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:57 pm

This article has inspired a discussed on Eusebius McKaiser’s show on Talk radio 702. He will be discussuing this subject tonight at 9pm.

Wild Island on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:57 pm

hhaa @Gomo lenna i wanted to say that…le ena aeme ko tiki box remo founele

(LUSTAA)))) ubuyaphi bathong..kisses all over your garden..

@Letebele watseba double if not fourple standards..bona batsamaya ba etsa anyana babatho di used goods dump them without marrying them then baeketse betere karona..tsek..used goods ke used goods yamasepa manny i dont care who says what cos lewena haotle ka sticker sa new mo oleng o depreciated so much that otlo wela monna bago ganne kontle haonketsetse favour kana..if osaenyake why oenyala in the first place sheeeeeeeee#hands him a key to suncity lol

Kusihlwa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 1:58 pm

Hi Lusat, where you been?

Nandisile on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:01 pm

Haven’t read all the comments yet, besides BS, so someone may have pointed this out already:

Interesting and hypocritical that Fana says he’s against lobola because it is manipulated into being abt money (sometimes true), and yet he is the ‘calculating’ a woman’s ‘value’ based on sexual partners, kids.. Double standards and patriarchy once again..

kamzababy on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:01 pm

iyoh Leungo etlo ketlo rekela Yougetta…

shybear on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:02 pm

wa bora waitsi malume manny

shybear on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:03 pm

wa bora waitsi malume manny, u damaged gud

Ntombi Yomzulu on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:15 pm

NgesiZulu kuthengwa iBedroom suite which symbolises New Beginnings for the couple so they dont have to sleep kumbhede omdala ayekade elala kuwo ubhuti with the SFerbs(as bloggers would say) and Kist ibhokisi umama akhipha ngalo ingane yakhe since iyongena emzini…

@Tin Tin ungazobaSerious*ngyadlala*

Trying marrying a sangoma,uzobona amasimba before you can say she is yours. Death by @Letebele

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:25 pm

Sorry but I just can’t stop laughing!!!!!!!! Kwaaaaaaaaa!

http://blogs.sowetanlive.co.za/weddings/2012/07/flesher-and-rirhandzu-shibambu/?pid=7824&pageid=2620

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:26 pm

Kwaaaaaa! Nangu uMonwabisi!!!!!

http://blogs.sowetanlive.co.za/weddings/2012/07/monwabisi-and-thembisa-jaza/

manny on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:27 pm

gyts yall dont expect me to pay R150 000 for lelo…she has a son…..bamo robile lengoele….she now knows things tsa batho babaholo

mara ill gladly pay r200 K FOR MY SPONONO ..NO KIDZZZZZ

manny on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:30 pm

KWAAA

@SMATSATSA KE monwabisi oshapang lolo….

Gomolemo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:32 pm

@smatsatsa, o stout shem!! kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Ntombi Yomzulu on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:33 pm

Smatsatsa, Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??? I dont know on whether to laugh or cry ngalomhlola

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:39 pm

This is worse!!!!

http://blogs.sowetanlive.co.za/weddings/2012/07/kgomotso-and-amohelang-borotho/

makasoso on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:41 pm

@smatsatsa LMAO im dead, i’m sitting here trying to figure out the meaning of that pose

Jellytot on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:41 pm

kwaaaa at the swimming pool pose!

manny on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:44 pm

kunzima./..
traditional wedding will never go wrong..thats all I am having

PoohBear on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:45 pm

Agree with you manny there, Traditional Weddings stay winning, the tree pose and swimming pool poses, TJO !!!!! Ive never kwaaaaa

Azande on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:46 pm

kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Smatsatsa why mara Dead Lol

lolington kwaaa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 2:58 pm

You guys should have seen how seriously angry I was all along because of this article, and then Smatsatsa came along with those links….kweeeeeeeeeehehehehehehehe *tears flowing*. Hawemuh! Tsek Smatsatsa yezwa? Usila lomntana! Lmao!!!!!!!!!!
I actually have a headache from laughing!

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:01 pm

I think we all needed that after Fana the Poop’s got us all emo..

Kwaaaa!!!! I’m naughty yazi!

MsRooi on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:15 pm

Dead! Dead! Dead! Woooooooow!!! I have been in tears all day.. wow! I cant!!!!

Chase, JG and Lolington neh?! tltltltl..

Ms.Zie: “Your article lacks balance, exposing your level of maturity when it comes to this topics, luckily for you, your ignorance will only be tolerated by a woman who’ll have no sense of worth to be taken freely by you..”….

hahahahahahaha!!!

Lela on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:15 pm

Question: do abortions count ko di damaged goods or kubalwa only the seen kids cz for all we know many ur sponono may be more damaged than me. With that said #teamloboladamagegoodsofnee

Lela on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:20 pm

Do abortions count ko di damaged goods or kubalwa only seen kids cz for all we know manny your sponono could be more damaged than me. #teamloboladamagedgoodsofnee

Monei on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:21 pm

lmao!@smatsatsa, wa tla wa nkgopotsa my fave wedding site. that tree one is very common.

batho ba limpopo, pls tell me the name of the hotel they like to take pictures at, where the pool has rock-like surroundings?

Can i just ask the people: when do u combine the legality of marriage with the traditional stuff? esp if u dnt follow up with a white wedding , i.e. at church. when do u sign? how many of u opted/will opt for a customary marriage?

Dinie on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:23 pm

Yaaay! Thank you BS for finally sorting me out.
Yello JC Family!

Nonkuku on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:26 pm

Hahahaha! I would be really funny if kanti those sowetan pics are from someone wa la ekhaya (JC) (/\)

LadyMillion on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:26 pm

http://blogs.sowetanlive.co.za/weddings/2012/07/monwabisi-and-thembisa-jaza/?pid=7780

kwaaa @smatsatsa..did u the one where Monwabisi and his bafote next to a tombstone..why mara

LadyMillion on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:29 pm

ayi maybe thats what they wanted..ayi mna i would refuse.not kwiwedding pics

Fluffie on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:33 pm

Aaah just had to share:

http://www.news24.com/MyNews24/Lobola-is-a-personal-issue-20120724

Very different views I see from bloggers, interesting I must say.
But for me personally; No lobola, no wedding/marriage!

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:39 pm

Kwaa Nonkunku maybe they are?! who knows.. People must choose their photographers carefully yazi, phela they are the ones directing these people how to pose.. I’ve always said that I will not have my wedding pics anywhere online, or even these wedding websites that people create.. I can’t stand the thought of someone laughing at me the way I feast on these poor souls..

Monei I don’t understand your question kahle..

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:48 pm

Fluffie she makes a valid point though, I agree with her sentiments.. She didn’t grow up in a cultured environment and to expect her to adopt it seasonally just because she’s getting married makes no sense at all..

If she wanted to pay lobola to her friends father, that wouldn’t be an issue as well as the groom would be thanking them for raising her..

makasoso on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:49 pm

Mgayi – July 24, 2012 at 13:25 Report commentComments Policy
If you don’t want lobola paid for you it is okay but at least let your boyfriend pay lobola to the father(s) of your kids since he is now going to adopt and raise them as his own.

HOW STUPID IS THIS COMMENT MARA?

Gomolemo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:52 pm

My cousin also posted his wedding pics on sowetan. Guys please search for them and tell me what u think. I will forward your feedback to him. Their names are Naledi & Khumo None. Guys please pay special atttention to the groom (my cousin) and tell me what u think.

Lustagp on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:52 pm

hey Kusi and Wildy…i am a round, this is a very hectic stressing year, no time for blogging, missed it soo much.

ha ha ha Makasoso!!

Where is Lolo?

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:53 pm

That’s stupid Makososo, what would justify paying lobola to raise someone else’s kids? They should be paying him for taking over their responsibilities..

Monei on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:56 pm

@Smatsatsa, I was asking when do ppl usually sign (legalise their marriage) after the lobola stuff is done? that is assuming they do a civil marriage. then i asked how many would or have chosen customary marriages over civil (legally speaking)? i.e. when the law looks at u.

just tryna figure out if everyone even signs and how we get “divorce” cases ala State Theatre lady and Joelle where they have to prove they were married at all.

makasoso on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 3:58 pm

@smatsatsa, some people comment just for the sake of commenting! i can imagine now all baby daddies claiming lobola whereas bamithise bashiya!

LadyMillion on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:06 pm

@gomolemo..ur cousin has a beautiful wife…he is not bad either…cute

kimmo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:12 pm

hahahahahahahahahahahaha@ bathong smatsatsa and you links hai!

hallllllo@lusta

Gomolemo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:14 pm

@Ladymillion. Thanks.

Azande on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:14 pm

@Gomolemo usile ufuna sincome bahle they make a cute couple, but i pose yasesihlahleni cant help but to think ngaba fundi bakaBona Magazine

Gomolemo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:18 pm

Hao @Azande there is nothing wrong about bragging, lol. They make a nice couple neh? my cousin is only 23. He married young….

Monei on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:20 pm

@ladymillion, i second that. o nyetse lekgarebe tota. thus i was so surprised to see the fingerloop satin glove
mara they suit ea other. ur cuz has a baby face

Gomolemo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:23 pm

Kwaaaaaaaaa @fingerloop satin glove!!

Azande on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:24 pm

Hao @Azande there is nothing wrong about bragging, lol. They make a nice couple neh? my cousin is only 23. He married young….>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>yah true theres nothing wrong im looking 1st pic, 2nd pic ect, thinking he bana uyachoma uGomolemo coz they so young and cute and u know very well it was a beautiful day nice man wish them happiness all the way.

manny on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:26 pm

@gomza ,,,couz yagao enale sponono se hot

manny on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:26 pm

yeah the glove killed the joy hey ..

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:27 pm

Monei it’s different, mina my one friend signed before the white wedding, after the customary wedding was out of the way and my other friend signed at the actual wedding ceremony just after they were declared husband and wife..
I asked my other friend why she signed before and she told me that they don’t believe in asking if there’s anyone who has reasons why they shouldn’t marry, because in their family those things are supposed to come up in the beginning of the lobola negotiations and not wait till the end, so they really don’t care if you’ll object their weddding cos they’ve already signed..

Smatsatsa on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:30 pm

kwaaaaaaa at the fingerloop satin glove!!!!!! The bride looks beautiful though

Lol at Manny, the glove killed the joy..

Wild Island on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:40 pm

AKETHOLE LINK YA BO COUSIN….PASTE TU

Gomolemo on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 4:52 pm

@Wildy, google Naledi & Khumo wedding pics.

Ga gona sekobo ko gae….LOL

sweetness on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 5:08 pm

hayi, mina all this lobola talks makes me want to get lobolad now!! Not even the negative energy is putting me off… I wont have a white wedding though, but a traditional only!!

snapshot on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 5:33 pm

@Gomo ur cousin and wifey looks beautiful kodwa i’ve been scratching my head ingathi i know Mr guy- i will have to dig deeper i will let you know lol- wife hot to the H O T, bayafanelana

snapshot on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 5:35 pm

i chose to silent blog on the topic, its been done and exhausted, nothing new. instead i copied the link to colleagues so they can laugh at the kamasutra experience etc

somehow i knew Lustagp will comment today and im happy that vele he commented

NOLO on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 5:36 pm

What a day…*whew*
Kwaaaaaaaaaaa the wedding pics just took away all my exhaustion.
As for the article, boy lobola aint goin nowhere so deal.

TheRealGingerBreadMan on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 6:37 pm

This Naledi guy… Does he still work ko bank. We both work in the finance sectors but different roles. I once met him via gayville acquaintances of mine many eons ago. I’m so glad he manned up to marry, ms Matshika, the mother of his son. I bet fags must be mourning the loss of yet another young virile stud to the deep, dark, dingy, over-crowded closet. Damn I don’t want to say much to risk outing poor souls unintentionally. Sometimes knowing things can be such a burden. May he continue to make Khumo the happiest wife on planet earth. After all, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her and steal her happiness. Let me go back to my lil corner in silentblogville.

Babyluv on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:32 pm

He banna *claps once* @the real ginger what what you come out of nywe nywe nywe you drop a bombshell of note then like a witch on a broom vrooooom you run back to nywe nywe nywe (/_\)

fabulicious on Tue, 24th Jul 2012 8:57 pm

YOH!!!!!!!!!! @Ginger mara!
*speechless*

Lela on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 12:46 am

Lol @Ginger, yho!

Anyways, i agree with the sentiments shared in this article but i don’t think we should do away with this custom we must just address the greed part of it. The part ehlala inginyanyisa mina is when they start saying, ufundile lomtana as if lendoda yona ayifundanga or bebemfundisela yona. Mna ndizolotyolwa shem damaged goods of nee and ndizolotyolwa kakuhle. Ngoba aba basidemeshayo bayahamba bayolobola abanye. Unyanisile lo uthi kumele kulotyolwe kwalendoda who is man enough to take damaged goods while the damager left u with his goods. #tem lobola lo second hand with her goods.

Lela on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 12:52 am

I assume damaged goods means:
Damaged- Lenja yakumithisa yogqiba yakushiya ubambelele kunxantathu.
Goods- your beautiful children that you love with all ur heart n strive to make ends meet for them until you meet your prince charming who will not mind paying lobola for u and take u with your goods while Nja pays lobola for a virgin.

snapshot on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 6:38 am

Hai @Ginger jealous down, umona phansi. What Manned up are you talking about cos the guy married young whilst at his prime time to choose F/M and he chose F. Ubengekho mdala to say finally manned up.
So why G, why did you de-activate your twitter acc? Usabani?
@Gomo I beg u not to entertain this.

MLB on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 6:43 am

Its interesting how ppl jump up n defend lobola because its ‘traditional’ but r so quick to condemn Polygamy, ukutwala n ada traditional practices because its abuse or exploitation. Seems ppl r being ‘traditionally selective’ wen it suits them. I’m not sayin polygamy n ukutwala (sp) r right,jst sayin let’s not use culture as a defensive for greed n selfishness
FANA did not invent d word “DAMAGE”,don’t attack him as if he sat n thought of a degrading word 2 describe women wit kids outside marriage, it has always been “our tradition” 2 call unmarried mothers ‘damaged’.

MLB on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 6:46 am

Its interesting how ppl jump up n defend lobola because its ‘traditional’ but r so quick to condemn Polygamy, ukutwala(sp) n ada traditional practices because its abuse or exploitation. Seems ppl r being ‘traditionally selective’ wen it suits them. I’m not sayin polygamy n ukutwala (sp) r right,jst sayin let’s not use culture as a defense for greed n selfishness
FANA did not invent d word “DAMAGE”,don’t attack him as if he sat down n thought of a degrading word 2 describe women wit kids outside marriage, it has always been “our tradition” 2 call unmarried mothers ‘damaged’.

Gomolemo on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 7:54 am

@Snapshot, i am so not going to entertain it.

TheRealGingerBreadMan on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 8:47 am

It was suspended due to my truthful nature. I never deactivated it. Some big-wig thought it would be the end of me. As for the jealousy part, where did that come from? My statement is nothing but a complimentary statement. Truthfully hard, but still a compliment nonetheless. I don’t suck things outta my toes or else I wouldn’t know so much about everything. Ini ngawe, ingathi u famba moyeni soh @snapshot. You must read to understand not comment. I wouldn’t hurt my mr None, he’s such a sweet piece of man, lord knows *cues Drake’s song* how I used to feel and still feel about this being. O’ska mbora tu. I don’t release statements for public adoration and validation. I did what I did out of simple altruistic standpoint. Not to get entertained. Do you get it ntfomabazana? Altruism, simple as that. The nice thing about facts and the truth is that we can choose to ignore them and turn them into lies, nonsense, or fiction. It’s your choice @snapshot. I’m happy you see things that way. By the way what does being in your prime have to do with it? Anyway, let me run along now. I’m getting late for my appointment ko the red and white bank. I don’t want to risk being ABSA-nt.

Smatsatsa on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 8:47 am

TJJJJOOOOOO!!!! GINGERBREADMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Smatsatsa on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 8:48 am

TJOOOOOOO!!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

kimmo on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 9:14 am

looooooooooool thatha @ gingerbread

Ntombi Yomzulu on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 9:52 am

O_O Tjoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Ginger Bread Man!!!

oratile on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 9:54 am

@gomo ur cousin and wifey are so nunus, ba ya fanelana shem jealous down. and it looks like it was a beautiful wedding

Ntombi Yomzulu on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 10:08 am

they make a cute couple though

nana on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 10:28 am

Your cousing has such a HOOOOOOOOOOOT wife!!! Damn! Bayafanelana yoh. …as for Stone Ginger!! Tjo!

kamzababy on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 10:39 am

guys can i please have a link to Gomo’s cousin’s wedding pics? lenna i want to drool goneng ke searcher…

Wild Island on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 11:16 am

Kamza…

http://www.google.com/search?q=Naledi+%26+Khumo+wedding+pics.+&rls=com.microsoft:en-za:IE-ContextMenu&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7ADRA_enZA453

kamzababy on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 11:18 am

thank the Wild on

Wild Island on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 11:28 am

How beautiful..abantu aba batale i lobola ke laba…

kamzababy on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 11:36 am

ba batle tlhe. i’m sure there’s a reason behind hugging the tree.. sp wena Goms are you somewhere on those pics?

sk1 on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 11:56 am

Yooo @Smatsatsa death by links tsa wedding pics on sowetan ….tjo 0_0

kamzababy on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 11:59 am

LMAO subtweet and a half!!!! ZA_MANiac So is that what life has come to? Non-celebs r now interview subjects on radio stations. I’m so sova S.A entertainment ¯\_(??_??”)_/¯
8 minutes ago · reply · retweet · favorite

kamzababy on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 11:59 am

Monei on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 12:13 pm

Tltltltltl@ Gingerbreadman’s revelations.

who r they subtweeting @kamza?

Bee on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 12:15 pm

Agree with shybear’s first comment.
Ok can some1, just any1 guys pls give Fana a case of bells tu. As black south african we have lost our cultures looooong time ago. Lobola is a cultural gambling. I don belive in it at all!like i don believe a circumsision(ok thats a topic for another day). Um gonna be one of the parent who will not accept lobola for my kids. Raising my children is my job, i don need a medal/compensation for that. All these woman that are desperate for ilobola shame on you guys. No wonder ningatshatwa nje.

I mean if u want a man 2 pay a lobola then ngcono niyihlanganise mali both of u because he will also raise your kids, cook and do everything that YOU “career woman” does. Thats how life is la eMzantsi moss these day akunamfazi ohlala endlini nje looking after the kids so whats the point of ilobola if the will in the office the whole day cracking the deals.

kamzababy on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 12:15 pm

wasnt Fana being interviewed last night ko some radio station cos of this article?

Bee on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 12:22 pm

My sister was lobalad with a mere R5000 i mean how cheap is that #TeamEndLobola#

Ntombi Yomzulu on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 12:24 pm

Heheheheheh, mina sengicela ukwazi loFana

nana on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 12:30 pm

LMAO!! Really Kamza..Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…Zamani is bauss!

nana on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 12:37 pm

Kamza you got it all wrong..Zamani was talking about the screen munch chick and NOT Fana..Lol She’s the one who got interviewed on Y

kamzababy on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 12:43 pm

the one who screenmunched Dj How wet? death mara goa tshwana nana, fana le yena is not a celeb mos

Gomolemo on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 4:44 pm

No@Kamza, im not anywhere in those photos.

snapshot on Wed, 25th Jul 2012 10:01 pm

@Ginger LOL I’m lolling yaz u naughty very naughty G. Anyway I don’t how to say this but siyazana & u know very well u can’t fool.

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