Can You Help Her?
September 6, 2012 by Brown Shuga
I received this email, am not really sure it was meant for me but I told the person I’d ask you guys anyway. Strange greeting though… Maybe it was meant for some Sangoma , but then my email address was typed in twice…. anyway, the lady sound like she is in frustrating position and needs help so here goes:
Thokoza Gogo
I’m just curious about what happening to my son .
I have a 7year old aggressive and wild acting child very abusive and loads of anger. I’ve tried pills and good schools still not help, he is very aggressive towards everyone around him. His father is married and refuses to give this child a ceremony when I explain that he’s problematic.
How can I make sure this child ceremony is done without contacting his father and his family? Is there another way just so that the child can be a normal child as well?
Can you help?
sparrow on Thu, 6th Sep 2012 10:30 pm
1st?
sparrow on Thu, 6th Sep 2012 10:31 pm
And 2nd *does manyisa dance* goes to read
Chandyol on Thu, 6th Sep 2012 10:32 pm
hahaha yes Sparrow, can we help the lady? yes?
CazyMncediSays_ on Thu, 6th Sep 2012 10:33 pm
Thokoza (if that’s your name) NO! You cannot heal the child without his father being present. Young boys are problematic, ufuna isiko lakuloTATA. And only his dad has the right perform such. I would advise ba uthethe no myeni & sort things out for your son’s sake. Seyenzelwe imbeleko? How old is your son?
Adzasma on Thu, 6th Sep 2012 10:35 pm
also try western medicine,it sounds like a neurological disorder to me it could be autism,get him tested/examined.if it autism disorder,it can be managed,it persists throughout the person’s lifetime but he would be able to learn to control and modify his behavior to some extent.
MyThoughts on Thu, 6th Sep 2012 10:38 pm
Thokoza Nngane yam
Konje you mean to tell me you live with a beast endlini? *claps once and shrugs*
Okay since you’ve tried the western route I think it’s best if you go the African route. If you’re on speaking terms with your baby papa, ask him if customs are practised from his side. If yes, ask him to arrange with his uncle/aunt who’s familiar with the proceedings of introducing your kid to his papa’s ancestors. It can be done at uncle’s/aunt’s place in a case whereby the wife akufuni your baby near her home. Or nawe nje you can consult your own ancenstors to accept your kid as their own since his papa akafuni niks with him.
Regards
______
Anyway am I first? Yes? No? Hopefully?
MyThoughts on Thu, 6th Sep 2012 10:41 pm
Huuuuuu Sparrow
MyThoughts on Thu, 6th Sep 2012 10:42 pm
Huuuuuu Sparrow
*does lazy manyisa with you*
sparrow on Thu, 6th Sep 2012 10:54 pm
The boy’s dad has to be part of the whole thing of child’s welfare in general including the matter at hand.ka setso ngwana o direlwa leseko la ko ga bone(as in partenity side of the family)there’s noway u can leave dad out of it.like one of blogger suggest it could also be autism disorder whereby a child presents with symptoms that you have mentioned,try to seek medical intervention.
Lover28 on Thu, 6th Sep 2012 10:55 pm
I would really like to hear the answers for this lady’s questions yazi coz I myt hv a similar situation…
SpongeBob on Thu, 6th Sep 2012 10:58 pm
She can also take him to a Child Psychologist, he may have bottled up issues since he’s not growing up with his father or what ever else. Boy kids really need their dads.
Applepurple on Thu, 6th Sep 2012 11:10 pm
thokoza makhosi
definitely not autism,if it was it he would more of an emo kid than an angry kid.
please follow the linkhttp://www.parentspartner.com/the-aggressive-defiant-child-2/
IhateNickiminaj on Thu, 6th Sep 2012 11:42 pm
That child needs Prayers. Take him to pastor Zondo or Lesego.
Lela on Thu, 6th Sep 2012 11:55 pm
Lol i can already see where this is gonna go.
Thokoza gogo, nami i think you should go the mdical route cause it souds like he has a neurological disorder which causes behavioural problems. When diagnosed early this can be managed n the school can help if he goes to the right school for his problem. While doing all that don’t forget to pray hard. If u still think he needs isiko then uDaddy xa engafuni kungaba yinkinga u may have to consult his family n have them help u whether daddy is involved or not. But he needs to help u though cause im sure the child needs him in his life which may be contributing to the problem.
Camagu!
Eyh2Jee on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 12:14 am
consulting a Child Psychologist would be a good step.
For isintu: I agree with @MyThoughts’s views.Uncles and aunts can help with that.To us your father’s brother is you second father.
*side eyes@Sparrow*
sxylin on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 12:31 am
I also agree with adzasma it double autism and he is frustrated Eish uxolo ! Must be hell *tears* hugs to you sisi I’m just a bit emotional, I hope you get the help you need
khutso on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 1:01 am
Hey sis.I’m sorry about what you are going through. It sounds like your son has a condition called ADHD. This condition can be controlled. U need to find a good psychiatrist who can put him on treatment, a drug called Retain usually works wonders. You can go to a state institution for this. It sounds like you were not patient enough for the treatment to work and it sounds like you are looking for a short cut. Nothing western medicine and prayer won’t fix. Please ask God to show you the way
oomuhle on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 1:51 am
I think the child just wants attention from parents. Maybe u need nanny 911.
DexterSUPERIOR on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 3:47 am
Ifake uswazi lento! Why hasn’t anybody suggested the tried and trusted good ol’ beat down? It worked for our generation.
soul sista on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 5:48 am
Thokoza sisi
Seek medical help & take him to a CHILD psychologist.
Good luck!
TreyScriptures on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 6:09 am
Yes, she should try a psychiatrist first. Do these “ceremonies” actually “heal” people? Cause I think it’s all in the head
bongi on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 6:35 am
Eish she gets help for real, amasiko anzima bethuna, kubuhlungu ukubangumzali. I feel so sad for her yazi, ngoba it sounds like baby daddy is not interested in his child”s wellbeing. She must approach the elders; she must exhaust all options.
lolington kwaaa on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 7:34 am
Eish, having a child is tough neh….and being black on top of that…and being alone in raising them! *sigh*
Can men play their role, whether he’s being taken to doctors or whether you try the traditional route he needs to be there! Men!
Ntombi Yomzulu on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 7:44 am
Im sorry I just had to laugh at the greeting and whom the emasil s adressed to….
off to ameeting come back later
bumbum on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 7:45 am
Oh Nkosi mina angazi makunje all I can say is Thokoza.
Pray, med or traditional route its all up to you. Oh and yes since his baby daddy hasn’t paid the damaged he’s not he’s fathers son traditionally so I don’t see the need to involve him. Have a ceremony at your home and introduce him to your ancestors because he’s their child. (They did this for one of my crazy sister and it worked)
Cutie on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 8:01 am
As far as my understanding of black culture is concerned, when a woman has a child out of wedlock, that child is treated as child welokhaya (woman’s) and nothing else. Therefore the child would not even need amasiko from his/her father’s child coz you are not married.It will only be amasiko from the woman’s side that would be practised. That is a Xhosa culture I know.
When I asked my mom about this she said one of the many reasons is that sometimes we point a finger at the wrong person and ingane izokwenzelwa amasiko alomzi u-wrong! Imagine if your child’s “real” daddy was Shangaan and you pointed your finger at a “nigerian”..Cha!
Miranda on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 8:22 am
The negative effects of the absence of a Father in a child’s life is perpetual, in so many dimensions.
pinksoul on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 8:26 am
What I know is, u can get someone who has the same surname as ur baby daddy to perform the ceremony.
Thabure on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 8:32 am
#puts on some imphepho#
thokoza mtanam …#makes some funnyy noise#
listen you can do your childs ceremony..if the dad doesnt want to get involved speak to the aunt-baby fathers sister
she will be more than happy to phahla for the boy
baby daddy can go jump…my aunt used phaahla for us when my dad wanted nothing to with my mom and us .
hands you enamel plate for the money-time to pay sisi-THOKOZA
Botshelo on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 8:52 am
Di Sangoma tsa nou di shap di emails! *wowza*
Shera on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 9:07 am
Thokoza gogo?????????????????? lmao!!!
Pana on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 9:12 am
ka Sesotho if you know the father’s clan name then you can get someone who has the same clan name to do the ceremony.
Vesa on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 9:24 am
What if the father’s family is one of those that do not perform cultural practices? Or ke Motswana for that matter….cause we do not do umsebenzi for kids?
I’d say, go the medical route and find out what really is the problem with the child. And pray for your child
Ntombi Yomzulu on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 9:37 am
No I doubt its ADD, Kids with ADD are extremely hyper and very naughty. They not aggressive and angry or maybe it differs.
I dont know I dont believe much ezintweni zesiZulu but try Child Psychologist maybe he is affected about the fact that his dad is not around. shame mhan!!!
Ntombi Yomzulu on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 9:45 am
I know why this person sent an email to you, hahahahaha because there is a sangoma advert on the JC site heheheheheheh so maybe they thought you are the Sangoma. LMAO
Vesa on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 9:53 am
@Ntombi….a sangoma ad? Where?
Ntombi Yomzulu on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 10:22 am
Vesa on the home page there is advrts that normally pop up on the side bar and I swear there was a Sangoma ad there with the numbers to call so Im assuming usisi saw that and thought BS is the sangoma or something lol
@JohneighGALAXY™ on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 10:27 am
The whole world is enslaved under the curse of empty ceremonies and hungry spirits. Don’t enslave your child w/ such. Pray and give praise to The Lord – GOD – YHWH. Avoid anything that has to do w/ earthly spirits.
LadyMillion on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 10:33 am
Im assuming usisi saw that and thought BS is the sangoma or something lol
Kwaaaaaaa i’ve also seen those though
Lela on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 12:18 pm
Yhazi Vesa i always wonder the same thing ababantu bahlala besithi untana ufuna umsebenzi wakowabo, what if u get there n akwenziwa msebenzi. I can just imagine someone who would come to my family efuna umsebenzi im sure we’d just laugh at them shem cz we dnt do jack n our kids are fine n we all fine.
Letebele on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 2:53 pm
Thokoza Gogo is how we greet each other as sangoma’s/ initiates,etc. Gogo is how you refer to an ancestor so greeting a person in this manner is showing respect to the ancestor.
I’d suggest that you consult a medical practitioner who will refer you to the relevant specialist. if this does not help, then you would have to seek help from the baby daddy’s family. if he has decided that he does not want anything to do with his child out of fear of ruining his marriage. all you gotta do is find his family/elders and take your child to them to explain the situation. any family elder who understands and respects tradition/culture will do whats necessary for the child. chances are they might expect you to cough up for the ceremony and if thats the case then so be it because no amount of money is worth keeping if your child’s welfare is at stake.
i do hope that you will find the help that you need and that your son will be well and be like other kids his age.
Akwande Ndlondlo
Ndawo
posh on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 3:54 pm
Thatha JC Fam with your diagnosis! I support the advice to consult professionals over and above doing the traditional ceremony. If you believe in it, do it but do consult various specialists in case there are other medical issues.
A child psychologist is highly recommended they might be able to find a source
FunkyFK on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 5:59 pm
Mina (Dr FunkyFK) I think the child is suffering from Oppositional Defiant Disorder. An ADD / ADHD child does not have these kind of behaviours however, if ADD / ADHD is not managed, it can lead the child to ODD. Reason, kids with ADD / ADHD are always seen as naughty, the teachers are always picking on them, bahlala bekhuzwa. Now this works on a child’s esteem and end up being rebellious and manifests itself into ODD.
Get your child diagnosed by a professional and DO NOT FORGET THAT PRAYER CHANGES EVERYTHING
FunkyFK on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 6:10 pm
He he , this reminds me of my cousin brother. His parents were not married and his father (my uncle) died when he was only 9 months. So when he was like 6 years, his mother brought him to our granny to perform some ritual for him as the child was messing his pants (uyazikakela). My gran explained to them that she does not believe in such, but if it means anything to them, they can leave the boy with him for a week. Shame poor cousin brother, he got a serious beating from granny every time he kakela’d himself. By the end of that week, he knew where the loo was and his undies were spotless with no traces of ….. When the mother came for his son, granny told her that yena she used INDUKU as usiko
Smiles on Fri, 7th Sep 2012 6:15 pm
That child needs Jesus. Have they tried speaking to the child to find out why he’s so angry. This seems like someone who’s been bottling everything up inside becuase they have no-one to talk to.
May God help this family. Its sad when a child can’t express him/herself, leading to distructive behaviour. Its also sad when a parent (the father in this case) moves on with his life as if he doesn’t have a from his previous relationship smh.